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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Just curious if anyone else has insight or pointers to maintaining a happy marriage with and ISTJ...

We've been married 8 years, and things get pretty rough. Sometimes I think if he wasn't so commitment focused, and I wasn't so interested in 'understanding' everyone, we'd kill each other and be done with it... lol
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
how do you communicate? what happens when you try to pitch an idea for example, how do you get over the fixation on little details?
Well, in the earlier years, we just fascinated each other. I didn't realize how different we were. I only knew he was an introvert and I was an extrovert. I figured I'd show him the world and help him out of his shell...

He. Never. Came. Out. - lol

Over the years, I've gotten fed up with the criticism. I cannot stand to be criticized for things I'm just NOT good at. I;m forgetful, but my hear is always in the right place.

he's a gosh darn task master, and I HATE routine! lol

We've learned to communicate though. Because I'm sooooo good at communication, he is able to actually understand himself more through me... and I'm able to finally be understood, at least in a way that doesn't have him trying to conform me anymore. But I too tried to make him more like me! Socially, we're just SOOOO different. We see the whole word from totally different points of view. obviously.

I actually don't get over the fixation on details. I just ignore them. He lets my forgetfulness slide and accepts my need for freedom in my schedule, and I accept his need for security in a set schedule. We try not to impose on each other's natural characteristics. MBTI actually gave us our marriage back. Once we had 'proof' that the other person wasn't 'wrong' just gifted in different areas, we were able to appreciate and accept those differences.

But some days, it just doesn't work!

Oh, almost forgot the 'pitching and idea' part. Actually, he usually entertains my ideas. I think he just thinks my passion is cute though... I don't think he thinks I'm capable sometimes... and honestly, I'm not always. I just have lots of ideas and I need HELP seeing them through. We don't really connect over my ideas, or any ideas for that matter. Sometimes its a little depressing to realize that we kind of just love each other and coexist =/
 

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Just curious if anyone else has insight or pointers to maintaining a happy marriage with and ISTJ...
There's an ISTJ called @niss who's been married for decades to a lovely ENFP wife and has written extensively in the ISTJ forum about his insights and experiences. You might want to do a search, there.
 

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There's an ISTJ called niss who's been married for decades to a lovely ENFP wife and has written extensively in the ISTJ forum about his insights and experiences. You might want to do a search, there.
WOOF! I feel old, now! :D

http://personalitycafe.com/istj-forum-duty-fulfillers/7682-istj-enfp-relationships.html

this is the thread :) .... All 400 or so pages of it. Enjoy!

Oh, and @niss is gold; humane, thoughtful and a wealth of insight. Also @Buckeyenfp @pinkrasputin @TheWildOne and many others are all treasures!
and funnily enough, while I'm not married to an ISTJ I've found much to think about in that thread - with my TJ husband. Many similar issues :)
Now I feel embarassed... :$
 

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My ISTJ friends think i'm out to lunch most of the time. They don't get my random outburst, nor my need for freedom. Personally i find them a tad bit too clingy for me, and if i don't shower them with love and affection, they think i'm moody, or mad at them. I can go long periods of time without contact, they don't understand this about me , they will try and make me feel bad about myself. On the surface we have a nice friendship, anything deeper turns bad quickly. Good luck with your ISTJ, i'm pretty sure this is a nice pairing if you find common ground and work at it.
 
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