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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I started dating a friend (only 2 weeks now...) I've known for a few years now and am becoming increasingly confused by his behavior. When we're together things are amazing, he doesn't want to leave, and we talk endlessly, but he's been pretty noncommittal and vague about plans, while eagerly following through if I set it up. Here are some more details which add depth but can be skipped if tl;dr:

- he's currently already really busy (works FT, PT job 2 evenings in the middle of the week)
- attentive, interested in my life, follows me around when we’re out together in group settings, never seems to want to want to end the evening when we are together and tries to learn about me while sharing a ton about his family and personal life/past
- showed interest in meeting the first 2 times and somewhat took the initiative (but was fairly loose on details, although that was fine)
- now days will go by without any solid plans being made for when we’ll see each other again. He asks when i’m free (around the weekend) but seems incapable of really knowing for sure what his plans are and I can’t tell if he’s asking me to do something with him or just putting feelers out there. The first week this happened I invited him to something fun during the week and he was enthusiastic and we again had an amazing time where without a doubt he was interested in me and didn’t want the evening to end (so he stayed over again). The second week (which is now) I called him to chat one day and he again asked about my weekend plans but when I asked if he wanted to plan something for before the weekend, he said he wasn't able to really think about anything while he was working his second job over the next 2 days and that he’d reach out to me (although for our first meeting he did just this, but he did intend that to be more of a talk than a date until we decided to date despite his upcoming lack of time).
- Another odd thing is that he'll be not really in touch with me for a few days unless he sees me in person. Both of these last 2 weeks in the middle of not really talking very much, when I ran into him at his second job, while leaving he said he’d call me and did and then we’d chat for an hour, but we still ended up not making any plans to do anything (or at least not anything concrete)
- Even last weekend we had (I think?) plans to meet but I had to follow up Friday night to confirm. He said he didn’t spend time thinking about it because he was tired at work (from our night out) but was spending time reading some stuff I shared with him and talking about that. I just wanted to know plans to the level of “let’s meet Sat afternoon and worry about details later” so I could arrange other plans, so we did that when I suggested it. We spent a full half (noon to noon) on the weekend together doing so many activities and talking about so many things and parted ways when I left for other plans I made.
- The next 2 days after that he never reached out to talk to me (I called once) until I ran into him at his job again last night and we talked (which is when he called me again later), mentioned an activity, but he couldn’t decide which day he wanted to do it and said we’d figure it out later

I’m pretty confused as I equate not wanting to talk or see me as much as lack of interest, but he’s willing to go along when I invite him to something concrete (so far) and is super eager to talk while I’m present. I can’t tell if he’s keeping me at a distance, not interested enough to pursue but enough to take it as it comes, or if this is typical ENTP go-with-the-flow behavior. He’s starting his program in 2 weeks and will have a bit less time than he does now, so if he’s not interested in seeing me when he has a few days of open free time, I can’t imagine it would get any better when he has even less. I’m also not sure how or if I should bring this up with him. Would he appreciate the directness or would that be too pushy? I'm just confused in general, but really like him and haven't connected this much with anyone in well over a year.

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Sounds pretty standard for an overtly busy ENTP.

Its hard to make and commit to plans when we are not busy.
Never mind when we got two job's, family, friends ..etc..

We like to know that we dont know. If that makes sense.
I would rather plan nothing and do something
then plan something and not want to do it when the time comes.
If an ENTP is in a situation where they have to be there
based on a prior commitment? Well that can be a hit and
miss scenario. We work on the moment. The moment we are in.

You can see this clearly with what you are saying !
"Great to be around and super attentive and fun"
"When he decides to be around :/ " (not direct quotes obv.)

Story of my life.

He does find you interesting. That I can say for almost certain.
How interested and in what area? Who can say.

How bout you don't go to his job. That seems stalker-ish to me.
That would put me out. I dont know the story maybe
you work with the guy and its all cool.

I made actual honest to goodness plans the other week.
I never do this. Outside of family commitment that is. Anyways,
I finally made a plan for three weekends away. I committed to that
plan. Well the day before I was supposed to go to the planned party
my Son ask if I can watch my granddaughter. I was super pissed.
I totally wanted to watch my grand-kid over the party. I dont consider that
as a good thing that I kept my plans and ditched my grand-kid. I considered it
an epic fail on my part. I told my wife this:
"I tried planning happy now? Cause I am NEVER doing it again."
This is not to say I dont plan stuff I do but it must be a must in life.
Like helping my kids or a doctors appointment. Something akin to that.

Everything optional? Or anything that is my free time? No planning.
I dont give a care what I miss out on. I hate planning. How can
one plan to have a good time? How does that work?
What if I am not in the mood for a good time?

I dunno ...I dont get planning.

3 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I sort of get what you're saying, but how do you even spend time with someone you're interested in if you're not putting in much effort? What if you have 2 full evenings off and 2 full weekend days coming up and you're dating someone– you're not at all interested in making sure you're going to see them before they make other plans?

Also, his other job is at a bar where we meet for our hobbies. It's how we met. I was there because friends wanted to stop by briefly. It's not weird.
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