[piratebelle]

I'm an intf with two wonderful intp people in my life - my daughter and boyfriend.. i seem to need to talk slightly more than they do but then i'm only just over the i-side .. anyhow any hints tips or advice would be greatly appreciated from all you intp's out there!! thanks

 

[Socrates]

This thread confuses and confounds me. I'm at a loss for words.

We're not that hard to relate to or talk with. I can tolerate every day talk, but I'll probably be thinking far off into space or something like that. Talking emotional things is alright, I guess, as long as you're not trying to be all dramatic or make us sympathize with something that we have no connection to. Emotions are troublesome, but not if they're really positive (on our end, that is), such as if we like you.

Try to entertain our ideas as we try to entertain your emotional needs, as I'm sure we do if we care. There's nothing worse than telling something fantastical about the universe to someone only to have them respond with a "neat" or just talk to someone else. Both happen pretty often, unless we specifically find people to analyze things with. That'd be a valuable thing in a partner or family member, I believe. Just based on what I know about connections.

If you engage us enough, we may well theorize with you. That's a good way to keep us talking along with you, if done correctly. Keep in mind, however, it can be hard to engage us as we are not ENTPs.

Something like that, I don't know, I'm really high.

 

[wafflecake]

Talk about our interests. And actually be interested in the reply; we can see straight through your façade if you're disinterested or flummoxed by our reply. This in turn drives us to keep more to ourselves ("Why bother with these Philistines? I'll keep my theory of X to myself, or people who give a shit/can contribute to our understanding").

 

[chilidog]

Yah, the 2 posters above me already covered this - talk about our interests. Since you have a close relationship with the 2 INTP's, then it should be fairly easy for you to do this.

And I definitely agree with what Socrates said "There's nothing worse than telling something fantastical about the universe to someone only to have them respond with a "neat" or just talk to someone else". I can't stand this, and it only causes me to not share my theories/ideas/opinions in the future

 

[Ti Dominant]

We only like to discuss interesting topics (theory, abstractions, ideas, anything logical ect.).
If it's not somehow intellectual or esoteric, we probably won't be too interested.
Good luck.

 

[Trainwreck]

Yeah, fluff is a sure fire way to get us to turn off and wander around processing other things; however, I'd say I'm open to talk about almost anything, maybe I'm just a bit of a more extroverted INTP though. I definitely enjoy being asked for my analysis of things though, even if it is fluffy, I can still break that shit down to it's nuts and bolts, even if there is only say, a nut, and a bolt..

 

[chilidog]

Yah, but it gets really old hearing about Lindsay Lohan and her latest drug problem, or if I watched American Idol (or whatever pointless reality tv show). I can only feign interest for so long.

 

[Just_Some_Guy]

Good replies.

I would also add that it may be best to avoid specifics and talk about generalizations, especially in theory. Reiterating the drama at work isn't a good topic for the INTP, but discussing something like interpersonal relationships and how different MBTI types naturally bring up conflict with each other is a very exciting conversation.

"Jane said blah blah blah to Barb and Barb got mad because..."

See? I already stopped listening. Now check this out,

"There's some conflict at work. Jane is probably an ESFP, but Barb is an INFJ. So they each function in the other's shadow, you can imagine the conflict this brings out."

Did that get any INTP's gears churning? That makes for a good INTP conversation. You could go on to analyze what sort of communication would work best for them too.

The other side of this coin is that you need to help them crawl out of their INTP wretchedness any way you can. Good luck with that, btw. :wink:

 

[Trainwreck]

^ Breakin' the fluff down to the nuts and bolts :wink:

 

[chilidog]

Anybody else like fluffernutter sammiches? :tongue:

 

[Ti Dominant]

Good replies.

I would also add that it may be best to avoid specifics and talk about generalizations, especially in theory. Reiterating the drama at work isn't a good topic for the INTP, but discussing something like interpersonal relationships and how different MBTI types naturally bring up conflict with each other is a very exciting conversation.

"Jane said blah blah blah to Barb and Barb got mad because..."

See? I already stopped listening. Now check this out,

"There's some conflict at work. Jane is probably an ESFP, but Barb is an INFJ. So they each function in the other's shadow, you can imagine the conflict this brings out."

Did that get any INTP's gears churning? That makes for a good INTP conversation. You could go on to analyze what sort of communication would work best for them too.

The other side of this coin is that you need to help them crawl out of their INTP wretchedness any way you can. Good luck with that, btw. :wink:

Exactly. We don't want to hear about daily life. "I was so pissed to day... yadda yadda yadda."
INTP's won't be having that. We want to hear about ideas, or gtfo, pretty much.
We want things related to theory, not just concrete matters of fact.
"I got a flat tire today while driving home... I'm so mad." This is boring.
Instead, speak about how someone could invent a system of transportation which doesn't rely on tires or somehow solves the problem of ever getting a flat tire again!
Sure, it's a ridiculous standard, but that's INTP's for you. Hence, "good luck" indeed!

 

[chilidog]

Exactly. We don't want to hear about daily life. "I was so pissed to day... yadda yadda yadda."
INTP's won't be having that. We want to hear about ideas, or gtfo, pretty much.
We want things related to theory, not just concrete matters of fact.
"I got a flat tire today while driving home... I'm so mad." This is boring.
Instead, speak about how someone could invent a system of transportation which doesn't rely on tires or somehow solves the problem of ever getting a flat tire again!
Sure, it's a ridiculous standard, but that's INTP's for you. Hence, "good luck" indeed!

So very true.

My wife has to deal with all the petty drama that comes with having coworkers and direct reports. So naturally, when she gets home from work, she wants to tell me about said drama. It is something that I abhor, and I'm pretty sure that I have now successfully conquered the art of selective listening.

 

[eruceht]

Everyone has pretty much hit the nail on the head. One thing is we don't often open up because we don't feel anyone is really interested in hearing about the things that interest us and we pick up on on peoples disinterest instantly. It should be somewhat easier for an INFP to relate to us than the XSFJ types because your more open minded and most lilkely have a broader range of interest. If you hit on the right subject and show genuine interest it can be hard for us to shut up.

 

[kallisti]

step one: read the same book. all three of you. something classic and deep.

step two: talk about it. after a while you won't even be talking about the book, but the conversation could go on for hours

 

[Sed Non Satiata]

Exactly. We don't want to hear about daily life. "I was so pissed to day... yadda yadda yadda."
INTP's won't be having that. We want to hear about ideas, or gtfo, pretty much.
We want things related to theory, not just concrete matters of fact.
"I got a flat tire today while driving home... I'm so mad." This is boring.
Instead, speak about how someone could invent a system of transportation which doesn't rely on tires or somehow solves the problem of ever getting a flat tire again!
Sure, it's a ridiculous standard, but that's INTP's for you. Hence, "good luck" indeed!

Haha, I have many times responded to someone else's road rage with "Well if we could just have a huge rail system with individual cars that don't belong to anyone but are sort of like taxis, there wouldn't be any fucking problems! Plus, pimping your own car is stupid. The new cars will be like little egg shells, so I don't have to see anyone's stupid flames on the side of their vehicle ever again."

 

[LostInMyOwnMind]

So very true.

My wife has to deal with all the petty drama that comes with having coworkers and direct reports. So naturally, when she gets home from work, she wants to tell me about said drama. It is something that I abhor, and I'm pretty sure that I have now successfully conquered the art of selective listening.

I have mastered the art of appearing to be interested. We wander; it's just a fact of life. If you can't deal with that you'll have big problems, if you can all's good. Don't go off on a torrent of mind numbing drivel then throw in something important and expect us to hear it.

 

[Ti Dominant]

Haha, I have many times responded to someone else's road rage with "Well if we could just have a huge rail system with individual cars that don't belong to anyone but are sort of like taxis, there wouldn't be any fucking problems! Plus, pimping your own car is stupid. The new cars will be like little egg shells, so I don't have to see anyone's stupid flames on the side of their vehicle ever again."

Yeah, I imagine some kind of system in the future where people sit in little pods and are transported around on an automated system that works on some basic hovering process, similar to that movie "Wall-E." If this were done correctly, there'd be no need for outdated automobiles, no car wrecks, less fatalities, ect. I remember sitting in the passenger seat of a car (since I really dislike driving) and thinking how non-progressive they are. They're still basically based on the same technology as when they were first invented last century. Pistons, gas, sparks, gears and a belt that eventually causes axles to move. I would've thought humans would've invented some a bit more innovative by now, and something entirely less fatal.

Not to mention the fact that the streets are designed all horribly. You have automobiles still driving in lanes, regulated by signs and colored lights at intersections. It's so caveman. I can easily imagine a system that entirely revolutionizes how people do transportation. So yeah, it's stuff like that really gets us INTP's excited.

In fact, here's something particular on the matter:

(Keep in mind that this is with regard to relationships, but it still gives one a clue as to what we're like)

Find books on a topic (one you are interested in) that your INTP knows little about. Read to him or her, or have him or her read to you. Challenge your INTP to come up with a unique twist or alternative approach to deal with the issue you have been discussing. You might ask your INTP if he or she knows of a better method than using Jungian typology for classifying people into relationship types. Once you pose this issue, your INTP will eagerly jump into the conversation and advance his or her ideas. In this way, you and your INTP will bond in a manner that can only occur through shared intellectual discussion and debate.

Although this approach to romance may seem mechanical and unemotional to some, it is what attracts and excites the brainy INTP. If you can intellectually challenge, provoke, and stimulate the INTP in this way, you will decisively win his or her affections.

 

[chilidog]

Ignore all previous advice. Bake us brownies, cupcakes, apple pie, and just because it's the season for it, tons of pumpkin pie! I, for one, would listen to whatever you have to say if you brought me a freshly baked pumpkin pie, along with a tub of cool whip. Just sayin' ...

 

[JakeT]

Personally, I can talk about nearly anything as long as I'm using my mind. I like what some of the previous posters said about trying to stick to generalities, and theories. I often find myself talking about fluff, even with my good friends, but that's mostly because I don't think they're all that interested in discussing my theories -_-. When I want to feel close to someone, I'll often try to manufacture a deep conversation by coming up with a topic that will make the other person use his or her brain. If they rise to the challenge, BAM instant amigos, but if they just say "I don't know"... adios, compadre.

 

[ZombieLamb]

I don't know about anyone else but I can generally feel when a conversation is forced, especially when they aren't too sure about the topic and trying to feel their way around. In the end, I feel like I would just reply with a bunch of one worded answers, even if it was a topic I'm interested in.

A better approach might be people watching. There so much potential and possibilities of trying to guess who a person is by how they walk, talk, dress and that can spur off into some random tangent about who they could be or what they do or it can spur off into something in the fantasy world with random power and other stuff. <--- stuff is what makes it interesting. But I can only do that for like 30 mins or an hour and with pizza or food, then I just want to go home and maybe surf the web.