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I always thought the problem was people, but maybe irrationality is inherent to human nature and then the problem lays with me. Maybe the expectations I set (which I thought to be quite reasonable) are actually too high and unreachable and so maybe I should lower them to better adjust to society and optimize the quality of my life.

I just got dumped by an ENFP who promised the world. I felt she was different and invested a lot of time and energy to make it work, but as it turns out I was just letting myself be fooled again. It's not only my heart that is broken but also my relationships blueprint has been utterly destroyed.

I should have known better than to rely on someone who has a light switch to turn on and off emotions at will.
 

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I always thought the problem was people, but maybe irrationality is inherent to human nature and then the problem lays with me. Maybe the expectations I set (which I thought to be quite reasonable) are actually too high and unreachable and so maybe I should lower them to better adjust to society and optimize the quality of my life.

I just got dumped by an ENFP who promised the world. I felt she was different and invested a lot of time and energy to make it work, but as it turns out I was just letting myself be fooled again. It's not only my heart that is broken but also my relationships blueprint has been utterly destroyed.

I should have known better than to rely on someone who has a light switch to turn on and off emotions at will.
I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out.

As I understand you, what's happened is that you got dumped (again) after putting hard work into the relationship. It further seems that this event has made you reach some kind of threshold, such that you now feel like your very approach to relationships is misguided for various reasons. In particular, you feel that it might not be consistent with what human nature is like.

The important point to consider is whether you would be still be happy in a relationship where you have lowered your expectations so that they align more with what you perceive as the societal norm. It's possible that you would, but I'm guessing that you wouldn't be. Therefore, I'm going to proceed as though you would deny this. If you do, then it is clear that you shouldn't adjust yourself to the societal norm. Pursuing what is ultimately an unhappy life is no way to live.

You should also reject the idea that your experiences so far warrant believing that human nature is incompatible with what you require from a relationship. It may be true, but it's unlikely. It's more plausible that you feel this way because the dumping is still fresh in your mind.

Following this, you should keep trying to find the right person in accordance with your current principles. I don't know the precise reason why the relationship broke down, but a lot of the time it has to do with miscommunication. That is, what you think that the other person is saying is not what they actually have in mind. If something like this is the reason, then a future tip might be to try and get clearer on what the other person is like and what they want from the relationship. Keep in mind that they may say all kinds of things to you in response, but it may not necessarily be accurate. You'll have to approach the subject multiple times in different ways, in different contexts, in order to get a comprehensive view.

It might also be that the person you encountered simply had very fickle emotions. If you get this impression from other people in the future, it may be that you should avoid such people, given how damaging they can be to you.
 

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I always thought the problem was people, but maybe irrationality is inherent to human nature and then the problem lays with me. Maybe the expectations I set (which I thought to be quite reasonable) are actually too high and unreachable and so maybe I should lower them to better adjust to society and optimize the quality of my life.
I learned this lesson a while ago. I remember it very clearly, mum once asked me: "Have you ever considered the possibility that not everyone you meet is a blubbering fool and that maybe your standards are impossible to meet?"

I gave a petulant response at the time, but over the next few days I really mulled it over and gained some new insight. I won't ever admit that most humans aren't idiots (because let's face it, most of them are) but I know now to separate what I want from what I expect. I can't lessen the standards that I want met, as that would be a betrayal of who I am. But I lower the standard that I expect, as humans (as a general matter) are disappointing enough to warrant that approach.
 

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I always thought the problem was people, but maybe irrationality is inherent to human nature and then the problem lays with me. Maybe the expectations I set (which I thought to be quite reasonable) are actually too high and unreachable and so maybe I should lower them to better adjust to society and optimize the quality of my life.
I tried to accept that humans are irrational and let it go but it still grates. I think it's hard to lower your expectations on things you inherently value. I cope by hanging off to the side with my ISTP & ENTP (rational thinker) friends -- when one of us, after witnessing too much, lets out a pained "so irrational" the other two of us give a sympathetic but seen-it-before "yep" in unison. Nothing more needs to be said.

I just got dumped by an ENFP who promised the world. I felt she was different and invested a lot of time and energy to make it work, but as it turns out I was just letting myself be fooled again. It's not only my heart that is broken but also my relationships blueprint has been utterly destroyed.

I should have known better than to rely on someone who has a light switch to turn on and off emotions at will.
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better in time. Fwiw my way of coping after dating an ENFP (albeit briefly) was to vow to never date another ENFP. I know that some INTJs really like them and it works for them (and that's great), but for me personally, from all the ENFPs I've known, I find them too chaotic/unreliable and there is a mismatch between my cool exterior/warm interior and them being the inverse.
 

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I always thought the problem was people, but maybe irrationality is inherent to human nature and then the problem lays with me. Maybe the expectations I set (which I thought to be quite reasonable) are actually too high and unreachable and so maybe I should lower them to better adjust to society and optimize the quality of my life.

I just got dumped by an ENFP who promised the world. I felt she was different and invested a lot of time and energy to make it work, but as it turns out I was just letting myself be fooled again. It's not only my heart that is broken but also my relationships blueprint has been utterly destroyed.

I should have known better than to rely on someone who has a light switch to turn on and off emotions at will.

Congratulations, you've now managed to grasp one of life's truths: people are really stupid.
Also tying into human-nature; which my answer is that humans are "perceived good". Not particularly good or evil, they mostly believe they're not in the wrong. Because of that, human arrogance grows within many, making them not only stupid but also defiant to admit their faults and shortcomings.
But hey, you fell for the 'promise of the world', now you should recognize that was in itself: irrational. On the bright side, you now have a relevation in dating and maybe you could look for a partner that doesn't promise anything glamorous but only wants to stay with you for who you are?
Well, that's only a suggestion....
 

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Knowing your own fears, expectations, desires, and especially hopes - should inevitably lead you there.
 

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I'm an ascended super saiyajin,

I'm way past beyond that phase it's a waste to think that way.
 
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I always thought the problem was people, but maybe irrationality is inherent to human nature and then the problem lays with me. Maybe the expectations I set (which I thought to be quite reasonable) are actually too high and unreachable and so maybe I should lower them to better adjust to society and optimize the quality of my life.
Human(s) are "irrational," by nature - because we are subjected to [self-consciousness / awareness] (&) congenital cognitive-defects, (re: biases / hueristics / misuing reason / misusing intelligence), and so forth. To believe otherwise, well, the specimen is sufficiently uninformed (ignorant/insipid), uneducated, or (in denial), and well, the latter is irrational by default.

Anyway, "irrationality," in itself (e.g., ideologies, prejudices, justice/prisons, orthordoxies) et al, is not all bad - it simply is a matter of the stakes involved.
 

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You seem broken at the moment, I hope one day you'll see through it, it really is a waste of time.

you could dedicate your mind to better causes, you can't do anything about it but learn from it..

one of several places where I learned my place was college, if not that I probably would stay blinded, stupid kid I was haha, I still am most likely, recover your mind, crap this post was too serious.

A moderator of this forum has a nice signature - "Life is a comedy to those who think and a tragedy to those who feel." - Horace Walpole.

If you really have a rational mind then use it for a better cause.
 

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Well, if you use natural languages fluently (I don't mean study them, I mean use them), then you're using imprecise, irrational tools of thought for probably the great majority of your waking, perhaps sleeping, hours.

I suspect this is why people with neurodevelopmental disorders like autism-spectrum things, are often disappointing conversationalists, although it seems likely that some of them can perform well in places where natural language ability is not privileged.

Since I suspect it's not mainstream to associate ASD with MBTI, it's probably just a nerd thing for people to get upset by "irrational" language, behavior, and thinking. To each his own.
 

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i don't think you can call someone 'irrational' for breaking up with you. it doesn't, um well . . . make sense. if someone's not feeling it, you can't bully them with reason until they realise they 'should' feel it again.

with that said though, i don't think people are irrational when it comes to emotional life. i think everyone probably has their own personal rationales. and imo people are usually one or more of a number of things. they're short sighted. or they're inexperienced. or they're focused on factors they might be so unaware of (or take so much for granted as something 'everyone' feels), they never think to 'expose' them to you so you can give each other reality checks about where it's going to go further on down the line.

it seriously sucks when someone who promised you something turns out to be unable to deliver on it after all. but i think that's more about insight and depth than it is about rationality.
 

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I've always felt alone. It's easy as an INTJ, to feel alone. Because let's face it - they are all idiots. They don't understand us and the worst of it: they don't even try to.

But I still believe that out there, for everyone, is at least a handful of people that 'fit'. For some people there are hundreds or even thousands because they're easy-going? Hard to put that into words. They don't think as deeply or as complicated. Or maybe they're just different, the norm and we're the outcasts. But those handful of people... they're out there and you can find them. You just have to cast a web wide enough. And then you have to go through 99,99% bullshit people to get to that one that suits. I found it and so can you.

Still baffles me how low the odds were of me and my boyfriend meeting. We're from different continents, both introverts and both - by chance - on the same stupid dating app. Heck I was on my second degree by then, if I had decided to start working, I wouldn't have met him. If he didn't work for his dads company, I wouldn't have met him. If I accidently swiped left I wouldn't have met him. It's all chance. That's the beauty and the chaos of the universe and that is irrationality.

Also: you don't have to go 'out there' to start searching. I know dating apps are shitty but they allow you to talk to someone first. No bullshit dates. Just a TON of bullshit conversations.
 

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ENFP. Boo. Hiss.

Yes, humanity is irrational, even the all knowing INTJ. And yup, even we get dumped.

Question: Why do you think you hoped for more despite what your 'rational' nature told you to begin with? This was a personal disappointment, so how come your first response was to dump responsibility on all of humanity?
 

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ENFP. Boo. Hiss.

Yes, humanity is irrational, even the all knowing INTJ. And yup, even we get dumped.

Question: Why do you think you hoped for more despite what your 'rational' nature told you to begin with? This was a personal disappointment, so how come your first response was to dump responsibility on all of humanity?
I think I got blinded because I had never experienced such a strong connection with anyone before. The impression I have that most people are able to flip interests on and off like a light switch was already existent and has not germinated from this experience, but I still believe there is a minority who is not. I was disappointed at myself for dropping my guard, which hadn't happened in a long while, and for making a mistake when I was judging her character. I'm always good until I "decide" it is okay to let feelings for someone develop. Now if that decision was made based on wrong assumptions, then I'm screwed once they develop.

Not sure if that answers your question.
 

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Rationality is based on a different sets of assumptions for different people. Even so, it is unlikely that any given person will always act in accordance with what may be considered rational.

Lowering expectations to the level of reality is important. What can you reasonably expect from a person should be a standard rather than a standard based on ideals.
 

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I think that some people are more irrational than others. I love people but they can be unpredictable and frustrating as well. Once you think you know them, they prove you wrong. At least, I have had many experiences like this. I don't love them so much when they show their most unbearable sides. I have had to deal with many people who could not see situations for what they were because they were blinded by their own biases. Dealing with people like this puts me in a deep state of stress. They somehow rub off on me if it goes on too long. It doesn't necessarily mean you are irrational. You have the right to have standards.

Don't let anyone tell you that you don't. Some people just don't understand and it is not your fault. Most people do have a certain side to them but it can be unbearable to deal with. I am a person who can be very irrational myself when I am at my worst but I try not to be. I try to improve that side of myself but I am a human. I am sorry about the breakup. It sounds very hard and like you did not get what you expected. It wasn't your fault at all. It can be hard to trust people again especially those who remind us of those who hurt us. Sometimes, people don't say what they mean but it is very hard. :unsure: It's especially difficult to find out that people are not who they claim to be. It just gets to a certain point.
 
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