[curious0610]

So I'm not talking about depression, but unhappiness. Unhappiness about a certain outcome, unhappiness about some situation, unhappiness because of someone… just unhappiness. I don't know how to really describe this feeling, but it's definitely not feeling "depressed." I noticed that sometimes I can be a "downer" in the sense that I brood over things too long and get stuck in my head, unsatisfied by something that happened.

I know what needs to be done is to get out of my head and to "be happy." But it's… hard! For those occasional times that I do feel depressed or just having a hard time getting on my feet, I'd prescribe a good dose of exercise. And that works. But when I'm unhappy… it seems like nothing works. Sports. Hobbies (art, music). Friends. Movies. My feelings of unhappiness tint how I view everything. I've concluded that the only thing that could work is to change within and have a positive mindset.

So INFJs, how do you get "happy" if you've ever had those dark moments of unhappiness? What are things you've told yourself to have a positive mindset? or other ways you've changed your mindset? (If you guys don't mind, I'd like to focus on this aspect of overcoming unhappiness. I know a lot of people would instinctively say to do something fun or that I enjoy, but I think the root of the problem needs to be addressed first -- how to have a positive mindset!)

 

[Daveman]

I've concluded that the only thing that could work is to change within and have a positive mindset.

I've been trying to do the same thing for years. Understanding things seems to give me comfort, but I'm never content unless I feel like I explored every option. It has helped to learn about MBTI and more recently to come to terms with being an INFJ.

However, I am at the point now where I want to quit trying to change my mindset, because I spend too much time trying to change it from within instead of just going out and doing stuff. I "intellectualize" way too much in my mind. I keep searching and searching for answers to change my perspective, but I really think I should just go out and do stuff. Unfortunatley, my mind says, "QUICK! TRY TO UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING!"

... you can't understand everything...sometimes the "surface level" is not a bad thing. Don't feel like a "sell out"; just enjoy life. Good luck!

 

[transcendMe]

It's definitely very difficult to have any positive thoughts when caught in a bout of unhappiness, I know! One thing that I felt has helped me become a more positive person is yoga :laughing: I don't know if you are into that, but the effect that it has on physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health is just amazing! I feel that I can handle unhappiness so much more objectively now with the relaxation skills that yoga has given me.
Also, another thing that I do is keep a journal of positive things that happen to me from day to day, even the smallest occurrences. This has helped so much to alter my outlook on life and shows that good things happen just as much, if not even more, than the bad things!

 

[GreenCoyote]

it just happens.

something so funny within yourself or outside yourself that is unbearably funny.
maybe it is too impolite to laugh in the moment, but sometime when it is okay to feel good we laugh.

we burst out in inaudible tremors of beauty.
favorite thing laughing is to me.

when funny memories burst through.

 

[fillet]

I was clincally depressed once. It was because something made me unhappy and I decided to ignore the problem and forget about it... years later I really did forget what was making me unhappy. You can't get over something when you've forgotten what it is you need to get over.

When I finally remembered what I was unahappy about (with help from couselling), I was able to accept it and get over it, and even work towards positive change.

A positive mindset to me is simply about peace and accepting things (instead of ignoring) and working towards improvement. Taking steps to improve things makes me happy.:happy:

INFJs are great at seeing the bigger picture. I have a realistic yet positive future in my mind, which gives me a lot of peace and helps me overcome unhappiness.

 

[PaulH]

completely with you dsv2e. Spent way to long trying to work this out in the past. Yes I do get a dose of the black dog sometimes.

My personal solution - exercise - going for a run really clears the cobwebs and builds the energy levels. The walk back from where I exercise gives my time to "smell the flowers" and appreciate simple wonderful things

Also stop worrying about the fact you get dark moods - many highly successful people were prone to it - Churchill is one example.

 

[Ethanol]

I've been trying to do the same thing for years. Understanding things seems to give me comfort, but I'm never content unless I feel like I explored every option. It has helped to learn about MBTI and more recently to come to terms with being an INFJ.

... you can't understand everything...sometimes the "surface level" is not a bad thing. Don't feel like a "sell out"; just enjoy life. Good luck!

Dude, can you be my psychiatrist? LOL I actually gave up trying to comprehend EVERYTHING and it's like a huge burden lifted off my shoulders. As of lately I actually ENJOY being superficial or at least staying at that level because there's no pressure, no over thinking, and I can just relax.

OP:
These days if I'm feeling down, I like to just get out of the house just to get out of my head. If I stay in my room for days on end, I start playing the same old record over and over again. So for a change of pace, I actually visit a different place. I like to go window shopping =) I like to drive around town by myself, go to the local Walgreens and look for things on sale. If I see a really nice color lipstick on sale, I might buy things here and there.

Shopping or just window shopping really helps me get out of feeling down. I am concerned about whether or not I become one of those shopaholics @[email protected]; But I also like to take a walk down the street, or head to the library, watch a movie.

Watching a movie is a great way to lift your mood <-- looove it. Toy Story 3 anyone?
I like watching comedy central for a change, that really helps rid the broken record syndrome.

 

[waterviolet]

I try not to dwell on whatever is making me unhappy. Once I had gotten to the point in life where I could look inside myself and say, "Only you can decide what attitude you will have", my eyes opened! I tell my son something a bit similar, "Appreciate what you have instead of focusing on what everyone else has." I think a lot of our own unhappiness stems from how we see ourselves in comparison with others. However, the fact of the matter is things are not always what they seem and from the outside looking in, we tend to romanticize things. There's so much beauty out there we take for granted every day. Many people are in far worse situations. If you truly like who you are, how could you possibly be unhappy with what brought you to where you are? Acceptance of the general idea that things are the way they were meant to be helps ease our dissatisfaction and disappointment. When I hit dulldrum periods, I remind myself of all of the above - I then create a goal or make a list of things that will allow me to stay busy and will result in me feeling accomplished and "happy".

 

[Zomboy]

Just got out of one of said situations

Was trying to sketch out a character concept and it wasn't working at all

After getting frustrated, I took a few deep breaths, put the drawing materials away, and subsequently moved on

Inside my head I told myself I can try again later

Certainly not in as good a mood as I was earlier, but I'm sure I'll recover

 

[The Vizier]

So I'm not talking about depression, but unhappiness. Unhappiness about a certain outcome, unhappiness about some situation, unhappiness because of someone… just unhappiness. I don't know how to really describe this feeling, but it's definitely not feeling "depressed." I noticed that sometimes I can be a "downer" in the sense that I brood over things too long and get stuck in my head, unsatisfied by something that happened.

I know what needs to be done is to get out of my head and to "be happy." But it's… hard! For those occasional times that I do feel depressed or just having a hard time getting on my feet, I'd prescribe a good dose of exercise. And that works. But when I'm unhappy… it seems like nothing works. Sports. Hobbies (art, music). Friends. Movies. My feelings of unhappiness tint how I view everything. I've concluded that the only thing that could work is to change within and have a positive mindset.

So INFJs, how do you get "happy" if you've ever had those dark moments of unhappiness? What are things you've told yourself to have a positive mindset? or other ways you've changed your mindset? (If you guys don't mind, I'd like to focus on this aspect of overcoming unhappiness. I know a lot of people would instinctively say to do something fun or that I enjoy, but I think the root of the problem needs to be addressed first -- how to have a positive mindset!)

Well if I am unhappy about an outcome, situation or someone, it probably means things are not going my way. It could be mistakes or failure or what nots.

I tackle unhappiness every waking moment of my life way before it happens. Meaning during the times when I'm happy...well I'm never estatic to being with, so happy for me is a sort of calm equilibrium. So during my moments of calmness, I am careful to watch all the things I read, do or watch.

Since much of my happiness derives from my internal dialogue or story, I need to make sure that my story is usually positive all the time. Well that's not really it. Whenever I face a problem, I just made sure I go into automatic mode where I do whatever I need to get the job done.

Nowadays I have brainwashed myself and made it a habit to view a situation by focusing on the solution and not the problem. So while I do get annoyed and frustrated when things don't turn out the way I want, my recovery time is much faster than it used to be for me years ago. The contributing factor is habit. Since I spend all my time absorbing a productive and focused mindset, I bounce back very quickly.

While it may be a little personal to reveal the way my mind works, I suppose for the greater good it is worth it. Apart from realizing that I alone am responsible for how I choose to see things, I also read a lot of history and war. I read it not because I like war but to get into the mindset of generals who had thousands of lives weighing on every decision they made. It also forces me to face death and when you stare death in the face, you realize that wasting time being unhappy will only get you and those that depend on you killed.

Of course being human, if I only rely on one method, it will get stale quickly and lead to familiarity blindness. This is why I've read a few self-help books on how to master my mind; I'm not 100% in control, but 60-70% is better than nothing. I also read a lot of eastern philosophy to gain a measure of calmness.

I also have a lot of heroes and role models that I admire. These are usually emperors, statesmen and generals from history from the middle east to asia, but I also have role-models from comic books, manga and wherever I can find them. Who they are is not so important as the qualities they embody; patience, perseverance, courage, willpower and refusal to give up.

Finally I have created my purpose in life. I know why I wake each day and who I do it for so any problem I face merely becomes another obstacle I have to overcome to attain my goals. It is this multi-prong approach that I use to overcome any unhappiness I have.

Other things that I do include exercise and doing the things I like like reading history, inspiring stories and so on. Admittedly, Naruto helps a lot haha! :tongue:. But I have found that above all, changing my worldview and internal dialogue is the key factor for me. Everything else falls into place after that.

 

[water]

For me, having a positive minset is not honoring my "fears and insecurities" above my "intuition and love of people."

The best I can do is set a healthy example. I believe that's all I am to do in the first place.

I watch my sleep, and so does my family. Plus, take time for my creative self and walks in nature.

*I agrue and fight over behavior issues. And I accepted that side of me. So, I am not unhappy at the outcomes.

(I am not sure of anything else I have done)