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Thread title already says it, are there any people who identify as asexual here? Or feel like they belong under the asexual umbrella? (demi, grey or anything else)
 

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Grey, here. There are tons of dudes I find hot but the thought of sleeping with them is repulsive to me. Women, even more so. I just don't like the human body and I find it distasteful. I don't understand how anyone could want to get close to someone else's.

There have been, like, 2 exceptions in my life. 2 people who I've fantasized about in that way. But I know that if one of them ever actually made a move on me, I'd feel no interest.
 

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Thread title already says it, are there any people who identify as asexual here? Or feel like they belong under the asexual umbrella? (demi, grey or anything else)
What does "asexual" mean? Does it mean touching, sensual, or actual sex desire with another? What about with oneself? Does that count?

If I look at a plain white wall I can feel asexually toward it. How extensive must this "asexuality" be?
 

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Eh, I dunno. I mostly feel like a dog chasing cars when it comes to sex. I want to have sex REALLY badly and I want to try to peruse women and get them naked into my bed. But then when I get to that point it just ends up feeling pretty boring and I'm pretty blasé about the whole experience.
 

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I identify as demi... I don't really identify as asexual internally, because I've been very sexual in terms of my thoughts and feelings since I entered puberty, but, similar to what others have expressed, I do experience a significant disconnect between those internal feelings and interacting with real human bodies. Emotional connection seems to bridge the inherent physical distance and somehow open that door to physical click. It still is rare and takes a long time.

I'm now married to an ISFJ who probably falls under the grey-a umbrella. I think most of the time he relates more to asexuality than sexuality.

Daiz said:
There are tons of dudes I find hot but the thought of sleeping with them is repulsive to me.
Yes. That word. "Repulsive" is exactly how I feel about considering being physically sexual with a stranger, even if they are attractive.
 

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Demisexual if it makes any difference.
 

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I consider myself asexual. I have never felt sexual desire toward another human being, even if I find myself extremely attracted to them. I do experience romantic attraction, and would consider sleeping with my significant other, but the idea of it repulses me.
 
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I've completely lost you guys trying to get what is going on. How can you be attracted and repulsed at the same time? Is it about differently things? I can be attracted to my kitty cat. I want to be close to it but it is not sexual. Is that what you mean? When you say "asexual" do you mean non-orgasmic? Do you know what an orgasm is or can you not visualize it?

Presumably I know the answers to all this for myself.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
What does "asexual" mean? Does it mean touching, sensual, or actual sex desire with another? What about with oneself? Does that count?

If I look at a plain white wall I can feel asexually toward it. How extensive must this "asexuality" be?
Asexuality is defined through the lack of sexual attraction to others.
Libido has nothing to do with sexual attraction. You can have a libido and the wish to have sex but still not have to be sexually attracted to anyone.
It's also not the same as repulsed, you can be asexual and sex positive, you can be asexual and sex neutral or sex negative (repulsed).

There are other attractions, aestetic, sensual or romantic for example. Asexuality is basically the lack of "is hot, would bang" attraction, you can still want to cuddle someone or look at them and find them pleasing to the eye, but it doesn't arouse you.

Grey sexuals can feel sexual attraction in very rare occasions, demi people need a connection (of any sort) first before they are able to feel any sexual feelings towards someone.
 

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I've completely lost you guys trying to get what is going on. How can you be attracted and repulsed at the same time? Is it about differently things? I can be attracted to my kitty cat. I want to be close to it but it is not sexual. Is that what you mean? When you say "asexual" do you mean non-orgasmic? Do you know what an orgasm is or can you not visualize it?

Presumably I know the answers to all this for myself.
Of course there are different kinds of attraction.

I have no idea what you mean with orgasmic/non-orgasmic though. Libido has nothing to do with asexuality. Yes, there are asexuals that also don't have a libido, but there are also asexuals, who enjoy masturbation or sex. Lack of sexual attraction does not necessarily eliminate the possibility of sex at all, that's one of the most common misconceptions. Of course there are sex repulsed people, but you can also be sex repulsed even though you are not asexual. (for example because of a trauma you experienced before)
Nobody would doubt that there are different kinds of love, so why should it be different with attraction?
 

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I've completely lost you guys trying to get what is going on. How can you be attracted and repulsed at the same time? Is it about differently things? I can be attracted to my kitty cat. I want to be close to it but it is not sexual. Is that what you mean? When you say "asexual" do you mean non-orgasmic? Do you know what an orgasm is or can you not visualize it?

Presumably I know the answers to all this for myself.
You can find someone hot/sexy (aka attractive in a sexual way, which would be different to you with your kitty cat) but feel no real desire to have sex with them. With asexuals, this is the case for everyone they find hot. With grey-asexuals, this is the case for most people they find hot. And demi-sexuals can feel sexual desire for said sexy person once they've formed some sort of connection with them.

Going to get a little TMI here:
 
I've had crushes on men. When jerking off, I'd sometimes think of my crush briefly at the end but I never wanted actually want to have sex with him. Even in those fantasies, his role was minor, infrequent and we didn't have sex. The thought of actually getting intimate with him was unappealing to me and it's been like that for just about all of my crushes.
 

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Asexuality is defined through the lack of sexual attraction to others.
Libido has nothing to do with sexual attraction. You can have a libido and the wish to have sex but still not have to be sexually attracted to anyone.
It's also not the same as repulsed, you can be asexual and sex positive, you can be asexual and sex neutral or sex negative (repulsed).

There are other attractions, aestetic, sensual or romantic for example. Asexuality is basically the lack of "is hot, would bang" attraction, you can still want to cuddle someone or look at them and find them pleasing to the eye, but it doesn't arouse you.

Grey sexuals can feel sexual attraction in very rare occasions, demi people need a connection (of any sort) first before they are able to feel any sexual feelings towards someone.
Of course there are different kinds of attraction.

I have no idea what you mean with orgasmic/non-orgasmic though. Libido has nothing to do with asexuality. Yes, there are asexuals that also don't have a libido, but there are also asexuals, who enjoy masturbation or sex. Lack of sexual attraction does not necessarily eliminate the possibility of sex at all, that's one of the most common misconceptions. Of course there are sex repulsed people, but you can also be sex repulsed even though you are not asexual. (for example because of a trauma you experienced before)
Nobody would doubt that there are different kinds of love, so why should it be different with attraction?
If I have what you are saying correct, asexual = lack of attraction to any particular sex, male or female, but one can still have sexual desire. It's just not directed to a person. Do I have this right?
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You can find someone hot/sexy (aka attractive in a sexual way, which would be different to you with your kitty cat) but feel no real desire to have sex with them. With asexuals, this is the case for everyone they find hot. With grey-asexuals, this is the case for most people they find hot. And demi-sexuals can feel sexual desire for said sexy person once they've formed some sort of connection with them.
 
I've had crushes on men. When jerking off, I'd sometimes think of my crush briefly at the end but I never wanted actually want to have sex with him. Even in those fantasies, his role was minor, infrequent and we didn't have sex. The thought of actually getting intimate with him was unappealing to me and it's been like that for just about all of my crushes.
 

Not sure I understand this. An asexual can find someone "hot" meaning in some sense they are sexy but that sexiness doesn't cause an asexual to have physical contact. Can this asexual be turned on sexually as long as there is no sexual contact? Does that mean imagination of them when alone is okay? Is phone sex or internet video sex allowed?

Let me see if I can describe myself to see how we are different. I can find a beautiful (I'm hetero) woman movie star sexy but I certainly wouldn't want to have sex with them. The reason is because we have different lives, nothing in common and it would lead nowhere. Now when I was dating, I found some females very attractive and even if they were plain but took an interest in me, I wanted to have sex with them because being close meant not only knowing them but was an escape from my loneliness. Cooperation was a requirement. That would make me sexual, right?

On the other hand if I met a female, no matter how attractive in some objective sense she was, if there was no promise of a relationship then I couldn't have sex with them. (If I tried to force myself I would be impotent.) Would that make me asexual with respect to that particular female? Would this make me just like you or not? What am I missing?
 

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If I have what you are saying correct, asexual = lack of attraction to any particular sex, male or female, but one can still have sexual desire. It's just not directed to a person. Do I have this right?

I'll say quickly that your reply Crazydemon was pretty much correct. If I'm confusing you, feel free to disregard everything I say and just go with the summary you typed to them because it's fine.

Not sure I understand this. An asexual can find someone "hot" meaning in some sense they are sexy but that sexiness doesn't cause an asexual to have physical contact. Can this asexual be turned on sexually as long as there is no sexual contact? Does that mean imagination of them when alone is okay? Is phone sex or internet video sex allowed?
Small correction: it doesn't cause an asexual to WANT sexual contact. They can still want affection touch, and they can still have sex without really wanting to (one might do this with their non-asexual partner, for example).

Let me see if I can describe myself to see how we are different. I can find a beautiful (I'm hetero) woman movie star sexy but I certainly wouldn't want to have sex with them. The reason is because we have different lives, nothing in common and it would lead nowhere. Now when I was dating, I found some females very attractive and even if they were plain but took an interest in me, I wanted to have sex with them because being close meant not only knowing them but was an escape from my loneliness. Cooperation was a requirement. That would make me sexual, right?

On the other hand if I met a female, no matter how attractive in some objective sense she was, if there was no promise of a relationship then I couldn't have sex with them. (If I tried to force myself I would be impotent.) Would that make me asexual with respect to that particular female? Would this make me just like you or not? What am I missing?
Not sure, tbh. You're talking about wanting to have sex but it seems to be for reasons that aren't sexual. Your motive seems to be a desire for closeness and emotional intimacy. You might be demi? Demisexuals don't want to have sex unless there's a connection between them and the other person.

If you had just started dating a great girl with the same values and life goals as you, and you saw yourself having a future together, but you still don't want to have sex, than you're asexual. If you DO want to have sex but only because you've established that other stuff, then you're demisexual.

Also, while labels are nice, you don't have to stress about them too much. They're a useful tool but they're intended to make life easier. If you find they don't improve yours, remember you can choose to ignore them!
 

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Yup. Also "aromantic" though I dislike the term.
 

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What does "asexual" mean? Does it mean touching, sensual, or actual sex desire with another? What about with oneself? Does that count?

If I look at a plain white wall I can feel asexually toward it. How extensive must this "asexuality" be?
Asexuality usually refers to just the lack desire for sexual contact with others. You cannot feel asexually about a wall because walls don't have sex and aren't people. Whether or not an asexual masturbates depends on the individual. Some do it, some don't. Those that do seem to either have fetishes to fuel it, or just focus on the sensation itself. Asexuality is also not to be confused with lack of physical responses such as arousal. An asexuals organs typically still function as anyone elses would, but basically we are mentally detached from stimuli/sexually disengaged. I don't understand whats going on in their mind when someone experiences their sexuality, its conceptually very abstract/alien to me.
 

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Asexuality usually refers to just the lack desire for sexual contact with others. You cannot feel asexually about a wall because walls don't have sex and aren't people. Whether or not an asexual masturbates depends on the individual. Some do it, some don't. Those that do seem to either have fetishes to fuel it, or just focus on the sensation itself. Asexuality is also not to be confused with lack of physical responses such as arousal. An asexuals organs typically still function as anyone elses would, but basically we are mentally detached from stimuli/sexually disengaged. I don't understand whats going on in their mind when someone experiences their sexuality, its conceptually very abstract/alien to me.
Sexuality in the average person may be very complex. Let's simplify it. Think of conditioned response. If the sensation is there and there is enough inner presence to permit its potential, then this is like a water faucet ready to be turned on. One can turn it on or not. The question then becomes, what will turn on the faucet? I suppose anything. It could be a fetish like you say. It could be anything not normally thought of as sexual. What prompts it to be turned on is not the same as the readiness to be turned on.

The sexual person associates the desire with past experiences of a different desire being satisfied. They go together like a conditioned response. The way this works in the average situation is the mother satisfies the baby by feeding and comforting. Then as an adult when the actual sexual desire seeks to be satisfied, an attractive female will be the turn on to go into sexual satisfaction. For the heterosexual female, the attraction is to males. This is because the father doted on the daughter as a child and she grew to like the male father as a source of love satisfaction.

That's my explanation of sexuality. One can see how easily this arrangement can be altered. For the male, just remove the mother satisfaction and reverse for the female. The question now is, does the asexual person fit this scenario? Would it be correct to say the asexual is like the water faucet to be turned on but there is a lack of a definite conditioning or else the conditioning could be non-sexual?
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I'll say quickly that your reply Crazydemon was pretty much correct. If I'm confusing you, feel free to disregard everything I say and just go with the summary you typed to them because it's fine.
Okay.



Not sure, tbh. You're talking about wanting to have sex but it seems to be for reasons that aren't sexual. Your motive seems to be a desire for closeness and emotional intimacy. You might be demi? Demisexuals don't want to have sex unless there's a connection between them and the other person.
Need to rephrase. In my case I want to have sex for sex's sake, but I want the availability for it to continue as I continue on living. That won't work with an undesirable person. There have to be living conditions that have both wanting to continue. Those living conditions involve a lot of things.

It would be interesting to substitute this asexual/ sexual business with food and hunger. We could see if that operates the same way.
 

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Sexuality in the average person may be very complex. Let's simplify it. Think of conditioned response. If the sensation is there and there is enough inner presence to permit its potential, then this is like a water faucet ready to be turned on. One can turn it on or not. The question then becomes, what will turn on the faucet? I suppose anything. It could be a fetish like you say. It could be anything not normally thought of as sexual. What prompts it to be turned on is not the same as the readiness to be turned on.

The sexual person associates the desire with past experiences of a different desire being satisfied. They go together like a conditioned response. The way this works in the average situation is the mother satisfies the baby by feeding and comforting. Then as an adult when the actual sexual desire seeks to be satisfied, an attractive female will be the turn on to go into sexual satisfaction. For the heterosexual female, the attraction is to males. This is because the father doted on the daughter as a child and she grew to like the male father as a source of love satisfaction.

That's my explanation of sexuality. One can see how easily this arrangement can be altered. For the male, just remove the mother satisfaction and reverse for the female. The question now is, does the asexual person fit this scenario?
Very interesting response! I don't understand the idea of the mother/father being directly tied into the development of ones sexuality, though. Sounds very Freudian. I also don't understand how sex correlates with "love satisfaction" from mother/father, or how sex correlates with love at all. I'd say that scenario doesn't fit this particular asexual.

I'd personally compare the sensation of arousal to the urge to go to the bathroom, but with one key difference. One cannot hold their bladder forever, eventually it must release. But with arousal the feeling can come to pass on its own if not addressed, so the decision to act on that urge is merely optional. To me, its just as easy to simply allow it to pass, I can also just masturbate get rid of it sooner. But letting it pass isn't any worse than holding ones mildly full bladder for a short while as everyone does at some point in their life. Its not that unpleasant to ignore it, so it doesn't matter either way.

So going out of the way through all the trials and tribulations to find sex to address such a easily met need seems crazy to me. And even if hypothetically I didn't have to go through the complications to relieve that urge, I'd still see no reason to inlist the help of others for my relief. I mean, even if I could receive help from others with going to the bathroom without being judged or experiencing anything negative as a result, it would still be really bizarre to me and I would still decline. Because I learned to go potty like a big kid and the goal of growing up is to eventually achieve one's independence and/or self-sufficiency

Would it be correct to say the asexual is like the water faucet to be turned on but there is a lack of a definite conditioning or else the conditioning could be non-sexual?
I'd say that's sounds pretty accurate about the non-definite or non-sexual conditioning responses, though I find it odd the way you speak of the water faucet in the metaphor. You sort of give anthropomorphic qualities to it. From my perspective a faucet is merely a faucet, it is incapable of waiting for things or being ready of anything. It either "is" or "is not" turned on. I don't apply a readiness "to be" value to it, because "to be" isn't an actual physical state but a future judgement/prediction made by a person. In other words, I do not anticipate the state of the faucet.
 
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