[majohnso]

hi all,

looking for some assistance.

i really struggle with conflict at work, given my intp nature, i dont know how to respond in the moment.

on friday past, a new joiner who was getting frustrated went "bananas" on me, blaming me for things that factually dont make sense, and i tried to apologise although 2 others have told me i did not need to, he was just over reacting.

i was confused with this all, and then remembered i am an intp, this is not my strength, which partially helps. anyway, i would like tips as to how you deal with such emotions and dealing with such circumstances, so they dont consume the mind for a few days.

thanks
Mark

 

[NipNip]

The danger is taking it too personal. Instead of accusing yourself with more guilt, shift your focus: first you pity him for making such a scene, then forgive him for the uncomfortable situation he put you in. Note that it is not easy for an INTP to put this idea into practice - because how the hell do you manipulate inferior Fe. But there is no harm in trying.

 

[495602]

Pity and forgiveness are the usual way I deal with it.

In terms of future relationship with him, I wouldn't try to discuss this with him, because he may feel emotionally insecure and go bananas again, but neither would I ignore him or show any kind of hostility. I would act as if nothing has happened. That usually helps the other side in overcoming such uncomfortable situations, too.

If bananas happened again, I would first call him out on his inappropriate behavior until he calms down, then discuss the actual problem.

 

[transceiver]

Keep a pacifier on hand. Next time he loses his cool, you'll have a wordless response that says it all. This is of course a terrible idea. Sounds like your co-workers are on your side, so I'd ignore him unless he attempts active sabotage of your reputation.

 

[Reynir]

hi all,

looking for some assistance.

i really struggle with conflict at work, given my intp nature, i dont know how to respond in the moment.

on friday past, a new joiner who was getting frustrated went "bananas" on me, blaming me for things that factually dont make sense, and i tried to apologise although 2 others have told me i did not need to, he was just over reacting.

i was confused with this all, and then remembered i am an intp, this is not my strength, which partially helps. anyway, i would like tips as to how you deal with such emotions and dealing with such circumstances, so they dont consume the mind for a few days.

thanks
Mark

The bolded thing, don't do that next time, don't apologize for accusations that make no sense.

For the rest, as per above said, ignore the thing and act like nothing happened, better for everyone (if others felt you were mistreated, that's the maximum positive you get from it, unless the person actually turns around and apologises in the open).

 

[GusWriter]

This has been my experience. Now, just for the record, I've reached the point in my life that when I'm pushed too far, I can get loud, telling them to listen to me for just a moment. Then, I calmly give them the reasoning that they are wrong. If you are in front of others who can see sense they will see you are right at that moment. Now, unfortunately they may forget later, because the more boisterous sometime wins over the correct. Sorry about that. An example of what I'm talking about goes something like this:

Other person: "You're not doing this. We need to do this, its the rule. Blah, blah, Blah"
Me: "Hold on! Listen, that is not the rule. It specifically says so in the standards."
Other person: "No it does not, that's not how we've ever done it."
Me: "Here's the standards." Book opened to the page with highlighted info about what we're talking about hits the desk.
Other person: "I don't want books thrown around me." Walks off.
Third person: "Let me see those standards. Hmm, I guess you're right."

That being said it was just a momentary win because we have all three had the same discussion half a dozen times in the years since then. Uggh.

Also, to the point above. Don't take it personal. We are all doing our best to get through this life. After whatever happens, happens do not be the person that holds the grudge. If you are going to apologize then say "I'm sorry if there was a miscommunication." Or after their rant say, "it's good that you're passionate about your work. When you think you can discuss this calmly though, come see me." Because if you apologize like you did something wrong, regardless of whether you are right, in others eyes you may be wrong.