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I'm an ENFP living in Canada and had a two year friendship via phone, text, and videochat with an INFJ in California. We're great friends both struggling with dating but the irony is that we have made it known to each other several times we'd be dating if only circumstances brought us closer. My INFJ friend doesn't do well with dating and she has had particular trouble finding ENFPs such as myself. She treats it as a sort of "tragic destiny" that life has brought upon her. She kind of laughs it off but I know it's sad for her and for me as well who has an attractive INFJ separated from me only by distance and circumstances. The connection is real but we both know it's best we do not do some distance attempt and have agreed on that together.

Have any of you INFJs here...

1.) Found yourself in circumstances separated geographically or otherwise from a potentially ideal partner?

2.) Do you as an INFJ feel equipped to make a distance relationship work?
 

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I was in one until recently. I think long distance requires the same thing no matter the type and that is really good and open communication. You have to know each other's needs in the day to day and be on the same page about the future. Once you start playing mind games with each other or holding resentment it's over.
 

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Are you asking about INFJ's rites of passage?!

If that didn't answer your question for my behalf.
Yes, most definitely felt thwarted towards someone i believed to be an ideal partner.

Yes, I think that's where we shine the most, on paper - in theory. In real life for the most part the overwhelming irrationality can soak the paper.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
If that didn't answer your question for my behalf.
Yes, most definitely felt thwarted towards someone i believed to be an ideal partner.
Wasn't asking about right of passage but was asking about this! Sucks when this happens...
 

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Yes it does suck, especially when your a hopeless romantic smushy infj. Who tries there hardest to just block that nagging pull of strings an just allow it to be.
Let's take our brief interaction for example. I responded to your post with complete authenticity and honesty. And in return i got belittled, shut down, and stomped in. As well as thrown at me that it's all about you.
Before I go further I am not saying that in any way to of throwing hate nor blame towards you.
For a moment imagine if this person you speak of opened up with authenticity and honestly on a personal level. And you turned around an snapped on her, mostly due to lack of understanding. Let's be honest it only took a small sentence for you to do so towards me so it's fair to say the chances of you doing this to her is pretty high.
I can imagine how she will feel, been down that passage more than once.
Sure she may bury that pill well but no matter how deep you bury the dead there still dead.
To get back on expressing what im trying to say in the most detailed manner I can, I am an Dominate Intuitive after all so please bear with me. As you are beginning to see and hopefully understanding. That the brief senetence that I spoke of before. Had so much more meaning to it than you realized an I am just scratching the surface in furthing the idea and meaning behind it.

Actually I'll leave it at that and with this.
If you really care about this person then at times be slow in your respone to something that to you may seem completely freaking stupid and or to you nothing to do with what you said.
Because that may be a moment where you break a part of her heart inside and will never know it.
 

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Hey man! Still obsessed with with INFJ girls I see. Which one is that now? #127?

1. No because there is plenty of nice women in my area.

2. No, LDR are waste of time unless you were with someone already for a while very close and you both feel comfortable spending some time apart. At the moment you have 0 relationship with her.
 

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♂️ INFJ 5w4 // IEI-Ni
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1.) Found yourself in circumstances separated geographically or otherwise from a potentially ideal partner?

All my (4) relationships have been long distance by over 3000 miles.

My last one I thought of as ideal.

2.) Do you as an INFJ feel equipped to make a distance relationship work?

I do, since I was content with it even after 2 years, but the other side never is - or something happens that forces them away, so I've grown tired with it.
 
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I'm not trying to be mean.... but are these even real 'relationships'?
Why wouldn't they be? They weren't something I imagined up, it involved another person. It was monogamous and it all felt real to me anyway. I even got to spend a few weeks with my last one.
 

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Why wouldn't they be?
I feel like online interactions are nothing like in person interactions 🤷


They weren't something I imagined up, it involved another person. It was monogamous and it all felt real to me anyway.
True! If it feels real, then I guess it is?

I even got to spend a few weeks with my last one.

That's awesome :D




Anyway, yeah it's something I've wondered in the past, which is why I ask. Personally, it's incredibly difficult for me to be dedicated towards any LDR or online only relationship, there's just less desire to invest in the required effort because of that disconnect. For me I guess it's harder to "feel that it's real"
 

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I feel like online interactions are nothing like in person interactions 🤷
You're right, I feel the same, but that's why I found it significantly easier to get into online relationships and never offline ones.


True! If it feels real, then I guess it is?


That's awesome :D
Well, I always thought so at least. But yeah, as short as it felt, it was quite memorable to go on physical dates and stuff for once.


Anyway, yeah it's something I've wondered in the past, which is why I ask. Personally, it's incredibly difficult for me to be dedicated towards any LDR or online only relationship, there's just less desire to invest in the required effort because of that disconnect. For me I guess it's harder to "feel that it's real"
Well, I can understand that perspective, it's the normal view people have after all. But this lessened investment of oneself due to the physical disconnect you speak of is probably why I liked LDRs. If I'm within people's physical space for too long, I end up feeling trapped.
 

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I'm not trying to be mean.... but are these even real 'relationships'?
I was married for 20 years, and after that marriage ended I had several important relationships that were online. One of them only lasted a few months as a "relationship" but we were back and forth for several years. It was every bit as broken as my marriage had been, but honestly, I think I loved him more than I'd loved my husband. It was really difficult for me to fully end that one.

And my most recent relationship was also online and has lasted 7 years. We did spend a total of several months together, after a few years, but due to circumstances (neither one of us being willing to move our children to another continent and away from their other parent), we couldn't live together - just spending a few weeks together here and there.

Was it "real"? It was a far better and healthier relationship than my 20 year marriage had been. He certainly loves me more than my ex-husband ever did. And I've never let a man get close to me in the way he has.

We have recently run into some issues and the relationship may be on its way to the end, and while the distance has not made things easier, the core issues are not because of distance, but issues that would have come up anyway. They have more to do with who he is as a person and who I am as a person.

I can say that I absolutely do not regret a minute of this relationship, though, and in all my years on this earth (and being long out of a 20 year marriage, you can guess that I'm not a spring chicken as they say), this long-distance (online) relationship is the best one I've ever had.

Yes. An online relationship can be "real".
 

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Discussion Starter #18
Yes it does suck, especially when your a hopeless romantic smushy infj. Who tries there hardest to just block that nagging pull of strings an just allow it to be.
Let's take our brief interaction for example. I responded to your post with complete authenticity and honesty. And in return i got belittled, shut down, and stomped in. As well as thrown at me that it's all about you.
Before I go further I am not saying that in any way to of throwing hate nor blame towards you.
For a moment imagine if this person you speak of opened up with authenticity and honestly on a personal level. And you turned around an snapped on her, mostly due to lack of understanding. Let's be honest it only took a small sentence for you to do so towards me so it's fair to say the chances of you doing this to her is pretty high.
I can imagine how she will feel, been down that passage more than once.
Sure she may bury that pill well but no matter how deep you bury the dead there still dead.
To get back on expressing what im trying to say in the most detailed manner I can, I am an Dominate Intuitive after all so please bear with me. As you are beginning to see and hopefully understanding. That the brief senetence that I spoke of before. Had so much more meaning to it than you realized an I am just scratching the surface in furthing the idea and meaning behind it.

Actually I'll leave it at that and with this.
If you really care about this person then at times be slow in your respone to something that to you may seem completely freaking stupid and or to you nothing to do with what you said.
Because that may be a moment where you break a part of her heart inside and will never know it.
Sorry, I think we're having a misunderstanding. I absolutely didn't mean to belittle you. I was just trying to empathize with my "sucks to be in that situation" statement.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Hey man! Still obsessed with with INFJ girls I see. Which one is that now? #127?

1. No because there is plenty of nice women in my area.

2. No, LDR are waste of time unless you were with someone already for a while very close and you both feel comfortable spending some time apart. At the moment you have 0 relationship with her.
Hahaha you were around back then when I got roasted on the INFJ pyre. Naw, this is still INFJ girl #2 and I haven't managed to screw things up with her. She's taught me a lot, I haven't had the opportunity to date another INFJ since Moby's August 2018 Burning. My questions here were external, I used my personal experience, but I was truly interested in all of your thoughts.
 

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Hahaha you were around back then when I got roasted on the INFJ pyre. Naw, this is still INFJ girl #2 and I haven't managed to screw things up with her. She's taught me a lot, I haven't had the opportunity to date another INFJ since Moby's August 2018 Burning. My questions here were external, I used my personal experience, but I was truly interested in all of your thoughts.
What's the INFJ pyre, and why do they do it; how do you make them stop?
 
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