[Gracie]

Any other INFJs feel they are extremely introverted but not particularly "shy"?

I am extremely introverted - I much, much prefer spending time alone and I find superficial interaction especially painful. This much I know. I spend most of my time alone, voluntarily. I am a fully paid-up introvert, no doubt about it.

But it's strange, because to look at me you'd be forgiven for mistaking me for an extrovert. I go to great pains to be warm and accomodating with people, it's just that in one-on-one interactions especially I tend to do a lot more listening than talking, unless I have something really weighing on me.

In social groups, then, I go to almost the opposite extreme, and I find that I overcompensate for my difficulty with small talk by being extremely random and "crazy". I was actually the class clown throughout much of secondary school - I got notes home from school for wrapping my friend in sellotape, wearing a scarf as a turban, tattoing a green moustache onto myself with a highlighter pen, making a tin foil hat and wearing it to physics class... you get the idea. It's my default behaviour when dealing with social situations I find hard to cope with.

I just think it's strange that someone can be so isolationist in some ways, and yet *appear* so bubbly and social... I did read somewhere that INFJs can be the introverted type most likely to be mistaken for extroverts. Do you guys find this to be the case??

 

[Daveman]

I did read somewhere that INFJs can be the introverted type most likely to be mistaken for extroverts. Do you guys find this to be the case??

Yes, I have read this too, and as far as I am concerned I am an ambivert. I guess because of EXTROVERTED feeling.

I don't feel that I am extremely introverted. I do random and crazy stuff, because it is fun. :laughing:

 

[Filigeedreamer]

Sure.

I'm a very outgoing introvert, and my brother is a very shy extrovert.

I'm confident, and when neccisary, I speak my mind. I consider myself a natural preformer and a good speaker.

I just like to spend a lot of time alone and in another world.

My brother is shy and finds it very hard to do presentations for example, but he is always out and always wants to be with people.

 

[Goodewitch]

Yes, Gracie, I think i have a good idea of what you mean. I'm extremely introverted, now living the life of a semi recluse, i go out only to get the essential of life, food, pay bills etc,.. and have one freind, who i voluntarilly speak to over msn on a regular basis,.. other freinds try and coax me out, but I manage to put them off without offending them.
i have no relationships other than with my family, and my msn freind,..thats it.
However, I have acted, and sang on stage, even did a bit of face modelling for a freinds chain of shops,
I can act confidently, and am warm, and easilly engage people in conversations, making them feeel at ease.
Do i like doing it?
No, it drains me and I avoid it if possible, but I can do it if need be, for the sake of courtesy, and others comfort.
So, yes, appearing extraverted is easy enough to do, but its something I dont like to do or choose to do often.
Its a skill, and a good one to have, but my true nature is introverted.
A strange old mix, is IN and Fe..
G. x

 

[vocalist]

I was shy as a kid, but I'm not really anymore. Though I am still reserved about certain things...like, I'm not likely to be one to get up and do a crazy dance in front of a bunch of people. But I am perfectly comfortable speaking in public, or performing...I like to have things prepared, though. I don't do improv. well.

 

[zwanglos]

Yes. People may think I'm social enough but these days I tend not to come across as 'shy'.

I suppose it helps that I avoid parties, where my social functions would collapse and I would indeed seem shy.

 

[ertertwert]

I just think it's strange that someone can be so isolationist in some ways, and yet *appear* so bubbly and social... I did read somewhere that INFJs can be the introverted type most likely to be mistaken for extroverts. Do you guys find this to be the case??

Absolutely. Right now my current life situation has me in a position where I HAVE to spend all my time alone in my room (just moved to a new town with no friends) and all I want to do is makes some new friends. But when I was at my old home with many acquaintances, all I wanted to do was sit in my room and be alone. Go figure.

 

[vel]

When I tell people that I am an introvert they do not believe me.
Last time I received response of surprised stare followed by "oh ... but you look like you're ok talking to me"
People just have wrong perception of what an introvert really is

I am very introverted, but Fe sometimes just fills me with love for people. I also do this bubbly/crazy thing at times. And in fact my ISFJ mother does it too. I do an ENFP impersonation - she does an ESFP one xD ... Not sure what exactly drives me to behave this way (ENFP is btw supposedly our 'shadow' personality). Just that I feel very happy, my mind starts getting filled with silly thoughts, and self-introspective abilities vanish somewhere so I loosen up and don't care how I act really. I also get urges to troll on forums sometimes even though I know it is a totally useless activity. Not evil kind of troll, but just post up a bunch of random silly stuff, play with words, derail topics, etc.

 

[curious0610]

Yeahhh.. I am extremely introverted, but I am definitely not shy. I am quiet and reserved, but this is because of choice rather than anxiety or shyness. Often, in social situations, how i interact will come very naturally - i can turn into a butterfly even though i may be stressing out beforehand. it's strange though. lately i've had people type me as a quiet/reserved extrovert. they say that although i'm quiet, they can tell it's cause they dont know me well yet. IDK shrugs. and i totally relate to this bubbly happy mode. I usually can't tell i'm in that mode, until i meet up with INTJ friends and theyre sort of like "uh, what's wrong with her today?" I do this:

Just that I feel very happy, my mind starts getting filled with silly thoughts, and self-introspective abilities vanish somewhere so I loosen up and don't care how I act really. I also get urges to troll on forums sometimes even though I know it is a totally useless activity. Not evil kind of troll, but just post up a bunch of random silly stuff, play with words, derail topics, etc.

 

[Alaya]

Yes, I'm a very introverted person and not a very shy one for that matter. I do what it needs to be done, even speaking in front of huge audiences or being a leader in a group project. Do I really want to do this? No, not really, but if it's going to get me where I need to be, I'll do it.

I become more shy when I'm talking about emotional stuff with strangers. I really don't know how to act and what I should do in those instances. But somehow people like it when I'm calm in those moments when others are in chaos, it gives them comfort, so they say.

 

[PaulH]

I rated as off the scale introvert when I did the test a while back. But like seeker I am quite happy standing up infront of hundreds and presenting - to be honest I actually quite enjoy it. I know plenty of extraverts who would balk at that.

I am probably more comfortable doing this in a business environment than a social environment

I think shyness and introversion are connected statistically (I suspect more shy people are introverts) but I don't think there is a causal direct link. I think it's more about practice and experience. Even if you are introvert you may have had enough experience to be happy in some situations. I think Extraverts are more likely to have practiced or experienced more outgoing situations so tend to be less shy of them.

We value our time alone so by definition we get less experience dealing with social events

 

[Boroos]

Growing up as an introvert I was often accused of being shy. This was seen as a bad thing particularly by my mother but be others as well. Of course at that time they had no knowledge of personality types. Many poeple do not realize that being shy and being an introvert are not the same thing. I suspect that many people are not interested in learning the difference.

 

[soul searcher]

Before I understood what introversion was, I was sadly confused about it. I couldn't figure myself out at all. I too deal with social situations with extreme talkativeness and sometimes sillyness. Then I get really irritated with myself for it later. But too much extroverting takes a terrible physical toll on me, so yeah, I really am extremely introverted.

One thing I'm really good at is public speaking. It's never made me nervous. The pressure actually seems to improve my speech.

 

[Dalien]

Yes, Boroos, quite right! People are just not interested in knowing the difference between introvert and shy! I think stereotypes are just easier for people to deal with. They don't have to think about it.

Paul H....Hmmm...got me wondering...do you think maybe extroverts (the ones that don't know of personality types) would say something like, "Yeah, when I was a kid, I was very shy." I think maybe this might confuse them too much or make them feel less of their self...a shy extrovert? There I go again...stereotypes!

I personally don't think that shy and introvert go together, but could possibly overlap on the edges. Yet, an extrovert can be shy too. There are more extroverts than introverts, or so, my understanding of this is. Hmmm.... I am going to say shy and introvert don't go together. Shy is more a fear of something. Introvert is just more intuned internally. More thoughts on this anyone?

 

[Dalien]

I just think it's strange that someone can be so isolationist in some ways, and yet *appear* so bubbly and social... I did read somewhere that INFJs can be the introverted type most likely to be mistaken for extroverts. Do you guys find this to be the case??

I scored 74% introvert...with this said, I can be extroverted with ease. The circumstances need to be in a certain context. Ex: At work, there are only 5 girls in our group. I tend to be the bold one. I talk and make jokes and start the ball rolling, so to speak. My extroversion is even as strong as the one girl that is the most extroverted of us all. I am not intimidated by extroverted people. I can mingle with them just fine. Yet, I don't do getting up in front of the crowd by myself very well. I can do it with a group whom each take a turn to speak. I do very well with smaller groups than larger ones. Yet, I don't sit in the shadows of crowds all the times; it is more like I move from area to area inside the crowd (depends on how I am feeling).

So, in answer to your above question, I would have to say yes I agree, but I think that it really depends on how well someone knows you. Someone closer would see more than an occasional aquaintance.

 

[Daveman]

Growing up as an introvert I was often accused of being shy. This was seen as a bad thing particularly by my mother but be others as well. Of course at that time they had no knowledge of personality types. Many poeple do not realize that being shy and being an introvert are not the same thing. I suspect that many people are not interested in learning the difference.

True, but it is possible to be both.

 

[WithTeeth]

New to these parts, but this discussion caught my eye, as it's really relevant to the circumstances in my life right now.

I find that people often misread me as a successful extrovert. I value (and need) genuine one-on-one relationships with people, and I find it easy to express myself emotionally in that setting. When I'm out and surrounded by people, I get along well with all sorts of personalities. I'm not necessarily the life of the party, but I find it easy to approach people and engage in "small-talk." People often remark that they have hard time believing that I'm so introverted.

I find this incredibly painful. Not the social interaction, but the small-talk. Small-talk makes my brain hurt and I find myself getting frustrated in these situations because I feel as if I can't really connect with others on the level that I want to. It's become a necessary evil in my life as of late, having gone through a tremendous amount of change in the past couple of months. I'm forcing myself into wildly social situations that, under normal circumstances, I would avoid.

I'm constantly amazed by my more extroverted friends, who genuinely seem to welcome these types of conversations and can find value in them.

 

[Seraphina]

Now that I live alone, I find that I am more outgoing and willing to interact in social situations. For example, I love to go out and dance. I can interact with strangers - it's very superficial. But in a one-on-one situation with someone I don't know, I am very quiet and reserved, bashful. Unless it's with another intuitive person, then it clicks and we can talk like old friends. I dance on stage and speak publicly. Easy stuff compared to being in a one-on-one with a new acquaintance who makes admiring sounds and wants a date. That makes me neurotic, gets that suspicious stuff going. Go figure.

 

[Daveman]

New to these parts, but this discussion caught my eye, as it's really relevant to the circumstances in my life right now.

I find that people often misread me as a successful extrovert. I value (and need) genuine one-on-one relationships with people, and I find it easy to express myself emotionally in that setting. When I'm out and surrounded by people, I get along well with all sorts of personalities. I'm not necessarily the life of the party, but I find it easy to approach people and engage in "small-talk." People often remark that they have hard time believing that I'm so introverted.

I find this incredibly painful. Not the social interaction, but the small-talk. Small-talk makes my brain hurt and I find myself getting frustrated in these situations because I feel as if I can't really connect with others on the level that I want to. It's become a necessary evil in my life as of late, having gone through a tremendous amount of change in the past couple of months. I'm forcing myself into wildly social situations that, under normal circumstances, I would avoid.

I'm constantly amazed by my more extroverted friends, who genuinely seem to welcome these types of conversations and can find value in them.

I used to be this way in regards to small talk, but I just let go of that way of thinking.

Personally, although I can have a conversation on a "deep" level, I really don't desire to have those types of conversations all the time. When I am in a conversation with extroverts, I often joke around with them. This seems to be more enjoyable than just talking about the weather, but yeah, I will talk about the weather too...it's not a big deal.

 

[kateykinz]

During my childhood and teen years I was pretty extraverted, but I was quiet and preferred deep, serious conversation or crazy surreal conversation to small talk. I would talk to anyone at anytime. I have become more introverted as the years have gone on, spending more time in my head than with others. It comes and goes though - sometimes I will ride a wave of extraversion for weeks, getting more and more energized, before going back into hibernation.

I'm sometimes shy, sometimes not. I often get tongue-tied when I talk which frustrates me so I don't talk as much as I used to. I often stop mid-sentence, searching for the right word. I'm less embarassed about this than I used to be, but it still isn't welcome during conversation. It is an advantage only when I am writing!

However, I am the most open person I know. There is barely anything that I won't tell you about myself and my life, if prompted. I want people to know me and understand me, but I don't want to talk about myself non-stop unless the other person has explicitly requested it...which, let's face it, isn't often :wink:

Small talk generally isn't a problem for me. I can engage in it quite actively, and if I get bored I'll zone out or change the subject or if that doesn't work I'll try to make my excuses and leave. I find that with quiet people I'm actually the one who tends to start and continue the small talk, because it is so difficult to just launch into some deep discussion when you don't know if the other person is interested or even willing to engage. Normally I'll just ask lots of questions to try and find a way in, and to convey to them that I'm at least interested in them. I'm happy with comfortable silence, but very unhappy with awkward, uncomfortable silences. I have been known to get off the bus a stop earlier or later than my introverted neighbour so that I don't have to go through the small tak that I know neither of us is interested in. But if we were "online buddies" I know we'd have loads to talk about