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Discussion Starter #1
Hello All,
I'm curious to know if anyone is dating/married to an ISFJ or vice-versa.
My husband (ISFJ) has only taken the test once although it does sound like him, I am currently trying to figure him out more because he hates taking tests and answering questions (we differ on this obviously which leads to petty arguement-not-arguements). Any advice?
I love to talk about my goals and he just wants to talk about it when he gets there. It's hard for him to be future oriented. He loves alone time, and although I like it myself, I am not as fond of tuning out when I feel we are not communicating well or are ignoring each other. I try not to be insecure about it but sometimes I don't understand his love language- he says he is simple but I swear he is not. Our minds get along because we both have a love of odd interests and like to banter together. He is very attentive though and I have become quite spoiled, I think. He is very withdrawn sometimes. We are alike in so many ways and yet we are still extremely different.
I want to be able to serve him better and to find out his love language. How can I show him I care about him without feeling like I smother him? I want to do something nice for him but I'm not quite sure what would mean the most to him or speak to him as an individual.
So, as an ISFJ, what would you say a nice gesture would be?
Or as an INFJ, what has grown your relationship with your ISFJ?

Even if it's just a bit of advice, I'd appreciate it. I'm curious to see how other INFJ/ISFJ relationships work.
 

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Since no one else tackled this, I'll chime in. A decent overview of ISFJ is here:
http://evolve-couples-retreats.weebly.com/uploads/1/6/4/8/16480612/portrait_of_an_isfj.doc


I would say this is a TOUGH problem. There are two main issues.

The first problem is you are primarily an intuitive type where his primary attribute is sensing. So it's very tough for him to talk your language. I think there is a better shot that you could occasionally role play inside his language, because you approach this as an analytical problem to be solved. And that is basically what you are trying to do through this post.

The second big problem is that an ISFJ can be withdrawn and does not like to share feelings and tends to avoid conflicts. So - to your question in this thread - asking him point blank to enumerate the things that bring him joy is likely to be met with avoidance.

I'm making guesses here, but maybe what you do is come up with a short list of three things that would make him happy:

* For one day
* For a month
* For an entire year
* For a decade

and just keep giving him that test and keep challenging him to come up with new items. Carefully catalog all of these answers, and what I am hoping is that over time he might start to give you some decent material to work with.

As an example, if one of the things that would make him happy for a week would be to fly a small plane over some location, then maybe you start to buy him books and videos that let him live out that fantasy in some form. You spend time going through those picture books together, and let him know you are connected to his fantasy vacation. The idea is to not attack the problem head on, but to instead understand some basic needs and then support those needs from underneath.

If he were an INTJ, ENTP, or ENFP, you would have an easier time of it because of the shared perceptive interface around intuition.

Good luck on this one.
 
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Discussion Starter #3
Since no one else tackled this, I'll chime in. A decent overview of ISFJ is here:
http://evolve-couples-retreats.weebly.com/uploads/1/6/4/8/16480612/portrait_of_an_isfj.doc


I would say this is a TOUGH problem. There are two main issues.

The first problem is you are primarily an intuitive type where his primary attribute is sensing. So it's very tough for him to talk your language. I think there is a better shot that you could occasionally role play inside his language, because you approach this as an analytical problem to be solved. And that is basically what you are trying to do through this post.

The second big problem is that an ISFJ can be withdrawn and does not like to share feelings and tends to avoid conflicts. So - to your question in this thread - asking him point blank to enumerate the things that bring him joy is likely to be met with avoidance.

I'm making guesses here, but maybe what you do is come up with a short list of three things that would make him happy:

* For one day
* For a month
* For an entire year
* For a decade

and just keep giving him that test and keep challenging him to come up with new items. Carefully catalog all of these answers, and what I am hoping is that over time he might start to give you some decent material to work with.

As an example, if one of the things that would make him happy for a week would be to fly a small plane over some location, then maybe you start to buy him books and videos that let him live out that fantasy in some form. You spend time going through those picture books together, and let him know you are connected to his fantasy vacation. The idea is to not attack the problem head on, but to instead understand some basic needs and then support those needs from underneath.

If he were an INTJ, ENTP, or ENFP, you would have an easier time of it because of the shared perceptive interface around intuition.

Good luck on this one.
That makes sense and it is certainly tough. Especially the communication part.

You have some great ideas.
I think I will apply this one, especially.
It seems simple enough that he would be open to it.
 
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