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I tend to keep my personal life and professional life seperate!!.
Work friendships are not "real" - I am only talking to people at work for the rare coincidence we are in the same room to make the time go by easier. (If I don't see someone outside of work I am not actual 'real friends')

I go to work for one reason: to make money to put a roof over my head, and food in my stomach - done deal; it is just a means to an end.
However my coworkers will say things like: You need to go outside more, or you need to smile more, you need a girlfriend - blah blah blah. It is as if my personal life makes them uncomfortable - and their way is the right way. I am seen as a freaking science experiment to them almost!

They only see me 8 hours a day, 5 days a week and only see one very small instance of my life!! (what makes them think they have a right to tell me how to live when they are not apart of my personal life! pr see me outside of work for that matter)

I get up, I go to work - do my job, come home, watch tv, and go to bed - AND I AM FINE WITH THAT LIFESTYLE.

But my coworkers try to pry into my life like we are actual friends (we are not!!!!!!! It is acquaintance by circumstance - I hate to break it to them but if we were at the supermarket and didn't know each other before hand we would not be talking!) - and I answer their smalltalk questions and they say "I need to live more"

Anybody else feel/live this way? Any advice?
 

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Somehow, people seem to be able to read me and give me a wide berth. Their opinion carries as much weight with me as my friend's left nut. I've been told my thoughts are written across my face clear as day.
 

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I tend to keep my personal life and professional life seperate!!.
Work friendships are not "real" - I am only talking to people at work for the rare coincidence we are in the same room to make the time go by easier. (If I don't see someone outside of work I am not actual 'real friends')

I go to work for one reason: to make money to put a roof over my head, and food in my stomach - done deal; it is just a means to an end.
However my coworkers will say things like: You need to go outside more, or you need to smile more, you need a girlfriend - blah blah blah. It is as if my personal life makes them uncomfortable - and their way is the right way. I am seen as a freaking science experiment to them almost!

They only see me 8 hours a day, 5 days a week and only see one very small instance of my life!! (what makes them think they have a right to tell me how to live when they are not apart of my personal life! pr see me outside of work for that matter)

I get up, I go to work - do my job, come home, watch tv, and go to bed - AND I AM FINE WITH THAT LIFESTYLE.

But my coworkers try to pry into my life like we are actual friends (we are not!!!!!!! It is acquaintance by circumstance - I hate to break it to them but if we were at the supermarket and didn't know each other before hand we would not be talking!) - and I answer their smalltalk questions and they say "I need to live more"

Anybody else feel/live this way? Any advice?
It could be that this person genuinely cares about you, but I think it's more likely in line with "Why don't you drink alcohol? We all drink alcohol, so you should as well!".

Strange how people don't know how to stay out of other people's business. Giving tips is always appreciated, but when it comes to life decisions, it's not their place deciding what is right for you. You might hurt them, but if this really bothers you I would just speak up about it. If this are insulted by this and don't want to talk to you anymore, so be it. You don't need people like that anyway.
 

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They are simply intrigued about you.

If you were seen as unattractive co-worker (and not just talking about the physical here) they wouldn't care to even wonder about your personal life.

I don't agree with assumptions, they suck, but we all make them. I've certainly made incorrect ones about others.

People often assume I'm shy because I'm reserved around strangers and this bothers me. To me it's just "best behavior" (behavior that's respectful and sane) not a symptom of shyness needing to be fixed.

You might want to say, in as friendly a way as possible: I like to keep my personal and professional life separate and that might be why it seems like I don't have a personal life.

Alternative option: Get a picture of a random lady, frame it, and put it on your desk. "Ah, yes. That's my sweetie. Peggie. We're gonna get gelato and go antiquing this weekend."
 

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However my coworkers will say things like: You need to go outside more, or you need to smile more, you need a girlfriend - blah blah blah. It is as if my personal life makes them uncomfortable - and their way is the right way. I am seen as a freaking science experiment to them almost!
I had this exact same thing with a (possibly slightly drunk at the time) neighbour who basically seemed to think I needed to be going out every night, getting drunk and finding myself a boyfriend because well, staying in obviously meant I was seriously depressed and needed help or some such. I listened to this for about 5 minutes in my quiet polite way then came to the decision he was talking crap. Then told him bluntly that I was perfectly happy with my life as it was and that he should stop putting words into my mouth that didn't reflect my opinions. He seemed a bit taken aback (probably at the bluntness because mostly I come across as very meek and shy - it's not an unusual reaction).

I've kind of avoided him since then (although we only ever bumped into each other now and then when you leave the flats) but I don't need people that judgmental in my life. Work colleagues are a bit more difficult to avoid I know, but I'd just tell them straight and then carry on with everything else as normal. They still think there's something wrong with you, but they stop trying to interfere at least.
 

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I was fortunate in this regard... I graduated from college, got married and started my job all within a 3-week period. I never got any pressure to socialize with coworkers because most of the ones my age were all single and they knew I was married... and boy was there ever socializing going on in that office! We had about 15 customer service reps (99% 20-something females) and 15 field technicians (99% 20-something males) and the hormones were flying all over the place, lol.

My wife (/social director) kept a pretty busy weekend social calendar going for us, but it was almost always with the same group of close friends (most of which were also married/engaged) that I got along well with going back to high school, so it was never a big deal to me to spend time with them on Friday and/or Saturday nights. My alone time came mostly on weekend days, usually working on household or car projects, which my wife was fine with as long as I was ready for whatever social event she had planned for us.
 

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I have been told I need to get out more, get a significant other in my life, have sex, blah blah blah. I've more or less brushed it all off over time and I've been getting out more on my own time. Usually the same people that tell me I need to get out more are busy when I want to "get out more" Going out to bars, getting drunk, and acting like a college frat boy isn't and has never been my idea of a good time. I almost always feel extremely uneasy in bars and if I did want to have a good drink (rare occasions) I'd opt for a restaurant that serves alcohol. I carry myself responsibly because I don't want to hurt anyone.

I'm not married, no girlfriend, no kids... its just me and my self-preservation

If you think you have something to contribute to my life... I'm open to new ideas and experiences but it'll be on my own terms when I'm ready.



Otherwise mind your own business!
 

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I've gotten this as well. An ENFJ in my previous job actually had the nerve to tell me, "No one here knows anything about you... you're so private!"

WTH?! I worked there for 12 years and everyone knew pretty much everything of importance that there was to know about me.

What I later learned is that she (and others) were seeking statements such as, "I feel ..........", etc. Sorry... but NOT SORRY. The only ones that'll get that are in my circle, and work colleagues and acquaintances are NOT IN THAT CIRCLE.

My personal feelings are not up for group dissection or discussion. Also, what I feel may or may not be the appropriate course of action. Finally, I refuse to give anyone ammunition to use something I said out of context without the facts to back it up.

/rant /exit
 

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The last job I worked at was at a small medical clinic with a staff of about 15. It was hard because not only did we work in close quarters but we all had each other's personal cellphone numbers (in case of an emergency, yeah right). They were always sending each other, including myself, stupid chain letters via texting. I eventually had to block some of their numbers or politely tell them to take me off their contact lists on their phone. Fridays were 'Happy Hour" at a local sportsbar. Although I was always invited, I must've went only twice during the 2 years I worked there. They thought something was seriously wrong with me because I didn't drink or care for the taste of alcohol.

I did, however, participated in office parties. On the weekends, I kept my phone off in order to avoid unnecessary phone calls and texting from them. It's like they had no lives outside their jobs. They were all friends on Facebook and thought I was weird because I didn't have a Facebook account (for obvious reasons). There were also a lot of drama at the office which I tried very hard to avoid along with office gossip.

To make a long story short, I ended up transferring out of there because it just got too much and no one was respecting the other person's personal space or boundaries.

Now, I am currently working for an organization that has over 100 employees and with the exception of a few, the majority of the staff respects my space and privacy.:happy:
 
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I don't really want to have friends at work. I want to have polite, professional, working relationships with them, and that is all.

I have had some comments over the past two years - such as "You don't want to make friends with people in the office." Said as if its strange or unusual. No, I really don't. I turn down invitations to lunch. There is one outgoing, extroverted type lady who had invited me to an event outside of work and I thought maybe I would go, then she decided not to go herself and that was that. She's very nice, a warm person, but seems inconsistent and a bit unstable to me.

There is one person in this office who I feel comfortable with, but not so much that I want to invite her out to lunch or anything. I enjoy being alone most of the time.
 

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Yes and no. I ended up having really close friends when I was working retail, since working there caused so much stress, but at the same time gave us a chance to be close knit, almost like a family. We pretty much talked about our personal lives as a way to get our minds off of the nasty customers and 10 hour shifts, but also we knew not to talk about it when we were on the floor. One of the workers even helped me find a place to live when I needed to move out a terrible home. In the end, I'm glad I opened up and made friendships. I still keep in contact with them years later. That kind of change is a good change I don't mind.

Would I do it again? No. I came to learn this is a one time deal. I think retail gave us workers a reason to be close knit. Afterwards, bringing my personal life to work just made things awkward.
 

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You say you don't consider them to be your friends, but - here you are - writting so anxiously about your relationship with them. Hm. I think that either you are immature or... hm, let me say - you are immature.
Firstly, if you really considered them to be only your coworkers, you wouldn't have ranted like this with all those exclamation marks. There are too many exclamation marks in your rant. You obviously, subconsciously at least, value highly your relationship with them.
Secondly, I mean, chill out with those exclamation marks. It seems you panic like it's the end of the world. Your rant remind me of some preadolescence kid crying because of what are parents talking to him/her. Really, chill out. Advice would be not to panic like you seem to be doing.
 

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I crossed to the dark side. I realised that hey, making friends isn't such a bad thing after all. You sacrifice some good things, but gain a lot more in the process.

So, I eventually turned more E.
 

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I'm very reserved and completely uninterested in making friends with most people, unless I feel like there can be a strong genuine connection and we click on a deeper level. Otherwise, I'll keep on my own and I'd rather things stayed that way. Of course that doesn't imply I never accept anyone's friendship.

I have AvPD, I'm a disaster when it comes to small talk and the notion itself bothers me as I don't feel like it's necessary or in any way helpful. I'm constantly told about how I should go out more, how meeting new people would benefit me, how gloomy and strange I am and how boring my life is. I dreaded being asked what I'm going to do/have done during the weekend because that was never anyone's business and I'm the farthest person from a party animal (unless I'm disintegrating hard and even then I'm more solitary).

It used to cause bullying among other factors but I honestly don't care.
I don't have to interact with people or step out of my personal bubble if I don't want to and it's not needed.

I like having someone who is very close to me, even in the same school/workplace setting, but I really don't need too many people. It's something more intimate, selective and unexplainable.
 

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I tend to keep my personal life and professional life seperate!!.
Work friendships are not "real" - I am only talking to people at work for the rare coincidence we are in the same room to make the time go by easier. (If I don't see someone outside of work I am not actual 'real friends')

I go to work for one reason: to make money to put a roof over my head, and food in my stomach - done deal; it is just a means to an end.
However my coworkers will say things like: You need to go outside more, or you need to smile more, you need a girlfriend - blah blah blah. It is as if my personal life makes them uncomfortable - and their way is the right way. I am seen as a freaking science experiment to them almost!

They only see me 8 hours a day, 5 days a week and only see one very small instance of my life!! (what makes them think they have a right to tell me how to live when they are not apart of my personal life! pr see me outside of work for that matter)

I get up, I go to work - do my job, come home, watch tv, and go to bed - AND I AM FINE WITH THAT LIFESTYLE.

But my coworkers try to pry into my life like we are actual friends (we are not!!!!!!! It is acquaintance by circumstance - I hate to break it to them but if we were at the supermarket and didn't know each other before hand we would not be talking!) - and I answer their smalltalk questions and they say "I need to live more"

Anybody else feel/live this way? Any advice?
Tell them to get fucked (or whatever terms/words you wana use) and you're not interested in them outside of being Acquaintances/Work. I'm harassed like that all the time but people seriously need to understand personal space. I feel where you're coming from man.
 

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I usually just smile and nod "Oh, maybe I WILL join that dating website" and just leave my contribution to the topic at hand at that. I might even ask questions "Oh, you think I need to get out more? Where do you go when you want to get out?".

I basically turn the conversation around on the person making it. I'm lucky that I work with a bunch of fellow extroverts who don't seem opposed to talking about themselves. If that doesn't work I just say " Thank you" and give really short answers until they get the picture that my part of the conversation is done.
 
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Two suggestions-
1) Feel free to offer oodles of advice to anyone who gives you unsolicited advice. Be creative, crude and relentless.
2) Work on your "Leave Me Alone; I Will Throat Chop You." face.
 

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lol I see people at work as pseudo friends. usually I do not mind answering their questions. after some warming up, i usually ask people a lot of questions lol to see how they tick. lol. I had a lot of fun working with people, even though the job sucked lol. xD

i m still very private tho lol xD but if you ask me a question, i ll answer it. lol

i dont feeel so pressured cuz if i dont want to tell you something, i ll just make something up, and you will never know.
 

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I get asked a lot if I'm seeing someone and always made to feel that I should be "on the road" to getting married. The people who ask me this vary from former colleagues to old friends or relatives who haven't seen me for a long time. I think I understand where they're coming from. Most people my age are getting married.

The thing with this is being in a relationship is major commitment that can't be taken lightly. I simply refuse to be in a relationship where I don't genuinely love my partner.
 
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