[MemB]

Is anyone else in an INTJ/ISTJ relationship? What's it like?

My husband and I never scream at each other, we have measured discussions about disagreements and the most logical/measured person usually wins. Our house is also full of lists and we don't share a joint bank account, we prefer to keep our finances private. Any money spent on shared expenses is recorded on a list and tallied at the end of each month. Whoever has spent the least or owes the other money will then be the one to pay the rent.

Other people think we're quirky but we think it's all pretty normal and pride ourselves on our organisational skills.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

Any plans in place or is it just "business as usual?"

 

[RedFairy]

I think it's normal. I'm pretty sure my ex is an INTJ and that's more or less how we did things too.

Of course, I'm now dating an ENFJ...!!! :shocked: It's ok though, I can usually bend him to my will... as long as I can explain my logic to him he's happy. :happy:

 

[MemB]

Any plans in place or is it just "business as usual?"

There are discussions underway about a possible offspring in the future. But we both are nervous about the unplanned and chaotic nature of bringing children into the world and our neatly organised homelife.

 

[Qadosh]

There are discussions underway about a possible offspring in the future. But we both are nervous about the unplanned and chaotic nature of bringing children into the world and our neatly organised homelife.

The amount of logic in this post makes me smile :happy:

 

[Rhee]

Is anyone else in an INTJ/ISTJ relationship? What's it like?

My husband and I never scream at each other, we have measured discussions about disagreements and the most logical/measured person usually wins. Our house is also full of lists and we don't share a joint bank account, we prefer to keep our finances private. Any money spent on shared expenses is recorded on a list and tallied at the end of each month. Whoever has spent the least or owes the other money will then be the one to pay the rent.

My girlfriend is an INTJ, we've been together for 3 years now.

We're completely on the same wavelength, have very similar thoughts, values, aspirations, likes and dislikes. Being very receptive to each other's ideas we never really fought about anything, even disagreements were pretty rare. Those were reasonable discussions where understanding and compromise were swiftly reached (and kept).

When we settle down together I guess I'd probably suggest we keep our finances private, partly out of respect for her ability as a wage-earning professional and because I think she should be wholly entitled to what she earns. But being the big caretakers we both are to each other, it's likely we'd probably jump to cover the other person's expenses every chance we get.

Hours just fly by when I'm hanging out with her. She has this razor-sharp wit and a dry sarcasm that cracks me up every time. She's hands down the most intelligent person I've ever met, and talking with her is never boring. I admire her perfectionist streak and the sheer dedication to her studies (and she really knows her stuff.) She's beautiful when she smiles and when she's serious. She's the sports fan and an athlete that I never was, AND she plays the bass guitar.

On the other hand, it's pretty mysterious as to why she goes out with me. I suspect she's only after my good looks.

 

[Rhee]

PS. It looks to me that you have a great relationship with your husband, and that you have created a secure and stable home together. Any children you plan to have will be lucky to have the two of you as parents.

 

[MemB]

PS. It looks to me that you have a great relationship with your husband, and that you have created a secure and stable home together. Any children you plan to have will be lucky to have the two of you as parents.

Thanks Rhee! I hope our child grows up to form a similar opinion of our parenting abilities. As much as I love my lists and organisation, I know that we need to give a child space to be themselves and pursue their own interests. My role as parent would be to facilitate, give advice when asked and gently guide. Reality could be far off the mark though, judging by seeing my friends deal with the realities of a toddler!

It was interesting to read your insight into the ISTJ/INTJ pairing and the similarities with my own relationship. And I'm sure your girlfriend is with you for more than your good looks. INTJs need someone to bounce ideas off and leave them alone to think when they need to. Oh and to get their quirky sense of humour and movie/book/Simpsons references! These are basic needs - everything else is icing on the cake.

Sounds like you're a goner with your girlfriend - may you should start organising a wedding list

 

[Rhee]

As much as I love my lists and organisation, I know that we need to give a child space to be themselves and pursue their own interests. My role as parent would be to facilitate, give advice when asked and gently guide. Reality could be far off the mark though, judging by seeing my friends deal with the realities of a toddler!

Sounds good to me. I know I'd like that if I were to be a kid growing up. I believe you guys will do an excellent job, too.

It was interesting to read your insight into the ISTJ/INTJ pairing and the similarities with my own relationship. And I'm sure your girlfriend is with you for more than your good looks. INTJs need someone to bounce ideas off and leave them alone to think when they need to. Oh and to get their quirky sense of humour and movie/book/Simpsons references! These are basic needs - everything else is icing on the cake.

Aww I hope you know I was only goofing around with the good looks bit... I'd be utterly mortified otherwise!
Thanks for the tips, I really appreciate them and will keep those in mind. Funny that you mention it, but when we first met she did seem really happy that we both liked the Simpsons, among all the other things.

Sounds like you're a goner with your girlfriend - may you should start organising a wedding list

That I am. Totally. And we're both working towards that. *g*

 

[MemB]

"Aww I hope you know I was only goofing around with the good looks bit... I'd be utterly mortified otherwise!"


Don't worry Rhee, I have a pretty good detector of dry humour and/or sarcasm - you are speaking with an INTJ, afterall :wink:

 

[AmyJay]

Is anyone else in an INTJ/ISTJ relationship? What's it like?

My husband and I never scream at each other, we have measured discussions about disagreements and the most logical/measured person usually wins. Our house is also full of lists and we don't share a joint bank account, we prefer to keep our finances private. Any money spent on shared expenses is recorded on a list and tallied at the end of each month. Whoever has spent the least or owes the other money will then be the one to pay the rent.

Other people think we're quirky but we think it's all pretty normal and pride ourselves on our organisational skills.

I suspect my boyfriend is an INTJ and what you describe sounds a lot like our dynamic (logical and level-headed discussions about even the most emotional topics) and our ideal for the future (separate bank accounts). I've read that one's ideal partner is the opposite MBTI type, but I'm pretty sure most of my exes were ENFPs and those relationships were extremely unstable. I much prefer this logic-based relationship! We're a little like Sheldon Cooper and Amy Ferrah Fowler from The Big Bang Theory, but we're happy with the way we are!

My BF recently told me he wants to be married by Elvis in Vegas (no big family hub-bub) and I'm wondering if that may be due to the INTJ's desire to stay out of the spotlight so I have to ask: What was your wedding like? Big/medium/small/fully planned/spontaneous/affordable? And what was the INTJ's preferences?