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Discussion Starter #1
Hi lovely ISFJs. I'm trying to figure out if my friend is an isfj or an infj. When she did the test she got an ENFJ, however I think her results were way off. She had just done it after someone told her she was introverted in a feedback session after an interview. I think she was overextending the truth by a mile.

Can you guys help me by answering a few questions:

how you are in group projects with perceivers?

if you have any friends who are ENTPs or ESTPs, how do you deal with them? (generally any Ts but with an emphasis on ENTPs)

How do you view ESFJs?

What things trigger your defensiveness and what things make you feel insecure? (don't have to answer if you feel uncomfortable)

How do you deal with conflict?

What stresses you out and how do you deal with it?

Please answer as truthfully as you can. If you feel anything else you can add will help me go ahead.

Thank you my lovelies.
 

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how you are in group projects with perceivers?

I work very well with INTPs (my sister, best friend and three of my other closest friends are INTPs so I've had a lot of practice). I'll sit there and ask question after question after question until I really understand their visions and ideas and then think about it through a lens of "this is the vague idea, let's add some concrete to this abstraction and allow for practicality and reality. After all of those things are added in, this is what we're left with. What say you?" and keep reworking it until we're all happy with it. If I think the idea is good to go as is, I'll devise a plan to make it happen and get working. With most others, I absolutely hate group projects and end up doing all the work and getting little to none of the recognition, which just makes me angry and usually dislike the other people I was so unfortunate to have been assigned to work with.


if you have any friends who are ENTPs or ESTPs, how do you deal with them? (generally any Ts but with an emphasis on ENTPs)

Most extraverts wear me out. I can only handle them in small doses. It isn't that I dislike them, it's that I get overwhelmed by them and kind of oversensitized, I guess you could say? ESTPs tend to be all over the place "let's go here! Let's do that!! OOH Skydiving!!! Go ALL THE PLACES!! Do ALL THE THINGS!!!" and I just can't keep up unless I've really prepared myself ahead of time. If I end up getting too overwhelmed, I don't end up enjoying myself.

ENTPs generally have too much enthusiasm for me to be able to handle, but not quite in the same way that ESTPs do. By the time I'm on board with an idea, they've generally moved on to the next one, or the one after that, and I'm just kind of standing there like "but what about that idea? That was a good idea... no?... ok..." and usually feel like I'm just being dragged along for the ride.


How do you view ESFJs?

I don't know many, so it's difficult to say


What things trigger your defensiveness and what things make you feel insecure? (don't have to answer if you feel uncomfortable)

This one is kind of vague. It can be anything from body language to a tone, and the only way people can really tell is when I get a certain look and raise my eyebrows. To the uninformed observer, it appears as if I'm kind of going "Oh, really?" but what's actually happening is I'm saying "You've three seconds to rephrase that or it'll get real and you won't like what happens."

If someone I really care for says something that touches on one of my insecurities, it can send me into a tailspin. A recent example is one of my friends made a joke that he wasn't listening to me. He doesn't know that I'm always afraid that I talk too much and that I'm always fearful that those I care about don't value me and just kind of humour me with their presence because they feel bad and don't want to just tell me to go away. It probably sounds irrational but for me it's a very real and persistent fear. I still haven't told him that his comment bothered me, but as a result I've since been much more concise with him because a little part of me wondered if he was actually joking or not.

It can be anything, and it can pop up at any time. Usually, the best thing to do is try to know me well enough to know when my laughter is genuine or when it's masking a little wound. As a rule, if you ask, I'll tell you.


How do you deal with conflict?


One of three ways, presented in chronological order:
The first - This used to be "back down and try to blame myself, find fault in myself and act accordingly," but as I get older, I get a little more comfortable with telling others no. Being a moderator on a very active forum filled with people who have issues with authority helped me move past that. Now I test it and try to discover its nature to see how to circumnavigate it in the future. Investigate to see if I'm crazy, paranoid or just imagining things, and then try to rationalize it away. Also known as subtlely poke it with a stick and then try to figure out how to avoid or ignore it. Often this ends with me just trying to figure out ways to avoid conflict, which can result in my having to alter my own habits to accommodate the problem or problem person.

The second - try to find ways to manipulate the situation so that I no longer have to deal with it.

The third - and I have to be extremely angry and annoyed to do this, but attack it with my claws and teeth out. This only happens after I've exhausted the first and second options and not achieved some form of success. There is rarely a repeat performance after this has happened. By rarely, I mean there has only been one person who came back for more. I'm told I can be vicious when I get pushed here. Usually I'll give the offending person a detailed rundown of what they've done to receive this and tell them on no uncertain terms that this behaviour will not be tolerated. I don't make threats, though. Threats are tacky. Pushing me here takes a lot of carefully pushing my buttons and I have to be sure and certain that the object is deliberately trying to piss me off. If I can find any other explanation, I won't go here.


What stresses you out and how do you deal with it?

Conflict, a problem I can't seem to find a solution to, something that feels like it's looming in the distance metastasizing and waiting to become a real, tangible problem, my mother.

With conflict, I've described above. With problems I can't find solutions to, I ask people whose opinions I respect and who I think generally have good advice, and then decide what seems to be the best course of action. With looming things, I see what measures I can take to prevent or lessen the blow, and then act on those. With my mother, I haven't spoken to or seen her in six years and growing, so... I don't. Time will sort that one out for me.



Have you considered asking your friend to take a personality test?
 

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Discussion Starter #3
@EmileeArsenic thank you so much for the lengthy reply. I asked her and when she did the test she got an ENFJ, however I think her results were way off. She had just done it after someone told her she was introverted in a feedback session after an interview and she was feeling very insecure. I think she was overextending the truth by a mile.

I would never bring it up again because she would take it really personally. She's very easily hurt but she likes to spout out 'I don't care' whenever she's seriously mad. I'm finding it extremely difficult to type her because:

1) I don't have any experience with ixfjs at all. I barely knew any Js until like a year ago excluding my dad. He lives in a house with 3ps you tend to forget he's a J at all.
2) she tends to just agree with everything I say so I have trouble knowing what she really thinks about stuff even though we've been friends for 2 years and are going to be roommates for 1 year.
3) the reason I asked about the working with ps in a group project was because we had an interesting experience working together. I guess I should've added the words high stakes and deadline. This was one of the few times we really clashed.
 

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I will answer your questions, but first, if your friend is willing to learn about functions from you directly or from online resources you give her, she might be able to type herself more accurately!

Those online Myers-Briggs quizzes are pretty unreliable because they rely on the stereotypical definitions of each letter, for example, that "introversion" means you don't like spending a lot of time with people and "extroversion" means that you are the life of the party and hang out with people whenever you can. They usually say that I am a ESFJ and an ENFJ which just isn't true!

how you are in group projects with perceivers?

I usually get along fine with perceivers, and I appreciate their visionary and inventive qualities! I'm usually there in the group to troubleshoot, make sure that what we're doing is feasible, and ensure that everyone knows what they're doing. However, these two qualities can clash. I can think of one individual who probably uses Ne as one of her primary functions in the club that I led who kept telling me ideas all of the time. It started to drive me up the wall because 1) it exhausted me and 2) most of the events that she carried out fell apart due to a lack of solid planning. I eventually had to tell her that while I appreciated her ideas, that she should really concentrate on planning 1 or 2 spectacular events per semester.

if you have any friends who are ENTPs or ESTPs, how do you deal with them? (generally any Ts but with an emphasis on ENTPs)


I'm afraid that I can't really help you out with this one. I can't think of any friends that are ENTPs!

How do you view ESFJs?

I like many of the ESFJs that I meet. I do wish that some of them wouldn't be so afraid of conflict or disagreement though.

What things trigger your defensiveness and what things make you feel insecure? (don't have to answer if you feel uncomfortable)

I am by nature a pretty defensive person. I get defensive when people bombard things that I really like or ideas that I believe in. One example that I can think of is an incident in the house I lived in last year. My housemate brought his PS2 and a bunch of games, including my favorite game in high school, which still holds a really sentimental place in my heart. One time he was playing the game while another one of my housemates and I watched, and the two of them just started going on about how this game was just not a good game and had a horrible plot. Even though I know in my heart that they weren't personally attacking me because they knew that I love this game, it still felt personal to me! It was the first game that made me rethink what video games are as a medium and that they can be powerful vehicles for storytelling.

I can get insecure when I or the work that I do are neglected by other people. I thrive on recognition and acknowledgement of others. Since I am a perfectionist, I can get insecure about the work that I've done and my qualifications too.

How do you deal with conflict?

In the past, I tried to stay away from conflict as far away as I could, even if it meant that I had to move to Antarctica. Nowadays, I don't fear conflict as much. When it's handled productively, I think that conflict can cause beneficial changes to occur. When I have a conflict with a friend, I will talk to them privately about it and say why I'm upset and ask them for their feelings about the situation. However, I do get a bit frustrated when conflict goes unresolved.

What stresses you out and how do you deal with it?


I get stressed out when I feel that I can't handle a situation or when I have too much on my plate. I usually try to work through my stress, which usually means that I finish the tasks that stress me out. Sometimes it can backfire and I become more stressed out or my anxiety skyrockets.
 
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