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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter #1
If you are happily married and an ENFP, what is the personality type of your mate?

And if there are no responses and I just hear crickets, that will be very telling. Yikes.
 

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ack! perhaps this is just my young age speaking, but happily married seems like an oxymoron! being stuck with someone forever and forever and ever seems so dismal and depressing.
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter #3
ack! perhaps this is just my young age speaking, but happily married seems like an oxymoron! being stuck with someone forever and forever and ever seems so dismal and depressing.
Sorry Unbeingdead. Please grab nearest paperbag if you go into hyperventilation. But this may not have anything to do with age. I am trying to find out.

Still...crickets...instead of the happily married ENFP. Anyone at least KNOW of any?
 

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Not married here sorry. I am currently dating an ESFJ for a year and a half now but marriage is out of the question until I can compromise with her.:frustrating:
 
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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter #5
Happy, I was just there with an I/ESFJ. So I understand. Good luck.

And the search continues....
 

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Oh shoot, I was wondering the same thing....is that possible? I mean I love my girl and all...and I would like to find someone who I can stick with for possible "forever" but...I know myself too much.

Dude, I really hope I see hands raising up soon.
 

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I second thehigher's remarks. Additionally one must bear in mind that those who are happily married irrespective of age are more likely to be enjoying their happy marriage and not posting on forums which question the possibility of happy marriages. I suspect a disproportionate number of unhappy stories and fears make it onto internet forums over content and blissful ones.

Also, while your concern is understandable, research has found that the happiest marriages are a result of a commitment to marriage itself and hard work, and not exclusively personality. So for the ENFPs who are seeking this all is not lost.
 

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I think a lot of people have problems with their marriages, regardless of types. It takes a willingness to understand and resolve those problems for lasting happiness to be acheived. What that means for most people is to go against the grain of their first response and do the opposite.

However, if you just can't fathom being with one person for the rest of your life...there's always polyamory. Or to get even less restrictive, become a swinger!
 

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Still hearing crickets from what I can see. And I'm not happily married as well...damn...more crickets...I'm holding out for an INFP...what can you do, it's hard to find them out there IRL...I'll definately let you know how it goes when it happens though. Although you could possibly have grandkids by then.

I do want to post on behalf of my happily married ENFP best friend though. He got himself hitched to an ENFJ, go figure. She's ok, I don't like her very much, but they're really happy together. She does keep him on a short leash though. He doesn't seem to mind much, and it's just added to his happiness. I guess he was needing the structure in his life.
 
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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter #12
No doubt that the demographics of this forum contribute to lack of response as well as the fact that it's hard to find a happily married someone anywhere. That is regardless of personality type. On top of that I was going to mention that the happily married people were probably off somewhere being happily married.

That being said, I was merely trying to find out other ENFP's successful combination in a relationship. Perhaps I set the goal too high with "marriage". I was thinking that after a few days I should have reduced my question to "Okay, ENFP's who have had a successful relationship of 5 years + please tell me your personality combo."

Then if I still was not receiving answers I could still reduce it to "ENFPs with a relationship 2+ years." After that point I could have just seen a show of hands for those who felt they ever had a successful relationship PERIOD regardless of time.

I really don't think it's hard for us ENFP's to find someone to love us. You know all is not lost. But as with any personality, I think it's hard to find someone who understands us.

As apparently I'm WAY older than most on this board and now feel like I'm a grandma in comparison (thanks guys), I guess you can all crawl upon my knee and I will share my story with you. At least just to give you some hope.

Like I said I don't think it's hard for us ENFPs to find people who will love us. We are shiny, sparkly, and cozy :laughing: I have been engaged 3 times in my life. I called off the first 2 engagements and married the 3rd. I was married for 8 years. But marriage does tend to make me feel like I'm wearing a straight jacket. Don't really know when I'm going to feel comfortable being on "lock down" again.:confused:

But I don't think that's because I'm an ENFP necessarily. I just think that I've been involved in committed relationships BEFORE I really had a chance to really get to know myself. And I really think us ENFPs ARE complex creatures who are constantly searching and growing. It's taking me some time. I feel like I am barely getting to know myself.

I have had the candy shop mentality when it's come to relationships. They were all coming at me , every tasty one of them and I over indulged. But I can't help it. I love people and I love love. And I am definitely a "long termer". Don't like those short little "tester" relationships.:frustrating:

So now before I go back out there into the "candy shop", I wanted to know what you all felt was a successful combination personality wise. I thought marriage was a good marker, but apparently it made us all understandably panic. :shocked:
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter #13
Yea. You could try typologycentral...I think they have older people from what I hear.
Ouch. I'm gonna take my toys and go home.
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My brother is a jolly, enthusiastic ENFP who is happily married to a mousy little buck-toothed IxFJ wife. She seems slightly more S than N, to me, but isn't so overwhelmingly S that she dislikes discussing abstract topics with my brother's N friends. She's amazingly creative with home crafts like sewing, crocheting, arranging and decorating. I like to think of it as "nesting" when she places special care into making the home comfortable and pleasant. My brother appreciates it because of his refined aesthetic tastes and because he understands that it symbolizes her nurturing feelings toward him. The closest thing to a conflict they have ever had was when she used to ask him to help make decisions about furniture placement and he would say "I don't care." What he meant was that he felt she was more competent at deciding such things, and had no preference. What she heard was that he didn't care... about contributing to their comfort by participating in domestic decisions, or about her efforts to do so. To her, the arrangement of furniture was a meaning-laden ritual that signified an effort to build a happy home together. To him, it was just a simple physical matter of pushing large objects around. He learned that his lack of an opinion was the source of hurt feelings, and caught on quickly. He learned to show an interest by pretending to have a preference in trivial matters in order to avoid seeming detached and uninvolved. He now says "I think it would look nice over here," and then she gives reasons why she agrees or disagrees, discussing it until she eventually ends up putting it wherever she would have decided anyhow, with the belief that the two of them have come to the agreement together. They are an adorable couple.
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Hey Pinkrasputin...I'm an ENFP, 'old':laughing: & pretty much happily married for the last 7 years. I think it is possible to be married or in a committed relationship and be and ENFP.....I have to say I didn't settle down at all until my 30's and by then was tired of playing the field and was happy to take things a bit more easy. I think we need a partner who will let us do our own thing and is not too clingy, one who will also trust you, as when someone trusts you it is much easier to be trustworthy. My husband is an ISTJ so a polar opposite!...we have a few things in common tho including our sense of humour, he's a Scorpio and I'm Cancer so astrologically we are well matched at least. Having said that we usually have a couple of big arguements each year, however the main thing is that we are able to communicate with each other and talk things thro, although our P & J parts do tend to clash, can't stand being made to feel guilty about stuff or judged.. We have been thro some very tough times together & I think that being opposite types helped us cope better as we sort of fill in the weak parts of each others personality...together we are very strong.

I can also say that probably the worst partnership I ever had was with another ENFP...we were SUCH a bad influence on each other, very very bad
 

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Hmm, how happy is happy? My wife and I just had our second anniversary -- she's an ISTJ. I know she loves me, but she has odd ways of showing it that don't really click with me. She nags me a LOT. She yells at me and then denies that she yells at me even though my friends and family have been able to hear her screaming at me when they approach the house. I won't divorce her because I was raised as a Baptist, but sometimes I do find myself longing for something different and like I said we've only been married 2 years.

I hope it will get better with time. Right now she seems content enough with the relationship - I give her someone to complain about and she likes to do that -- A LOT. I on the other hand occasionally find myself pretty miserable. She still melts my heart when I look at her -- if she'd just shut up and kiss me, life would be good!
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter #17
My brother is a jolly, enthusiastic ENFP who is happily married to a mousy little buck-toothed IxFJ wife. She seems slightly more S than N, to me, but isn't so overwhelmingly S that she dislikes discussing abstract topics with my brother's N friends. She's amazingly creative with home crafts like sewing, crocheting, arranging and decorating. I like to think of it as "nesting" when she places special care into making the home comfortable and pleasant. My brother appreciates it because of his refined aesthetic tastes and because he understands that it symbolizes her nurturing feelings toward him. The closest thing to a conflict they have ever had was when she used to ask him to help make decisions about furniture placement and he would say "I don't care." What he meant was that he felt she was more competent at deciding such things, and had no preference. What she heard was that he didn't care... about contributing to their comfort by participating in domestic decisions, or about her efforts to do so. To her, the arrangement of furniture was a meaning-laden ritual that signified an effort to build a happy home together. To him, it was just a simple physical matter of pushing large objects around. He learned that his lack of an opinion was the source of hurt feelings, and caught on quickly. He learned to show an interest by pretending to have a preference in trivial matters in order to avoid seeming detached and uninvolved. He now says "I think it would look nice over here," and then she gives reasons why she agrees or disagrees, discussing it until she eventually ends up putting it wherever she would have decided anyhow, with the belief that the two of them have come to the agreement together. They are an adorable couple.
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This totally made my day. Too funny. Your ENFP brother incredibly smart :happy:
 
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Discussion Starter #18
Hey Pinkrasputin...I'm an ENFP, 'old':laughing:.
I can't believe we have a sub-type for people like us. Lol.

I think it is possible to be married or in a committed relationship and be and ENFP.....I have to say I didn't settle down at all until my 30's and by then was tired of playing the field and was happy to take things a bit more easy.
Sounds like you did things the right way.

I think we need a partner who will let us do our own thing and is not too clingy, one who will also trust you, as when someone trusts you it is much easier to be trustworthy.
THIS IS SO TRUE!!!!!!

I can also say that probably the worst partnership I ever had was with another ENFP...we were SUCH a bad influence on each other, very very bad
Hmm... That sounds like me and the ENTP. What's up with that? I feel like there's no parent around.
 

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i went out with an istj when i was in my teens and he made me miserable. it was exhausting trying to explain my inner thoughts because i had to constantly translate them into a language he'd understand. he bored me to tears and i think i bored him too because i couldn't relax around him and just be my spontanious self. thank god i'm not married to one.
 
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My brother is a jolly, enthusiastic ENFP who is happily married to a mousy little buck-toothed IxFJ wife. She's amazingly creative with home crafts like sewing, crocheting, arranging and decorating.
They may be an adorable couple but hell will host the winter Olympics before THIS guy gets anywhere close to a "mousy" I_FJ type. I had one date with a ISFJ after turning away a few and gave one a shot to see if I was correct about it being a mismatch...and it was!

I want fire! I want passion! I want an outwardly quiet, but inwardly confidant little INFx I can call for a random Denny's run at 2AM, or throw her up on my pool table for random make-out. I need drama and excitement not just a domesticated homemaker type. Dated both types, but I NEED the drama/passionate girl.

But then again i guess I am just 24 with boy hormones and battling with a bit of a frat boy syndrome lol. I play hard and I need someone who can keep up with me.
 
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