Death, Freedom, Isolation and Meaninglessness, And The Existential Psychotherapy of Irvin D. Yalom
This might provide some perspectives that are in the realm of one's mental well being in relation to philosophy of existentialism.
Hopefully you're not doing a abstract relativity where you consider things from a perspective so large that you necessarily view things on a more local scale as trivial and insignificant.
To which the
first of these four stories is nice to bring one's perspective in accordance with seeing the true significance and consequence of one's actions.
And because one's actions or inaction has consequence, it leaves a mark on the world. Perhaps one has grand visions of changing the world, to which are so large that they dwarf the self in it's inability to with ease instantly make the vision reality. To which it's useful to try and ground one's self in what is, so that one first accepts what is. Not to tolerate what is but to have a firmer base on which one can then organize their sense of what should be and the means towards such ends.
And since someone else once mentioned this, I might also recommend considering the thought experiment of
Nietzche's Eternal Recurrence which might just evoke the radical conclusions that see one was driven to pursue a life one wants and be driven by those wants as opposed to fear of what might go wrong. Though to be so bold can take a bit to step into, perhaps need to consider what sort of grounding you feel that you're on, whether it's serving you well or not.
Though ultimately in the end I would emphasize that things don't get better by contemplating it, this feels powerless in it's passivity. It's through interaction with the world that were are effected and changed by it and whilst those terrible experiences have hurt you so, so to can you find good people, things that are fulfilling in themselves perhaps.
Rather than contemplate life's meaning, seek to live life that you want, because contemplating meaning doesn't necessarily create it if one is without the material to find satisfaction in the life one lives and if one finds it disatisfactory, then its a sign to change things, to work towards something new that better fits.
Perhaps your sense of reality was shattered by an experience that ill fitted your sense of it and so now shocked by it, you are having to adjust, develop a new sense of it. Which being knocked of kilter perhaps feels prone to cynical outlook.
On an alternative level, I would put forth Marx's theory of alienation (
interpretation in a dissertion, p. 60) which might help touch on notions of human nature and attempt to explain some perspectives as to the intensity of alienation under capitalism.
Really though I should probably or someone should start a dialogue and engage you to tease out your thoughts on what makes life so meaningless, try to connect with you on those terms and mutually open up to it.
This stuff just kinda lecturing, but I think what best does away with such meaninglessness is to be found in human relations, to develop important bonds in a society that is organized so as to dissolve us into a mass of individuals that feel isolated from one another.