Personality Cafe banner
1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
148 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Anger and Conflicts in my childhood used to make me feel shaken up inside (hidden from them). What Enneatypes experiences this in their childhood. I am a 9w1. I have 8s in my family, so I wonder does that play a role on my being so timid on the inside. I just like exploring this topic.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
220 Posts
Anger and Conflicts in my childhood used to make me feel shaken up inside (hidden from them). What Enneatypes experiences this in their childhood. I am a 9w1. I have 8s in my family, so I wonder does that play a role on my being so timid on the inside. I just like exploring this topic.
Hi! I’m an e9 as well and I’d like to explore this topic as well. What do you mean by anger and conflict? Is it from your parents fighting with each other or them being mad at you?
My parents used to argue and be mad at each other very often. I hated it and would leave the house if possible or hide in my closet blocking my ears and daydream I was some place else. I don’t know if it’s the cause of my timidity though.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,856 Posts
I was usually a participant or an instigator of conflict (not always intentional) growing up. Conflict back then was just normal (?) and sometimes even fun.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,381 Posts
Anger and Conflicts in my childhood used to make me feel shaken up inside (hidden from them). What Enneatypes experiences this in their childhood. I am a 9w1. I have 8s in my family, so I wonder does that play a role on my being so timid on the inside. I just like exploring this topic.
It's always disheartening witnessing family members go at it, especially when it's your role-models and guardians.

I was raised by an 8. I believe that experience has empowered me rather than made me feel timid. By experiencing intensity and conflict first-hand growing up, and even fighting back against it, I feel like I can take on most people in day to day life. It was really unnerving for me to experience my first 3 enemies... they fight so snaky, back-handed, and indirectly -- whereas I was used to direct and honest conflict that subsided as soon as the issue was resoled.

I believe that each individual will respond to their environment differently. In your case, you felt inner shaking and timidity. I don't know what it's like to grow up in your household, maybe it really is horrifying. In my case though trying to relate, I came out more independent and less timid.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
148 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
[B said:
specofturquoise[/B]]Hi! I’m an e9 as well and I’d like to explore this topic as well. What do you mean by anger and conflict? Is it from your parents fighting with each other or them being mad at you?
My parents used to argue and be mad at each other very often. I hated it and would leave the house if possible or hide in my closet blocking my ears and daydream I was some place else. I don’t know if it’s the cause of my timidity though.
Anger and conflict was very uncomfortable in my childhood because there is always a potential of the Eights getting violent. It is worst if they are angry with me. I did not like them having conflicts with each other because it was fighting against my need for peace as a 9. I got my timidity from the Eights in my family among other things. They would threatened to cause me pain. They get too violent for my comprehension when they do get angry and violent.

It is good that I am hearing impaired because I don't always hear them when I am in my room with the door shut and being in my own little world. These Eights are from Mississippi with slave master style of beatings. They were the black side of my family. I believe that plays a big role in how they behave, sometimes. Most of the time, they enjoy laughing out loud.

I think I inherited my introversion from my father side of the family that I was not raised by. Having a different personality type from the whole family I was raised it did made it harder for me. My E8 mother told my father that there is nobody in the family who is like me, and she wondered why I was so different. I could always related to the story of the ugly duckling. Hahaha.

I know they called the story the ugly duckling because swans are ugly babies if I remember correctly. I wonder why they could not call the story the unique duck or the unusual duck. A type 9 duck in a type 8 world? Hahaha!!! I would like to know more about your experiences. What type were your parents?


[B said:
Coburn[/B]]I was usually a participant or an instigator of conflict (not always intentional) growing up. Conflict back then was just normal (?) and sometimes even fun.
I would assume that you could be an Enneatype 4. Fours are emotional creatures and are considered at Reactionary Types or Emotional Real types. Perhaps, you enjoy having people to be emotional real with you, even if it was caused by conflicts. If I got it wrong, please feel free to educate me on what is your truth. Your photo looks beautiful like a Four. Thanks for sharing your experience.


Temizzle said:
It's always disheartening witnessing family members go at it, especially when it's your role-models and guardians.

I was raised by an 8. I believe that experience has empowered me rather than made me feel timid. By experiencing intensity and conflict first-hand growing up, and even fighting back against it, I feel like I can take on most people in day to day life. It was really unnerving for me to experience my first 3 enemies... they fight so snaky, back-handed, and indirectly -- whereas I was used to direct and honest conflict that subsided as soon as the issue was resoled.

I believe that each individual will respond to their environment differently. In your case, you felt inner shaking and timidity. I don't know what it's like to grow up in your household, maybe it really is horrifying. In my case though trying to relate, I came out more independent and less timid.
I saw that you are an 8, so what you wrote would make sense. I would be very surprised to see Eights being timid!!! I would probably cry if I saw something like that because something really traumatic bad had to happened to an Eight to break them down into an timid person. The Eights in my family is not bothered by the conflicts and anger. I think it stimulates them. Unfortunately, the adult Eights try to break the will of younger Eights by beating them as horrible as slave master have beaten their slaves in the deep south. Eights are very strong types and hard to break them. Trying to break them just makes them more angry and mean.

Yea, that sounds terrible for an honest, direct and straight-forward person like yourself have to deal with people who do not share their standards. That has to feel like betrayal and untrustworthy. For the most part, I think Eights are good people. I understand them better as an adult after learning the Enneagram. I think my family's main problem is that they are from Mississippi. Most of the time, they are not so bad if you stay on their good side. It is a lot better to be around them after you become an adult!!!!

Plus my being an introvert, they drain me with their intensity. Most people cannot tell I am an introvert in public because I am friendly and engaging until they learn about my lifestyle that I enjoy being alone and having a break from people. I recharge my energy alone, so I can be present and engaging with my friends. I needed more time alone and a calmer environment, sometimes.

I admire how strong you guys are!!! Amazing!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,271 Posts
OP sounds a lot like what my 9 ISFP friend experiences with her family (1 mom, likely 8 dad and older brother). She really can't handle conflict, she describes her response to it as "turning in towards myself".

I'm a 5 and I had pretty typical 5 responses to a 6 father who displaced aggression and more when I was a child. I'd withdraw emotionally, isolate myself and fear was a problem (scary irrational unfair world seemed extra scary). I felt I needed to control and contain myself. But then there were these cracks in me where signs of life, of boldness even that would leak out. The girl so shy she hides behind her mother's long skirt, only daring to peek out from the side at strangers was somehow the same kid that would secretly climb onto the roof and leap off to practice roll landing, you know, just in case I needed that skill later in life (or so I'd rationalize, lol).

It came together more by the time I hit puberty for me. I was able to pull together the advantages of the different ways I can be (the distant observer 5, the bold sx, access the line from 5 to 8) to create/enact a plan that successfully neutralized the power imbalance my problem parent had over me. From that point forward, I can relate to much of what 8 Temizzle said. Although disappointing I had such a parent in the first place, I feel a sense of empowerment/confidence from 'defeating' him. I feel stronger for it. I too found it somewhat confusing facing other 'enemies' who did things in very underhanded sneaky ways (since honest and direct is instinctive to me) but I learned from them too and am ready for the next.
 

·
Registered
ENTJ; 8w7; Persian C
Joined
·
9,477 Posts
I was raised by two enneagram ENTJ 8's. In spite of the utter lack of necessary nurture for childhood, physical fighting with dad big strong man "never lazy! never failure!" of my childhood and my mother being so materialistic and absorbed in 'accumulating wealth - fighting the world' and bragging about her accomplishments she forgot she had children. I was never timid in childhood (&) did not tolerate hardly anything conflict wise. I absolutely despised 'being picked on' nor sitting back and watching it happen. An instance, I "actually" ended up breaking/hairlining my mother's arm. Aside from the cons, they taught the importance of reduced vulnerability, resilience, the importance accumulation of wealth and resources, "having your own/being able to take care of yourself", never giving up and extremely unhealthy self-independence, how to fight emotionally and physically. They also taught the importance of "caring for those that cannot do anything for themselves," but knowing your limit(s) .. so that is what I do now. It takes a lot to "break me down", offend, or the like - which has pros and cons. I can handle almost anything difficult perfectly fine/without being 'shaken up' - (&) actively put myself in these positions so no one else has to, as I know some specimens just cannot do it. The utter downside of being on the 8-axis is the pain tolerance is so stupidly high you do not even know the arm is broken; then deny it when it is.

I reckon this can have the opposite effect on other specimens being raised by such parent(s); the cons, I ended up heavily introverted - eventually growing out of this, self-absorbed, closed-off emotionally - basically retarded when it comes to being 'vulnerable', "help is for the weak", do-everything-myself, "I can take anything," unyielding "when I want something" to the point of crushing others, hurting people accidentally that I care much for, impulsive bursts of Captain Save-A-Damsel now that I am integrating into 2.

Now, my siblings, depending on which - turned out in all types of directions. I think being raised by double 8's can certainly pay an opposite toll. One, INTP 5w6, timid, (basically 'beaten by the life'), muscular/army brat - but ultimately no clue what "vulnerability" even is, I help him when I can, this is not basic INTP-stuff - while I inherited my parents functions, it can even be difficult for myself to assist, because I feel I can sometimes drive him too hard for the sake of helping. I think the dude is seriously emotionally stunted, is sabotaging his life for to feel 'anything', struggles with women and I reckon the utter unyielding extroversion and 8 pushiness until he cracked contributed. Another sibling, SFP? is now overly-needy, timid, "being loved and friends is everything" - pushes himself into crazy abusive relationships with very abusive women for the sake of feeling affection - then guess who is 'stuck' dealing with, which is not surprising whatsoever as he absolutely will not fight back or take any form of legal action.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
601 Posts
We had constant conflict in my childhood: with or without anger.

My parents (Five and Six) did argue a lot, which I hated as a child (doesn't everybody hate their parents arguing?). But also when nobody was angry, the discussions were often very heated and passionate, and even though everybody was enjoying the conversation, it was loud and the argumentation could get quite aggressive. This felt completely normal and non-threatening to me.

I have a very strong Five identity, but unlike many other Fives, I express myself freely and strongly, and often people mistakenly think that I'm angry when I'm just passionate about the topic. I'm quite comfortable with conflict, and it doesn't really bother me very much if people don't like what I say (to a certain extent - I'm not immune to people not liking me as a person).
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top