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INTP Tritype 512
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I was posting in some other thread, noticed some stuff in my response. So I want to apologize especially to you INFJs who are already really sensitive to the tone and things about people.

Context: I have a very annoying chronic illness. The energy to think and write can be taxing, and I notice I take this out on my words a lot. I can seem cranky, short, curt, what have you, just in trying to be efficient with my resources. That aggravates whatever is going on already, if I'm upset in a post, that I'm already INTP and struggle to translate what's in my brain, etc.

I wish it could be like, "Get some rest and come back when you're better." There's just no "better." It is what it is. If I really stayed in bed and waited for the pain to go away or for a good day, nothing would ever happen.

If I take longer to write a post, it would never get written. I run out of energy perfecting it, get up the next day, and everything is different. By that I mean, the conversation moved on, I need to rewrite it, or I forgot the context around my post and need to find my way again and there goes all my energy again. I get caught between choosing to keep up at the speed of the internet or my own pace.

It's a conundrum. And I've left forums for months deciding the pace isn't for me. Yet, this is the pace of people. I'm isolated all the time, long before the pandemic, and people irl are the same deal. I run to keep up until I can't. Not many will walk with me. Stack on it that I've got complex PTSD from trauma and crap, and it's just... good times.

This is just my reality clashing with everyone else's. I haven't found a good way to navigate it yet, and I don't want to quit trying to connect with people.

I wrote all this for INFJs since when I post here it's already sensitive for me due to some stuff in the past. I got the sense from one of my former INFJ friends that being able to pick up on so much with people was like being a psychic detective. You can pick up on a lot of things, but it's like just enough information to be frustrating, missing the last 5 puzzle pieces or something. Maybe I'm wrong on that, feel free to correct me.

Anyways, I apologize for whatever mess I've been dropping and I hope this clears some things up for now and in the future.
 

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I hope this doesn't come out the wrong way, but it never really bothers me when someone on the internet that I've never met in person is cranky towards me? If you can't express your emotions fully to strangers on the internet who can you express them to right?
I don't think I've interacted with you on this forum, personally, but I hope that those who might have felt hurt or offended by your past words/actions appreciate your apologies.
Honestly, based on what you say, there are a lot of people on this forum who have been way way way bigger jerks than just lashing out on a forum.

Going through a lot with chronic pain is understandably stressful. I have a mom with fibromyalgia and I'm used to her getting cranky with me. I had to learn that the pain just adds so much stress to things that it takes patience for a healthy person to handle.
 

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Oh I hope this isn’t in response to our discussion on the other thread, @Battlelina 😣 If so, please please do not feel any need to apologize, you have absolutely nothing to apologize for. We are actually pretty tough, I think! Your post didn’t offend me, I promise. It made me sad, that INFJs hurt you & then trying to understand & explain the other side. My next post was a general frustration. Trying to figure out how to communicate our perspective in regards to that topic left me feeling irritated I think, a bit helpless. I spend a lot of time trying to communicate in a way that is understandable, thoughtful, respectful & honest, so I think it makes me extra sensitive when I see criticism of how INFJs communicate. Especially when I’m very aware of our weaknesses/flaws, of which there are many. So again, not related to you as much as me being frustrated how to communicate & explain our POV. I often feel like we can’t win, no matter what we’ll either be too nice (people think it’s fake & not honest when it is, in that moment) or too direct (jerks).

Most importantly, I assure you I was thankful you shared your perspective & appreciated your honesty. What kind of a hypocrite would I be to post my frustrations about feeling like people don’t want us to actually be honest, and then I turned around & didn’t allow you to do that? No.You can be honest. It is not only welcome but appreciated. So please, you have no reason to apologize. Unless you were an ass somewhere else that I’m not aware of, in which case nvm baha.

If this is not related to our discussion, and I’m a loony egomaniac thinking it was about our convo, please just disregard all this word salad:oops:😅

Also I skimmed your other post & will get back to it later when I have more time!
 

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You cared enough to post an apology, dunno what you've been saying, but this should be enough for forgiveness me thinks. You posted quite a lot dude. I would assume you feel bad about something you did. For me that alone is enough.

Also all the trauma, illness etc you have, those who read your posts should keep that in mind. Don't wanna say it's a life-time pass, but it surely is excusable at a large percentage. To me anyways.

Also people are big babies sometimes, offended by the dumbest things (I have a lot of experience in Sales and Customer Service). ¯\(ツ)/¯ Keep that in mind when you "hurt" someone. It's not always your fault.
 

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I want to apologize to INFJs too for being an asshole. I really let my pride and anger get out of control, and I said things that were really hurtful. My life had always been one extreme circumstance or the other, and the separation over the past year and a half has really humbled me. I am currently educating myself on what INFJs need so I won't make the same mistakes in the future.

I just hope that my lessons don't come at too high a cost!
 

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I want to apologize to INFJs too for being an asshole. I really let my pride and anger get out of control, and I said things that were really hurtful. My life had always been one extreme circumstance or the other, and the separation over the past year and a half has really humbled me. I am currently educating myself on what INFJs need so I won't make the same mistakes in the future.

I just hope that my lessons don't come at too high a cost!
If an INFJ hasn't door slammed you yet, I think you should be fine. Though every stressful occurrence they go through brings you closer to that consequence. What did you do exactly? =/
 

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If an INFJ hasn't door slammed you yet, I think you should be fine. Though every stressful occurrence they go through brings you closer to that consequence. What did you do exactly? =/
A door slam is like, when they just ghost you without telling you right?

I'd rather not get too much into the detail. We were dating, and I let it all go to my head and I was too codependent. It was a big strain on both of us.

There was a whole year gap where we didn't talk at all, then she came back to wish me happy birthday. From then on it was an email every month or so, but I haven't heard from her for two months and we were on a good note last time. Her birthday is coming up, so I'll write her another email for that, but after that, the ball's in her court. Man, I wish I wouldn't have been such a dick. I could have ruined a perfectly good opportunity that only comes once a lifetime.
 

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A door slam is like, when they just ghost you without telling you right?

I'd rather not get too much into the detail. We were dating, and I let it all go to my head and I was too codependent. It was a big strain on both of us.

There was a whole year gap where we didn't talk at all, then she came back to wish me happy birthday. From then on it was an email every month or so, but I haven't heard from her for two months and we were on a good note last time. Her birthday is coming up, so I'll write her another email for that, but after that, the ball's in her court. Man, I wish I wouldn't have been such a dick. I could have ruined a perfectly good opportunity that only comes once a lifetime.
Yeah, when they ghost you.

If she e-mailed you even after she initiated contact because your birthday, I'd like to believe that's a good sign. I'd take it like there's a chance you two could at least be friends again.

Every month or so isn't exactly a lot so it may be that she was trying to move on too right after she wished you happy birthday. She probably just gave into lingering feelings momentarily. It really depends on how badly she was hurt. But she may be busy or maybe she's not seeing any change or confirmation of something from you. It's hard to tell.

You wishing her happy birthday is a great idea because the more she responds and reacts to you, the more you can kinda feel where she's going and get an idea of what she wants.

I hope to see a positive response from her after you wish her for her birthday.

Lastly, I dunno if I can speak for most INFJs, but if I door slam someone, there's rarely a chance I'd contact that person again. And that's friendship wise. Relationship wise, the chances are slightly increased because of those lingering feelings. She contacted you first. If contact is consistent, it would increase the chances of things between you two to be resolved.
 

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Yeah, when they ghost you.

If she e-mailed you even after she initiated contact because your birthday, I'd like to believe that's a good sign. I'd take it like there's a chance you two could at least be friends again.

Every month or so isn't exactly a lot so it may be that she was trying to move on too right after she wished you happy birthday. She probably just gave into lingering feelings momentarily. It really depends on how badly she was hurt. But she may be busy or maybe she's not seeing any change or confirmation of something from you. It's hard to tell.

You wishing her happy birthday is a great idea because the more she responds and reacts to you, the more you can kinda feel where she's going and get an idea of what she wants.

I hope to see a positive response from her after you wish her for her birthday.

Lastly, I dunno if I can speak for most INFJs, but if I door slam someone, there's rarely a chance I'd contact that person again. And that's friendship wise. Relationship wise, the chances are slightly increased because of those lingering feelings. She contacted you first. If contact is consistent, it would increase the chances of things between you two to be resolved.
Yeah, she spoke often of being busy with important family matters. I can't really get into details that much cause I promised I'd protect her privacy, and she is a rather private person but I hope you're right. I really want to make things work out with her, I can tell you that much. She brought such good change and improvement to my life and I really started to grow in ways I wasn't before. Her family was good to me and I'd really enjoy being part of it.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Oh I hope this isn’t in response to our discussion on the other thread, @Battlelina 😣 If so, please please do not feel any need to apologize, you have absolutely nothing to apologize for.
Thanks for the assurances. It was inspired by the discussion, tho not hugely related. I like to believe INTPs attempting to become well-rounded will look at their own patterns of behavior as much as the patterns we see everywhere else. In the process of looking at the discussion and my response to it, I saw patterns in my behavior that needed evaluation.

Looking at later discussion in this thread, as well as @Weiss being in customer service (my condolences), I know you're made of tough stuff. The one INFJ I knew for years was exceptionally resilient. Never knew anyone else who could really listen to something about self-improvement and then BEWM, just take action.

Also, thank you @dulcinea for your logic as well as empathy. It helped a lot.

@APBReloaded I do hope you get to make up with the INFJ in your life now that you have grown and matured. And if it does get to be a situation where she's back in your life on a regular basis, that would be some great news. Do keep us posted. :)
 

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@APBReloaded I do hope you get to make up with the INFJ in your life now that you have grown and matured. And if it does get to be a situation where she's back in your life on a regular basis, that would be some great news. Do keep us posted. :)
I finally heard from her again after two months. She seems pretty stressed. I'm hoping as I continue to be there for her, I can be the light at the end of the tunnel for her. Good things come to those who wait, and there's no better way to show I care for her than to be there for her in her lowest times.
 

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I was posting in some other thread, noticed some stuff in my response. So I want to apologize especially to you INFJs who are already really sensitive to the tone and things about people.

Context: I have a very annoying chronic illness. The energy to think and write can be taxing, and I notice I take this out on my words a lot. I can seem cranky, short, curt, what have you, just in trying to be efficient with my resources. That aggravates whatever is going on already, if I'm upset in a post, that I'm already INTP and struggle to translate what's in my brain, etc.

I wish it could be like, "Get some rest and come back when you're better." There's just no "better." It is what it is. If I really stayed in bed and waited for the pain to go away or for a good day, nothing would ever happen.

If I take longer to write a post, it would never get written. I run out of energy perfecting it, get up the next day, and everything is different. By that I mean, the conversation moved on, I need to rewrite it, or I forgot the context around my post and need to find my way again and there goes all my energy again. I get caught between choosing to keep up at the speed of the internet or my own pace.

It's a conundrum. And I've left forums for months deciding the pace isn't for me. Yet, this is the pace of people. I'm isolated all the time, long before the pandemic, and people irl are the same deal. I run to keep up until I can't. Not many will walk with me. Stack on it that I've got complex PTSD from trauma and crap, and it's just... good times.

This is just my reality clashing with everyone else's. I haven't found a good way to navigate it yet, and I don't want to quit trying to connect with people.

I wrote all this for INFJs since when I post here it's already sensitive for me due to some stuff in the past. I got the sense from one of my former INFJ friends that being able to pick up on so much with people was like being a psychic detective. You can pick up on a lot of things, but it's like just enough information to be frustrating, missing the last 5 puzzle pieces or something. Maybe I'm wrong on that, feel free to correct me.

Anyways, I apologize for whatever mess I've been dropping and I hope this clears some things up for now and in the future.
It's nice of you to make amends and explain yourself, even though I'm not sure if it's necessary. It might help anyone who may have been offended by you be more understanding. But people also need to not take things too personally.

I struggle with a lot as well. Though I am not diagnosed with any chronic illness (I may have one or some, but I don't seek doctor care or diagnoses). The one thing that has helped me the most in life is joining and working a 12 step program. For one thing, you can have enriching relationships with people and it is the least judgmental place I've ever been. Everyone has the same goal in mind, to recover, whatever that means to them. I know you physically are dealing with something, but this can still help. Based on your open-mindedness to look at yourself and keep your side of the street clean, it seems like something you may be of interest in.
 
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