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I had a friend whom I have been extremely close with the past year and a half and all of the sudden she has grown so incredibly distant. I noticed a change in her around september -- she was always very pessimistic about seeing others and life in general, just constantly complaining. I am particularly sensitive to people's feelings and especially their comments on others (i.e. can't handle gossips) and she had claimed to despise people like that but I watched her change into it and go into detail about how much she hated many of her peers. She started growing apart and a mutual friend of mine said she was taking a break from our group because she thought us too "negative" although I feel like that energy she was feeling was really coming from herself. Eventually she stopped talking to me altogether, missed my birthday (reminder we were best friends so this was weird behavior) and did not talk to me until two weeks when I texted her and said "hey I love you. I don't know whats going on but I love you" and she went crazy and blamed it on a small fuck up I had made earlier. I eventually stopped responding because the conversation was getting no where. Later I found that she had built even MORE resentment up because I hadn't responded to her so I wrote her a four page letter and left it on her car at one of her performances (she is an actress) because I wasnt able to make it inside in time. we talked and I thought everything was fine but then she started ignoring me again and I still hadn't seen her in person since before all of this happened. Recently, I found she is still pissed and blaming me for all of this and is mad because "I didn't try" when I really tried to reach out to her. She is gossiping and sub tweeting and it just seems so unlike her. I am concerned but I am keeping a distance because she really hurt me.
 

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She just sounds really unhealthy to me in general. It sounds like she's dealing with multiple problems, and she doesn't sound like a healthy ENFP to me.

I know it hurts to deal with friends who changed so much that they seem like a different person. Unless they're willing to communicate very honestly and openly about the situation, then usually I just let go of them, because I've had bad experiences with waiting for people like that to change back and become their regular selves again.

After a while, if those people don't end up acting "normal" again, it almost seems like they're not the same person that we originally became friends with.
 

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... no, this could be any person of any type. I’m sorry you have to go through this and I am glad that you decided to distance yourself and give yourself extra emotional space. I only have one perspective, being yours, but I am concerned in her habit of blaming others. If her motive is dependency, manipulation or personal insecurity she might turn to blaming herself. Listen very closely to what she’s saying because that what we hate in others is also what we hate in ourselves. Or what we perceive to be lurking inside ourselves which may or may not actually be true.

Listen and keep listening. Try to see the person for who she really is: no prejudice, which includes the prejudice of past affection as well prejudice of today’s frustration and disappointment.

Personal experience, I was once in your friend’s position when I fell in love last time. She consumed my thoughts and my emotions, and was bad news. She was someone who taught me anger, spite and I wished horrible things for her. My friendships suffered and looking back, I’m appalled at the thoughts and images that became me. Question, is there someone new in her life to whom she’s given her heart? If not romantically, what about ideologically, authoritatively, or perhaps religiously?

... a little caveat. I speak only of my own experience and of my own observation and study. Plus the questions I ask are of a very personal nature, questions that cannot be answered definitely or immediately and questions I wouldn’t feel comfortable answering on a public forum. That said, their intent are as a guide. You know, to see more of the complete picture.
 

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... no, this could be any person of any type. I’m sorry you have to go through this and I am glad that you decided to distance yourself and give yourself extra emotional space. I only have one perspective, being yours, but I am concerned in her habit of blaming others. If her motive is dependency, manipulation or personal insecurity she might turn to blaming herself. Listen very closely to what she’s saying because that what we hate in others is also what we hate in ourselves. Or what we perceive to be lurking inside ourselves which may or may not actually be true.

Listen and keep listening. Try to see the person for who she really is: no prejudice, which includes the prejudice of past affection as well prejudice of today’s frustration and disappointment.

Personal experience, I was once in your friend’s position when I fell in love last time. She consumed my thoughts and my emotions, and was bad news. She was someone who taught me anger, spite and I wished horrible things for her. My friendships suffered and looking back, I’m appalled at the thoughts and images that became me. Question, is there someone new in her life to whom she’s given her heart? If not romantically, what about ideologically, authoritatively, or perhaps religiously?

... a little caveat. I speak only of my own experience and of my own observation and study. Plus the questions I ask are of a very personal nature, questions that cannot be answered definitely or immediately and questions I wouldn’t feel comfortable answering on a public forum. That said, their intent are as a guide. You know, to see more of the complete picture.
Yes I understand. I really want to help her. And I see how that would be uncomfortable but since this is anonymous anyways, might as well get help while I can receive it.

She has a new boyfriend. And he is VERY unhealthy mentally. He talks of suicide and very concerning things and I'm scared it's not a good influence on her. He also seems to like causing drama from what I have observed.
Everytime she gets into a relationship I typically don't hear from her. I think she reevaluates her surroundings upon new relationships.
 

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... my first thought was "fuck, that's scary." My second thought was "this too shall pass. In the meantime things will be difficult. There will be a temptation for you to hold grudges, please don't." I had a friends once who played the "if you don't hang out with me and be my friends, I'll kill myself" card. I was terrified, things escalated and we no longer talk. I ended up speaking to a mutual acquaintance about my frustrations who in turn told my friend. I later got a call from him where he calmly broke the friendship off and told me that he won't call me until I apologize and to call him when I'm ready to resume the friendship. This was five years ago and I never made that call; I erased his number and all possible contacts. If he's still alive, I do not know. I shudder to think but at the same time, are we responsible for other people's actions, especially when those same people don't respect your time, your thought and dignity or your feelings?

... resolution, I think I'll only get resolution if I speak to him and at the same time I have no means of contacting him and I know that if I did he would try to pull something sinister again. Not feeling guilty is something I have come to accept, but I'm still not comfortable with the situation. So your friend, I really wish her strength. I hope the relationship doesn't last and that she's fine.

I was in a used bookstore, surprise surprise, and I was flipping through a book called Who's Pulling Your Stings, by Harriet B. Braiker. If you could procure a copy, get informed and speak about the ideas with your other friends in her company in a way that is both natural and subtle, she might get the message and start to rethink what she values in a relationship. I'm all for passion and romance but our society has a misconstrued understanding of what love is. It sucks for men who don't want to be forceful, domineering and want to live outside of their career and it sucks worse for women who are taught to think that love is abandonment, dependency or obedience and it sucks for both that we are taught that love is playing games behind people's backs.

... anyway, I'm thinking "aloud." Not many people would care enough to stick around and help; it's awesome that you do.
 

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From what I have experienced... it seems like they are either depressed which has caused them to act this way along with some paranoia... or... they could be narcissistic. Where they build relationships when it suits them, but it isn't real and end up purposely harming the people they form bonds with on purpose and use them like yo-yos, playing the game of hurting people and then making the victim feel like its their fault, constantly back and forth with their relationships but doest not know what a real relationship is due to empathy being none existent in them as they are incapable of love, but extremely good at acting they like do and very often stab people in the back behind the scenes and then try to say sorry, just to do it another 1000 times as the apologies are not real, just another form of manipulation as they cant afford to loose associations they have as they crave attention like children, I know because I was once in love with one...

Not saying they are that, but worth looking into some sites on signs of a narcissist. But they also they could just be going through something.
 
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