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My bf is an INTP and things are generally pretty great. He is naturally a very anxious person, and worries about saying and doing the wrong thing constantly. Does anyone have any advice for how to help an INTP feel more secure?
 

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Just tell them they're doing ok. Whatever you tell them, they compute. Thinkers live in an external thought out world. They have some understanding of emotions and their intuition, but whatever you tell them they'll trust over it, at least if you speak with confidence. My two roommates are INTP, one of them was a close friend years ago. Both annoy the crap out of me hahahaha.

(pardon the evil post)
 
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Are you certain he is an INTP? While most are anxious I don't think it really affects them that way, although perhaps acceptance of said anxiety comes with age.....hmmm...........
 

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Yes, he definitely is. A typical INTP trait is to mentally rehearse what they are going to say or do.
 

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Yes, he definitely is. A typical INTP trait is to mentally rehearse what they are going to say or do.
Guilty :blushed: , but not all the time. Remember, our "P" makes us a little more adaptable and spontaneous. While we're capable of planning, we often don't excel at it and have to make a conscious effort to do so.

My best friend is an ENFJ and she certainly has an uncanny ability to break me out of my introverted world of thought. Emotions are often chaotic and intense for me. She helps me sort them out. She listens to me express frustration about dating and the social, cat-and-mouse crap that's associated with it. I'm not totally clueless and have had successful relationships, but still, it's frustrating. I'm sure most, if not all types can agree on that. She gets my sarcasm and shares some of my cynicism. She always remarks about my wit, and shares my liking for debate and discussion. Ahhh..the advantage of "N" types.

She calls me her "rock", because she knows I'm always honest with her and I help her see reason. She'll go on and on about how this person wronged her, or that person took advantage of her hospitality and kind-hearted nature, and that she feels like a human doormat sometimes. I just sit back, listen, think, and more or less repeat back what she says, but detach the subjectiveness that comes from "F" types. In other words, being reasonable. When she's wrong, i tell her so,and I don't do so in a confrontational way. That said, I always have her back, even when I think she's wrong. While I may be grounded in reason and logic, i'm not so cold as to abandon someone I call "friend".
 

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My bf is an INTP and things are generally pretty great. He is naturally a very anxious person, and worries about saying and doing the wrong thing constantly. Does anyone have any advice for how to help an INTP feel more secure?
Oh, God, this is exactly me with my ENFJ boyfriend. ^.^ I'm never really anxious about anything...excpet feelings. I'm terrible at communicating them and always feel really self-conscious, because I don't like to do anything unless I feel competent. Sometimes, you guys can intimidate us a bit with how easily and eloquently you talk about your feelings.

One thing my boyfriend does that makes me feel a little better: when your INTP expresses himself or tries something and then worries that he did it badly...just assure him that you knew exactly what he meant and give him a genuine smile or a hug.

Also, I don't know if this applies to you and your partner, but sometimes all the gifts and profuse expressions of love we get from our ENFJs can be kind of...overwhelming. We feel that we can't really match that and you're going to be disappointed in us or think we're silly. Just take it in stride if your INTP responds to a heartfelt declaration with a really short, awkward statement and show him that you're not disappointed at all; the way he expresses himself is just fine with you. Awkward moments like this can also be a sign to shift the subject of the conversation away from feelings or just do something non-verbal, like a hug or kiss for a while.

Hope this helps...Gah. I'm so bad at explaining this stuff and I need to go hide in my Thinker-corner of introvertedness and doom, now. ;;^.^
 

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New guy here, hello.

I'd say him constantly worrying about saying something wrong. Is a very big sign of him being an F.
Or maybe he's just a very weak INTP. I say weak because I think worrying about something that can compromise your opinions getting 'air' if you know what I mean. Is a weakness.
I rarely care about what the consequences of my opinions are. Well that's a lie. But I never let the consequences stop me from speaking my mind. Unless of course the consequences are worse than the pathetic feeling I get when I hold myself from speaking. So much for integrity, huh? No. But really though, that is what I think and that is how I act. I do on some occasions absolutely not care about the consequences though. If what I think is needed to be said is important enough.


I do what you mention on another level though. I explain ALOT, with every little detail. Say I'm talking about food. Then when I get to spices I start to talk about India and their history, my opinions on India and their food etc. Then I go from India to England, because there's been alot of British colonies in India etc. I do this because I want people to understand things how I understand them. As if I'm trying to make them see it as if their saw it through my eyes. (I don't mean I'm trying to force them into having the same opinion as me, not at all)

But I guess that's just my visual mind playing a movie in my head with me trying to explain that movie with words, it has nothing to do with insecurity to be honest.

EDIT: Not alot of my post is to any help. But I'm just "speaking my mind" right? =)
 

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New guy here, hello.

I'd say him constantly worrying about saying something wrong. Is a very big sign of him being an F.
Or maybe he's just a very weak INTP. I say weak because I think worrying about something that can compromise your opinions getting 'air' if you know what I mean. Is a weakness.
I rarely care about what the consequences of my opinions are. Well that's a lie. But I never let the consequences stop me from speaking my mind. Unless of course the consequences are worse than the pathetic feeling I get when I hold myself from speaking. So much for integrity, huh? No. But really though, that is what I think and that is how I act. I do on some occasions absolutely not care about the consequences though. If what I think is needed to be said is important enough.


I do what you mention on another level though. I explain ALOT, with every little detail. Say I'm talking about food. Then when I get to spices I start to talk about India and their history, my opinions on India and their food etc. Then I go from India to England, because there's been alot of British colonies in India etc. I do this because I want people to understand things how I understand them. As if I'm trying to make them see it as if their saw it through my eyes. (I don't mean I'm trying to force them into having the same opinion as me, not at all)

But I guess that's just my visual mind playing a movie in my head with me trying to explain that movie with words, it has nothing to do with insecurity to be honest.

EDIT: Not alot of my post is to any help. But I'm just "speaking my mind" right? =)
Hmm...I'd have to disagree that the anxiety points to the OP's boyfriend being a Feeler. I'm very, very firmly on the Thinking side of the spectrum, and very confident in my opinions and what I say--except when it comes to romance. I'm terrible at love and communicating in a relationship, and I think it's a result of being a strong Thinker. Yes, it is a weakness--but it's an INTP weakness that comes from not being able to communicate and understand emotions with the same competence that our wonderful ENFJs can. We just love being competent and don't want to look foolish in front of the ultra-emotionally-savvy ENFJ. I'd say the situation's pretty common of INTPs with ENFJ partners--It's the Thinking/Feeling divide that makes it that way; I mean: Ti versus Fe! If we were both Feelers, I think we'd be a little closer to speaking the same language. :tongue:
 

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Hmm...I'd have to disagree that the anxiety points to the OP's boyfriend being a Feeler. I'm very, very firmly on the Thinking side of the spectrum, and very confident in my opinions and what I say--except when it comes to romance. I'm terrible at love and communicating in a relationship, and I think it's a result of being a strong Thinker. Yes, it is a weakness--but it's an INTP weakness that comes from not being able to communicate and understand emotions with the same competence that our wonderful ENFJs can. We just love being competent and don't want to look foolish in front of the ultra-emotionally-savvy ENFJ. I'd say the situation's pretty common of INTPs with ENFJ partners--It's the Thinking/Feeling divide that makes it that way; I mean: Ti versus Fe! If we were both Feelers, I think we'd be a little closer to speaking the same language. :tongue:
Well I disagree with you. I'm not very good a romancing either. I'm very passive in this matter, just as the INTP profile suggests. But I would still not hold my opinion back. I've lost a friend once, for speaking my mind.
That friend was actually also the only person I think I ever loved, cheesy as it may sound. But in my opinion I love someone when I really want to tell them stuff, when I want to listen to them when I want to share my thoughts with them. And when I can't wait for the next conversation with them. This is how I felt with her.
And I threw it away by speaking my mind.

So generalizing it into every INTP having this weakness that you talk about, is wrong. In my opinion.
 

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Well I disagree with you. I'm not very good a romancing either. I'm very passive in this matter, just as the INTP profile suggests. But I would still not hold my opinion back. I've lost a friend once, for speaking my mind.
That friend was actually also the only person I think I ever loved, cheesy as it may sound. But in my opinion I love someone when I really want to tell them stuff, when I want to listen to them when I want to share my thoughts with them. And when I can't wait for the next conversation with them. This is how I felt with her.
And I threw it away by speaking my mind.

So generalizing it into every INTP having this weakness that you talk about, is wrong. In my opinion.
Hmm...I should be more clear, I suppose. I am not saying every INTP has this flaw, I'm saying that the flaw itself is more indicative of being an INTP than being an INFP--for the above reasons. If you're not this way, well...we may have the same personality type, but we don't have to be carbon copies!

I think the OP wasn't talking about her SO having trouble speaking his mind so much as being awkward in the romance department and wondering if he was doing the whole "relationship thing" wrong, and needing to have more confidence in that respect, so I guess they're kind of different things.

It's really too bad that you lost your friend. :sad: Sometimes I say what's on my mind without really thinking about how it'll affect people, and this ends up badly.
 

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No, mine is ISFJ.
But I know one INTP and he and I would have put each other in a padded room, no way would I have dated an INTP if they are all like this guy. He was a total narcisist which doesn't work with me.
 

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I want an intp but I can't find any!

tis a sad life:sad:
I'm an INTP! Wait you're a guy.... Meh

/disappointed
 
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