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Discussion Starter #1
So what do the ESTJ's think about ESFJ's? Any chance of sparks flying? Anyone here been in a relationship with an ESTJ?

Just to give a background on my inquiry, my father is an ESTJ and my mother is an ESFJ (I'm pretty certain she is). Curious to see your thoughts and opinions. Thanks in advance.
 

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hmmm. I would look at your mom again. Its very possible that she is a ESFP, or an ENFJ. A lot of times P's can be pretty organized which is what people normally consider J's to be. In fact, J's are J's because they love rules and order and almost never go outside of them. Whereas P's tend to be more spontaneous and willing to break rules.

I personally am not friends with any ESFJ's. I know a few, but I really am not attracted to them or feel any kind of need to be friends with them. They are too much like me in most ways, and in the other way I just cant handle the way they're different (it involves the F). It could just be me, but having to controlling or bossy people around never tends to work out. At best I have a few ESTJ friends and fewer ISTJ friends. None of whom I am close with (except family members). My stepmom is an ISFJ, but I tend to always feel like I need to be wary of her.

I believe in general opposites do attract and that's why I am surrounded by people who are of another personality type, or even group of personalities.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
In fact, J's are J's because they love rules and order and almost never go outside of them. Whereas P's tend to be more spontaneous and willing to break rules.
I do strongly believe she's an ESFJ and I'm almost 100% positive she's a J. So I'll mark you down for a "No".
 

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I have an ESFJ close friend. I don't really like her tbh. She always tries to compete with me, even in the most ridiculous way, like who's the prettier, the smarter, etc. It's just sick.

And the differences between Te and Fe could result in a huge clash, whoa!

I once dating Feeler guys. They were disaster. I had enough.

So, I don't know. I wouldn't want to date an ESFJ, that's for sure. But that's because he's a Feeler, not because he's an ESFJ. I prefer ISTJ or INTJ as my mate.
 

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one of the ESFJs i've bumped into was very friendly and he was popular. I enjoyed talking to him but as far as being romantically involved with him, it would work out for awhile but not a long term because of a lot of disagreements.
 

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My mom is ESFJ, my dad is ESTJ. There are a lot of sparks, but not the right ones. I wouldn't recommend it based on their example.

How do your parents get along, Troisi?
 

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My mom is likewise ESFJ. We clashed a lot when I was growing up. I think the fact we see the same things and are unreserved/open in expressing our opinions is irksome to both of us because we process information in very different ways (F v. T) and sometimes arrive to very different conclusions. Personally, I don't think I could date anyone with a similar personality to my mom (I have dated an ESFP, though). That being said, a good [male] friend of mine is ESFJ, so clearly that is possible.
 

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My dad is an ESTJ, and my mom is an ESFJ; I don't think either of them would be happier with any other type. The T and F can conflict from time to time, but it doesn't persist for too long.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
My mom is ESFJ, my dad is ESTJ. There are a lot of sparks, but not the right ones. I wouldn't recommend it based on their example.

How do your parents get along, Troisi?

They actually have a really great and solid marriage. I know that typically their types wouldn't mix but for some reason they seemed to work out great. They just celebrated their 23rd anniversary and they're still lovey dovey.....it still grosses me out.
 

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My dad is an ESTJ, and my mom is an ESFJ; I don't think either of them would be happier with any other type. The T and F can conflict from time to time, but it doesn't persist for too long.
I second your comment with my parents. They seem inseparable.
 

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I think it depends on how hard the F and T are in the individuals, if they are both strong in that area it could make for tension, but say they are both about 75% toward that area, they will probably understand each other well enough to get along.
 

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My mom is most likely ESTJ and her partner an ESFJ. They get along really well as they have a major common interest (they met in an orchestra) and they're both insanely practical, down to earth people.
(All that practicality drives my ENTP ass crazy. I've stopped counting the arguments I've had with my mom over things like dishes in the sink that just couldn't wait until tomorrow morning because "I wash them every night" - what sort of a reason is that? - or over me forgetting things, a concept she never really wrapped her head around.)

However, I've noticed one recurring issue they have that I think stems from her Te/Fi and his dominant Fe. He has this habit of always doing things for others and taking care of people - to the extent where it can be suffocating to more independent personalities. She sometimes misinterprets this as him trying to control her and they've had a few pretty loud arguments over it, like that one time when he insisted to drive her home from the airport even after she told him she didn't want him to. She was stuck at "I told you I didn't want you to do this and you still did it, stop trying to control me, I can take care of myself" while it was apparent to me that he just thought of it as a nice gesture and wanted to help. (It was actually quite entertaining to look at it from an MBTI perspective, see the motivations they both had and attribute them to their types.)
 

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I meet an ESFJ and ESTJ in real life. They were similar to their archetype. The ESFJ is the soccer mom and the ESTJ is the army dad. They were married for 20 years and appear to be happy.
 

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My sister is an ESTJ and my mother is an ESFJ. I don't think they get along very well. The dominant Te in ESTJ is the 8th function for the ESFJ and same goes for the dominant Fe in ESFJ. But they have their perceiving functions Si-Ne as the same. Somebody mentioned if they are too hung up on their dominant functions, it won't work. Otherwise it should be cool.

They both seem so alien to me though! And that in such strikingly different ways. :p :p
 

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I know 2 ESTJs (not romantically, just as friends) and I'm an ESFJ myself and I would say that I could see ESFJ + ESTJ working well...IF (and this is a big IF) they have the same values and goals in life and their idea of right / wrong align. One of the ESTJ's I know is incredibly controlling and "my way or the highway" kind of person which clashes with my ESFJ needs of everyone getting along and there being harmony etc. Plus, he's pretty insensitive to other people's feelings and thinks people should just get on board with his plan and move forward. I would never be able to date him. So again, it all just depends. I think if both had the same values and views on right / wrong it could work out nicely, even if it might end up being a bit boring. I could see them falling into the same routines, same places to eat, same things to do, same friends, same line of thinking, etc. Might be nice to make sure to challenge each other occasionally
 
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