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This little trait has been brought to my attention again...

I had abdominal surgery yesterday afternoon. I was up last night trying to cook dinner... Suffice to say, I frustrate the hell out of my wife, who genuinely wants to take care of me.

I am, I know, VERY difficult to care for. And it's not because I'm rude or unpleasant, or lazy, or that I take advantage of the situation... I just keep right on doing thing for myself. I'm almost 40 years old, and I think at this point it's just such a force of habit that I don't delve too deeply into the why. I think it's a 50/50 mix of control and consideration... well, maybe 25/50/25 with the middle 50% being a grey area that's hard to differentiate.

I want things done in a very particular way, and don't like having to annoy and inconvenience people will all of my little eccentricities about how things are done, for instance. Is that control or consideration? Little of both.

So, anyway, I've been aggravating my spouse with my stubborn self-reliance. Had a pretty large umbilical hernia repaired via a 4" ventral incision less than 24 hours ago, and I'm already stomping up and down the stairs to get stuff for myself and weaning myself off painkillers (This, it turns out, was a really stupid idea). I'm not really trying to prove anything to anyone, or FEELING like I have to rely on myself... it's as I said -- Force of habit. Life knocks off a body part, I just dust myself off, decide that I apparently didn't really need that body part, and get on with myself.

The problem arises as you go along in life and start to make your loved ones feel that they aren't needed. The cold truth of the matter is that I -am- self-reliant, and by definition of that, nobody's really needed. It feels patronizing and a little dishonest to act incapable to make people feel better about being able to take care of me, but I definitely appreciate knowing they'd be there if I find my limits and DO need aid. Where's the balance, there?

Okay, back to work. (Yeah, another bit of crazy... I'm using my two weeks off surgery leave to get tons of coding work done -- What? I'm just sitting here, don't need abdominal muscles to type! Lemme work.)
 

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I am hopelessly independent, annoyingly self-reliant, and stubborn as fuck about it. I can argue politics, heatedly, without getting offended; I can argue philosophy, I can be friends with exes and hold no grudges. My friends are amazed how few things I take personally even though I'm passionate and fiery. But anyone telling me how to live my life, stepping into my territory, trying to control my creative projects, trying to help me when I'm sick, or asking me "do you need anything?" knows that my self-reliance is truly insurmountable. I also have a pet peeve about people trying to manage my schedule. I have no problem being on time if I have made plans - that's Basic Respect 101 - but I don't want to be prodded and poked about what I am doing with the rest of my time. For instance, boyfriends or roommates asking why I was gone for so long on my walk, and whether I remembered to get MY OWN medications, or how much writing I got done today. I will hiss!

 

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Yeah, I am extremely self-reliant...and stubborn as fuck about it. I have an insanely high pain threshold, and I hate asking for help. I ain't got nothin' to prove. This is just how I am. I've been this way since I was a child. I broke my ankle when I was 10 (and had other injuries since I fell off the staircase), and I staggered all the way to my mother's office. I was visiting her at the Uni. where she taught. I didn't shed a tear, and after we came home, I barely let anyone help me move around.

I have had surgery before, and I was up and running soon after. People close to me find it very frustrating, but the fact is unless I am totally bed-ridden Shaytan forbid rofl, I don't "need" anyone. As time goes on, I have learnt to be more considerate of people I love offering me help. I have become better at accepting it, but it's always the last resort. They know how I function, so they tend not to feel invalidated these days.

Btw, my dad was an 8w9. He was the same way lol. He was a bit much, in fact. Even when he was terminally ill, he was independent as fuck. He was in some major accidents when he was younger, but his fiercely self-reliant streak was a permanent fixture in his life. And, he had this bull headed approach to it that pretty much remained with him until his last breath, quite literally. The morning he passed away, he got up to get himself a glass of water etc etc., no asking for help whatsoever (in fact, he rejected it). He was walking around and doing his own thing, literally, until the end lol despite being gravely ill. Perhaps, it's genetic. :laughing:
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Heh, I didn't even think of it earlier, but here's my 8w9 moment of the week... While I was wandering around upstairs again, morning after my abdominal surgery, there's this bang. Dove smacked into the window.

So, I go down and there's this thing hobbling around the yard. Eventually I catch it, put it in a crate with some water to recover from fucking bird concussion or whatever.

Wife gets home and quite rightly points out that my surgeon would probably not approve of me chasing birds around the yard with my guts half hanging out.

But, yknow. Hurt bird.
 

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Heh, I didn't even think of it earlier, but here's my 8w9 moment of the week... While I was wandering around upstairs again, morning after my abdominal surgery, there's this bang. Dove smacked into the window.

So, I go down and there's this thing hobbling around the yard. Eventually I catch it, put it in a crate with some water to recover from fucking bird concussion or whatever.

Wife gets home and quite rightly points out that my surgeon would probably not approve of me chasing birds around the yard with my guts half hanging out.

But, yknow. Hurt bird.
<333
 

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Yup. Last week I was trimming hedges for a bit of dollar. Plenty of brambles and my arms and face were quite sliced up. The guy I was working for asked if I wanted anything to protect myself. Just looked at him blankly for a moment like he was insane and told him I was fine. He continued to bug me about it.

Later on I was leaning so far across a hedge to trim the top that the ladder supporting me moved away from under my feet. So I continued to strim while barely keeping the ladder in contact with my feet enough to manoeuvre it back underneath me when I'm done. Nothing like petrol powered slicing machines and a precarious 10 ft balancing act to liven up the work day.

Another guy kept on telling me to take breaks and not get heat stroke/pass out in the heat. Come on man, it's England don't be silly. I appreciate the concern but there is a point where it gets annoying. You run out of variations of "I'll be fine."

When I first turned up he offered me coffee before I started work. I took some persuading. Accepting food/drink from other people is hard work for me even though I tend to give freely.

Now I'm trying to figure out a polite way to stop my parents from giving me money to help me through University as I've got a job in the pipeline, despite the fact that I'm already over-committed this year. I'm probably being an idiot.

In modern human society no one is truly independent unless they live out in the woods. And even then you're relying on Mother Nature. I try to be more accepting of other people's help but I find it very hard.
 
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Pretty much as soon as I was able to retrieve my own beverages have I found it extremely annoying when someone else gets me something to drink.

Why should someone have to ever do anything for me I can do myself? If it's something don't know.... you can bet I'm looking over their shoulder and asking questions. Or I'm researching it.

I took my car engine apart and put it back together.... why should I pay someone else to do it when I can just figure it out and do it myself? More time and mistakes, yeah. But nothing that can't be handled.
 

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I think if I had seen you like that, and your guts were starting to poke out, you'd have convinced me the zombie apocalypse is real (which is complete BS to me). In all honesty, when 8's get like this and I don't know them well, I'm just like you're one crazy motherfcker- that is pretty awesome though, shrug, and go on with my day. The 8's I do care about, I let them do their thing, even if I don't agree with it. In return I expect they let me do my thing... XP
 

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Yup. Last week I was trimming hedges for a bit of dollar. Plenty of brambles and my arms and face were quite sliced up. The guy I was working for asked if I wanted anything to protect myself. Just looked at him blankly for a moment like he was insane and told him I was fine. He continued to bug me about it.

Later on I was leaning so far across a hedge to trim the top that the ladder supporting me moved away from under my feet. So I continued to strim while barely keeping the ladder in contact with my feet enough to manoeuvre it back underneath me when I'm done. Nothing like petrol powered slicing machines and a precarious 10 ft balancing act to liven up the work day.

Another guy kept on telling me to take breaks and not get heat stroke/pass out in the heat. Come on man, it's England don't be silly. I appreciate the concern but there is a point where it gets annoying. You run out of variations of "I'll be fine."

When I first turned up he offered me coffee before I started work. I took some persuading. Accepting food/drink from other people is hard work for me even though I tend to give freely.

Now I'm trying to figure out a polite way to stop my parents from giving me money to help me through University as I've got a job in the pipeline, despite the fact that I'm already over-committed this year. I'm probably being an idiot.

In modern human society no one is truly independent unless they live out in the woods. And even then you're relying on Mother Nature. I try to be more accepting of other people's help but I find it very hard.
I identify with the above. I too am trying to find a way to not take money from others for University. That seems crazy, but I know I don't want to have to be indebted to anyone for anything. Too bad that's impossible.
 
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