[Skygazer]

Hey folk,

I was just wondering if this sounded familiar to any of you guys

Your intuition picks up on something which starts to needle you.
You read up, examine from every angle
Conclude that yup, instincts were right, it's a bad idea

And then you go and do it anyway......

For a while..........

Grr, self-loathing...bla bla

:dry:

 

[KateMarie999]

Oh yes. I've done that. That's how I got into my first relationship. Biggest mistake I've ever made.

 

[SublimeSerendipity]

BTDT.....and not proud of it. The most recent example would be going down the wrong road with a guy that I knew was not going to be healthy for me but I did it anyways.

Moral of the story - don't ignore Ne!!!!

 

[Up and Away]

*LEVITATES DOWN ONTO THE DANCE FLOOR WITH ZOOT SUIT AND ELECTRIC FLASHY LIGHTS ALL OVER HIS BODY, AND A TRIPPY HAT

"YES, I AM HERE AMONGST MORTALS TO TELL YOU THAT YOU... MUST... LET IT LOOSE"

\o\ /o/ \o\

 

[The King Of Dreams]

*LEVITATES DOWN ONTO THE DANCE FLOOR WITH ZOOT SUIT AND ELECTRIC FLASHY LIGHTS ALL OVER HIS BODY, AND A TRIPPY HAT

"YES, I AM HERE AMONGST MORTALS TO TELL YOU THAT YOU... MUST... LET IT LOOSE"

\o\ /o/ \o\

I don't get how this relates to this thread but..... at least the video was cool!

 

[Moxie]

Yup, been there done that on many occasion. *sigh*

 

[Alysaria]

Most of the stuff Ne has picked up has been in regard to other people, so I kind of learn my lessons without having to go through crap myself....except for my ex boyfriend. As far as mistakes go, the consequences weren't permanent at least....aside from lost friendships....and my occasional wish for him to get kicked into traffic by an escaped donkey.

Impulse control isn't usually a problem for me these days. >< I have an unhealthy terror of spending money, so a lot of the trouble I could get into is averted.

 

[Coburn]

Had this recently. I live in an apartment with tandem parking. The spaces are small and you have to park very carefully to make sure your neighbor has room to fit into their space. The people next to me kept parking at an angle, leaving me unable to get into my own spot. I left notes on their car (the nice way), but they persisted.

My gut told me to take it to management. My heart said get revenge and make them remember not to do it again.

I ignored my "reasonable side," went upstairs, grabbed a jar of vaseline, and smeared it under every doorhandle on the car in thick, gloopy portions.

Needless to say, although I felt bad the morning after, I've never had a problem with them parking badly since.

I guess sometimes heart can pay off.

EDIT: Not sure if that's me ignoring intuition or extroverted thinking.

 

[Moby]

I stopped ignoring my N.e. years ago. Thank God, lol.

Let the sensors be guided by their senses, and the rationals their logic. But I have no more comforting friend than my Intuition.

 

[Skygazer]

As far as mistakes go, the consequences weren't permanent at least....aside from lost friendships....and my occasional wish for him to get kicked into traffic by an escaped donkey.

.

He he , thanks Alysaria, that's put a smile on my face.

@JuliaRhys, you're awesome, i think about things like this but could never do it, though I think I threw a pint of beer in someone's when I was a lot younger but at uni in the UK that's just a kind of rights of passage....

Maybe this should turn into a thread about most amusing ways of getting your own back?

 

[Elizindrhythm]

indeed...

Lol! I soooooo know what you mean! I've lived most of my life trying to please parents, teachers, bosses and the Ex by being an ISTJ boy, and follow the twin gods of logic and reason. All I have gotten from that path is divorce, debt, heartache and 70 extra pounds.

I have decided to give logic and reason a two-fingered salute and trust my intuition instead. I don't miss those lying jerks at all anymore. Heehee!! ;-)

 

[chickydoda]

I do this... everyday. Turns out my intuition isn't always right... but it is at least 80% of the time! Its usually something like, "yeah, shes being a bitch, but keep your mouth shut, I know you have something to say, and its true, but it won't end well"... and then I'm like "WELL I WANNA SAY IT ANYWAY!" So I do.

 

[Stelmaria]

And then you go and do it anyway......

For a while..........

You mostly have to live it to learn it. It's nothing unusual and nothing to be ashamed of.

 

[Skygazer]

Sooo, it turns out that the ISFJ who i had been dating for 8 months was on an adult sex hook up site. Possibly not current but it doesn't matter. It explains the secretive behaviour and everything else.

Now of course im going to hard look at myself to try and figure out how I have ended up with another grade A jerk, but the irony is that I was trying to be so "keep an open mind" don't let your previous bad experience taint you to this new one, that I didn't listen to my instincts which told me things were not right.

Danger was that I also recognised that as an ISFJ he thinks and acts very different to me anyhow so I gave benefit of the doubt thinking that there must be other reasons to his weirdness due to him being a type so different from me I found it hard to understand. I also read that ISFJs are extremely loyal and he swore blind that he'd never ever cheat and that it was 100% against his core being. But it was him on that site, and he's admitted it (couldn't not).

Anyhow on the positive Im back trusting my instinct again which had gone from me for a while. Just sad it had to be such an extreme situation to enable me to do it.

Man he was good though, a very, very convincing liar, best manipulator I think ive ever come accross.

 

[cara_cara]

Now of course im going to hard look at myself to try and figure out how I have ended up with another grade A jerk, but the irony is that I was trying to be so "keep an open mind" don't let your previous bad experience taint you to this new one, that I didn't listen to my instincts which told me things were not right. .

when did you start to think that things were right? early on but you ignored it... or... once you were already emotionally invested so you talked yourself into keeping an open mind?

Man he was good though, a very, very convincing liar, best manipulator I think ive ever come accross.

have you completely cut him off now? is he still calling, promising, begging? or did he fold up like tent and move on?

as for your OP, yeah.... I have ignored my intuition and felt rotten about it. i have a few sad tales about boys who have led me astray but I "wanted to believe them, instead of trusting my gut..." yeah...not good. So I'll share this sad tale (not boy related).

When I applied to graduate school, I had it pretty much narrowed down to my Dream school and the Crap school that was going to pay me a lot of money to go there. I held out waiting for Dream to send the acceptance, but Crap was getting impatient and wanted an answer. So I called Dream to see if someone could let me know but they didn't give that info out over the phone then. But the nice receptionist told me that acceptances were mailed a couple weeks before and if I didn't get mine, it probably was an oversight but sorry to say, it was probably bad news anyway.

So...I had a nice long cry and my gut was telling...don't make any decisions while you're emotional. But did I listen? no...the "sensible" part of me said "call Crap back and jump on all that money before they pull it and now you have 2 places not accepting you." so through my sobs...I called, accepted Crap's offer, faxed contracts and commitments. Two days later, a mangled piece of mail arrives. oops. Here's Dream's acceptance letter, mangled from a bad encounter with a mail sorting machine. again, gut told me to cancel on Crap and accept Dream, but I didn't want to hurt Crap school's department...so i sucked it up. Misery. I finished one semester, transferred back to my alma mater, and finished a different master's degree there.

so now I really try to trust the gut. it's just harder, i know, when it is matters of the heart. hence why I shared this story instead. therefore, don't despair too much @cococabane ... at least you had the fortitude to break it off. Lots of ppl remain doormats and never take the self-inventory that you seem to be doing now.

 

[Cher Zee]

I have an unhealthy terror of spending money, so a lot of the trouble I could get into is averted.

Yeah, me too. What is UP with that? I do have a ton of "self sacrifice" in me. Wish I could get past it sometimes. On the other hand, I am impulsive in a lot of other ways. I'm the first to want to answer a question or jump head first into projects before knowing the details.

I also give into every food 'craving' I have. And to this day, I've never played a video game where I've read the manual first. :kitteh:

 

[cara_cara]

And to this day, I've never played a video game where I've read the manual first. :kitteh:

hahahaha. you're like my sister from another mister.

 

[Skygazer]

1. when did you start to think that things were right? early on but you ignored it... or... once you were already emotionally invested so you talked yourself into keeping an open mind?

2. have you completely cut him off now? is he still calling, promising, begging? or did he fold up like tent and move on?

3. as for your OP, yeah.... I have ignored my intuition and felt rotten about it. i have a few sad tales about boys who have led me astray but I "wanted to believe them, instead of trusting my gut..." yeah...not good. So I'll share this sad tale (not boy related).

1. This is a hard one. I had suspicions things weren't quite right from a month in but not in a "I think he's a cheaterway", rather in a "its weird someone is sooo secretive". But Iknew that there was some family troubles which he was upset about and he is anISFJ so I decided to be compassionate and leave him tell me in his own time.

Signs were very misleading. He invited me to spendEaster with his family 4 months in, gave me the key to his flat 2 months in. Igot angsty about not having met his friends, but then he told me this wasbecause he didnt want to introduce me and then us break up and him look like afool (his friends are all married with kids and he feels like he is the odd oneout).

He swore blind to my face on his mothers life (notat my behest i hasten to add!) that he would never ever cheat on me or hurt mein any way. He used to tell me that it wasnt fair he was suffering questionsabout his fidelity as a result of my previously being burnt by a guy I lovedbefore.

So to answer your question, my instinct kicked infrom very early in but it wasnt clear what the problem was, ENFPs I thing arevery good on picking up somethings not right, but im not sure we are alwaysgreat in putting our finger on why its not right.

So i stuck it out. 8 months lost

But on the positive I know for a fact what anabsolute scum bag he is and more than anything i feel that ive wiped the smugarrogant grin off his face. He cant pretend to be a selfless misunderstood niceguy anymore, he has been exposed for what he really is. Im not sure its worth 8months of my life and all the questioning of my sanity and sleepless nightsthat I put myself through but it is vindication.

Its hard as ENFPs NEEEEED to understand. Othertypes can just go "ok this isnt quite right, next", but I needed tounderstand badly. I almost feel like we feed on puzzles, just of the humankind, not sudoku!

If I had broken it off earlier Id never have knownand would probably have blamed myself for imaginings which had no proof. I feelcomplete again that I can have faith in my instincts and that is invaluable.


2. Your story was really interesting, Im sorry youhad to stick it out for a bit somewhere which made you unhappy, but I admirethe spirit of honouring your commitment and then gettting out. It's spookysometimes isn't it how much you can just have a feeling and know something. Itstoo elongated for me to explain how I caught him but it reallyfeelslike there was some grace involved (thats the first time Ive ever said that inmy life, im not prone to making such statements), I was moved to take certainactions I wasn't even sure why I was making them, I just knew I should do andthen lo I found a clue which helped to bring the truth to light.

3. Thank you so much for your support, in suchsituations it helps so much. I considered posting my sorry story under thethread on manipulators but I thought No, there's something kind of tidy aboutfinishing this thread I started, when I first had the intuition that somethingwasn't right. Im not sure in my particular circumstances that there's much elseI could have done, ending something because of a hunch which at the time had nosupporting evidence I might have regretted. I've come out of this refreshed inrenewed trust of my instinct and also a feeling of being entitlted to go forwhat I want, rather than feeling like I have to compromise on what I want forthe sake of being sensible.. He was not my ideal by any means but id decidedperhaps there is no ideal, best to make do, ha! If only I could figure out whatthe hunch actually signified. But then I suppose I have to remember itsintuition, not clairvoyance.[/

 

[Skygazer]

Apols for the strange joined words, copy and paste obviously had different ideas for how my writing style should be!

 

[Skygazer]

And sorry to answer no 2 better, He has been in contact. He had the nerve to actupset that I hadnt broken up with him in person, like I owe him the courtesy!He did not fold up like a tent and move on, he began by denying that he'd usedthe site, the old Clinton "I smoked but I didnt inhale!", you've gotto love the cliches! ;-)

I began initially reluctant to lose 8 months withnothing to show, and wondered if eventually a friendship could be salvaged(call it shock, I hadnt had time to process what he'd done and review howselfish he had been).

Now i see very clearly that he is not worthy of onemore second in my presence, I gave far too much in this relationship and whilstI cant get that back, he's not getting a second more.