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I don't mean choosing to love people, only the head-over-heels 'falling' type of love.
I don't like falling in love. The delusions, the infatuation and the exclusion of everything else, ugh! I don't like being tricked by my own mind. I don't mean to sound cynical, but I'm confused as to why people like to fall in love. Thoughts?
 

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Hate it. Despise it. Being on the giving end is awful. Being on the receiving end is a nightmare.
 
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Whose the lucky chap then? ;)

Recently had thought that our desires can scare us and that we might wish to repress them so we don't go through all the effort that comes with pursuing what you want. Very vulnerable falling for someone, because you're hoping on them giving it back.
But how dreadfully terrifying to feel so strongly for another, where it hurts your heart when they're hurt.
But I probably am one to try and keep my emotions within a range so as not to be too low or high.
I suppose its quite the rush, though I wouldn't want to repeat that too often, be sort of exhausting and I suppose for some people the rush could be 'addictive'. Movies involving romance tend to focus on that rush more so than the comfortable and enduring relationship for more drama.
 

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I love it. I almost live for it. Even if there is disappoitment at the end of it all. Taking the bad with the good, all part of being a human being.

The good times had are worth the pain.
 

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I love falling in love ( it only happened once and I'm still with that same partner) it's probably one of the best feeling in the world- the process is exhilarating

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I don't mean choosing to love people, only the head-over-heels 'falling' type of love.
I don't like falling in love. The delusions, the infatuation and the exclusion of everything else, ugh! I don't like being tricked by my own mind. I don't mean to sound cynical, but I'm confused as to why people like to fall in love. Thoughts?
It's not a exclusion of everything else. It's an exclusive of EVERYONE else as partner your more intimate with (unless your into open relationship kinda thing).

And I love that exclusiveness, knowing you have someone and your there for them. There is actually many things in life that become a lot less stressful and more. If you have a very busy day, then I can make you some food and visa versa.

Love is also like a drug, it can feel nice. They say snuggling can be like a painkiller.

It doesn't need to be delusion and high levels of infatuation.. that is something you would't want really. But seeing someone as the best and most lovely is also needed in ways.
 

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It's not a exclusion of everything else. It's an exclusive of EVERYONE else as partner your more intimate with (unless your into open relationship kinda thing).

And I love that exclusiveness, knowing you have someone and your there for them. There is actually many things in life that become a lot less stressful and more. If you have a very busy day, then I can make you some food and visa versa.

Love is also like a drug, it can feel nice. They say snuggling can be like a painkiller.

It doesn't need to be delusion and high levels of infatuation.. that is something you would't want really. But seeing someone as the best and most lovely is also needed in ways.
I meant exclusion of everything else. Nothing seems to be of any importance anymore, if it doesn't include or revolve around the person. Even though I had enough common sense to go through the motions of continuing to see family and friends, go to work, etc. I can't say I actually enjoyed anybody else's company during that phase, not like I had done previously.
 
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I love it. I almost live for it. Even if there is disappoitment at the end of it all. Taking the bad with the good, all part of being a human being.

The good times had are worth the pain.
I love falling in love ( it only happened once and I'm still with that same partner) it's probably one of the best feeling in the world- the process is exhilarating

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You guys are strange

:laughing:
 

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Haven't tried it, but the process seems repulsive in a way. I'd rather just be 'in love' while completely skipping the falling part.
Yeah, skip the falling part, you won't regret it.
 

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Whose the lucky chap then? ;)

Recently had thought that our desires can scare us and that we might wish to repress them so we don't go through all the effort that comes with pursuing what you want. Very vulnerable falling for someone, because you're hoping on them giving it back.
But how dreadfully terrifying to feel so strongly for another, where it hurts your heart when they're hurt.
But I probably am one to try and keep my emotions within a range so as not to be too low or high.
I suppose its quite the rush, though I wouldn't want to repeat that too often, be sort of exhausting and I suppose for some people the rush could be 'addictive'. Movies involving romance tend to focus on that rush more so than the comfortable and enduring relationship for more drama.
I definitely had to keep my emotions under check. I couldn't release my inner crazy, but it was definitely there.
 

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I don't even know if it will be possible for me again. I do like the feeling of that--the obsession, the way the colors become suddenly brighter and music more beautiful, the gripping desire to just know anything and everything and be closer to someone.

But yeah--I'm over the self-delusion, the 'falling out' of love when it's deemed a mistake, the pain and vulnerability involved and the consequences for that.

I was talking with another person who tested as INFP recently who was saying something similar to you--"I just wish I could feel less." Honestly, I kind of miss feeling like that or knowing I am able to, but she had a valid point that she was worried perhaps she would end up getting hurt so many times that she would become bitter and unable to love. Hm.

But I usually feel two conflicting drives with that--one which urges me to run away and avoid, because I sense a loss of autonomy and am afraid of being vulnerable to disappointment and also being harmed. I also desire for happily ever after and all kinds of other things that seem like a good idea when you fall in love. XD

I'm working with my counselor about possible daddy issues that are affecting my approach to love and romance, so maybe/hopefully I'll have a more functional perspective/approach in the future.


I remember OrangeAppled posted this a long time ago in the music thread, and I felt it captured some essence.
 

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I don't mean choosing to love people, only the head-over-heels 'falling' type of love.
I don't like falling in love. The delusions, the infatuation and the exclusion of everything else, ugh! I don't like being tricked by my own mind. I don't mean to sound cynical, but I'm confused as to why people like to fall in love. Thoughts?
I never fell in love so i can't say anything about it but I think without delusions and being tricked by the own mind we would just be nihilistic assholes. :unsure:
 
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It's only happened to me once and it was the best feeling in the world.
I didn't feel like I was falling, it was like flying. We're still together and I love him more as time goes by.
Falling in love is often easy, it's the staying in love that takes work.
You have to make yourself remember those initial feelings of dizziness and euphoria .
 

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Discussion Starter #18
I don't even know if it will be possible for me again. I do like the feeling of that--the obsession, the way the colors become suddenly brighter and music more beautiful, the gripping desire to just know anything and everything and be closer to someone.

But yeah--I'm over the self-delusion, the 'falling out' of love when it's deemed a mistake, the pain and vulnerability involved and the consequences for that.

I was talking with another person who tested as INFP recently who was saying something similar to you--"I just wish I could feel less." Honestly, I kind of miss feeling like that or knowing I am able to, but she had a valid point that she was worried perhaps she would end up getting hurt so many times that she would become bitter and unable to love. Hm.

But I usually feel two conflicting drives with that--one which urges me to run away and avoid, because I sense a loss of autonomy and am afraid of being vulnerable to disappointment and also being harmed. I also desire for happily ever after and all kinds of other things that seem like a good idea when you fall in love. XD

I'm working with my counselor about possible daddy issues that are affecting my approach to love and romance, so maybe/hopefully I'll have a more functional perspective/approach in the future
I remember one time when he broke up with me and I was fighting an extremely intense urge to literally beg him not to. I've never begged anyone for anything in my life and I admit that I found that scary. It's not so much the fear of being hurt, it's the fear of not controlling myself, acting out of character, in ways that I would ordinarily consider to be beneath me.
 

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its being several relationships since I've felt it, I seem to feel less and less, to the point where I am sincerely doubting whether I still can. It could be because my subconscious mind agrees with you, but I miss it so fucking much.

And it isn't fair, because I got so much better at consciously picking people since then. To take two extremes, it isn't fair to my last ex - who is one of the most decent kindest human beings I've ever known - that all she got out of me was deep fondness and deserved so much more, while in contrast my destructive ex wife had me head over heels in love with her, before I had any moral scrutiny. It doesn't feel right that I am finally learning to choose people who deserve so much more, but am able to give them so much less. And I have no clue what to do about it.
 

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its being several relationships since I've felt it, I seem to feel less and less, to the point where I am sincerely doubting whether I still can. It could be because my subconscious mind agrees with you, but I miss it so fucking much.

And it isn't fair, because I got so much better at consciously picking people since then. To take two extremes, it isn't fair to my last ex - who is one of the most decent kindest human beings I've ever known - that all she got out of me was deep fondness and deserved so much more, while in contrast my destructive ex wife had me head over heels in love with her, before I had any moral scrutiny. It doesn't feel right that I am finally learning to choose people who deserve so much more, but am able to give them so much less. And I have no clue what to do about it.
I think it may be the conscious picking that prevents the intense feelings. People rarely fall madly in love with someone who ticks all the boxes of conscious choices. Do you not think?
 
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