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I guess what I mean is that, when we were in high school, the confident people were the hot people. They had good looks, and since the social hierarchy of HS existed and we were horny, they got a lot of value, and confidence

The people who were the least confident were the academic nerds, who put a lot of effort into their academics. No one in high school really wanted to study, so they were thought with less value

But when college and our mid 20s rolls around, I noticed the spectrum changes by a lot. The hot people who put too much into their looks, find they don't have much other than that, and the real world wants something more than that

The academic people start finding a lot more worth with their academics, and find a lot more people value it, making them feel more confident. They become happier, and then find more motivation to be more physically attractive/change habits/be successful
 

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I don't really agree, but I was wondering something that you seemed to have left out.

What about people who are neither of those things? I'm in high school right now and I don't have any confidence in myself or the way I look (other people say I look good, but I don't believe them) and I'm not popular at all, but I also don't care one bit about studying because I don't care about college or my future. Do you think my confidence will change as I get older or no?
 

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Meh. I've seen academic people whose confidence didn't improve and still didn't get anywhere. Seems all over the place to me. Looks to me it's all a mix of hard work and luck for the more attractive and for the more academic and everyone else in between. You can't look at a person as a teenager and really guess how successful they will be in life.
 

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I will always be confident!
 
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The older you get, it really depends on the success you achieve. I remember all those confident people back in high school who were supposedly going to own the world someday (and other people were confident of that), not amounting to anything. The jocks got menial jobs just because all they had was athletic prowess and in the real world, that's only good for labor jobs. Also, the people who were academically inclined, ended up burning out from drugs, went to school for a useless major, or ultimately just couldn't find a decent job, they are also doing menial jobs. It seems like those type of people were super confident during high school and now when you run into them, you can see they're pretty much just like whatever when it comes to everything.

There are a few shining stars of people who went and are building successful careers but out of the majority of people that are on the Facebook group for my class (my graduating class was 340 people), most haven't really accomplished much with their lives.
 

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People change, you don't have to be unsure of yourself in college just because you got pussy in high school. If you're a nerd, pride yourself on that, be smart. You have to be happy with what you have.
 

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More like how many realise that the wider world outside of education is a scary place requiring more hard work, persistent accomplishments and for some culture shock they never quite get past when bills, rent and success are not always mutually exclusive.

Personally, the year before High School ended I made the decision never to attend reunions, alumni catch ups or keep in contact with people I knew briefly from those first casual jobs everyone gets, seeking to avoid the trap of comparatives and 'measures of self worth' not wishing to know who now has 4 kids, 'the bad life', 'the good life', earns more or less than Studious Sally or Average Joe. Feeling that someone's place or purpose is theirs alone to live and battle with, realising early that for many no such perfect life exists when we start setting benchmarks or ground level indicators.
 

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Both people you are describe are empty vessels who need their accomplishments to feel valued. Whether it be their looks or their degrees. A person who thinks he has more value over someone because of a piece of paper, is no better than a person who does so based on their looks. It's still snobby and shallow.
 

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Personally, the year before High School ended I made the decision never to attend reunions, alumni catch ups or keep in contact with people I knew briefly from those first casual jobs everyone gets, seeking to avoid the trap of comparatives and 'measures of self worth' not wishing to know who now has 4 kids, 'the bad life', 'the good life', earns more or less than Studious Sally or Average Joe. Feeling that someone's place or purpose is theirs alone to live and battle with, realising early that for many no such perfect life exists when we start setting benchmarks or ground level indicators.
For me I see it the opposite way. I'm not so much comparing as seeing who is good to network with and maybe someday in the future, maybe I can help them or they can help me. I'm eventually looking to start an app company. Since we went to the same high school, it's easier to get a hold of someone because they would know who I am and there's some common ground between us.
 

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More like how many realise that the wider world outside of education is a scary place requiring more hard work, persistent accomplishments and for some culture shock they never quite get past when bills, rent and success are not always mutually exclusive.

Personally, the year before High School ended I made the decision never to attend reunions, alumni catch ups or keep in contact with people I knew briefly from those first casual jobs everyone gets, seeking to avoid the trap of comparatives and 'measures of self worth' not wishing to know who now has 4 kids, 'the bad life', 'the good life', earns more or less than Studious Sally or Average Joe. Feeling that someone's place or purpose is theirs alone to live and battle with, realising early that for many no such perfect life exists when we start setting benchmarks or ground level indicators.
I haven't gone to any reunions, but then, I moved so much that I don't have a sense of belonging to any school. It would be just weird. Still, I have run into people that I've known years later or they've contacted me on FB. My husband is still friends with people from college and a friend he's known since kindergarten.

That said, comparisons between lives always seem empty. They have different talents, advantages and disadvantages to me. It's always comparing apples and oranges.
 
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Not sure. I have no clue where my classmates are. Accept one, beautiful enfp girl who I've had a crush on for 6 years. Me on the other hand was a not part of the cool kids, nor the academics, I was an outcast? Or freak? My confidence has actually gotten worse. Being poor, virginal, and depressed, I don see my life as empty. I have a rich fantasy life, lots of passion, my name means "bard" I have always been involved in poetry, music and I experience everything very deeply. My whole life feels like a pentecostal church meeting. I have delved deep into the mystical. As well as despair.
 

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i was hoping this would be more along the lines of those who doubt become more certain as they get older and vice versa. there are several examples from my life to tell me this is not true... but, eh, more worthwhile, anyway.
 

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I went to my ten year. Somebody thought it would be a cool idea to give a special recognition to the couple with the most kids. The prize of unwanted attention went to a couple who already had 8 kids and no jobs. Also, if there had been a vote for who would be most likely to throw up on the front steps of the ten year reunion, the girl who would have won actually did puke on the front steps. I skipped every other reunion since then and I don't know what to do about next year, when it is our 40th reunion. Several people I've known since elementary school have connected with me on Facebook. They are all nice people. But my life has nothing to do with them or much in my home town besides that my dad still lives there. I feel like a bad person for saying this, but I don't plan on going.

But I love Romy and Michele's High School Reunion. Total PW3Nage!
 

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The major flaw in this little scenario is the assumption that confidence is something that comes from EXTERNAL validation. It doesn't. Or at least it shouldn't. True confidence comes from within.
 

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Both people you are describe are empty vessels who need their accomplishments to feel valued. Whether it be their looks or their degrees. A person who thinks he has more value over someone because of a piece of paper, is no better than a person who does so based on their looks. It's still snobby and shallow.
In America today proggresives often concern themselves with the replacement of existing status hiarchies with more legitimage alternative hirarchies. For example women should be vallued for their brains rather than their looks.

The goal in my opinion should be to undermine the viciousness of status competion itself.
 

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In America today proggresives often concern themselves with the replacement of existing status hiarchies with more legitimage alternative hirarchies. For example women should be vallued for their brains rather than their looks.
No they try to unfairly "balance" out things with BS programs like affirmative action that give a select demographic special treatment.
 
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