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a great deal to express with no way of expressing it

t when in social situations i almost always just freeze up.I would describe my inability to function properly in social situations as being too focussed on perceiving the other person to actually hold a conversation and just generally feeling awkward about the attention they're giving me.
small talk is something i really struggle with, which frustrates me to no end because particularly at work it's often the only sort of talk people have. when stuck in a situation where i have to socialize i'll just feel a big well of intensity building up inside me and can't think about anything other than that. Has anyone else experienced this or something similar?
it really gets to me as most of the people i meet i like and would like to get to know and talk to y'know but end up just making myself and them feel uncomfortable. :unsure:
 

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Sometimes I run out of things to say on purpose just for the sake of ending it. I was in a cab today, and my friend was talking to the driver about random junk. I came to the conclusion that I could never be a cab driver simply for the reason that I wouldn't be able to listen to people talk about nothing for hours on end and pretend to actually care.
 

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I have always abhorred the "need" for small talk. It feels like such a fake, stressful thing, lol. As Uncreative_name said though, over the years i have become somewhat better at it.
Now, I'm in a job in which I deal with cancer patients every day. I've come to discover that sometimes small talk can actually have a whole other meaning to it, that goes much deeper than the actual topic of conversation. In other words, it's the human connection; the attempt to let someone know that you are here, now, with them, alive..and you care about making sure they know that.....and that's what really matters. The words you speak could just as well be absolute gibberish; the expression of your human connection is beyond words anyways.
 

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I'm socially anxious and I've never liked small talk but I've decided that I'm going to start talking to as many people as possible to get better at socializing with others. I'm tired of feeling alone and I think that's the only way to stop being so anxious.
I'll start later though... I'm not really feeling it today.
 

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Honestly, I avoid society as much as possible, and when I'm forced into social situations, I still usually don't speak anymore than the bare minimum required. I don't do small talk, and for some reason people just understand that about me. I never feel the need to be more social either. I find that I'm happier alone than in any other situation, and I can honestly say that loneliness is never a problem for me. I'm not lonely...I'm just solitary :wink:
 

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I've been struggling with social anxiety for awhile now. I go through periods of time where all I want is to be better at talking to other people and getting to know people then all I'll want to be left alone. I normally want to be left alone after I get frustrated with society. I hate how naturally small talk comes to some people and I feel like they don't even appreciate it. GRR :frustrating:

I really try to pump myself up for social things so I can develop enough confidence to talk to people and hopefully not be TOTALLY awkward which tends to come pretty naturally to me.

Small talk just seems so fake. I only want to do small talk with people who I actually care about but how do you meet new people and get to know them without small talk? who knows...
 

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My father was an ISFP and had REALLY bad social anxiety. To the point where he'd lock himself in his room all day, with the lights OFF doing nothing but drawing and sketching all day.

I think he got better with it towards the end of his life though. He was always an introvert, but at least he finally was able to enjoy people when he felt like it, instead of being constrained by himself. :)
 

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I think I might have mentioned this in another thread, but the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People", by Dale Carnegie, really helped me become better at socializing.

I know it sounds like a cheesy title, but when I put Carnegie's theories into practice, it made a world of difference. You basically have to pretend you are interested in the other person, and ask them questions about themselves. I know it sounds fake, but when I start doing it, I actually truely become interested in what the other person has to say. I think when you keep asking questions, you finally hit a topic that you can relate to or learn something about.

Anyway, I highly recommend the book.
 

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I think I might have mentioned this in another thread, but the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People", by Dale Carnegie, really helped me become better at socializing.

I know it sounds like a cheesy title, but when I put Carnegie's theories into practice, it made a world of difference. You basically have to pretend you are interested in the other person, and ask them questions about themselves. I know it sounds fake, but when I start doing it, I actually truely become interested in what the other person has to say. I think when you keep asking questions, you finally hit a topic that you can relate to or learn something about.

Anyway, I highly recommend the book.
Yes, it -is- crucial to listen, ask questions and be interested in the other person, but it's a two-way street. If you just listen, ask things, and respond to -them-, it not only puts the burden of the spotlight on them (kind of tough for another shy introvert), it puts pressure on them to be "interesting" and think of things to say. And not only that, you just seem suspicious, creepy or like a nosy interviewer/lab scientist, for a lack of a better term. :laughing:

I add this disclaimer because so many people (especially I's) trying to make more friends go nuts with this advice and take the emphasis on listening as gospel, when in reality, the message is to allow BOTH people to actively engage, communicate and share with each other.

In fact, I see far more people with the listening-and-nodding excess than people who yap too much. There's a balance to be achieved.
 

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Yes, I agree, but once you find a point of interest in common, it's much easier to add to the discussion.

I recommend reading the book, as it will explain in further detail to those I's out there. It's hard to summarize in one post, but it made a world of difference for me.
 
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