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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Perhaps it's just because of childhood issues and lack of experience until my late 20's.

I am dealing with this girl I've went on 2 dates with, and I just tried to call her. I quickly hung up after it went to voicemail and am now going to text. The last date seemed to go well, she sat on my side of the booth, we held hands, etc. But I am learning all this on some energetic level as if I were a baby. God, it's awkward... I hope this isn't my only chance.

Whenever I do stuff like this, the feel inside me is like... those times in cartoons where you just hear the sound of someone stomping away and then nailing boards over the windows/doors. "Don't look at me!!" If people look at me I will burst into flames or melt from the shame.
 

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The question is: why are you bothered about people looking at you? Do you have a glaring flaw like black teeth or something? What's the reason for you to not be comfortable with her looking at you?
 

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Couple thoughts.
Is it customary to sit on the same side of the booth when you like someone or are on a date? That seems so odd to me. You wouldn't be able to look at each other. As for the hanging up and being awkward... it's funny. From an outside perspective I'm like "Dude, what are you worried about? She likes you, you like her, let it happen!" But as soon as I think that I realize that I am an absolute mess when someone likes me and I just shut down and start panicking. Totally insecure and over analyzing. I have different issues for different reasons, but they're still pretty bad.
 

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I feel awkward when people look at me too, I don't know If any other INTP's do this; however I tend to feel invisible. So when people are looking at me, waiting on my reply, i tend to actually believe they are staring into space, Instead of the person they are seeing. Its really awkward especially when I hear someone say they love me. I'm immediately disgusted with the thought that anyone could possible see past my ''tough exterior'' bullshit. I believe I have been in love before & or do fall in love easily; bu I rather not call ''love, ''love'' I call it a temporary infatuation.

***

Boy: I love you baby.

Me: I am temporarily infatuated with you, there for I feel the same thing you do.
 
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You're just having cute little emotions and you're embarrassed by them. She's looking to play around in your weak gooey insides and that makes you feel exposed/scurred.

Now can someone PLEASE point me in the direction of the tritypes I need to figure my stuff out. I'm thinking 548 but I don't know ^~^
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Couple thoughts.
Is it customary to sit on the same side of the booth when you like someone or are on a date? That seems so odd to me. You wouldn't be able to look at each other. As for the hanging up and being awkward... it's funny. From an outside perspective I'm like "Dude, what are you worried about? She likes you, you like her, let it happen!" But as soon as I think that I realize that I am an absolute mess when someone likes me and I just shut down and start panicking. Totally insecure and over analyzing. I have different issues for different reasons, but they're still pretty bad.
Well, we started off across from each other, and ate on opposite sides of the booth. Sitting next to me is more intimate I think. Closer. It's a way of saying she likes me, perhaps.
 

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Yes.... Much like this except the skillful surgeons are being replaced by a kid who doesn't know what she's doing. Or atleast that's what it feels like :p

This, exactly.

And then the heartbreak and healing process feels like something along the lines of removing your own tumor.

This is why feelings are so terrifying!

 

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On the rare occasion that someone has been intimate with me, even as a planned part of a musical or something, I lose it. My composure flies out the window and I curl up into a ball of emotional panic. Don't worry, it's normal. Honestly, once you've accepted it and gone through that emotional strain of intimacy a couple times, things get easier. You can fall back on earlier successes and survive in reptile instinct mode for a while. That's my strategy at least. Good luck.
 

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I Experimece this.
When someone liked me during elementary school, I felt intense embarrassment, and withdrew away from all people and into myself.

I don't know why.

Maybe Jung would say. Dominant thinking strongly pushes any kind of feels into the unconscious.
Now that the feeling are bubbling to the surface of consciousness, our logic is faltering and so were afraid of losing ourselves in the process.

It's like a nightmare happening in real life- our unconscious shadow coming to get us.
It will be a good thing in the long run, to aid individuation to happen, but right now it's still our unreconciled shadow side coming to get us.
 

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Relatable...

I'm always scared of being liked or just having close relationships. They make me feel uncomfortable, but it just could be my stupid Fe
inferior coming into play. I don't understand emotions...
 

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Yeah, it's definitely our inferior Fe that makes us uncomfortable. My childhood best friend was an INFJ and every so often he would come out of our Ni-Ti-Si discussions and start Fe-ing! He would start saying how he felt about me: how I was such a nice person, that he enjoys my company, I'm understanding, great at listening, giving advice, caring, honest etc. etc. Basically a Ni-Fe ramble and I'd feel horrible by the end of it lol! It was so embarrassing and hard to deal with and I didn't know how to respond to it apart from a lame: "thanks." It'd made me self-conscious and nervous and my mind would start thinking: "Ew, ew, ew". Feelings were disgusting to me.

It has gotten worse with age somehow, I'm now almost in my 20s and whenever someone compliments me, I just give a really awkward/shy shrug and laugh it off. I wish I was better at receiving praise, definitely something I have to learn.

I think to an extent all INTPs have intimacy issues because of our inferior Fe, it's only the mature ones 30+ years old maybe? (I don't know, it might be older than that.) that have developed their Fe and would be better at receiving affections and affirmations from others.
 

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On the topic of being looked at, it is because people ruin looking. They turn it into staring and I find that rude. Fucking stare elsewhere, we inhabit this fucking massive planet with over seven billion people and all kinds of other species yet YOU want to stare at the handful of people you see today? I just feel bad for you, and now I'm annoyed. Very annoyed.
I use to be the person that would flat out ask "can I help you?" when people would stare because it is so annoying.
 

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Yeah, it's definitely our inferior Fe that makes us uncomfortable. My childhood best friend was an INFJ and every so often he would come out of our Ni-Ti-Si discussions and start Fe-ing! He would start saying how he felt about me: how I was such a nice person, that he enjoys my company, I'm understanding, great at listening, giving advice, caring, honest etc. etc. Basically a Ni-Fe ramble and I'd feel horrible by the end of it lol! It was so embarrassing and hard to deal with and I didn't know how to respond to it apart from a lame: "thanks." It'd made me self-conscious and nervous and my mind would start thinking: "Ew, ew, ew". Feelings were disgusting to me.
Don't these people realize how difficult they make life? I don't get people and their need to randomly compliment. I never know what to say back, my life isn't going to end without compliments, they are awkward.
It doesn't even matter if the compliment was about how intelligent I am or how great I look. Complimenting me is the quickest way for me to become one with the wall so I can leave the conversation.
 
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