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A consistent description of INFP's is that they are good listeners, but I don't consider this to be true for me.
My mind wanders a lot when I am trying to listen to someone. It is only with certain people that I truly care about that I can make myself listen to what they have to say.

Any other INFP traits you don't relate to?
 

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I'm more likely to listen than to talk, but if people are being boring or they are talking about something too difficult for me to understand, there's a very good chance that my mind will wander, and what they say will go in one ear and out the other.

Sometimes I think I should be a better listener when people talk about their emotions, but.. I feel like I can understand people's feelings without them having to talk about them so there's sort of an aspect of "I don't have to listen".. and then there's also the "Is what they are saying too heavy for me to hear? Can I help this person? Will I be overwhelmed? Will I take on this emotion as if it is my own until it feels resolved? WIll I take this too personally and question the fairness of life?"
 

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I go through phases where I get like that yes. I'm actually going through this phase. Very impatient with people, and I think it has to do with how jittery, stressed & on edge I've felt all summer. If I don't have inner peace and calm, I can't listen like my normal self. But that's just me, I'm not saying that non-listening INFPs are like that because they're stressed. I think there's many explanations. For one, like OP said, we don't really care about people...? I mean we do... but also we don't...
I've found that my non-listeningness doesn't apply only to people who aren't close to me. I get impatient with people I'm close as well. But it's just my inner state. When I feel unstable, I'm trying to cling to every tiny piece of calm I can get, and people don't give me calmness, it's the opposite, they take energy away.
 

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I'm better at paying attention to people when their thoughts are expressed in writing--not face-to-face communication. I'm fine with face-to-face small talk, but I'm extremely slow to process things and am not sure how to react when somebody is trying to verbally communicate their emotional vulnerability or abstract thoughts. I tend to mull over individual words and phrases, so my thoughts can lag far behind, and I can misinterpret things if I overlook something that might be said later while I'm still trying to understand something else brought up earlier.
 

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i'm a good listener :)

when you already have deep connection with me, i'll listening and remembering every single thing you say.. even the smallest detail :wink:
 

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when you already have deep connection with me, i'll listening and remembering every single thing you say.. even the smallest detail :wink:
And this is why we are terrifying :wink: heeheehee

 
oh wait. but also i'm scatterbrained and don't remember normal stuff. wth.
 

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I can get bored listening, if someone is going on and on, and my mind & attention can wander.

I can "go on automatic", when listening, as described in this thread (How Nines Pay Attention) . I can dip in and out of conversations. I can "go asleep" when listening, and respond appropriately with a "uh huh", "oh yeah" but I will be doing a million other things in my head at the time (coprocessing). Several pinwheels can be spinning at once in my mind when I'm listening to you... lol. I'm probably going over my grocery list.

Not saying I'm a nine. Just saying I repeatedly test as 9/5ish (see "The Castle")/7

I definitely listen, more than talk. I don't talk much at all. Mutish.

If the person doing the talking has my interest, my listening skills are rock solid.

Finally, if something tragic has just happened, I can't concentrate on listening at all. Don't even try to explain something to me -- my mind turns to pudding under trauma, stress, tragedy. I'm not energized by drama/conflict. It messes me up.
 

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I'm bad at listening to more mundane conversations. For instance, if someone starts describing a meal they ate, scenery they saw, details about how they're going complete a task, something predictable, etc. I'll miss loads of what they're saying. If they start a conversation with something like "Somebody did something strange today and I don't understand why", they will have my complete attention. So it really depends on the topic of discussion and I think that applies to everyone to some extent. I expect the 'infp's are good listeners' theory means when we are actually listening, we're very focused, not that we're good listeners in general.
 

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I am a fantastic listener.

From humdrum chitchat to truly interesting disclosure, when a human speaks, an internal switch is flipped on, forcing me to pay attention; I have no choice. Earlier today, I listened to a fifteen-minute discourse on the eating habits of my friend’s boyfriend’s cousin’s friend’s cat.

This on listening position can be exhausting to sustain and is the primary culprit in my manic need for solitude.

This is in line with Nardi’s neuroscience research which found that INFPs are excellent listeners because they engage all brain regions that process voice, words, and volume and can deeply listen for up to 10 minutes at a time.

(Granted, if I decide that what a person is saying is, by my values, not something that I want to hear, I will cut off my attention. However, that is a rare occurrence and I almost always do so in a direct manner rather than feign continued listening.)
 

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And this is why we are terrifying :wink: heeheehee

 
oh wait. but also i'm scatterbrained and don't remember normal stuff. wth.
Right?! I’ll remember some scary details that make me seem like a stalker. “But didn’t you tell me that you moved when you were 8 and after that you could never watch ‘Meet Me In St. Louis’ without crying?”

And then I’ll be talking to someone desperately trying to remember if it’s safe to ask about their spouse or their kids because didn’t something important happen maybe to one of them and oh gosh I should know this...

My mother is an S type and the details! I can’t pay attention! My husband is an N but borders on S and on certain topics he gets details heavy and I just switch off.

I can be a great listener or a bad one. Depends on my mood, the topic, the presentation.
 

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Sorry could you repost this but louder? I can barely hear you :/
 

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Ha ha I am like this too. I can be a very good listener sometimes - I tend to pick up a lot from tonality, so I often catch the implied message that isn't spoken as well as the nuances of the spoken message - but I can also do a lot of what @Sily mentioned like drifting in and out and running another thought train at the same time.

Kynx said:
If they start a conversation with something like "Somebody did something strange today and I don't understand why", they will have my complete attention.
Yes exactly!

Otherwise it can be hit or miss...

Sometimes my husband tries to talk to me about instructions for electronics... in which case... zzzzzzzz
 

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A consistent description of INFP's is that they are good listeners, but I don't consider this to be true for me.
My mind wanders a lot when I am trying to listen to someone. It is only with certain people that I truly care about that I can make myself listen to what they have to say.

Any other INFP traits you don't relate to?
I am a good listener simply because I am a nice, good hearted person . But in reality being an intellectual type I don't listen carefully to what being said, just lending my ears to not offend where my mind wandering somewhere else.
 
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