[KatySans]

As someone who is new to this self discovery, I resonate with everything in the type 9 descriptions- right down to thinking there was nothing I could do to make a difference (at my unhealthy stages) Now that I want to take every step to become more conscious and healthy in my type, I want to take steps to really have my own likes and passions instead of glopping on to those of others.
Does anyone have any tips for finding my own passions? When I think of the things I enjoy, I just feel kind of "meh" about them. I don't have that burning desire. I know I have it in me though because my new found quest for knowledge with the enneagram and self improvement has brought that out in me.
Thanks so much in advance.

 

[Dyidia]

I would suggest two courses of action, one thought heavy, the other action heavy.

Thought heavy: why do you want to find a passion? You get really clear on what you're really seeking, you'll get much clearer on what things will and won't meet that criteria. "Finding passion" is a very culturally driven idea, so it's important you figure out how that idea resonates with you personally. For instance, most people put a lot into the word "passion" and need something that they feel is meaningful (i.e. has a positive impact on others). But then some are okay with something that's just solely personally oriented.

Also, chances are, you feel meh about your old interests because something key has changed in your relationships with them. Try guessing at what it is about the things you have felt passionate about had in common. If you still do any of these activities you feel "meh" about, observe your expectations and actual feelings as you go about doing them.

Action heavy: Come up with things you think you might be able to become passionate about and try some of them. Maybe you're looking for a new hobby -- something like karaoke or yoga, or a sport or an art in general is something you could try. Or maybe you're looking for something more community-oriented -- volunteering for a cause you care about or checking out offerings at a local university are good starting places for that.

And when you try any of these things, keep in mind 1) why you're doing it, 2) what you're hoping to experience, and 3) what you actually got. Write it all down if you have to, because if your concern is that you're being swept away into other's plans, the first step to getting out of that is being aware of when that starts happening. And if you're looking for a rule of thumb of how long to try a new activity until you write it off, about two weeks is what works for me.

 

[KatySans]

Excellent advice. Thank you so much.

 

[Elephantality]

I have recently been thinking about this. I'm only just now finding out what I like. (Besides videogames) For me, I simply had to try new things to see which resonated with me. I am also thinking that as a 9 who has trouble finding a true identity, that if I try to think of the people I look up to, and try to fuse them all into one so that can be the identity I choose for myself. For me, I want to be like Abraham Lincoln, Edgar Allen Poe, Benjamin Franklin, Tim Follin, Nick Berkte, all in one. They are all awesome and what I want to be, but all in one.

 

[enneathusiast]

Just some thoughts.

You could use the type 9 tendency of bouncing off others to get moving and motivated by finding someone interested in what you think you might be interested in. The other person's interest may get you energized about it. You'd still be pursuing your interest even though it's the other person's as well.

Personally, I imagine myself on my death bed looking back on my life at what I most regret not having done that I wanted to. I don't know if that would help you or not.

Perhaps your passion is about being part of something greater than yourself where it's not so much the activity but the merge itself.

 

[Sylas]

"Passion" is not really needed to get involved in something. You only need to work up certain level of interest and/or curiosity. Figure out what you want to do and then do it. From there whatever you started might take you along, evolve into new forms and new events in your life, such that you'll find yourself at a less apathetic point.

Watching videos and listening to music of "competence" triad type 3s & 1s can also motivational effect enough to get things rolling (and 7s for 9w1s because they can inspire a 9 with a 1-wing to go out and try something new). I only have a 9-wing but I find watching some 3s does give me inspiration and makes me see life in new brighter colors. Plus there are lots of type 3 motivational speakers out there. It's basically using enneagram to affect your own emotional states and energy levels.

 

[brightflashes]

@Sylas I like your name and avatar.

I might feel passionate about certain causes, but I don't seek passion in general. I have found that when it finds me it almost always steers me off course rather than getting me back on course. Does anyone here ever get thrown off and overwhelmed by passion? I have this experience with passion as being almost entirely eclipsing everything else in my life. It's disturbing and uncomfortable.

 

[Sylas]

@brightflashes thanks : ) I borrowed the name from a good friend with whom I used to play games. Hope he's doing well now. I don't seek out passion myself just because I'm already feeling like I'm a slave to it. Being a sexual 1 I have the opposite problem of 9s of lighting up with something like a blazing forest fire and becoming overly zealous. Often enough it's about the wrong things but when I'm in this zone I get tunnel vision making it hard to stop and change course. I can't ignore it or tune it out unfortunately as the drive it too strong. There are several TED talks posted on YouTube where the speakers argue that "Follow your passion" is bad advice especially for finding a career. While I can't relate to this, I do see their point in that "passion" isn't always a positive thing.

 

[KatySans]

Thank you so much- I think I basically want to have something to say when someone asks me if I have hobbies- so far I just get interested in other people's hobbies that I am merging with and am striving to find an identity of my own. I am tired of not being an active participant in my own life.

 

[Dyidia]

So, it sounds like the main focus is having richer conversations with other people. Even if you just like watching movies, people can often spin a lot of conversation out of knowing what media you like to consume, especially if you're forthcoming about what it is you like so much about it. And relatedly, relating topics to life experiences you've had might help.

I would caution against seeking a new hobby or passion if your main concern is feeling like you're not an active participant in your own life. Go ahead if you can think of something new to do that you'd feel good about doing, but I think the biggest cause of this comes from not asserting yourself enough. If you're willing to speak from who you really are, you'll quickly develop a clear identity. And I'm aware that can be very embarrassing and stressful, so if you plan on actually doing that (rather than using it as a thought exercise), definitely balance it with some personal development to bring yourself more in alignment with your ideal self. (If you don't know what your ideal self is, just think about what things you could say to people about yourself that, if they were true, you'd feel good about yourself.)