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Discussion Starter #1
Are you still pissed off about stuff that an Xer went thru growing up? Man, hanging out with my parents brings out stuff I've long forgotten ....I mean suppressed!!!! We should all just move on, but that wound never really goes away.
 

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I try and understand the actions and behaviors that led them to do the things they did and forgive them as life is short, and the ones we love can pass away any second we take for granted of the times we could have spent together.

Making amends with unfinished business with those we love does great justice in our daily lives. No grudges, no fears, full acceptance of the past (I dislike the phrase "It is what it is" but in this case it truly is). You can only move forward by understanding that (I'm guessing) most of these problems tend to move from one generation onto the next. And it's only up to us to place a barrier, stop that cycle and create that change we need in order to move on with a light heart. Take the good with the bad, so-to-speak.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I try and understand the actions and behaviors that led them to do the things they did and forgive them as life is short, and the ones we love can pass away any second we take for granted of the times we could have spent together.

Making amends with unfinished business with those we love does great justice in our daily lives. No grudges, no fears, full acceptance of the past (I dislike the phrase "It is what it is" but in this case it truly is). You can only move forward by understanding that (I'm guessing) most of these problems tend to move from one generation onto the next. And it's only up to us to place a barrier, stop that cycle and create that change we need in order to move on with a light heart. Take the good with the bad, so-to-speak.
Well, I'm not one to hold grudges. But if they haven't changed after 40+ years!!!...........
 

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Maid of Time
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I dunno if this is really a Gen X thing, it just sounds like issues people have with parents -- although I think there are some generational dynamics in terms of "what parents are supposed to do" expectations.

I got over frustration/bitterness long ago, it doesn't really help to hold onto it. My dad is the one who really put me through some shit and never recanted or was able to discuss anything, and he died before resolving anything at all. My mother grew a lot over the years to a point where we could have productive conversations, at least; and now we talk once a week and it's nice. But their culpability was different; my dad was usually aware of the problems but refused to entertain he had anything to do with them (he was an ESTP director-type who always needed to domineer relationships/situations), whereas my ISFJ mom usually just made mistakes but meant well, and she would try to listen but would sometimes have trouble understanding.

I was aware of a lot of how they worked when I was young, but becoming a parent of three helped me grasp of the rest. My kids are all grown up and doing well and we have good relationships; but I made my own share of mistakes as a parent myself. But it's pretty incredible how listening, being open to admitting mistakes you've made, and adjusting course as you go works wonders with parent/kid relationships.

I think honestly my parents' parenting style frustrated me a lot growing up based on my own personality needs; and it taught me what kind of parent I wanted to be.
 

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Discussion Starter #5 (Edited)
I dunno if this is really a Gen X thing, it just sounds like issues people have with parents -- although I think there are some generational dynamics in terms of "what parents are supposed to do" expectations.

I got over frustration/bitterness long ago, it doesn't really help to hold onto it. My dad is the one who really put me through some shit and never recanted or was able to discuss anything, and he died before resolving anything at all. My mother grew a lot over the years to a point where we could have productive conversations, at least; and now we talk once a week and it's nice. But their culpability was different; my dad was usually aware of the problems but refused to entertain he had anything to do with them (he was an ESTP director-type who always needed to domineer relationships/situations), whereas my ISFJ mom usually just made mistakes but meant well, and she would try to listen but would sometimes have trouble understanding.

I was aware of a lot of how they worked when I was young, but becoming a parent of three helped me grasp of the rest. My kids are all grown up and doing well and we have good relationships; but I made my own share of mistakes as a parent myself. But it's pretty incredible how listening, being open to admitting mistakes you've made, and adjusting course as you go works wonders with parent/kid relationships.

I think honestly my parents' parenting style frustrated me a lot growing up based on my own personality needs; and it taught me what kind of parent I wanted to be.
Your dad and my dad should go bowling together(if your dad was still alive). As for my mom??............ serveimage.gif
 

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Well, I'm currently in therapy in order to get over my bitterness. Then again, my family was pretty toxic and I've been diagnosed with C-PTSD. So, I have to agree with @Jennywocky as far as it may not only be a Gen X thing but more of a generational pathology and it's up to us to break this pattern so that we don't pass it on to our children. That is, if it's not too late. :unsure:
 

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It's unclear to me what I should be bitter about, in terms of the era I grew up in. I was born in the mid '70s so pretty much core GenX. I have things to be bitter about with respect to my own personal experience (though I choose not to be) but they had nothing to do with the times.
 

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queen of glitter gnomes
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I dunno if this is really a Gen X thing, it just sounds like issues people have with parents -- although I think there are some generational dynamics in terms of "what parents are supposed to do" expectations.

I got over frustration/bitterness long ago, it doesn't really help to hold onto it. My dad is the one who really put me through some shit and never recanted or was able to discuss anything, and he died before resolving anything at all. My mother grew a lot over the years to a point where we could have productive conversations, at least; and now we talk once a week and it's nice. But their culpability was different; my dad was usually aware of the problems but refused to entertain he had anything to do with them (he was an ESTP director-type who always needed to domineer relationships/situations), whereas my ISFJ mom usually just made mistakes but meant well, and she would try to listen but would sometimes have trouble understanding.

I was aware of a lot of how they worked when I was young, but becoming a parent of three helped me grasp of the rest. My kids are all grown up and doing well and we have good relationships; but I made my own share of mistakes as a parent myself. But it's pretty incredible how listening, being open to admitting mistakes you've made, and adjusting course as you go works wonders with parent/kid relationships.

I think honestly my parents' parenting style frustrated me a lot growing up based on my own personality needs; and it taught me what kind of parent I wanted to be.
Wow, I can understand your personality clashes with your parents! I've experienced something similar, but in different ways. I'm an ESFP, and my dad was (I think) an absolutely textbook type of INTP. I'm thinking that my my is an INTJ... but... um... I'll never really know because she now is struggling with advanced Alzheimers. I think that, as I grew up, I was most likely the only extrovert in my immediate family. I was shy, but I have always needed to have people around me. Hence, an extrovert. I was expressive and talkative around people I knew. My family told me to talk more quietly and to not talk quite so much. It felt as if they were trying to stifle me.

There were definitely communication gaps between my parents and me. Despite that, I thought that my parents were the smartest creatures ever to walk the face of this earth and all I wanted to do was to make them happy, although I had trouble succeeding at that. My mom had some serious anger issues. She grew up during the Great Depression and her father was unable to keep a job. The family frequently had to move, and they didn't always have food. I think that her childhood deprivations caused her to experience a great deal of anxiety through her life. Nevertheless, she persevered and she eventually got a great education. After she had four kids, she went back to school and got her master's degree and then her doctorate.

She is now 98 years old. She used to teach at the university level, and now, she has trouble expressing any thoughts at all. Watching a parent suffer like this is painful. I hope that, someday, the right medication can be discovered that could put Alzheimer's disease into remission.

Parent-child dynamics, in my opinion, don't have much to do with named generations. They are what happens when people have children. There will always be some level of conflict and there will always be communication challenges. Good luck to everyone in getting rid of bitterness. It is a nonproductive emotion that eats away at your heart and your soul. I know, from sad experience. I am letting my heart and soul heal now.
 

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Are you still pissed off about stuff that an Xer went thru growing up? Man, hanging out with my parents brings out stuff I've long forgotten ....I mean suppressed!!!! We should all just move on, but that wound never really goes away.
What would be the point of being bitter about the past? Can you do anything to change it? Why waste the energy?
 

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What would be the point of being bitter about the past? Can you do anything to change it? Why waste the energy?
to be completely free of bitterness is to be in denial.

attempts can be made to resolve it... lacking that it's usually that shove to set personal boundaries.

it takes more energy for some to deny the past... than to face it head on.

albeit, most people are unable to do it objectively. . particularly when dealing with family as people tend to heighten their response as part of showing affection and connection. . . which also results in regressed roles, i.e. living in the past or at least, bringing it forward. A similar attitude presents itself with childhood/teenage friends.. is confirmed with defining moments, shared memory, primarily drama and excitement. reflected upon nostalgia. bitterness and nostalgia go hand in hand. Had you never listened to the sugarcubes?
 

it's very much the nature of human connections over time. . . most draw easier on the far past than the nearer.

but a life that is consumed by the past? then there is perhaps little to worry of the present?

suppose, tho, then the fears is to ones' future.

...

There's things in my past I can't resolve. more mysteries than bitterness. a few frustrations, many bittersweet moments.

but they become the things a generation doesn't speak of, no?

not as if we could get a word in edgewise to the other generations opinions and perception of ours...
 

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I concur with a couple of the sentiments in this thread. Being bitter about the generation prior is a birthright. However, that realization alone does not solve anything. It’s the understanding of those feelings that allows us to all grow past it.

But, sometimes-it just feels good to be angry.
 

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to be completely free of bitterness is to be in denial.

attempts can be made to resolve it... lacking that it's usually that shove to set personal boundaries.

it takes more energy for some to deny the past... than to face it head on.

albeit, most people are unable to do it objectively. . particularly when dealing with family as people tend to heighten their response as part of showing affection and connection. . . which also results in regressed roles, i.e. living in the past or at least, bringing it forward. A similar attitude presents itself with childhood/teenage friends.. is confirmed with defining moments, shared memory, primarily drama and excitement. reflected upon nostalgia. bitterness and nostalgia go hand in hand. Had you never listened to the sugarcubes?
 

it's very much the nature of human connections over time. . . most draw easier on the far past than the nearer.

but a life that is consumed by the past? then there is perhaps little to worry of the present?

suppose, tho, then the fears is to ones' future.

...

There's things in my past I can't resolve. more mysteries than bitterness. a few frustrations, many bittersweet moments.

but they become the things a generation doesn't speak of, no?

not as if we could get a word in edgewise to the other generations opinions and perception of ours...
I've worked out a lot of that with my parents now that I've reached the age they were when I was going through most of it. Our relationship has grown by leaps and bounds. I did cut out my biological father about 9 years ago because he was basically toxic. He was never really cut out to be a parent and I had to stop trying to make him fit a mold he was never truly shaped for. My step-father raised me to be a better man and I resented him for years because he had to do what my father couldn't.

If I have any bitterness it is some of the decisions that me and my ex made that led to the demise of our marriage 5 years ago. I try not to hold onto such things because I see it as counter-productive.

I was brutally teased and bullied as a kid because I was different, yet the more I tried to conform, the more I stood out. My brain ran on a different operating system from most kids my age (ADHD before it was a thing). At some point, I gave up trying to conform and a lot of that tension went away (and so did most of the bullies). I suppose my disdain for people like Trump stems from my dislike of bullies, but it is also inherent in my personality type. I don't like those who prey on people weaker than themselves. IMHO, strength is best used to protect and uplift others, not beat them down. I suppose if one has resentment or bitterness, they should try to find the constructive use of those feelings: turn the darkness into light.
 

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I wonder if there is also some tendency towards resignation in Gen X. My family history is rather tragic and messed up, but the way it happened didn't leave me bitter. My mother was mentally ill and thought my father was dangerous, so we lived in fear. Turns out he is a nice person, but is now very old and has limited functioning due to strokes. I live near him to help take care of him, but call my mother regularly. All of our lives were tragic, but I mostly feel sorry for everyone involved. I know my situation is a bit different, but I don't think I have bitterness. I do have a lot of depression and struggle with hopelessness because life seems phenomenally tragic to me.

I think I do have a lot of Gen X tendencies in that my life is still like an episode of "Friends", only without actual friends. :eek:P Mostly my career and relationships are still like I'm in my 20's. I'm perpetually lost and don't know what to do with this thing called reality. I try to sing and dance.
 

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I wonder if there is also some tendency towards resignation in Gen X. My family history is rather tragic and messed up, but the way it happened didn't leave me bitter. My mother was mentally ill and thought my father was dangerous, so we lived in fear. Turns out he is a nice person, but is now very old and has limited functioning due to strokes. I live near him to help take care of him, but call my mother regularly. All of our lives were tragic, but I mostly feel sorry for everyone involved. I know my situation is a bit different, but I don't think I have bitterness. I do have a lot of depression and struggle with hopelessness because life seems phenomenally tragic to me.

I think I do have a lot of Gen X tendencies in that my life is still like an episode of "Friends", only without actual friends. :eek:P Mostly my career and relationships are still like I'm in my 20's. I'm perpetually lost and don't know what to do with this thing called reality. I try to sing and dance.
I understand you. My mom now has dementia and life is hard for us. It is a nightmare watching her getting worse all of the time.

And the career and relationships! Yes, very much stalled.

Reality is not our friend. I wonder at it sometimes. It makes little sense and it could never be turned into fiction because fiction has to be believable.

Have you thought that your personality type might something to do with the way you experience the world? I see that you're an ISFP. I am an ESFP and we have a lot in common in the way that we perceive the world. What do you think?
 
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