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As you may have guessed from the title I'm an ENTP female, married to an ESFP male. No, I did not know he was an ESFP when I married him. I finally had him sit down and take the personality test, had a discussion about it, and it's a pretty solid assessment of his personality. One description was dead on.

Anyway, I recently discovered that, according to some, this is considered a "superego" relationship. I do have to agree for us at least, the brief article I read about it was accurate. We're to the point in our relationship that we are distancing (just as described). This has happened before in our 8 year relationship, and we had one brief breakup. Typically, for my part anyway, I try to make an effort to do some activities in common with him. However, things have become more complicated (or you can say simpler) since we had a child together. It's been 11 months since she was born and we're doing okay at parenting considering our differences in dealing with things, but I've kind of lost patience with him and no longer desire to entertain his emotional decision making, or pick up the slack in all the mundane details that never get done otherwise (seems that neither ENTP or ESFP like to wallow in details).

Sadly, I also have no interest in pursuing his interests that I can't find any logical need for when we have many other things to take care of, and he's pretty much of the attitude that I can "do what I want", meaning he's not joining because he has "his thing". We used to have a lot of fun together but things are pretty serious right now (we're moving across the country in 3 months) and he has yet to make a single effort at helping to sort things, and in fact doesn't want to even discuss the issues because he basically doesn't want to move. He's very much "in the moment" kind of person. I'm curious, is this an ESFP trait or is it just him? He seems like things are just fine (since you know, he's not dead or starving, yet anyway) so he doesn't want to move, even though we are running out of money and my job is in another state now. I do love him very much, he's a great dad and does help out a lot (with direction and lots of practice), but I'm worried this is going to break our relationship. Is there anything I can do from an ESFP perspective to make him feel better about moving? (He's already tried to gaslight and manipulate me by saying I can "go ahead and go and we'll get divorced", he definitely doesn't mean it, he just thinks I'll give up on the plan.)

If it helps with advice these are the "reasons" (which I think are really emotions he's feeling) for him justifying staying: his mom is here, he feels like this is home, this is a bigger city and more fun, more opportunities since there's more people here, he doesn't want to move any further up north, he wants to move somewhere warmer if we do move, he's worried he won't be able to come back and will be miserable, he doesn't think he can get a job there (he's been searching for his career related job here for over 1 year)

From my perspective (mainly just logic, no emotions) we don't have a choice or any other good opportunities. If we stay here we will fail miserably and that outcome is already in the process if we don't act soon. (One other thing to note, I handle all the details, including bills and income, so he maybe doesn't "see" the issues. I have tried to show him the numbers, etc, but it's not helping all that much, I think I need to appeal to his emotions.)

I'm a bit ashamed that someone I've known for so long and have a child with is so hard for me to understand. It makes for a fascinating relationship though! Thank you for reading!
 

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Unfortunately I'm in a very similar situation. I don't have advice as I'm in the market for it as well. But just so you know, you're not alone and I've faced and am facing similar things.
 

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ESFPs can be extremely self conscious. When you get in fights, they (might) tend to think that you have been annoyed with them for your whole relationship or something along the lines of that. It's normal for them to have days wondering "DOES EVERYONE HATE ME?". I'm sure you'll do fine.
 

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ESFPs can be extremely self conscious. When you get in fights, they (might) tend to think that you have been annoyed with them for your whole relationship or something along the lines of that. It's normal for them to have days wondering "DOES EVERYONE HATE ME?". I'm sure you'll do fine.
Confirmed!
 

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As for the moving thing.

Have you tried hearing him out emotionally? Try validating his emotions (the ones that deserve to be) and gently showing him why its best to move. And give him time to think about it, if that doesn't work he may just need to mature
 

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The only thing I can recommend is sitting down and asking him what his personal/professional reservations are about moving. State some of your own as well and try and work out ways to assuage both your concerns. Make a list of professional and personal goals together that you both want to accomplish (together and separately). Research the social scene where you'll be moving to and think of fun activities to do as a couple and family. This should, hopefully, open enough dialog to make you both more comfortable.

Wishing you both the best in this new chapter of your life!
 
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