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When a person, regardless of how much I care for that person, sends me TOO MUCH (and I literally mean, TOO FREAKING MUCH) needy energy, at times my 'energy centre' feels disrupted.

I tend to get angry and a bit irritable lately, I feel even more withdrawn than my usual introverted self, it's like I want to scream,’ I wish everyone can leave me alone!’’ even to friends and family. Then I start wishing I can feel even more disconnected from everyone else and the world around me. Then I start wishing I can find the ‘’kill too much emotions’’ switch.

I usually care about him and I want to know if he’s okay, but lately his energy is too freaking much. I metaphorically feel like I’m ‘drowning’.

I already emailed that I want space, dammit!! I don’t dislike him, it’s just the energy can make it hard for me to tell which ones are my feelings.


P/S Please don't judge me. It's empath stuff and it's hard. I posted this in INFJ sub forum because I figured a number of INFJ's can be good at this haha
 

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this sounds like a guy who likes you and you sound like you're just not that into him. well, if you emailed him already about how you feel and that you need him to sod off for a little while, what exactly concerns you? He will not be surprised when you ignore his calls or not answer his repetitive emails, but he might get a little hurt. you should have a heart to heart chat with him and tell him kindly to piss off and stop wasting his time with you.
 

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this sounds like a guy who likes you and you sound like you're just not that into him. well, if you emailed him already about how you feel and that you need him to sod off for a little while, what exactly concerns you? He will not be surprised when you ignore his calls or not answer his repetitive emails, but he might get a little hurt. you should have a heart to heart chat with him and tell him kindly to piss off and stop wasting his time with you.
I do like him, and I do care, it's just I need space lately.

He does give me lots of space, it's just I pick up on that 'needy' energy from afar that can be overwhelming. As an empath, I tend to pick up on energies, especially from people close to me, even friends.

Ahh sorry now I don't know if I should've made this thread. I don't really want him dissed..It's just..The empath thing is very hard for me to explain *sigh* I just want to know how to control the ''get away from emotions'' switch so that I can properly assess my own feelings instead of only the feelings of others.
 

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Needy people are needy. No matter how much you give them, they will expect more. If you can't handle that, and obviously you can't (maybe an ExFJ is better opt for this), then get out while you can.
 

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Sorry..sigh :blushed: Maybe I'm incapable or incompetent sometimes when it comes to real human connections...

I at times just want unusually long periods of space from family and even someone I care about a lot in real life.. It's just me :frustrating:
 

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I do like him, and I do care, it's just I need space lately.
Do you like him as a friend or something more? Does he like you as a friend or something more? Your post is vague about the relationship status. I think that even you're not sure of the status, but he probably has an idea opposite to yours and that's bothering you right now. You don't want to get in too deep with some guy but you've already passed the point of no return ( in regards to his feelings and expectations/view of you) and suddenly regretting it.

Now, I'm no expert but it looks like your empathy has given you the proverbial puppy who followed you home that you had a nice time with initially but now you realize that he's just too much of a pain for you to handle and you can't keep him.

If you're an overly empathetic person, just remember that some people are puppies and will follow you home and stay outside your door when you pay some attention to them until you let 'em in or you call the pound. They think you have a genuine interest in them.

I can relate to where you're coming from regarding empathy and how people mistake it as an opening into your life. It used to bug the hell out of me, so one day I said,

"Screw this, I don't need my empathy to invite losers into my life that take my kindness and use it against me for their personal gain."

It happened way too often and I had to cut down on being the shoulder to lean or cry on. My marks went up, I became healthier and I don't feel like I'm being an insensitive douche nozzle. I figure it isn't my fault what a person's situation is and that I'm not obliged to listen to them or help them but I will understand where they're coming from and that's it. Leave me alone, I'm busy. That's a problem us feeling types have and we all know it.

Being too nice will bite you in the ass in the long run.

I could be wrong about your situation, izzie, but that's my opinion on empathy and how I deal with those feelings now.
 

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hmmm i don't know you well but maybe you need to focus on you before you focus on others. if you can't control your empathy then you might screw it up when mister right comes along. take time to really figure YOU out and find the valve to your emotional inflow. plus your young you have plenty of time for guys.

oh yeah FIND A TREE!!!! find a tree in the woods away from people and sit with your back against it. let your senses open up and listen to nature. try to sit there peacefully for 3 hrs. bring a book and get lost in it. keep your back against the tree. maybe nap against it. just give it time to absorb your stress. if you are truly empathic and the woods are not dead from people and development, you should be able to 'sense' birds ,crickets, squirrels, etc. feel free to leave if you feel bears or other large animals you don't want to be near.

nature can be really cool to someone who can listen to it. i have been able to pet dear, had squirrels land on my head and for hours stay on my shoulder, not scare off armadillos, stare at foxes, have neighbor's 'mean' dogs not bark at me. you get the drift. you can pull a snow white without singing. you can use it to detect wild animals and avoid them. i have avoided snakes and an aligator or two that way. i'm from FL so aligator avoidence is good.

isn't it interesting that the early japanese, early europeans and american indians all mention listening to the "spirit"
of the woods and animals.

i am not some new age type nor do i try to be or believe in mystical powers. i do believe that extra sensitivity is scientificly possible and i have benefitted from it.
 

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I can sense energies from afar, especially with people who are close..It's complicated and it is part of empathy, but I'm learning to control it.
 

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Is there a reason he is feeling so needy? Maybe if you can find out why he is giving off this energy you might be able to help him relax?
 

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Tell him what you told us. A lot of the time when a person goes to a person outside of the situation and tells them what is going on and how they feel, that is exactly what they need to tell the person they are having the issue with. Sounds funny but its true. Tell him you like him, tell him you need some space, tell him if you don't have your space things will go sour. Being honest and upfront with your emotions goes a long way.
 

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I am an empath as well, to some extent. Usually I have to be near the person, but when it's a close acquaintance, then the phone works. I have a friend who is like your friend. For years, she's had man or money troubles, and is very lonely, and when she is unhappy, she is the kind of person who gets on the phone and has to talk to people, and frequently calls late at night to talk for hours. She is so needy at these times, and she completely takes all my energy away, and it was only a couple years ago that I realized what was happening. But she's my good friend, I've known her for years, and so I try to help her out and put up with it, because it only happens a few times a year. Lately, she's been in a good space, so I don't get those calls anyway.

So, just decide if this guy is a good friend you want to keep, or not. He takes a ton of your energy, so maybe you just want to dump him altogether. If he is a good friend, you just have to explain to him how it affects you, and let him know he should talk to others when he has troubles, not just you. Maybe that would spread it out a bit, because maybe you are feeling all his insecurities, and etc. And get yourself some quiet space!! Trees are really good for that, like a previous poster said.

Good luck.
 

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Yes, what the above person said.

This happens for me a lot. I get set off by a freaking plant dying and a character in a story getting injured or dying! And yes, almost everyday, I feel like I am drowning in other peoples emotions when I need to focus on my own! I've been going through the same thing lately..

Sorry, but I have no ways on how to deal with it. I am still looking for that answer myself.
 

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When a person, regardless of how much I care for that person, sends me TOO MUCH (and I literally mean, TOO FREAKING MUCH) needy energy, at times my 'energy centre' feels disrupted.

I tend to get angry and a bit irritable lately, I feel even more withdrawn than my usual introverted self, it's like I want to scream,’ I wish everyone can leave me alone!’’ even to friends and family. Then I start wishing I can feel even more disconnected from everyone else and the world around me. Then I start wishing I can find the ‘’kill too much emotions’’ switch.

I usually care about him and I want to know if he’s okay, but lately his energy is too freaking much. I metaphorically feel like I’m ‘drowning’.

I already emailed that I want space, dammit!! I don’t dislike him, it’s just the energy can make it hard for me to tell which ones are my feelings.


P/S Please don't judge me. It's empath stuff and it's hard. I posted this in INFJ sub forum because I figured a number of INFJ's can be good at this haha
izzie, I think you go in circles, because your emotions are going haywire. Hun, I'm not being hard you here. I'm saying this to try to help you. I believe you need to look up these words on the internet~~"controlling empathic abilities". This is a place to start. If you do this, you will be taking time for yourself, as well as, learning how to deal with your overwhelming emotions due to empathic abilities. This will put your mind somewhere else giving it a rest from the turmoil inside of you. Things will simmer somewhat by focusing on something other than the situation that you are in. Try not to worry about what your friend may think. If you are not healthy, you will be no good to anyone. Think about that. Sometimes we need to take care of ourselves in order to handle the rest of the world. There is nothing on earth wrong with this. Try it, izzie!
 

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If I'm in a situation like this, all I *can* do is cut off all contact for awhile. And yes, there are situations when I even had to be brutal about it because it meant my sanity. Almost always, in those cases, I realized later how toxic the situation was to me but I was blinded by being too close to the situation.

Obviously we are different individuals, but I'm just saying how I'd have to handle it if I were in your shoes.
 
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