[Peter8]

Hi type 3's,

I have a question for you all... especially for the female type 3's...

I myself a type 8 have had a relationship with a type 3, we seem to get along just fine, but because of her innerself questions what to do about her life, job, partner she wants us to be friends, until she has found some answers for herself.

Do you have any ideas how she could manage this or what u did to get your innerself together...

We have similar intrests, tastes, we get along fine, there are feelings from both sides, but because of these "life questions" she doesn't want to take it to the next level.

All suggestions are welcome and if you have questions regarding more info on her just ask...

Thanks

 

[quadrivium]

Mm I would be willing to bet she knows exactly what she wants, but a love interest doesn't factor into her plans. In order to execute this, she probably wants to not be tied down with a relationship, in case she needs to get up and go.

 

[SilentScream]

In addition to @corgiflatmate, just want to add that usually when 3's are considering relationships, they leave the door open and may even withdraw for a while to "think" ... and that thinking is basically trying to figure out how this new variable will influence their future plans.

3's also generally look for supportive partners - and partners that won't interfere with their goals too much. There's a limit to flexibility [at least in my case] but some 3's love their plans more than they love relationships.

It's a system of complex variables that's been pieced together with a great deal of patience and hard work and any outside influence can seem like an interference - especially if the outside influence directly impacts the end goal to deviate too much from its original destination.

Whether people like it or not --- even though the feeling of love is true for 3's ---- they will either try to fit their romantic interest into their plans, or change their plans to fit the romantic interest - it would depend on their ultimate goal in life. If it's something centred around career/financial success, then a romantic relationship that would conflict with that goal may not be pursued. If however the goal is a romantic relationship, then that will become the focus and everything else will be shifted around to meet that goal.

 

[Cleo]

I would think that she needs to be able to see you as somebody who contributes to these goals or somehow contributes to her achieving these goals. Don't give them grief, causing them trouble when they haven't figured out their pressing life questions or when they have work to do. :/ From my experience, she could go crazy over you if she can see you as her partner in crime. With that, my advice is to be a supportive, chivalrous, deserving gentleman.

 

[WickedQueen]

Mm I would be willing to bet she knows exactly what she wants, but a love interest doesn't factor into her plans. In order to execute this, she probably wants to not be tied down with a relationship, in case she needs to get up and go.

3's also generally look for supportive partners - and partners that won't interfere with their goals too much. There's a limit to flexibility [at least in my case] but some 3's love their plans more than they love relationships.

Seconded both posts.

-female 3 that just had refused a marriage proposal-

 

[Peter8]

That's exactly what i am thinking, giving her space and supporting her decisions. Even when we were together i did those... I guess that's why she still wants to be friends at the moment. She knows for certain that i love her, but loving someone also means that you should be able to let them go if they want...

It is like a saying i saw the other day on a picture. Good relationships don't just happen, they take time, patience and two people who truly want to be together. Even if she went abroad for a year, my feelings wouldn't change for her. That's how strong mine are. I can only hope that in time she will realise this. And if she did go for that year I'd let her go and maybe visit her near the end of that year and see what happens then. Nothing is certain, but who knows what might happen then... She will have had the time to think about what kind of job she wants, where to live and so on... Since I have a degree which lets me work worldwide, we could become partners in crime after all. ;-) But then again nothing is sure...

 

[Cleo]

That's exactly what i am thinking, giving her space and supporting her decisions. Even when we were together i did those... I guess that's why she still wants to be friends at the moment. She knows for certain that i love her, but loving someone also means that you should be able to let them go if they want...

It is like a saying i saw the other day on a picture. Good relationships don't just happen, they take time, patience and two people who truly want to be together. Even if she went abroad for a year, my feelings wouldn't change for her. That's how strong mine are. I can only hope that in time she will realise this. And if she did go for that year I'd let her go and maybe visit her near the end of that year and see what happens then. Nothing is certain, but who knows what might happen then... She will have had the time to think about what kind of job she wants, where to live and so on... Since I have a degree which lets me work worldwide, we could become partners in crime after all. ;-) But then again nothing is sure...

Well I don't quite believe in just letting people go... not without a price. I guess that is another topic and my outlook on relationships are different than others. Actually... I'll give you a lesson from an emotionally smart Four. Don't undermind your feelings by telling yourself that because you love someone, then you should want to let them go if they want to. No! Don't love them more than you love yourself by giving them excuses. They should have thought about that before they entered the relationship. Maybe I am different, because I make my take on dating clear from the get go and I only date someone if there is a strong chemistry and he could potentially be "the one." I've torn some people up for trying to give me that bull $%#@ line, and I guarantee you, I wouldn't have saved the relationship by being nice and they have more respect for me now, and probably ten years later after what I did to those bastards too. Respect! People are not toys to be moved around, switched, and replaced.

 

[quadrivium]

Whether people like it or not --- even though the feeling of love is true for 3's ---- they will either try to fit their romantic interest into their plans, or change their plans to fit the romantic interest - it would depend on their ultimate goal in life. If it's something centred around career/financial success, then a romantic relationship that would conflict with that goal may not be pursued. If however the goal is a romantic relationship, then that will become the focus and everything else will be shifted around to meet that goal.

This is so true. I'm sort of at this exact crossroads myself. I'm moving in August to finish my degree and start my career, but I'm also engaged. As a sp/sx stacking, my goals have always been 1. have a successful career doing what I love, 2. be a part of a great marriage. I count myself lucky enough to have someone willing to uproot his own life so I can follow my path. It would be a much darker story if he refused to go.