Personality Cafe banner
1 - 6 of 6 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,471 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello,
I am wondering how the rest of you are when dealing with big life changes (like moving to a new place, starting a new school/job, etc.) Are you usually excited by it? Cautious?

I am going through one of those changes right now and it's making me nervous. I realize now that I am not very good with change even though I always used to think I was flexible. I realize this may be the "J" part in me causing this kind of stress. I know once I start getting comfortable and routine starts to build that I eventually feel better, but...

Do other ENFJs experience this? If so, do you know of ways to deal with change well and to feel better faster?

(I sometimes wish I could develop more of a "P" attitude where I can just welcome change with open arms and enthusiasm, rather than this caution and worry.)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
266 Posts
I experienced this recently, and yeah it was difficult. I wasn't nervous but more lonely. It was hard finding good friends to be with, someone where you can go deep with since that's my type of personality, but I finally did find someone. He's becoming one of my good friends here, and it made a world of a difference. But yeah, I am the clingy type, and I do need close friends near by when I move to new places. Not having that did make me insecure so yeah. Know yourself first off, and embrace your needs so that you can embrace the change that is inevitable. I didn't, and that was a big mistake.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,471 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
@roxasquall
Thank you for your reply. I thought up several reasons why I might be nervous about this new place/experience. But after reading your post, I realize what is also making me uneasy is not having someone there waiting at this "new place" that can be a good friend.

I actually think finding a good friend in this situation would make a huge difference for me. I didn't even consider that as one of the problems before. It's really true that I don't know myself/my needs as well as I should. I have been working on it only recently since learning I was an ENFJ.

Anyway, I hope a good friendship can be created now that I realize my need for it. I will work hard to find someone to count on in my new place and I will appreciate them very much when I do find them. But in the case that it looks like it will take long to find them, then i guess i should work on seeing my other unmet needs and try to solve those instead.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17,829 Posts
Before change: Nervous to the point of getting fits, shivers - extreme visions/premonitions of terror, failure, nightmares and significant enough anxiety to lose sleep, suffer from absent-mindedness, getting distracted and lost in thought.

But once I'm "in" ... then it's smooth sailing. One of the first things I do when in a new situation is try to impress with all my skills [and not just job related skills]. I try to learn the "culture" as much as possible and I pin point the top movers and shakers in the setting and try to assimilate what they're doing. I get close to them the only way I know how - with courtesy, respect and charm. I move around a lot - initiating a lot of conversations and finding out who the power players are and getting close to them in a variety of ways.

Well .. I'm in a new situation today [going for a 2 week job placement program with a bunch of other Canadian immigrants]. It's going to be a brand new experience for me. I've been sitting at home for almost 8 months now ... Feeling rather nervous myself right now --- [almost to the point where my hands are shaking]. But I know that once I'm there, I should be fine. I plan to keep it strictly business for the first few days. I'm already planning the rest of the day out in my head --- everything from how I'm going to greet people/the supervisors -- to where I'm going for lunch -- to where I'm going to sit in the classroom -- what I'm going to say in the introduction.

Planning and intuiting about things keeps me from feeling too anxious. It helps me bury the feelings so that I can be most effective.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,471 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I found this on personalitypage.com about children enfjs (and esfjs)

"They are uncomfortable with change and do not usually adapt well to new situations"

So it confirms what I thought! It is found in enfj children, too. haha. So I am somewhat child-like still.

It has been three days at my new place and I am feeling just a wee bit more comfortable, but definitely its hard to adjust to. I am just trying to think as positive as I can and do little positive things for myself, so that I don't feel drained by some of negative emotions that pass by every now and then... especially when someone new says something kind of insensitive to me. I am not enjoying the atmosphere of the new place as much as I would like to, but its starting to get better, so I will try not to lose hope.

I will try to just focus on being kind to myself, whenever I think others aren't, so that I won't feel as down...I don't want lose to the unnecessary negativity that others bring.
 
  • Like
Reactions: SilentScream

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,471 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
It has been 4 weeks since I have been at this place. There has been some good and bad days, but I definitely feel a lot more comfortable there now. It really is true that I just needed some time. I realize so well though how people can affect me. As soon as I met some nice people, I started to relax and feel more welcome. Some days I still run into people who kind of intimidate me, so then i go home feeling tired...but on days where I am with people that I like...I go home with energy and am kind of happy. It really makes a difference.
 
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
Top