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I'm in a D/s relationship, where I'm the Dominant.

Without going into too much detail, it makes me laugh about every other sexual encounter I've had. I just can't go back to the vanilla lifestyle.

Anyone else have experience in this type of relationship?
 

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This might not be the place for this, but I view these types of relationships as incredibly flawed and unhealthy. How can you possibly respect someone who is, "submissive"?
 

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@Mr. Anderson

You can't. A relationship like that isn't built off respect. At least not in my book. I expect my partner to be an equal, to fight me. A constant competition for who is the superior being. I respect a challenge.

I once knew a submissive girl want to be a "slave". I told her she disgusted me and that she was pathetic, that if she kept that attitude she would end up dead or worse some day. (She had other issues too.) I think she just watched to much anime and got stuck in an idea that is unrealistic.
 

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@Mr. Anderson

You can't. A relationship like that isn't built off respect. At least not in my book. I expect my partner to be an equal, to fight me. A constant competition for who is the superior being. I respect a challenge.

I once knew a submissive girl want to be a "slave". I told her she disgusted me and that she was pathetic, that if she kept that attitude she would end up dead or worse some day. (She had other issues too.) I think she just watched to much anime and got stuck in an idea that is unrealistic.
I think that snake must be a little too tight.

I don't understand why you'd want to be in a relationship where someone is constantly looking to out-do you in everything. Sounds exhausting.
Why'd you put "slave" in quotations? Could it be that you understand that being submissive and being a slave are two different things?
@Mr. Anderson
People often confuse submissive with being a pushover or handing complete control to someone else. They're not the same concepts.
 

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@Mr. Anderson

You can't. A relationship like that isn't built off respect. At least not in my book. I expect my partner to be an equal, to fight me. A constant competition for who is the superior being. I respect a challenge.

I once knew a submissive girl want to be a "slave". I told her she disgusted me and that she was pathetic, that if she kept that attitude she would end up dead or worse some day. (She had other issues too.) I think she just watched to much anime and got stuck in an idea that is unrealistic.
woah, what a kink-shamer aren't you
that's just horrible attitude
thanks for making another woman ashamed of her sexuality:dry:
 

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woah, what a kink-shamer aren't you
that's just horrible attitude
thanks for making another woman ashamed of her sexuality:dry:
It's pretty clearly just a symptom of mental illness, not a healthy sexual expression. The same is true for a man who wants to be a, "dominant" although at least that one seems a little more understandable to me.

I knew a girl like this and she was still living with her parents at ~23 and then met some older guy and now he's her, "daddy" so basically her whole life she's never had to worry about facing reality because someone else is always there making all the decisions. So I guess in a way that can be desirable and make life easy. But what happens when she's no longer young and sexy and this dude dumps her and she can't find another, "daddy" to take care of her? Eventually she is going to have to face reality one way or another.
 

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Nice. We have a certified sex professional who's also a mental health expert.
If you're going to go that route then the same would apply to your thoughts on the matter as well.

I stand by what I said though, these are not healthy relationships. I'm sure some people enjoy them, but that doesn't mean it's healthy. There's people who enjoy being choked, cut and beaten during sex too. There are literally even communities out there where girls try to, "bait" men into raping them by walking around in provocative clothing in dangerous areas. There's a difference between something being fun in the right now and what is healthy and desirable.
 

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It's pretty clearly just a symptom of mental illness, not a healthy sexual expression. The same is true for a man who wants to be a, "dominant" although at least that one seems a little more understandable to me.

I knew a girl like this and she was still living with her parents at ~23 and then met some older guy and now he's her, "daddy" so basically her whole life she's never had to worry about facing reality because someone else is always there making all the decisions. So I guess in a way that can be desirable and make life easy. But what happens when she's no longer young and sexy and this dude dumps her and she can't find another, "daddy" to take care of her? Eventually she is going to have to face reality one way or another.
There are actually studies on people who engage in BDSM and D/s relationships and the reverse is true. They score better on emotional health.
That doesn't mean they always are healthier, but your generalization is false.
Shaming her for that is appalling, and heck, if you are right and she was unhealthy with low self esteem, the result might have been even worse.
 

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If you're going to go that route then the same would apply to your thoughts on the matter as well.

I stand by what I said though, these are not healthy relationships. I'm sure some people enjoy them, but that doesn't mean it's healthy. There's people who enjoy being choked, cut and beaten during sex too. There are literally even communities out there where girls try to, "bait" men into raping them by walking around in provocative clothing in dangerous areas. There's a difference between something being fun in the right now and what is healthy and desirable.



And he's his own census bureau for sex crimes.
 

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There are literally even communities out there where girls try to, "bait" men into raping them by walking around in provocative clothing in dangerous areas.
Nobody ever said anything discussed here was a crime, just that they aren't part of a healthy relationship. Stop making stuff up.


Good to know that you don't consider rape to be a crime.
 

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Good to know that you don't consider rape to be a crime.
It's not if you're asking for it.. Rape is being forced into sex without your consent, these rape kink people WANT it so I don't really see how it can be said to be non-consensual. There's actually an interesting Law and Order about a similar situation where a person trying to commit suicide jumps in front of a drunk driver and the question arises whether or not it's murder. Same sort of thing, the "rapist" here is intending to commit a crime but is unknowingly NOT committing one since the "victim" isn't actually a victim. Good Philosophical question that one, but at any rate they aren't calling the police so it's pretty irrelevant.

The rape baiting thing is less common though, it's more common people try to find guys online who are turned on by the idea of, "rape" and then set up a "meeting" in an alleyway or something. But fetlife started banning these communities because of concern about legal liability if the wrong person got raped. I think that has actually happened in some cases, lol.
 

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There's actually an interesting Law and Order about a similar situation where a person trying to commit suicide jumps in front of a drunk driver and the question arises whether or not it's murder. Same sort of thing, the "rapist" here is intending to commit a crime but is unknowingly NOT committing one since the "victim" isn't actually a victim. Good Philosophical question that one, but at any rate they aren't calling the police so it's pretty irrelevant.



I'd like to watch that episode. Find it for me.
 

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It's not if you're asking for it.. Rape is being forced into sex without your consent, these rape kink people WANT it so I don't really see how it can be said to be non-consensual. There's actually an interesting Law and Order about a similar situation where a person trying to commit suicide jumps in front of a drunk driver and the question arises whether or not it's murder. Same sort of thing, the "rapist" here is intending to commit a crime but is unknowingly NOT committing one since the "victim" isn't actually a victim. Good Philosophical question that one, but at any rate they aren't calling the police so it's pretty irrelevant.

The rape baiting thing is less common though, it's more common people try to find guys online who are turned on by the idea of, "rape" and then set up a "meeting" in an alleyway or something. But fetlife started banning these communities because of concern about legal liability if the wrong person got raped. I think that has actually happened in some cases, lol.
rape fantasies are one of the most common fantasy among women
 

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@Mr. Anderson

You can't. A relationship like that isn't built off respect. At least not in my book. I expect my partner to be an equal, to fight me. A constant competition for who is the superior being. I respect a challenge.

I once knew a submissive girl want to be a "slave". I told her she disgusted me and that she was pathetic, that if she kept that attitude she would end up dead or worse some day. (She had other issues too.) I think she just watched to much anime and got stuck in an idea that is unrealistic.
I hope you're never in a position, to talk a suicidal person from jumping off a bridge.
 

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rape fantasies are one of the most common fantasy among women
Yes, I am aware of this fact. Pretty fucked up really, but at least most women have the common sense not to try and get raped just to fulfill that fantasy..

I wonder how the sort of people who think gender roles are all imaginary and that there are no differences between the brains of men and women contend with the fact that so many women have fantasies about being submissive, raped, etc. Doesn't really fit well with the whole, "girl power" movement. And it's common to see women say shit like, "I'm a feminist but secretly I want a guy to dominate me" so even believing in equality doesn't make these sort of fantasies go away which kind of undermines the idea that they're all based in societal gender roles. Honestly, the stuff women are attracted to is just plain disturbing. At least men's fantasies make sense (except feet, I don't get the foot thing).

I hope you're never in a position, to talk a suicidal person from jumping off a bridge.
Sometimes people NEED to hear the harsh truths of life. Sure, when a person is standing on a bridge about to jump that might not be the right time but seeing as the girl in his story wasn't in that position I see nothing wrong with him trying to help her the way he did. Just because a person is blunt in one instance doesn't mean they can't respond differently in another instance when a different approach is needed.
 

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Yes, I am aware of this fact. Pretty fucked up really, but at least most women have the common sense not to try and get raped just to fulfill that fantasy..

I wonder how the sort of people who think gender roles are all imaginary and that there are no differences between the brains of men and women contend with the fact that so many women have fantasies about being submissive, raped, etc. Doesn't really fit well with the whole, "girl power" movement. And it's common to see women say shit like, "I'm a feminist but secretly I want a guy to dominate me" so even believing in equality doesn't make these sort of fantasies go away which kind of undermines the idea that they're all based in societal gender roles. Honestly, the stuff women are attracted to is just plain disturbing. At least men's fantasies make sense (except feet, I don't get the foot thing).
What the hell did I just read, you really have no idea do you?

Here, educate yourself, please: http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/jsm.12734/epdf?referrer_access_token=dIji4oXQtCHgls2nQnXooYta6bR2k8jH0KrdpFOxC66EXwHTmg4t_dGlBgsSOI2jD3q9yQDM2jwCBLNKYfnx-HhMzDPCnfmlYQBmTg_iS8UvIE3RUnORvdo4eWCHP5MmaxMejlVcWqL4ZHVpg5zXrBSRuPUm6bdPQyx4nxofZ-NWcr5jgCPUgOCGJaB1_ZbFxJRspI1wDj_LG1neWhV2cm-MzsMQPAxYDP5nCYEyRt0=

Being sexually dominated (64.6%), being tied up for sexual pleasure (52.1%), being spanked or whipped (36.3%),and being forced to have sex (28.9%) were all reported by significant proportions of women. Interestingly, the same sexual fantasies were also reported by significant proportions of men(53.3%, 46.2%, 28.5%, and 30.7%, respectively).
go to page 7 for the table


I don't understand how is it not obvious, that being sexually dominated is not the same as what happens in the rest of our lives.
 
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