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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I don't express myself often because every time I do, someone says something to try and bring me down! It's exhausting. I have a low self-esteem already, and it seems that people constantly feel the need to bring me down. I don't get compliments often and it's really saddening. I like myself, but other people are making that hard. Is it just me?
 

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Not AS much now, but I used to have a problem with it contantly. Now I have this horribly annoying habit of doing it myself so I can difuse the situation. Classic defense mechanism type stuff. I know it's really annoying though. :frustrating:

In what circumstances are people doing this to you?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Not AS much now, but I used to have a problem with it contantly. Now I have this horribly annoying habit of doing it myself so I can difuse the situation. Classic defense mechanism type stuff. I know it's really annoying though. :frustrating:

In what circumstances are people doing this to you?
Anytime I say something even the slightest bit positive about myself, (like how I am good at something, etc.) someone has to pipe in with a remark to destroy the confidence I had at that moment. People think it's funny. Little do they realize I'm highly sensitive and there's a high chance I will go home and cry about that remark they just made. This is an everyday battle. I just learned to stop saying anything positive about myself to people to avoid this embarrassment, because yes it's embarrassing for me to expect positive input from people and get nothing but negative every time.
 

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Yes I believe I've had moments like those you've just mentioned. It depends on a few things, like what kind of people you spend your time with. Because in some cases thats how the social interaction works. I would first suggest you to observe if its done by others (talking good about themselves) and to others (cutting them down). If so, then its just the social group and not you, you can either choose to find a new social group or... You can camouflage! It took me a while to realize this, but its really unfair of anyone to expect a social group to change to suite one individual's needs. Its always give and take, and what makes it even more confusing, what is given and taken is not how an INFP would have given it or taken it. I hope that helps.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Yes I believe I've had moments like those you've just mentioned. It depends on a few things, like what kind of people you spend your time with. Because in some cases thats how the social interaction works. I would first suggest you to observe if its done by others (talking good about themselves) and to others (cutting them down). If so, then its just the social group and not you, you can either choose to find a new social group or... You can camouflage! It took me a while to realize this, but its really unfair of anyone to expect a social group to change to suite one individual's needs. Its always give and take, and what makes it even more confusing, what is given and taken is not how an INFP would have given it or taken it. I hope that helps.
I wish it were just a matter of choosing the right social group, but it doesn't matter which group I'm with. I think people assume that I have a high self-esteem (it appears I do for some reason) and that I'm being cocky. When it's clearly not what is happening. I don't know whether people are threatened by me or think its their duty to bring my confidence down a notch. Either way I think its wrong the way people go about it and its made me resent people in general, since they are the only cause to any pain I have.
 

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I wish it were just a matter of choosing the right social group, but it doesn't matter which group I'm with. I think people assume that I have a high self-esteem (it appears I do for some reason) and that I'm being cocky. When it's clearly not what is happening. I don't know whether people are threatened by me or think its their duty to bring my confidence down a notch. Either way I think its wrong the way people go about it and its made me resent people in general, since they are the only cause to any pain I have.
mmm, ok Lauren. Would you agree with me that, if there is a problem and it lies solely with people, then the most simple solution is to avoid them. But I don't think thats very practical, living in societies. You do acknowledge that people may assume you have a high self-esteem, and that they may perceive you to be cocky. So the trouble is really in a difference in what they see, and who you really are. The cause for this, may be as you have outlined, that they are threatened by you, and feel its their duty to bring you down.

This difference in viewing in also be put in reverse. Is there a reason or a plausible explanation they may perceive you to be cocky or feel that you need to be cut down?

To state something positive about yourself e.g. "I'm sexy" . only gives people a few options of how to perceive you, and how to respond.
1. They could either think you are great and that you are very sexy, and acknowledge that.
2. They could either think are NOT that sexy, lie and acknowledge your statement or remain silent/direct the conversation else where.
3. The could either think you are sexy, but feel envious, and their own defense mechanism for inadequacy they'll try to cut you down with their remarks.
4. The could either think are you NOT sexy, and that you should know it, either because they don't want you to delude yourself or that they don't want you to have the satisfaction over them.

There are many ways of expressing these different responses, however I would say 99% of responses will fit into one of these 4. Being so, you have 2 in 4 chances (50%) you'll receive a undesired response, and if you can tell if people are lying , thats 75% because now they're lying to you or avoiding you. (I understand this is a oversimplification of human behavior and it assumes all outcomes have equal possibilities)


So, looking at the probability, such statements leave people with a few predictable options. With such high possibility of these negative remarks. Wouldn't it be intuitive to avoid the whole statement, then to be hung up about taking those remarks personally?
 
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I don't express myself often because every time I do, someone says something to try and bring me down! It's exhausting. I have a low self-esteem already, and it seems that people constantly feel the need to bring me down. I don't get compliments often and it's really saddening. I like myself, but other people are making that hard. Is it just me?
It's quite unfortunate you have to suffer those fools who don't understand. External validation is the natural way we come to perceive ourselves because of our dang Ne. Simultaneously, we take everything to heart, even though our accusers may not have intended it to be taken so seriously. It can be very jolting to hear something so ostensibly malicious. I can relate to you, because I've had my fair share of detractors in my life. My overwhelming intuitive powers are seen as threatening to their feeble existence, hence their frustration and jealousy.

I've learned to tune out the opinions of those who matter and those who don't. It's not easy, but it's the only way I can cope with people who feel the need to constantly bring me down.

I have a lot more to say about this, but I'm gonna hold back for now.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
mmm, ok Lauren. Would you agree with me that, if there is a problem and it lies solely with people, then the most simple solution is to avoid them. But I don't think thats very practical, living in societies. You do acknowledge that people may assume you have a high self-esteem, and that they may perceive you to be cocky. So the trouble is really in a difference in what they see, and who you really are. The cause for this, may be as you have outlined, that they are threatened by you, and feel its their duty to bring you down.

This difference in viewing in also be put in reverse. Is there a reason or a plausible explanation they may perceive you to be cocky or feel that you need to be cut down?

To state something positive about yourself e.g. "I'm sexy" . only gives people a few options of how to perceive you, and how to respond.
1. They could either think you are great and that you are very sexy, and acknowledge that.
2. They could either think are NOT that sexy, lie and acknowledge your statement or remain silent/direct the conversation else where.
3. The could either think you are sexy, but feel envious, and their own defense mechanism for inadequacy they'll try to cut you down with their remarks.
4. The could either think are you NOT sexy, and that you should know it, either because they don't want you to delude yourself or that they don't want you to have the satisfaction over them.

There are many ways of expressing these different responses, however I would say 99% of responses will fit into one of these 4. Being so, you have 2 in 4 chances (50%) you'll receive a undesired response, and if you can tell if people are lying , thats 75% because now they're lying to you or avoiding you. (I understand this is a oversimplification of human behavior and it assumes all outcomes have equal possibilities)


So, looking at the probability, such statements leave people with a few predictable options. With such high possibility of these negative remarks. Wouldn't it be intuitive to avoid the whole statement, then to be hung up about taking those remarks personally?
A sway between either choice 3 and 4 is what is obviously conveyed. But I don't know which exactly. I will think #4 out of my own securities, which is the common theme and leads me to feel really bad, but in hopes sometimes people are just feeling envious and want to cut me down in spite of their own inadequacy. Either way, why is it so common that everyone has to be mean? It can't be that coincidental that all of my social groups have such unsupportive people, can it? And yes, that is exactly why I have learned to avoid the whole statement all together. I am avoiding taking things personally like always.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I have a lot more to say about this, but I'm gonna hold back for now.
Why hold back?

Intuitive powers are enviable? I didn't think people would envy that about me. But now that I put it into perspective... it makes sense. I have been called "intimidating" on too many occasions. Related?
 
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This is probably one reasons why I prefer introversion over extroversion. I do feel like I'm constantly criticized to an extent, not by someone else's mouth, but by their eyes. I don't know, for some reason I can see it in their when they're analyzing me. It's like a certain look or something. I don't like it. It's not exactly an comforting experience 90% of the time.

In light of this, I've learned to encourage myself and raise my own self esteem when the time calls for it. (Meh, doesn't work all the time, but it's a work in progress.) While it's nice of someone to compliment or bring up my self esteem, I'm not going to let their words decide my emotion. I'll decide how I feel for myself.

It does suck that others are bringing you down. You don't deserve it, considering you seem to be a nice person.
Wish you the best.
 

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Why hold back?

Intuitive powers are enviable? I didn't think people would envy that about me. But now that I put it into perspective... it makes sense. I have been called "intimidating" on too many occasions. Related?
For example...

I was in a classroom of about 20 people and we all had to do a presentation. Of course, everybody talked about pretty much the same boring thing, then I come up there and pour my heart out. It's like people have never seen such honesty, depth and introspection before (yes, i remember many of them had the "deer in headlights" look on their faces). Later, I mentioned this one person that I admired for his keen intuitive powers and next thing you know he's visiting our school giving a lecture. Of course, he blew everyone away. I would like to think I had something to with it.

Not to sound like I'm tooting my horn, but I was like "hell fuking yeah, i told y'all" in my own head.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
For example...

I was in a classroom of about 20 people and we all had to do a presentation. Of course, everybody talked about pretty much the same boring thing, then I come up there and pour my heart out. It's like people have never seen such honesty, depth and introspection before (yes, i remember many of them had the "deer in headlights" look on their faces). Later, I mentioned this one person that I admired for his keen intuitive powers and next thing you know he's visiting our school giving a lecture. Of course, he blew everyone away. I would like to think I had something to with it.

Not to sound like I'm tooting my horn, but I was like "hell fuking yeah, i told y'all" in my own head.
I guess it's just that we think differently than other people, some find it interesting and others find it intimidating. Then the ones who find it intimidating can either leave it as it is or try and justify their feelings of intimidation by turning it into criticism towards us. That's the kind of people I don't get along with, which seems like a lot of people.
 
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I guess it's just that we think differently than other people, some find it interesting and others find it intimidating. Then the ones who find it intimidating can either leave it as it is or try and justify their feelings of intimidation by turning it into criticism towards us. That's the kind of people I don't get along with, which seems like a lot of people.
exactly. you are very perceptive :)

if you look at the people who changed the world, they weren't exactly loved or appreciated until after they died. so, don't feel so alone in your predicament. you are different, but that doesn't mean you are any less human or unworthy of praise.

one of my teachers told me that when you find yourself being criticized too much, try to remember all the good compliments you received.
 

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Haha, it's not easy, is it?

Not everyone means it so negatively, though. Many types seem to have trouble with new ideas (having or accepting them). Some pride themselves on being able to cut out the "bad ideas," and think they're helping by this (maybe saving somebody the effort or failure or whatever, I guess, or giving their precious time to make this judgment call for you).

You know, it'd be a lot more useful if they were right and not just nixing every idea that isn't obviously impossible to fail and perfectly refined from the start. They can search for reasons it won't work, but are almost incapable of searching for reasons it COULD work.

So like I said, they aren't always trying to be a jerk, they just aren't capable of anything more.
 

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I criticize myself (non stop) so I naturally feel criticized (by everyone). I believe it's called self-alianation.
 
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