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so.....I really pissed off an INFP. She's kind-of-ish a new friend, only talked for about 4 months. I really like her and everything, and I'm a person that can be annoying without meaning to be. As a joke, I photoshopped a really cute picture of her onto a puppy, then told some people to go up to her and pet her and say "aww cute little puppy". She was unhappy about it, then got her revenge by photoshopping my face onto some very disturbing things(nothing inappropriate tho). then, pretending to be annoyed, I nudged her rather heavily, but I didn't see the edge of a shelf behind her and it hurt her shoulder. I asked if she was ok, and she said she hurt her shoulder but it was ok. According to my other friend tho(ESFJ), she didn't seem very happy in the next hour after. The INFP's close friend told me "there was no reason for her to get legitimately mad at me, but the ESFJ said the INFP seemed really mad. Plus, she's going through a tough time right now, so I'm really scared that I made it worse.

As you can tell, I really screwed up and she's currently ignoring me. What should I do? How do I apologize without making things worse?
 

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Apologize to people how you would apologize to anyone else — with sincerity.

Just go up to her, say, "Hey, I'm really sorry about X Y Z. It was very (insert adjective here) of me." You may feel discouraged by her reaction (or lack of one), but hey, at least you'll know what pushes her buttons in the future :)
 

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Actually INFPs are great when in comes to this sort of stuff. Verbal apologizing is honestly not the best way to go with an INFP. In my experience the best thing to do is lay down "an action of apologizing". Meaning, don't do a lame "I'm sorry" but converse in a conversation where the INFP knows you respect them with a nice undertone of I know I messed up. It is sort of like a joking around like we are still friends but yet I am sorry I did that. INFPs are deep thinkers and will most likely fine a verbal apologize superficial. "Ham" it up to them and it will go a lot farther. INFPs can be a very forgiving type if they can tell you are sincere. Good Luck!
 

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With sincerity...don't say, "I'm sorry, but blah blah blah"...that but in there makes it sound like you don't really mean it and can be condescending.
 
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Be sincere and erase any trace of ego.
This doesn't seem like a very severe case, but a very annoying case. You put her in a very condescending situation and then pushed her in to a shelf after she'd had a bad and overwhelming day (not to mention unwelcome people touching her). She's probably really upset about having her needs overlooked and is wondering if you take your friendship seriously.

So just apologize to her, reassure her that you take her seriously and be more aware of her needs in the future. Empty or betrayed apologies are very difficult to forgive, so make sure you mean it. (food and/or beverages also help)
 

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Yeah... I think I'd be uncomfortable in that scenario, too. A new friend making a weird image with my photo, telling people to treat me like a dog, and then getting into my personal space and hurting me as a result... I understand that it was a joke, and from an old friend it'd be really different, but I think that would make me uncomfortable too. (Sorry, OP, nothing personal!)
 

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My two cents - I'm pissed at someone, I don't like them hunting me down and cornering me and talking to me, even if it is to apologize. That's just more making me uncomfortable after already having made me uncomfortable. I would much rather them write me a little heartfelt note and leave me alone and let me initiate communication with them after I've had sufficient distance.
 

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Well if I was her and you were apologizing to me what I'd want a sincere and direct (though written is often better than face to face) expression that you didn't want to hurt me and felt bad about it, and an explanation that you didn't know it would make me feel so bad, or that you weren't thinking about the fact that I was already going through a lot of other stuff, and that you really want to be supportive of me. I really appreciate people honestly explaining themselves even if it may seem awkward.

- For me understanding someone's intentions makes a Huge difference, if they didn't mean me harm and feel bad about that I can forgive almost anything, it's only when they seem to not actually care about others feelings that it's hard to forgive



I have to add that INFPs are often already too frequently treated like children or pushed around by others in various ways, so encouraging others to be condescending would come off as pretty cruel, like kicking someone while they're already down. And most INFPs I've come across seem to have a high value of being gentle and don't really do the rough-houseing thing or 'friendly' harrassment of others because they tend to take things more seriously - as in always seeing a bit of reality or truth at the root of the 'playful' actions/words that can make them feel like to some extent you do look down on them, or that in a more intense/serious situation you might have the capacity for violence. It may be a mis-reading of subtle hints, but yeah... often we take things more seriously. Again, I can't speak for all INFPs though, this will also depend on background especially with family and stuff, so some may be more okay with these sorts of things than others - it sounds like your friend isn't.
 

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Never. Ever. Nudge me.

Or gentle punch me.

Or shove me.

Seriously.

Never.

Your relationship/friendship might now be going anywhere because you seem to be into teasing and teasing is a dominance thing. Most INFPs do not enjoy it.

You could try to apologize: "I'm really sorry I touched you and that will never happen again.", if you're interested in pursuing more. Might not help but wont hurt.
 

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I think the best way to apologize is to be honest and explain what you are thinking and why you want to apologize what you did.

I hate when people apologize just because they want me to stop being mad and they don't even realize why I'm being mad and what they're actually apologizing.

I think good things to include in your apology:
- You just meant it as fun, didn't mean to hurt
- You didn't first realize that she was hurt but started now wonder if she was
- Ask directly if what happened is still bothering her. In my experience Fe-users aren't that good at reading my emotions. There are usually 1000 other things that I might be feeling unhappy about, not just the resent events
- Emphasize that you still wish to be friends with her if she just allows it
 

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And most INFPs I've come across seem to have a high value of being gentle and don't really do the rough-houseing thing or 'friendly' harrassment of others because they tend to take things more seriously - as in always seeing a bit of reality or truth at the root of the 'playful' actions/words that can make them feel like to some extent you do look down on them, or that in a more intense/serious situation you might have the capacity for violence. It may be a mis-reading of subtle hints, but yeah... often we take things more seriously. Again, I can't speak for all INFPs though, this will also depend on background especially with family and stuff, so some may be more okay with these sorts of things than others - it sounds like your friend isn't.
Yesssssssssssss

It's hard to stop wondering what someone meant with their teasing, because it originated from something, even if it was lighthearted. I always find myself coming back to the "core" of what was hurtful and thinking about that.

Glad I am not the only one :)
 

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Yesssssssssssss

It's hard to stop wondering what someone meant with their teasing, because it originated from something, even if it was lighthearted. I always find myself coming back to the "core" of what was hurtful and thinking about that.

Glad I am not the only one :)
exactly! It seems like they wouldn't have thought to tease me about it if they hadn't at some point found it a little annoying or in some way think of me in that way. And even when I know the person who made the joke loves and respects me in general, just hearing the joke will make me start thinking and worrying about it and wondering if other people Do think those things about me. I dunno.... some teasing can be friendly but the majority of it feels like veiled criticism, hostility, or rejection. To me teasing can be a 'gentle' tool for letting someone know you're bothered about something without making a direct confrontation, but it's still serious.
 

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so.....I really pissed off an INFP. She's kind-of-ish a new friend, only talked for about 4 months. I really like her and everything, and I'm a person that can be annoying without meaning to be. As a joke, I photoshopped a really cute picture of her onto a puppy, then told some people to go up to her and pet her and say "aww cute little puppy". She was unhappy about it, then got her revenge by photoshopping my face onto some very disturbing things(nothing inappropriate tho). then, pretending to be annoyed, I nudged her rather heavily, but I didn't see the edge of a shelf behind her and it hurt her shoulder. I asked if she was ok, and she said she hurt her shoulder but it was ok. According to my other friend tho(ESFJ), she didn't seem very happy in the next hour after. The INFP's close friend told me "there was no reason for her to get legitimately mad at me, but the ESFJ said the INFP seemed really mad. Plus, she's going through a tough time right now, so I'm really scared that I made it worse.

As you can tell, I really screwed up and she's currently ignoring me. What should I do? How do I apologize without making things worse?
Yeah, id be pretty peeved at that too. It's patronising. Admit your mistake and how childish it was. Forget what the ESFJ said, listen to what the INFP is saying, she has every right to be legitimately upset, her emotions are her own, not your friends. Time to eat some humble pie. If you respect her as a fellow adult human being and a friend, you need to put yourself out for her.
 

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so.....I really pissed off an INFP. She's kind-of-ish a new friend, only talked for about 4 months. I really like her and everything, and I'm a person that can be annoying without meaning to be. As a joke, I photoshopped a really cute picture of her onto a puppy, then told some people to go up to her and pet her and say "aww cute little puppy". She was unhappy about it, then got her revenge by photoshopping my face onto some very disturbing things(nothing inappropriate tho). then, pretending to be annoyed, I nudged her rather heavily, but I didn't see the edge of a shelf behind her and it hurt her shoulder. I asked if she was ok, and she said she hurt her shoulder but it was ok. According to my other friend tho(ESFJ), she didn't seem very happy in the next hour after. The INFP's close friend told me "there was no reason for her to get legitimately mad at me, but the ESFJ said the INFP seemed really mad. Plus, she's going through a tough time right now, so I'm really scared that I made it worse.

As you can tell, I really screwed up and she's currently ignoring me. What should I do? How do I apologize without making things worse?
Positive and genuine personal attention. Sit down with her, make sure it's just the two of you, bring some tea or coffee for her and explain your actions and the intentions behind your actions. End your explanation with a heartfelt apology.

Don't expect her to instantly forgive you though AND expect the conversation to be awkward. I expect her to say very little. If I was in your friend her shoes I would be pretty pissed off about the whole situation and I would certainly spend less time with you for a little while even after an apology. An apology starts the healing process, it doesn't end it.
 
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There's already plenty of advice here so I won't belabor it. I'll just add that it is usually not a good idea to make an INFP the butt of a joke, even if it's truly meant in jest and you honestly thought they would think it's funny and therefore would bring them happiness. As an introvert, it can be startling to suddenly be the focus of everyone's attention. And there could be some underlying insecurity, even if most of the time it's minute and liveable. But having other issues going on at the time can bring it closer to the surface. I'm usually okay with being the joke around my very closest friends, and am often the instigator of the joke I'm the butt of because I really do have a sense of humor. But I would be more guarded outside of that and even if it didn't actually make me mad, I would still feel uncomfortable and perhaps a bit anxious from the sudden attention on my account.
 

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so.....I really pissed off an INFP. She's kind-of-ish a new friend, only talked for about 4 months. I really like her and everything, and I'm a person that can be annoying without meaning to be. As a joke, I photoshopped a really cute picture of her onto a puppy, then told some people to go up to her and pet her and say "aww cute little puppy". She was unhappy about it, then got her revenge by photoshopping my face onto some very disturbing things(nothing inappropriate tho). then, pretending to be annoyed, I nudged her rather heavily, but I didn't see the edge of a shelf behind her and it hurt her shoulder. I asked if she was ok, and she said she hurt her shoulder but it was ok. According to my other friend tho(ESFJ), she didn't seem very happy in the next hour after. The INFP's close friend told me "there was no reason for her to get legitimately mad at me, but the ESFJ said the INFP seemed really mad. Plus, she's going through a tough time right now, so I'm really scared that I made it worse.

As you can tell, I really screwed up and she's currently ignoring me. What should I do? How do I apologize without making things worse?
She felt dehumanized. That's what the problem is. Just be sincere when you apologize. That's it. I mean as a INFP if I feel someone is being sincere then I forgive.

With that I would hate being the butt of the joke. That irritates me so bad.
 

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I don't know if this is common for INFPs or just my personal opinion but I can usually handle jokes about myself in 1 on 1 situations but when it involves many people it might be just too much to handle. It's situational ofc but I can take it very personally if multiple people are joking or are involved in joking about me. "How could so many people be wrong? There must be at least a grain of truth in what they're saying." If a joker is joking loudly with spectators/crowd then It might also be seen as an insult.
 
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