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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
For an INTP I find it weird that I'm as competitive, even in things out of my fields of interest, as my ESTJ father. I constantly compare myself to external standards, checking the level I'm supposed to be at maybe a sporting feat or intellectual pursuits then trying to exceed that.

Weirdly, I get disheartened that evidence suggests I'm less competent than someone who has months, even years more experience in the field. Could this just be a matter of learning from my dad? Or even insecurity?

I also find it difficult to tolerate being slowed down by people less competent than myself, especially in group projects. I'd rather for everything on my own than have to wait an extra hour or two for my partner or the other group members. I'm very perfectionistic and expect similar things from others too, which I'm not sure is a common trait among other TI users. My enneagram type is 5w6 btw.

Also I challenge myself when it comes to efficiency. Whenever a page online is taking a long time to load for instance, or the microwave is on I feel like I must get as much done as possible in the time. Hmmm, or is that normal for everyone?

Anyway, any answers would be appreciated and I'd be happy to respond with any additional information, thanks.
 

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I've historically been highly competitive myself. I'd say I still am, but I have learned to "control" my competitiveness and "hold back" in most settings. (I don't always succeed, but I try.)

I think efficiency is a strong drive for most INTPs (referring to your microwave comment), and manifests itself in small and weird ways. I do laundry with a high focus on efficiency (for some reason), for example.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I've historically been highly competitive myself. I'd say I still am, but I have learned to "control" my competitiveness and "hold back" in most settings. (I don't always succeed, but I try.)

I think efficiency is a strong drive for most INTPs (referring to your microwave comment), and manifests itself in small and weird ways. I do laundry with a high focus on efficiency (for some reason), for example.
Ahh, this is good news! I find I love winning but I spend a lot of it beating myself up for not considering how the other person feels. Then I end up saying some crap like, "well I've been training really hard, you've improved massively", only to dig a whole whereby the person feels patronised. :rolleyes:
 

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Maid of Time
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I remember being very competitive in my early years when I was also very much a perfectionist. That seems to have ebbed over time, as my focus on adaptability (versus just being entirely perfect) has ebbed. Being hypercompetitive also shuts down opportunities within the social network that not just provide important resources but also provide people for you to compete against, so it seems counter-productive anyway to be cutthroat about anything that has only a temporary reward.

For situations in life where the outcome is enduring, I play more hardball.

The "efficiency" thing is definitely a consideration, I hate wasted effort and I hate plans that are messy/non-elegant and that try to win through sheer overpowering of the issue.

Ahh, this is good news! I find I love winning but I spend a lot of it beating myself up for not considering how the other person feels. Then I end up saying some crap like, "well I've been training really hard, you've improved massively", only to dig a whole whereby the person feels patronised. :rolleyes:
Yeah, that can be hard to know how to deal with. I remember saying similar things, then realizing they might not have come across how I meant.

I think one of the things that broke me was teaching my eldest how to play games, and I'd never let him win. I was doing it on purpose because I didn't want him to feel like his victory was fake, but he was a 5-6 year old playing me (an adult) in checkers, for example. I was actually impressed by how he got very close to beating me once or twice, and only because he was inexperienced did he not seal the deal and I would come back and win anyway.

But at that point, I could observe the impact on his morale and desire to play and realized I needed to encourage him more so that he'd keep trying. Maybe that is different than two adults playing, though. Still, both he and I loosened up and stopped taking the games so seriously.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I remember being very competitive in my early years when I was also very much a perfectionist. That seems to have ebbed over time, as my focus on adaptability (versus just being entirely perfect) has ebbed. Being hypercompetitive also shuts down opportunities within the social network that not just provide important resources but also provide people for you to compete against, so it seems counter-productive anyway to be cutthroat about anything that has only a temporary reward.

For situations in life where the outcome is enduring, I play more hardball.

The "efficiency" thing is definitely a consideration, I hate wasted effort and I hate plans that are messy/non-elegant and that try to win through sheer overpowering of the issue.



Yeah, that can be hard to know how to deal with. I remember saying similar things, then realizing they might not have come across how I meant.

I think one of the things that broke me was teaching my eldest how to play games, and I'd never let him win. I was doing it on purpose because I didn't want him to feel like his victory was fake, but he was a 5-6 year old playing me (an adult) in checkers, for example. I was actually impressed by how he got very close to beating me once or twice, and only because he was inexperienced did he not seal the deal and I would come back and win anyway.

But at that point, I could observe the impact on his morale and desire to play and realized I needed to encourage him more so that he'd keep trying. Maybe that is different than two adults playing, though. Still, both he and I loosened up and stopped taking the games so seriously.
I actually noticed the same thing when my sister and I do activities together. I'd teach her how to play a playstation game or we'd play mini pool and she'd seem as if she was enjoying herself so I'd make it really difficult then suddenly she seemed really discouraged so I took a step back and let her win...sometimes!
 

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Maid of Time
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I actually noticed the same thing when my sister and I do activities together. I'd teach her how to play a playstation game or we'd play mini pool and she'd seem as if she was enjoying herself so I'd make it really difficult then suddenly she seemed really discouraged so I took a step back and let her win...sometimes!
Yeah... and really, if they quit playing, then you never get to play again with them either! ;)

To be honest, I think my son would probably whup me nowdays (he just graduated), or at least it would be a really hard match. The nice thing is, it's not really part of my ego structure anymore; I think back then I was very uncomfortable with my life and who I was, and I think I justified my own validity by being smart enough to win at things. Losing meant I wasn't smart, and so I was nothing. If I lose with most things now, it's not as important as whether I simply played as well as I could.
 

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I think one of the things that broke me was teaching my eldest how to play games, and I'd never let him win. I was doing it on purpose because I didn't want him to feel like his victory was fake, but he was a 5-6 year old playing me (an adult) in checkers, for example.
Having recently (a few weeks ago) beat my 11 year old and 8 year old nieces at a word game (similar to Boggle and Scrabble), I went through a lot of these types of thoughts. There were adults playing too, but I felt bad for beating the kids much more than the adults.

I had a conversation about it with my girlfriend afterward (she was pissed at me anyways for beating the adults so badly, saying I was showing off or some such), which helped me see the situation from another angle.
 

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Yea, I'm ridiculously competitive. If I think I have any skill or competency required for the competition, I instantly believe that I'm going to win.

One of my favorite pastimes is ultra-competitive Monopoly with my ESTJ dad and ESFP brother. My dad has his plan that he follows closely, my brother tries desperately to keep up with the mind games and meta-game between me and my dad, and I manipulate my brother so that he basically functions as a meat shield for me.

My ISFJ mom and ISFP sister don't even bother. We're too cutthroat for them.

In short, #MOTHERFUCKINGWINNING
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Yea, I'm ridiculously competitive. If I think I have any skill or competency required for the competition, I instantly believe that I'm going to win.

One of my favorite pastimes is ultra-competitive Monopoly with my ESTJ dad and ESFP brother. My dad has his plan that he follows closely, my brother tries desperately to keep up with the mind games and meta-game between me and my dad, and I manipulate my brother so that he basically functions as a meat shield for me.

My ISFJ mom and ISFP sister don't even bother. We're too cutthroat for them.

In short, #MOTHERFUCKINGWINNING
Even in his late 40s my dad would come into my room and ask me to arm wrestle him, bear in mind I was 16-17 at the time. Needless to say I'd lose :mellow:

And now when I'm pretty sure I'd conquer his ass (that sounds wrong) the bastards gone and given himself a 'finger injury'. One day!

Now and again I have moments where I just can't bring myself to win against my opponent, generally INFX's, as long as I know I could if I wanted to :p
 

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I like the adrenaline rush most come to think of it :ninja:
I don't really feel a rush from competition, I just hate losing. I don't even care about winning. I just don't like losing. I think I mostly compete with people to get better at things. I got better at fighting games by having my friend just pummel the crap out of me in them for a while. I eventually started beating him.
 

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King of Seduction
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For an INTP I find it weird that I'm as competitive, even in things out of my fields of interest, as my ESTJ father. I constantly compare myself to external standards, checking the level I'm supposed to be at maybe a sporting feat or intellectual pursuits then trying to exceed that.

Weirdly, I get disheartened that evidence suggests I'm less competent than someone who has months, even years more experience in the field. Could this just be a matter of learning from my dad? Or even insecurity?

I also find it difficult to tolerate being slowed down by people less competent than myself, especially in group projects. I'd rather for everything on my own than have to wait an extra hour or two for my partner or the other group members. I'm very perfectionistic and expect similar things from others too, which I'm not sure is a common trait among other TI users. My enneagram type is 5w6 btw.

Also I challenge myself when it comes to efficiency. Whenever a page online is taking a long time to load for instance, or the microwave is on I feel like I must get as much done as possible in the time. Hmmm, or is that normal for everyone?

Anyway, any answers would be appreciated and I'd be happy to respond with any additional information, thanks.
I am pretty competitive.
I think this comes from not really caring about the process as much as I care about the results.
I can respect a process of growth but then I will also take a step back and question where it got me and could the process have happened quicker? If yes, then I tend to get pissed at myself for not realizing it sooner.
I think an example is when I play video games, some people play for fun I play to win.
Sex, some people are like - woo had sex - I am like how many times did she orgasm?
I am also efficiency driven.
I like to learn systems to see how efficient they are and then tweak what I don't think works.
I get joy out of figuring out a better way to do things, as measured by results.
If you compare your end product with others end product and tend to get competitive.
 

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Even in his late 40s my dad would come into my room and ask me to arm wrestle him, bear in mind I was 16-17 at the time. Needless to say I'd lose :mellow:

And now when I'm pretty sure I'd conquer his ass (that sounds wrong) the bastards gone and given himself a 'finger injury'. One day!

Now and again I have moments where I just can't bring myself to win against my opponent, generally INFX's, as long as I know I could if I wanted to :p
one of my best friends is an INFP, and he's just as competitive as I am. i LOVE giving him a good shit-packing in smash bros.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I am pretty competitive.
I think this comes from not really caring about the process as much as I care about the results.
I can respect a process of growth but then I will also take a step back and question where it got me and could the process have happened quicker? If yes, then I tend to get pissed at myself for not realizing it sooner.
I think an example is when I play video games, some people play for fun I play to win.
Sex, some people are like - woo had sex - I am like how many times did she orgasm?
I am also efficiency driven.
I like to learn systems to see how efficient they are and then tweak what I don't think works.
I get joy out of figuring out a better way to do things, as measured by results.
If you compare your end product with others end product and tend to get competitive.
I can relate on the sex example, though for me it's more like "how many minutes did I last!?"

Sometimes though, I value aesthetics in place of efficiency, when it comes to writing mainly.

I'm also in a hurry to see results, I can become impatient in thinking through the processes and I try and take an educated guess at the answer then track back to see if the pieces fit.

I can really relate to the "getting pissed at myself for not realising it sooner", I can get stuck over-analysing a possible outcome missing the wood from the trees. This is something I've aimed at improving for a while now. The key I've found is moderation for both, knowing how to know the best way to go about solving something essentially
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
one of my best friends is an INFP, and he's just as competitive as I am. i LOVE giving him a good shit-packing in smash bros.
The best for me is when an over competitive arrogant friend comes along for a challenge at something I happen to be good at and I play dumb at first only to woop his ass, feels good!
 

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King of Seduction
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I can relate on the sex example, though for me it's more like "how many minutes did I last!?"

Sometimes though, I value aesthetics in place of efficiency, when it comes to writing mainly.

I'm also in a hurry to see results, I can become impatient in thinking through the processes and I try and take an educated guess at the answer then track back to see if the pieces fit.

I can really relate to the "getting pissed at myself for not realising it sooner", I can get stuck over-analysing a possible outcome missing the wood from the trees. This is something I've aimed at improving for a while now. The key I've found is moderation for both, knowing how to know the best way to go about solving something essentially
Haha I don't think women care how long you last too much.
I think that's more a guy thing like - how much do you bench bra?
Women don't care how much you bench most the time, it's a guy thing.

The women I've been with could care less if you pop off quick as long as you spent some time giving oral and obtaining results. If anything I've been told to hurry up and release the hounds lol.
Plus after the pressure of making her orgasm is over I find sex to be easier, because now I am just playing catch up. Plus the vagina opens up after a orgasm. Penis is dessert while oral is the main course lol.

Sometimes they get more dessert then they expected but the main course should always deliver.

Food and sex analogies - I should work as a marketer.
Also /derail
 
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