[Sina]

I am a Type 8 (8w9)and an INFJ. I am not sure if I see a conflict between my assertiveness and idealist empathic tendencies. I just channelize my strength and passion towards empathic endeavours. Many times empowering others and acting in defense of others unable to protect themselves (both empathic objectives) requires a great deal of assertiveness. As Treebob has said earlier, a healthy 8 will be more respected than feared and here it would mean being respected for their assertiveness among other qualities. Personally, I would disagree with Nobleheart. The part about inner conflict doesn't hold true in my case:happy:

p.s. I also see myself as a warrior and make sure to focus my strength, power and energy in ways that empower and uplift others, and I use the same traits to defend myself and others against harm. This can require toughness and discipline, which as a martial artist you value as well.

 

[Sina]

About Type 2s: oh Lord. Type 2s. The type 2 I referred to earlier can get very domineering at the wrongest times, when it's completely unnecessary. Have you noticed that with the 2s in your life? This pushes my buttons like nothing else. This person starts acting like a damn flower, and goes on and on about their hurt feelings. Thanks to my patience, I allow them to spend week after week discussing the time where my coldness hurt them (where they complain about me and get very critical). It's never ending, and I am so done with this self-victimization. The nagging, manipulative and accusatory behaviour is extremely hurtful to me. If I didn't care for this person, I would never have let them get away with this. But, they are clearly abusing the privilege. This person has been very understanding and kind, in the past, but right now they have turned me into some kind of monster that's out to get them just because I dared to sound cold to them. It's time to show the assertiveness and end this one for good, and I have no regrets.

Oh, I also want to add two poems that resonate with me and may touch you as well. These are by my one of my favourite poets-Rainer Maria Rilke.

The first one moves me deeply because of the difficult and abusive experiences of my childhood, something you can relate to:

As Once the Winged Energy of Delight

As once the winged energy of delight
carried you over childhood's dark abysses,
now beyond your own life build the great
arch of unimagined bridges.

Wonders happen if we can succeed
in passing through the harshest danger;
but only in a bright and purely granted
achievement can we realize the wonder.

To work with Things in the indescribable
relationship is not too hard for us;
the pattern grows more intricate and subtle,
and being swept along is not enough.

Take your practiced powers and stretch them out
until they span the chasm between two
contradictions...For the god
wants to know himself in you



The second poem is a tribute to our battles and the compassionate warrior in you and I (and us Type 8s) and others who have shown courage, kindness and strength through periods of difficulty and pain:

What Survives

Who says that all must vanish?
Who knows, perhaps the flight
of the bird you wound remains,
and perhaps flowers survive
caresses in us, in their ground.

It isn't the gesture that lasts,
but it dresses you again in gold
armor -from breast to knees-
and the battle was so pure
an Angel wears it after you.

 

[Sina]

As per this 2 problem, early on, I would be pointing out the objective behavior patterns involved in the incident, the flaws in the pattern and how to correct the pattern.

Ya gotta suck em into the T paradigm and open their eyes to the objective, away from their subjective bullshit drama world

If that doesn't work, tell em to shut the fuck up, whilst eye fuckin them real mean

Chicks love that shit, rescuing them from themselves

A loving pimp hand

I am a romantic, at heart

Unfortunately, this person wasn't quite emotionally stable. I had pointed out their ridiculousness in a very objective and pointed fashion in the past. The response was more whining, more accusations of combativeness, aggression and extremely dominant behaviour, a lack of concern for their 'feelings' and so on. The truth is that I was nowhere as combative, aggressive etc. as I can be, with this person because I saw their vulnerability and did not want to exploit it, out of sheer humaneness. I made every effort to be calm and tolerant, and I am using the word 'effort' because it took a lot of effort. I spent week after week discussing things, trying to sort it all out, though I was running out of patience. Some people like to victimize themselves, and you could put yourself at great discomfort to accommodate them, but they will still remain dissatisfied. It's nearly impossible to reason with such people. We ended up having a huge fall-out when I felt that, their instability notwithstanding, I had to cut them out of my life. There is only so much generosity I will show before I decide you are not worth it. They still try to get in touch with me, but I have made it clear that I am not interested in maintaining relations with them, at all.