[matildajane]

Hello, hello, hi. So, I am an INFP, and seem to have fallen into an almost-relationship with one of you ENFJs.

Just saying, I can truly back up any claims that this pairing is, "what dreams are made of" and other cheesy sayings.

BUT I'M CONFUSED. Obviously. And I would really, really appreciate some ENFJ (probably some of the male ENFJs) insight. I think this could probably span beyond, but here is my individual dilemma:

So, I met this ENFJ, and immediately, we hit it off. I typically don't click with people right off the bat, but I'm talking about insane chemistry... our sense of humor, our outlook on morals, what we want to do when we're older; our conversation spanned over about 20 different topics (he later said himself, "Well, what do you expect... when we talk it's like a feeding frenzy, so if you really want something said, you better fit it in there. FAST." lol) and when he left I was seriously reeling. There was one problem, though: he was visiting family in the state I live in... he himself lives on the opposite side of the country.

Anyway, we had exchanged Skype, and for the past month, every day, we talk for hours. And it spans from relatively superficial when we're in goofy moods, but can easily turn into deep conversations. He is always asking me questions about myself, and constantly compliments me (and when I shrug them off he just goes, "YOU'RE SO CUTE" and keeps going until my face is in my hands and I cannot move lol) but also does mention quite often about how sociable he is, and about how many girls like him, but how he doesn't like them back. He says he's the type that wouldn't even date a girl if he didn't know 100% that he really loved her.

He focuses a lot of attention on me when we speak and we joke around all the time about how "when we're married" and etc... The first conversation we ever had he asked me to marry him so it's been kind of a running joke.

My question is, I really like him... But I cannot tell if he is just being sociable and flirty, (which seems to be his usual state, as so many girls seem to be falling over him -_-) or if he actually likes me. It's hard to tell, especially because this is mostly via the internet. Oh well :/

Thoughts? THANK YOU FOR READING MY SPIEL.

 

[pmj85]

He's male. Trust me, if he didn't like you he wouldn't be spending hours talking to you

Get in there girl! Drop everything, go find him, live happily ever after

 

[Oliver]

Yeah, honestly, this is just the paranoid side of the INFP talking. I came to a point where I thought to myself: "well, what other proof do I need? That she buys me a wedding ring?" before I decided to brush all the insecurity aside and just go for it.

Think of it this way: if he compliments you this much and spends so much time with you, he would be an ass if he wasn't romantically interested in you. :wink:

Find a way to meet him soon. You will not regret it. I'm still in the very beginning of my relationship but wow... the love, the commitment, the trust and the sweetness is just in a league of its own. ENFJs are a love drug, and whatever strangeness they find appealing in us INFPs, I'm so glad they see it!

EDIT: The title is wrong... it should be "GET HIM!!" :tongue:

 

[matildajane]

Oliver -- did you too have a primarily internet-based relationship as well (at least in the beginning?)

Anyway, thanks so far to both of you :]. I know I'm paranoid. But when distance and the fact that every girl in the history of the world (or so it seems...) is in love with him, AND THEY'RE ALL BEST FRIENDS, I get a little - ahem - nervous .

Ughghij. I just like him so much. It feels unreal:]

 

[Oliver]

Hah, I might be more extreme than you. I met my girl in Japan this spring while living there. We hung out as friends for two weeks, then I had to go back to Sweden. Now I go to London for 5 months before I can go back to Japan again next spring.

We use Skype too, not quite every day, but at least twice a week and at least 3 hours each time. She's probably the only person I can talk to for so long and actually feel energized when the call ends. There are emails too, of course. And regular snail-mail (love this, by the way). I was veeery cautious in the beginning because I had met all my earlier girlfriends "the usual way", i.e. at parties, with friends and so on, back in Sweden. I simply didn't believe you could fall for someone online. Now I've changed opinion - love is the same everywhere.

I'm still trying to figure out what the hell she sees in me, though. She could have anyone if she wanted to, and I'm not even going to ask how many guys have fallen for her. Yet it is to me she says all these wonderful things. I'm not going to doubt her sincerity anymore, not when it comes to the point where she saves up all her money to try to come and visit me in London this autumn... or that she teaches herself simple Swedish just to be able to talk more with me.

EDIT - It just hit me that when your guy started talking about all the girls who liked him but he didn't like back... that could be some kind of funny way to show his commitment to you. My girl one day told me about a guy who she had approached in a friendly manner, and quite instantly wanted to date her. She said no because she didn't like him so much ("and because he didn't smile as much as you do.") In a way I got the feeling that she was trying to say the same thing your guy did, like, "everyone wants to date me but I only want you, so, appreciate me! rawr!" :laughing: one of you ENFJs might have to confirm this one, tho.

 

[Jojo]

I do believe in attraction at first glance. I know pretty fast if I will like you. However, if the guy isn't humble just be aware.

 

[saccharomyces]

It just hit me that when your guy started talking about all the girls who liked him but he didn't like back... that could be some kind of funny way to show his commitment to you. My girl one day told me about a guy who she had approached in a friendly manner, and quite instantly wanted to date her. She said no because she didn't like him so much ("and because he didn't smile as much as you do.") In a way I got the feeling that she was trying to say the same thing your guy did, like, "everyone wants to date me but I only want you, so, appreciate me! rawr!" :laughing: one of you ENFJs might have to confirm this one, tho.

yes! this is almost spot on - there's just a bit of a slightly different emphasis on the enfj side (well, at least there is when i say stuff like that to my partner) than how you ultimately phrased it, these stories about how "they want me but i'm not interested" are meant to make the significant other feel safe - it's not really a reminder to appreciate the enfj, it's purely a statement of commitment by illustarting a situation in which that commitment manifests. we like to assure people of our feelings (maybe because we secretly crave more of assurance of their feelings for us than we'd like to admit) in every posible way.

and to further the internet-based relationship topic, i think us enfjs might be one of the types who'd have the least problems of having long term serious relationships with little live contact - if you feel the connection and you know you have something real there, something that you want to keep and extend, the internet communication period just gives us the chance to be our curious long-conversation loving selves.
and, well, i can say that i would never spend hours at skype talking to someone whom i don't intensely like. of course, not limited to romantic interest, but with comments like "girls like me, but i don't like them back" from your enfj, i think you've scored already. keep showing interest, make plans for meeting up (no matter how far in the future that is - i love planning meeting my long-distance friends, even if we know that at least two years will have to pass until we realise those; you shouldn't wait for that long, though, i think, and i don't think you'd be able to,judging from how already fallen for him you sound XD ), get to know him and let him get to know you, and you might get your happily ever after, in the end, if you want to

 

[matildajane]

yes! this is almost spot on - there's just a bit of a slightly different emphasis on the enfj side (well, at least there is when i say stuff like that to my partner) than how you ultimately phrased it, these stories about how "they want me but i'm not interested" are meant to make the significant other feel safe - it's not really a reminder to appreciate the enfj, it's purely a statement of commitment by illustarting a situation in which that commitment manifests. we like to assure people of our feelings (maybe because we secretly crave more of assurance of their feelings for us than we'd like to admit) in every posible way.

This all went over my head when he said it. But... :] I feel assuaged lol. Now all I need to do is find the right time to tell him. *blush*

 

[Kalifornia310]

Hello, hello, hi. So, I am an INFP, and seem to have fallen into an almost-relationship with one of you ENFJs.

Just saying, I can truly back up any claims that this pairing is, "what dreams are made of" and other cheesy sayings.

BUT I'M CONFUSED. Obviously. And I would really, really appreciate some ENFJ (probably some of the male ENFJs) insight. I think this could probably span beyond, but here is my individual dilemma:

So, I met this ENFJ, and immediately, we hit it off. I typically don't click with people right off the bat, but I'm talking about insane chemistry... our sense of humor, our outlook on morals, what we want to do when we're older; our conversation spanned over about 20 different topics (he later said himself, "Well, what do you expect... when we talk it's like a feeding frenzy, so if you really want something said, you better fit it in there. FAST." lol) and when he left I was seriously reeling. There was one problem, though: he was visiting family in the state I live in... he himself lives on the opposite side of the country.

Anyway, we had exchanged Skype, and for the past month, every day, we talk for hours. And it spans from relatively superficial when we're in goofy moods, but can easily turn into deep conversations. He is always asking me questions about myself, and constantly compliments me (and when I shrug them off he just goes, "YOU'RE SO CUTE" and keeps going until my face is in my hands and I cannot move lol) but also does mention quite often about how sociable he is, and about how many girls like him, but how he doesn't like them back. He says he's the type that wouldn't even date a girl if he didn't know 100% that he really loved her.

He focuses a lot of attention on me when we speak and we joke around all the time about how "when we're married" and etc... The first conversation we ever had he asked me to marry him so it's been kind of a running joke.

My question is, I really like him... But I cannot tell if he is just being sociable and flirty, (which seems to be his usual state, as so many girls seem to be falling over him -_-) or if he actually likes me. It's hard to tell, especially because this is mostly via the internet. Oh well :/

Thoughts? THANK YOU FOR READING MY SPIEL.

AWWWW.. its so cute!!! well, i wish I could help you here, the only thing I Can tell you is that If I liked someone, they would know because they would have my attention. it seems like you have his attention,

but i cant really help you, Im going through the same thing, I believe I am falling for an INFP(IEI in socionics),we have awesome chemistry, our banter/conversations our similar to yours. but... alas... i dont know if he likes me...

he doesnt give me the same attention that I give him, and thats unsettling.. ugh.. fml..

but anyways I hope it works out for you two!

 

[Oliver]

it could just take some time... I mean, I might not be the most typical INFP since I'm capable of being quite extroverted and rational, however in my case I was seeing another girl (also INFP) at the same time who I thought was better for me. After a few months I realized my mistake and began to give my ENFJ girl more attention, a decision that would rank up as one of the best in my life. ^^

I have to agree that the chemistry is awesome. I know it's cliché, but she's the missing piece to my jigsaw. In everything I am weak in, she is strong. However, we share the fundamentals, such as both of us being hopeless romantics. Remember the meteor shower someone wrote about here earlier? I went out alone that night to have a look. I saw a falling star, and made a wish. Next time I talked to her, she told me she had done the same thing. Unknowing of each other, we had both wished upon the stars at the same night. I wouldn't be surprised if we wished for the same thing ... roud:

 

[acole001]

Just be careful, even though we ENFJ's have a "fiercly committed" reputation, the unhealthy ENFJ is more manipulative. Anything too quick should always spark your attention and you should be cautious. He's going to compliment you constantly, it's who he is..... but if he's anything like me, the insecurity within him (despite all of his amazing qualities) makes him think he will not ever fall in love, so he will be over-zealous about things too quickly because he lives in a world that hopes that "this time it will be perfect."

Your personalities will work together but just BE CAREFUL. Gaurd yourself.... anyone can be one person at first and then change into someone else. Relationships take time. Love is Patient.

 

[paddington bear]

what an amazing thread! (and similar to a situation I had). I agree with the earlier posts--if he's spending this much time on you...he's def interested!! am curious to know how it all worked out (not trying to be nosey, just hoping it worked out for you guys)!