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errrr .. in my experience ..

I would say that IxxJ and ExxJ are definitely emotionally aggressive :laughing: like a switch. Push the wrong button, step the wrong toe, place the too pungent (unintended) criticism .... *BAM*, you've done it. You got to run, fast.

I don't know .... my NFP openmindedness makes me less reactive, so it takes a while for me to decide whether or not i am offended, angry, whatever. I have many moments where I can decide how I will respond. Strong Ne-users want to experiment, push boundaries, poke and trigger. This is not possible with ''explosive'' types.

INFJ type 1s and 9s are calm as can be, INFJ 4s are rather explosive (INFP type 4 as well, for some reason)
Hehe, I'm INFJ type 4 and I do see myself a bit in what you say. I have to really know and trust someone to be like that though.

I also have 9 in my tritype too which shows as even in these situations, I am incredibly conflict avoidant and don't go anywhere near arguments. I just yeah, will openly say if something has pissed me off the closer I get to someone.
 

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At first I thought "What the hey?!? No way, can't relate to that at all." Then I thought about it a little more & realize that yes, this can be the perception sometimes. I don't think of myself as aggressive, but there have been multiple times when I've been having a discussion with another and been told to "calm down". Which honestly, every time this has happened it has floored & confused me a bit. Taken me by surprise. In the moment, I don't realize I may be speaking somewhat aggressively. It's not until it's pointed out to me that I'm aware it's happening.

Oftentimes I don't think I'm really being aggressive per se either, I just feel very strongly about the topic at hand. I think there's a difference. Passion vs aggression maybe? I will push back if I think you're wrong & I won't back down. Being told to "calm down" when I don't think I'm really being that "worked up" can trigger me a bit as well. It's a funny thing, other's perception of our behavior vs. our own...
 

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Hehe, I'm INFJ type 4 and I do see myself a bit in what you say. I have to really know and trust someone to be like that though.

I also have 9 in my tritype too which shows as even in these situations, I am incredibly conflict avoidant and don't go anywhere near arguments. I just yeah, will openly say if something has pissed me off the closer I get to someone.
9s tend to get passive-aggressive. Do you easily forget something (or by choice)?

What is it about arguments you dislike or find cumbersome to deal with?

For me, getting triggered or explosive is mostly only when values are being trashed or when people think they can get away with opportunistic behaviour (i.e. exploiting you). A value can be as simple as me seeing someone spitting on the ground in public .... I just .... :bored::angry: ....

As for personal attacks and insults I find them usually rather funny, interesting and amusing. :laughing:
 

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9s tend to get passive-aggressive. Do you easily forget something (or by choice)?

What is it about arguments you dislike or find cumbersome to deal with?

For me, getting triggered or explosive is mostly only when values are being trashed or when people think they can get away with opportunistic behaviour (i.e. exploiting you). A value can be as simple as me seeing someone spitting on the ground in public .... I just .... :bored::angry: ....

As for personal attacks and insults I find them usually rather funny, interesting and amusing. :laughing:
Ah yeah, that's a big Fi / Fe difference I imagine. I guess I'm not so bothered if someone steps on a value of mine, I can just brush it off. But yeah if someone touches a sensitive subject with me and it's someone I know well enough to think that they should know better realistically, it can frustrate me rather easily.

If it's someone who I know is testing me or trying to get a reaction, it bothers me a bit less though.

I grew up with quite a toxic relationship with one of my parents, often leading to arguments that I never asked for nor knew how to handle. It was almost like they were allowed to explode at me, but god forbid I react at all. So it's heavily influenced by that, but also I just like to mediate, I don't like to take sides but I do relate to being passive aggressive as that's something I can be with most people haha. I think most would say that's the only aggressive side they've ever seen to me - my biggest aim is to keep the peace but if I can't do that, then being quietly rebellious is normally the way I deal with it.

I don't think many strangers (or close friends even) would say I'm an angry person in general, or at least I hope not ;)
 

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INFJs can be evil! A friend's girlfriend constantly bossed him around and forced him to do things he didn't really want to do. For example, she insisted that they get up at 6am every day or clean up on certain days - and if he (INTP) didn't want to do it, she could get angry... But when she is among other friends or strangers, she always pretends to be nice. Actually, I don't know, if it's a fake friendliness or not, but when I first met her, I never expected her to be so bossy.
 

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INFJs can be evil! A friend's girlfriend constantly bossed him around and forced him to do things he didn't really want to do. For example, she insisted that they get up at 6am every day or clean up on certain days - and if he (INTP) didn't want to do it, she could get angry... But when she is among other friends or strangers, she always pretends to be nice. Actually, I don't know, if it's a fake friendliness or not, but when I first met her, I never expected her to be so bossy.
that doesn't sound like a true INFJ ?? she sounds more like an Extrovert.....like maybe an ENFJ ?? or maybe even an ESFJ ?
 

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that doesn't sound like a true INFJ ?? she sounds more like an Extrovert.....like maybe an ENFJ ?? or maybe even an ESFJ ?
She is quite shy. For example, she once asked her boyfriend to talk to a salesperson because she didn't dare. She also always plans time for herself where she doesn't want to be disturbed and where she often reads books. She also seems to get exhausted at birthday parties.
 

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INFJs can be evil! A friend's girlfriend constantly bossed him around and forced him to do things he didn't really want to do. For example, she insisted that they get up at 6am every day or clean up on certain days - and if he (INTP) didn't want to do it, she could get angry... But when she is among other friends or strangers, she always pretends to be nice. Actually, I don't know, if it's a fake friendliness or not, but when I first met her, I never expected her to be so bossy.
INFJs like to conceive that they see patterns and how things fit into the universal matrix. If an INFJ's Ni has mystically revealed that getting up at 6 a.m. is the key to saving the Universe, the INFJ will become frustrated and angry if she or he can't get the other person involved to stop being self-serving and slothful when saving the Universe is so easily within reach! (This is more the behavior of a young and callow INFJ than of a mature one; a mature INFJ will have the oracles of Ni tempered by the advice of Fe, Ti, and Se.)
 

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INFJs can be evil! A friend's girlfriend constantly bossed him around and forced him to do things he didn't really want to do. For example, she insisted that they get up at 6am every day or clean up on certain days - and if he (INTP) didn't want to do it, she could get angry... But when she is among other friends or strangers, she always pretends to be nice. Actually, I don't know, if it's a fake friendliness or not, but when I first met her, I never expected her to be so bossy.
Bossy INFJs? Ha ha she's probably some other type, most likely mbti ISFP.
My mom for example, is an ISFP and she tends to be very fussy about sensor-like activities such as keeping the house clean. Very hot-tempered too and always likes bossing people around. Your friend's girlfriend reminds me a lot of my ISFP mom.
INFJs can be stubborn and rebellious at times, but not bossy though!

If you read up about socionics, INFJs are victim types in socionics, so INFJs are more likely to get bossed around by bossy people than be the one bossing others around. If you watch a stronger-willed type such as ESTPs interacting with an INFJ, you will realize that INFJs are actually quite submissive people.
 

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She is quite shy. For example, she once asked her boyfriend to talk to a salesperson because she didn't dare. She also always plans time for herself where she doesn't want to be disturbed and where she often reads books. She also seems to get exhausted at birthday parties.
I don't know....that doesn't show enough patterns to convince me that she's an INFJ.....ENFP's easily out-read me....they read a lot...which surprised me cos they seem so spontaneous and chaotic at times. -INFP's also like to read and are organized and keep a better workspace and areas of their home than me....I have a good friend that's an INFP....she doesn't have the messy desk that I do....and she doesn't have a junk drawer....but she does get on set things and feels it is the correct thing to do.....I tried to warn her about a situation that ended up almost destroying her career....but she believed in all her heart that her feelings about this person was accurate....not what I had observed the person doing.....not sure if she ever yells?? I have been around her when she was absolutely depressed and was around her at a small party and she clung to this chick and they were pretty rude towards me....almost in a bullying way.....so I ended up leaving....and distanced myself from her until she got fired and called me for emotional support from what had happened with that situation that I tried to warn her about....

maybe that chick is an INFP ?? or even an ISFJ or ISFP ?? -the bossy behavior still makes me think possibly Extrovert....I don't see an Introvert being bossy ? -is she young and immature? maybe she's an immature INFP??
 

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INFJs can be evil! A friend's girlfriend constantly bossed him around and forced him to do things he didn't really want to do. For example, she insisted that they get up at 6am every day or clean up on certain days - and if he (INTP) didn't want to do it, she could get angry... But when she is among other friends or strangers, she always pretends to be nice. Actually, I don't know, if it's a fake friendliness or not, but when I first met her, I never expected her to be so bossy.
I agree with what @odinthor said. I could see it.


 

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Okay, guys, first of all, I was pretty sure she was an INFJ.
Secondly, maybe I just expressed myself wrong, so "bossy" might not be the right term.
I'm going to share some observations and also what I've heard about her (without any interpretations, hopefully...):

- I only met her three times or so, but she always seemed friendly.
- She shows a lot of emotions - whether in real conversations or in chat.
- She seems to like gothic and mystical stuff. She is also into gothic music.
- Family and friends seem important to her, but she also values her time alone.
- She loves to read and talking about books.
- She loves science.
- She doesn't like to talk on the phone. Also, she has difficulties to talk to waiters and something like that. But she can still be very communicative.
- She's a hard worker, but she changed her field of study several times.
- She's tidy.
- She has a vivid imagination.
- She loves Harry Potter.
- She cries a lot.

I think that's it.

So far, I also agree with @odinthor. I think she just wants to make her life better and encourage her partner to do the same. But it still seems to me that she meant it too seriously / forced him too much.
 

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INFJs can be evil! A friend's girlfriend constantly bossed him around and forced him to do things he didn't really want to do. For example, she insisted that they get up at 6am every day or clean up on certain days - and if he (INTP) didn't want to do it, she could get angry... But when she is among other friends or strangers, she always pretends to be nice. Actually, I don't know, if it's a fake friendliness or not, but when I first met her, I never expected her to be so bossy.
She could be possibly quite an unhealthy INFJ in herself perhaps. But it definitely isn't fake friendliness I'm sure - I'd like to think we are normally very genuine, it's just we keep our privacy. Maybe her pet peeve is laziness because she's afraid of succumbing to it herself, something that a lot of us do and are afraid of greatly I think, but of course she wouldn't let any strangers know this. Doesn't mean she doesn't mean it when she's being kind.

Not to defend her of course, it sounds kind of awful, I could never be that bossy or pushy or treat people like that so maybe she's a bit unbalanced or immature. My Fe would never let me get away with that without guilt tripping me hard for doing it. I definitely ask my boyfriend to help me clean things up at times and stay organised but y'know, normally it's because he wants to help me as we are a pretty awesome team.

I do think it would annoy me a bit if he flat out refused to, though, and let's say it was a flat we shared and a lot of the mess was his. I think that's reasonable? But yeah. Just a thought ^_^
 

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Okay, guys, first of all, I was pretty sure she was an INFJ.
Secondly, maybe I just expressed myself wrong, so "bossy" might not be the right term.
I'm going to share some observations and also what I've heard about her (without any interpretations, hopefully...):

- I only met her three times or so, but she always seemed friendly.
- She shows a lot of emotions - whether in real conversations or in chat.
- She seems to like gothic and mystical stuff. She is also into gothic music.
- Family and friends seem important to her, but she also values her time alone.
- She loves to read and talking about books.
- She loves science.
- She doesn't like to talk on the phone. Also, she has difficulties to talk to waiters and something like that. But she can still be very communicative.
- She's a hard worker, but she changed her field of study several times.
- She's tidy.
- She has a vivid imagination.
- She loves Harry Potter.
- She cries a lot.

I think that's it.

So far, I also agree with @odinthor. I think she just wants to make her life better and encourage her partner to do the same. But it still seems to me that she meant it too seriously / forced him too much.
when I think more about this and the "bossy" behavior......I remembered a former co-worker/friend that is an ISFJ.....she called me to come over and told me to bring my boyfriend (ENFP)....we get there and she bosses us to move her furniture that was quite heavy and books and such to have it ready for her guests and family coming to see her and her husband. Another time, this same ISFJ wanted to come with me to celebrate my son's birthday (my son was born very close to Christmas so his little friends are usually busy with their families...so I usually have a sleep over and pizza for them weeks early in advanced and then take my son on his actual birthday to eat at a nice restaurant and see a movie or whatever is open that he wants to do).....she wanted to come along....so I let her.....as soon as we get there....it's all about her....she bosses us to go to this jewelry store that she wants to look at and buys herself jewelry.....a week later she calls me and yells at me for her ring as one of the diamonds fell out and she's upset that she bought it at the mall and feels it's my responsibility to help her find it.....I was going to help her look for it...but my son was sick and I had to stay home.....didn't hang out with her much after that. But she had a lot of books...liked science.....observed the exact same things about our boss as me....seemed shy....didn't tell anyone but me and her family about something that she had been through....I was often the first person she called when she was freaking out to calm her down (like when a guy tried to attack her.....when her car got a flat tire).....

ISFJ's are very similar and often mistake themselves as INFJ's....I'd say 80% of the "INFJ's" in this forums are probably either ISFJ's or INFP's....but probably more than likely ISFJ's...I just don't say anything to them when they're commenting in threads.

in fact another gal that I worked with swore to me that she was an INFJ.....and there was a couple things that she did that I was like, "hmmm she's very observant and right about people...like me...but this and this is not very INFJ behavior".....I asked her to take the 16 personality test and she tested as an ISFJ.....she was surprised and said, "I used to be an INFJ.....maybe I changed? But the ISFJ makes more sense for me." -I think as she matured and understood herself more...she realized she was in fact an ISFJ and not an INFJ....she could be bossy and demanding and kinda mean at times, too....but she was really good at helping people and cared about people....she went through a bad/toxic relationship and told the two managers about it....I was like, "why did you tell them about your personal life?!!!!!!" and was horrified by it and she didn't think twice about it and said that they should know.....that was the sign that I knew she couldn't be an INFJ....

there's a lot of ISFJ's in the counseling and people-helping related jobs...they're very observant and figure people out very quickly just like an INFJ, INFP, etc. etc. -I think people don't realize that they're that observant and don't realize that ISFJ's are similar but there are some definite differences...and the bossy behavior was present in both of these ladies that I worked with and was friends with....
 

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when I think more about this and the "bossy" behavior......I remembered a former co-worker/friend that is an ISFJ.....she called me to come over and told me to bring my boyfriend (ENFP)....we get there and she bosses us to move her furniture that was quite heavy and books and such to have it ready for her guests and family coming to see her and her husband. Another time, this same ISFJ wanted to come with me to celebrate my son's birthday (my son was born very close to Christmas so his little friends are usually busy with their families...so I usually have a sleep over and pizza for them weeks early in advanced and then take my son on his actual birthday to eat at a nice restaurant and see a movie or whatever is open that he wants to do).....she wanted to come along....so I let her.....as soon as we get there....it's all about her....she bosses us to go to this jewelry store that she wants to look at and buys herself jewelry.....a week later she calls me and yells at me for her ring as one of the diamonds fell out and she's upset that she bought it at the mall and feels it's my responsibility to help her find it.....I was going to help her look for it...but my son was sick and I had to stay home.....didn't hang out with her much after that. But she had a lot of books...liked science.....observed the exact same things about our boss as me....seemed shy....didn't tell anyone but me and her family about something that she had been through....I was often the first person she called when she was freaking out to calm her down (like when a guy tried to attack her.....when her car got a flat tire).....

ISFJ's are very similar and often mistake themselves as INFJ's....I'd say 80% of the "INFJ's" in this forums are probably either ISFJ's or INFP's....but probably more than likely ISFJ's...I just don't say anything to them when they're commenting in threads.

in fact another gal that I worked with swore to me that she was an INFJ.....and there was a couple things that she did that I was like, "hmmm she's very observant and right about people...like me...but this and this is not very INFJ behavior".....I asked her to take the 16 personality test and she tested as an ISFJ.....she was surprised and said, "I used to be an INFJ.....maybe I changed? But the ISFJ makes more sense for me." -I think as she matured and understood herself more...she realized she was in fact an ISFJ and not an INFJ....she could be bossy and demanding and kinda mean at times, too....but she was really good at helping people and cared about people....she went through a bad/toxic relationship and told the two managers about it....I was like, "why did you tell them about your personal life?!!!!!!" and was horrified by it and she didn't think twice about it and said that they should know.....that was the sign that I knew she couldn't be an INFJ....

there's a lot of ISFJ's in the counseling and people-helping related jobs...they're very observant and figure people out very quickly just like an INFJ, INFP, etc. etc. -I think people don't realize that they're that observant and don't realize that ISFJ's are similar but there are some definite differences...and the bossy behavior was present in both of these ladies that I worked with and was friends with....
Well, that sounds like a very unhealthy ISFJ. My ISFJ friend is not that bossy. She's friendly. Sometimes she wants to help me, because I don't go out often and have problems to approach other people and also with "normal life" stuff. Then she sounds a little demanding: like "You do it now!", but she never means it badly and says it more kindly than bossy.

Also, I am aware of the confusion between INFJ and ISFJ as well as INFJ and INFP, but I think I can distinguish well enough. I also wondered for a while if I was an ISTJ and not an INTJ, but Si doesn't suit me at all.
 

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when I think more about this and the "bossy" behavior......I remembered a former co-worker/friend that is an ISFJ.....she called me to come over and told me to bring my boyfriend (ENFP)....we get there and she bosses us to move her furniture that was quite heavy and books and such to have it ready for her guests and family coming to see her and her husband. Another time, this same ISFJ wanted to come with me to celebrate my son's birthday (my son was born very close to Christmas so his little friends are usually busy with their families...so I usually have a sleep over and pizza for them weeks early in advanced and then take my son on his actual birthday to eat at a nice restaurant and see a movie or whatever is open that he wants to do).....she wanted to come along....so I let her.....as soon as we get there....it's all about her....she bosses us to go to this jewelry store that she wants to look at and buys herself jewelry.....a week later she calls me and yells at me for her ring as one of the diamonds fell out and she's upset that she bought it at the mall and feels it's my responsibility to help her find it.....I was going to help her look for it...but my son was sick and I had to stay home.....didn't hang out with her much after that. But she had a lot of books...liked science.....observed the exact same things about our boss as me....seemed shy....didn't tell anyone but me and her family about something that she had been through....I was often the first person she called when she was freaking out to calm her down (like when a guy tried to attack her.....when her car got a flat tire).....

ISFJ's are very similar and often mistake themselves as INFJ's....I'd say 80% of the "INFJ's" in this forums are probably either ISFJ's or INFP's....but probably more than likely ISFJ's...I just don't say anything to them when they're commenting in threads.

in fact another gal that I worked with swore to me that she was an INFJ.....and there was a couple things that she did that I was like, "hmmm she's very observant and right about people...like me...but this and this is not very INFJ behavior".....I asked her to take the 16 personality test and she tested as an ISFJ.....she was surprised and said, "I used to be an INFJ.....maybe I changed? But the ISFJ makes more sense for me." -I think as she matured and understood herself more...she realized she was in fact an ISFJ and not an INFJ....she could be bossy and demanding and kinda mean at times, too....but she was really good at helping people and cared about people....she went through a bad/toxic relationship and told the two managers about it....I was like, "why did you tell them about your personal life?!!!!!!" and was horrified by it and she didn't think twice about it and said that they should know.....that was the sign that I knew she couldn't be an INFJ....

there's a lot of ISFJ's in the counseling and people-helping related jobs...they're very observant and figure people out very quickly just like an INFJ, INFP, etc. etc. -I think people don't realize that they're that observant and don't realize that ISFJ's are similar but there are some definite differences...and the bossy behavior was present in both of these ladies that I worked with and was friends with....
There is also an INFJ complex though to think that you yourself are a very special person, unique from everyone else, and therefore in disbelief when you see so many other self proclaimed INFJs around you because compared to you, the "true" form, they are different or more basic.

I am quite willing to admit this, as someone who believes they are INFJ based on functions, socionics, and the development of my personality and functioning being aligned to an INFJ's development. I certainly feel like it would be really nice if I was completely unique and if minimum 50% of the so called INFJs around here were secretly nothing like me. But at the same time, maybe we shouldn't be self absorbed, and accept that INFJs do have one major thing in common which is a love for psychology. You might hardly ever meet someone like you in your day to day life, but we do often find ourselves ending up in the same places.

ISFJs are wonderful people, I've never met a bossy one I have to say. That former friend sounds like an unbalanced one who's maybe more in touch with her introverted sensing than her extroverted feeling. To compare that to INFJs, far less of them are materialistic, maybe because of the lack of Si.

Just my contribution.
 

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she went through a bad/toxic relationship and told the two managers about it....I was like, "why did you tell them about your personal life?!!!!!!" and was horrified by it and she didn't think twice about it and said that they should know.....that was the sign that I knew she couldn't be an INFJ....
Why does that make her not an INFJ? :laughing: It seems like a rigid perception of what INFJ's are/should be :shocked:
 
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