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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So, I'm an ENFP my brother, sister, mother and father are all INFP's. As you can imagine, I am usually the loudest one at family events, but I'm also very good at letting my family know when I'm annoyed, pissed off, unhappy or anything really. And exactly why I am feeling as such! What I want to know is why my family can't seem to do the same! And is this to do with the fact that they are introverted. I'd like to hear from other INFP's and if they find that they are not very good at expressing or communicating how they feel.
 

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So, I'm an ENFP my brother, sister, mother and father are all INFP's. As you can imagine, I am usually the loudest one at family events, but I'm also very good at letting my family know when I'm annoyed, pissed off, unhappy or anything really. And exactly why I am feeling as such! What I want to know is why my family can't seem to do the same! And is this to do with the fact that they are introverted. I'd like to hear from other INFP's and if they find that they are not very good at expressing or communicating how they feel.
Wow that is a lot of INFPs in a family. INFPs tend to be rare, certainly introverts in general make up a much smaller portion of the population. In my experience, and also speaking as an INFP, we tend to avoid conflict. We do not like hurting peoples feelings. Especially someone we have to live with and deal with on a daily basis. Also, we generally do not like the yucky feelings associated with conflict.

I would say we are really good at knowing how we feel, and maybe expressing our feelings; but not very good at expressing them to the person who really needs to hear it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Wow that is a lot of INFPs in a family. INFPs tend to be rare, certainly introverts in general make up a much smaller portion of the population. In my experience, and also speaking as an INFP, we tend to avoid conflict. We do not like hurting peoples feelings. Especially someone we have to live with and deal with on a daily basis. Also, we generally do not like the yucky feelings associated with conflict.

I would say we are really good at knowing how we feel, and maybe expressing our feelings; but not very good at expressing them to the person who really needs to hear it.
That feels perfectly spot on. I sometimes put myself in the position of an inbetweener in my family, usually between my sister and my dad because I hear so much about each other but they never talk about their feelings to their faces.

It can be frustrating!!


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Yeah, it's a struggle to express something if it causes me uncomfortable feelings. For some mysterious reason whenever I try to express the appropriate response it always comes out wrong. That's why when I want to truly express myself, I prefer to write it down. In fact, I prefer writing as my most effective mode of expression. I remember reading a description of INFP once, and it basically said the same thing. INFP's are writers at heart, so maybe you could ask your family to write down their feelings on paper. Of course, there are some things that just push our buttons, but generally speaking, we'd rather avoid confrontation if possible.
 

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One time I got so angry about something, I completely snapped, and broke down crying and ranting to my roommates. I was so horrified and embarrassed.

But they all said it made them feel really relieved to see me expressing real emotion, because I'd always been so polite and calm, I'd never seemed human.

I thought that was really weird. But I noticed that I get that a lot as an INFP.

I think learning to say what's on our minds instead of being mysteriously quiet is something INFPs should learn to do if we want to have the deep relationships we seem to always be dreaming about.

Usually, I don't want to burden people with my inherent negativity, shock them with my liberal beliefs, or confuse them with my weirdness, so I keep quiet and listen to them talk. I really prefer listening anyway.
 

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That feels perfectly spot on. I sometimes put myself in the position of an inbetweener in my family, usually between my sister and my dad because I hear so much about each other but they never talk about their feelings to their faces.


It can be frustrating!!

I can totally understand that, however don't placate them and certainly don't enable them. They need to learn how to communicate to one another and not rely on you to be their mediator and filter.You will eventually resent the role and they will never learn how to interact with other members of our society. They will not always have someone like you to be their representative and filter out all the icky stuff. :)


Next time one of them comes to you, tell them that they need to speak directly to the person they are having an issue with.




One time I got so angry about something, I completely snapped, and broke down crying and ranting to my roommates. I was so horrified and embarrassed.


But they all said it made them feel really relieved to see me expressing real emotion, because I'd always been so polite and calm, I'd never seemed human.


I thought that was really weird. But I noticed that I get that a lot as an INFP.

I totally get this. I used to internalize everything until I would snap. To me it always seems like I have lost control and said some horribly mean and cruel things, but to the people I have snapped on they always say that it was good to hear. It always seems far worse to us, than it does to others.




That's why when I want to truly express myself, I prefer to write it down. In fact, I prefer writing as my most effective mode of expression. I remember reading a description of INFP once, and it basically said the same thing. INFP's are writers at heart, so maybe you could ask your family to write down their feelings on paper.

This is a great idea. I definitely relate to writing things down. It is a great way to organize my thoughts and feelings. I am far more eloquent and exact when I can write it out.
 

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I'm an INFP and have been married to and ENFP for 27 years. Know this. The INFP's in your family appreciate and depend on your ENFP openness to help them "get out of their heads" and to (try to) express themselves. They may not say it outloud, but you're very important to them. :)
 

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I would say we are really good at knowing how we feel, and maybe expressing our feelings; but not very good at expressing them to the person who really needs to hear it.
This.
 
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