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I have a group of friends I usually go out with on the weekends. I'm a male ENFP and they're almost all xSTJ's and xSTP's that I have nothing in common with. I like hanging out with them, though, because it's a very interesting glimpse into a life much different than mine. It's also a bit of a challenge.

When I'm out with them I don't have very much fun, I get a lot quieter than usual, and I tend to retreat into my shell. They notice this and are always trying to get me to loosen up and have fun. What they don't realize is that I'm hardly ever like that...just when I'm around them.

I feel like a comedian with an audience that never laughs. They just don't get me. Whenever I express myself I get nothing out of them. They might say that they want me to open up, but their reactions to what I say and do send the opposite message. We have a totally different sense of humor and of what's fun. Even more than that, they're mostly immune to my charm. I'm so used to people finding me very charming, that I guess I feel uncomfortable and a bit awkward when my charm isn't working on someone. I feel like Superman around Kryptonite, which is probably why I retreat into my shell.

Here's the group (not their real names):
Kyle = ISTP
- I've known him the longest and know him the best
- a total player but has only moderate success at it at best (only talks a good game)
- wants me to be his wingman all the time
- notices and envies my charm and comfort level when talking to girls I don't know
Laura = ESTJ
- cares about social status and likes to show off
- very secure with herself and her attractiveness
- a bit of a tease who works guys for free drinks (btw, I've never bought her a drink)
Sarah = ESTJ
- leads the group, works at a club, gets us in for free
- wants everyone else to have a good time
- secure about everything but her attractiveness
Kate = ISFJ
- close friends with Sarah
- insecure with herself
- can be mean and standoffish when feeling down (especially to Kyle)
Nikki = ISTP
- comes and goes
- carefree, fun-loving, and a bit of a punk girl
- works at a club and gets us free admission & drinks
Carrie = ISTJ
- comes and goes
- close friends with Nikki
- very secure with herself and her attractiveness
Me = ENFP
- a romantic only interested in nice girls, not at all a player (I hate both the player & the game)
- charming and love flirting, teasing, and talking to most girls
- act and live according to my feelings and values
- no interest in status/reputation, just in being genuinely myself
- terrible poker face (people see right through me)
- a bit hesitant to approach girls I don't know, but comfortable once I decide to do it





Just thought I'd share this with you guys. Any comments or advice are welcome and would be appreciated. I'm wondering how I can enjoy myself more with these friends, yet still be true to myself and genuine. It would make it more fun for me, but also it would make them feel more comfortable (I get the impression that seeing me not having fun makes some of them feel bad or even self-conscious, especially Sarah).
 

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I also get quieter when it's just me and S's. We can inspire S's to do things they might normally not do and they can be great friends, but I prefer most of my friends to intuitive, there's just more understanding.
 

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@Bumblyjack I can tell you about my friends but I respect their privacy so I won't say their names"

ISTP friend: Moody, a little quieter, fun-loving, awkward, loyal, much better one on one. Loves anything creative, or chilling.
ENFJ friend: Bossy, strong personality. You love her or you don't. Very witty, sociable, honest. Loves creativity. We get along best.
ESFP friend: Carefree, loyal, annoying, hyper, awesome, sporty, popular, outgoing, immature, tactless, but I still love her.
ESFJ friend: Bubbly, good at including me when I start introverting, popular, nurturing, witty, but she gets sick of me after a while. Ha
ESTP friend: Loud, outgoing, realistic, loves anything adventurous, I don't know him well. He's my friends' friend more than my friend.
INFJ friend: Quiet, perfectionist, mysterious, nurturing (parent-ish in a good way), confidant, artistic, funny, very very kind.
ISFJ friend: Quiet, academic, perfectionist, patient, bookworm, copycat and has no mind/backbone/inspiration of her own but nice.
ENFP friend: Gets me like no one else. Sometimes it gets awkward between us. He is very shy but extroverted.

It's funny how none of them have the same personality. And of course, this is all my intuitive guesses, so it might not be super accurate. But the ENFJ told me she's an ENFJ so that I know for sure.
 
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I also get very quiet and reserved around S types. They're generally lovely people, I just seem to lose my energy very quickly around them. I think there is only one S who I can be my crazy self around and he is an ESFP.
Otherwise, its mostly all iNtuitives that I associate with.
 

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My main Friends
(not real names of course)
Ryan
INTJ 5w6
he is a great listener and a quiet guy
Jesse
INFJ
9
he is my best friend, we talk about anything and everything really
Jeremy
1 or 8 i forget which..
he isn't too warm or anything but we have nice intelligent conversations
Lots of Ni in my friend group
like someone else said i'm not a big fan of S types they seem a bit to practical to have deepness with
 
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Discussion Starter #7
@Awesomeste I didn't use my friends' real names (and it says so in my post :tongue:).

Some of you have observed that you get quieter and lose energy around Sensors. For me it's that way with people who are Sensor-Thinkers (xSTJ's and xSTP's). I am my usual goofy, energetic self around xSFJ's and xSFP's.


I have some closer friends that I don't see as often because I moved away for school: an ESFP, an INFP, an INFJ, and my ENFJ brother. I am much more comfortable and myself around them. To me, they're much more fun.
 

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I feel for you , i really do. Not having the opportunity to interact with another intuitive would be torture, i swear. I can sense you're missing this also. Being in dynamics with only S types consistently would feel like something was DEF not there. It could be something really small, although for those of us who use intuition as DOM or Aux, it feels quite significant in a way that isn't easy to explain. And by no means do i say this to cast stones at sensors. Its nice to have someone who you can totally relate with. Another intuitive would be a mind meld that is a common understanding. I don't have any advice to add as i can't relate.
 
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I wonder if this was the kind of group that bullied me in highschool...

Despite our differences, I always liked their jokes/sense of humour, found them clever, interesting etc... found it weird that they liked science, techy stuff, maths... made me bored out of my mind.

And no, they didn't get my sense of humour either.

What do YOU like about them? You say in one sentence you like being around them because you find them interesting and then in the next sentence, you say you don't have fun with them?!? Kind of confused here.

If those people had been more accepting of me, I probably would have loved hanging out with them. I think I would have liked it if they were a bit more sensitive to my feelings though.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
@chickydoda

What I like:
- It's interesting to see what they're like, how they act, what makes them tick, group dynamics, etc. I've never had such close contact with a whole group of xSTx types.
- When I'm around them I get to sample the "ST experience" myself. I've come to see what the phrase "it's not what you know, it's who you know" really means. ST's seem to love having connections and find a way to have an "in" with a lot of influential people. I've never received the V.I.P. treatment before.
- I find their utter alien strangeness amusing and fascinating.
- I surprise and impress them with my insight, sense of self, adaptability, and charisma (with NF's and xSFJ's mostly, or pretty much anyone if I'm one-on-one with them and my empathy kicks in).
- Noticing how different they are from me makes me feel special.
- I'm an enneatype 2 that wants to love and accept everyone for who they are. I've found that once I get to know ST's I really get an appreciation for them, even if being around them isn't as enjoyable as being with other NF's.


What I dislike:
- They want me to act like them. They always ask me why I'm not doing the dancing, laughing, cheering for the team, or whatever it is that they are doing at that moment. They don't realize that I react differently to things than they do and I find different things enjoyable, funny, or interesting. Plus, I dislike phoniness and I don't do a good job of faking that I'm enjoying myself when I'm not, that I like someone or something I dislike, or that I agree with someone that I don't agree with. The best I can do is smile (which I make a point to do often).
- Their choices of places to go. They like trendy, dark, loud techno and rap clubs that are more suited to dancing. I like crowded, well-lit bars where I can have a good conversation and where I'm more likely to run into my kind of people. However, when someone can get you into an upscale place for free and get you free drinks it's hard to say no, even if I know it's not my kind of place.
- We struggle to have meaningful conversations. Sometimes I wonder if they just can't relate or if they really just don't care. I feel I'm always at least trying to be understanding; I often don't get that feeling from them.
 

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My close friends are scattered in many different groups too! Here are some of them:
INFP: accepting, easily influenced, calm, self-effacing, random
ISTJ: witty, trollish sense of humour, logical, awesome problem-solving skills, a bit rigid sometimes
ISFJ: good listener, thoughtful, deep, tends to over-think, very nice, idealistic, sometimes gets too caught up in details, very loyal
ESFJ: charming, straightforward, a bit insecure sometimes, very friendly and down-to-earth, organised
INTP: always late! logical, smart, easygoing, sometimes makes insensitive jokes, really fun to banter with
ISFP: artistic, individualistic, sensitive, has strong ideas, can be quite temperamental
ISTP: private, detached, loyal, dry sense of humour, can be really whacky sometimes, has unusual ideas
ENFP: funny, very open-minded, encouraging, sometimes can be quite self-centered, uplifting, adventurous, super enthusiastic
 

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Ah, I have a group like that. I love to party with my S friends, but I always feel a little off - slightly awkward and quiet. They're fun because they're more often willing than my N friends to follow me in pursuit of mindless fun, but it always feels like there's a little disconnect. And I definitely adapt to their humor. I tried showing my ESFP friend youtube videos I thought were hilarious after an hour or so of him choosing, and he decided my taste was too horrible to continue. :p I also live with an ESTP, and adjusting to that was nuts.

When I'm around my N group, suddenly I become the crazy party person. I'm the one that is loud and gets everyone laughing or motivated. It's like being a different person. I don't think i could ever have only one group.. it's a good balance to have a few, even if it gets tricky. XD




@Bumblyjack - Yes! The 'who you know' thing is so, so very true. It seems like my S friends are always networking. I get lazy and let them handle the talking. :p It seems like eventually they figure out that I'm a little different, and they appreciate it for some reason. Usually they like my "calming influence" and "insight", blahblahblah.

I disagree with you on the parties, though. I prefer the clubs because then I don't have to screw things up with talking. xD Dance is universal and somehow makes me feel like an extrovert again, even around S types.

Hmm.. when talking with them, it's a different sort of connection. I've noticed that I have to dig deep, private thoughts out of my N friends, but the S types will just blurt it out (even the introverts)! I still expect them to eventually finish blabbing about their lives and ask the polite follow up questions on how I am or whatever, but now I see that it's up to me to introduce the topic.
 

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I currently have several S type friends and the GOOD thing with them is that they can just be plain fun to be around and see how they react to things, but its like there has to be more than just ONE S type of person around so they bounce off each other and I can throw my wrench in the middle of it... N types there is understanding and the laughs come more naturally for me plus I can feel more satisfied with conversation.
 
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