Personality Cafe banner
1 - 6 of 6 Posts

·
MOTM Dec 2011
Joined
·
8,651 Posts
I dont know exactly what goes on in other people's heads, so I can only go by how they treat me and the feedback I am given. In my life, I sometimes feel like I am taken too seriously at times. People may ascribe feelings to me I dont have when Im actually pretty laid-back about something. I think its common for people to mistake INxP verbal exploration of ideas as concrete opinions.

When I speak, people usually take my viewpoint and opinions seriously. Im generally regarded as intelligent and insightful among people I know.

However, online there are lots of stereotypes about INFPs that make people not take the type as a whole very seriously.

There are times I want to be taken seriously, and times when I do not. Its not a big problem for me unless Im being invalidated. I'm usually NOT invalidated as if I am silly and fluffy, but Im invalidated as being temperamental, too passionate, argumentative, stuck on something too abstract that others deem unimportant, etc. In short, Im taken seriously as a character, but sometimes my ideas/thoughts/feelings are dismissed as too "out there".
 
  • Like
Reactions: StellarSkies

·
Registered
Joined
·
358 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
In short, Im taken seriously as a character, but sometimes my ideas/thoughts/feelings are dismissed as too "out there".
Same here. When it comes to everyday conversation about things, either because of my demeanor or because of my looks (I think all the introvert types have their own version of the INTJ "death stare"). So in that sense, I'm also taken too seriously--as are a lot of the introverts. But when it comes to my ideas-I believe mostly due to my initial indecisiveness and ambiguous nature-I'm often dismissed, or at least I interpret people's perception of my thoughts/ideas that way.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,282 Posts
I amazed how many people take things too literally not even scratching under the service, meaning they can misinterpret that your behavior is equal to your attitude as well as your words can sound differently to them. I find this excerpts from an article that I recently read very true and insightful in my case:

INFPs face feeling misunderstood because no one could possibly ever know them as well as they know themselves.

The Authenticity [the author here actually calls Fi - Authenticity] process is a deep pool of nuanced self-awareness, and it’s truly impossible to communicate all the variety within themselves to another person.

If you peel back the layers, however, it’s not that INFPs have a challenge in being fully misunderstood. If anyone else ever actually ‘fully’ understood them that would actually be a bad sign – it would mean that the INFP had lost some of their individuality or that they’re dangerously close to being too similar to other people.

There may be some pride around being inscrutable. At the very least it’s a sign that they’ve not lost their uniqueness.

So, if it’s not full understanding an INFP wants, what is it that they’re seeking?

Imagine that the criteria you use to make all of your decision is perpetually questioned by nearly every person you encounter. And now add to that the phenomenon that you usually don’t know the best decision to make until after you’ve already made it. To put a cherry on top, it’s based on something you can’t possibly explain to another person (because it has no language) AND you once you know the right decision, you know it with such certainty that you would die for it.

But you still can’t quite explain it beyond, “It just FEELS right.”

It’s extremely easy for people of other types to marginalize this process, and nothing is more maddening to have your mental wiring – one of the primary sources of ‘identity’ – marginalized.


and this:

When an INFP feels “misunderstood,” it could be more accurately stated that they feel marginalized, discounted and believe others are questioning their motives.

The antidote to this isn’t ‘understanding’ them better. Most INFPs would say no one could ever truly understand them, anyway. The real antidote is validating their process of making decisions.

As in: “I don’t have to agree with you, I don’t have to know why you believe or feel the way you do, but when I tell you that you have every right to feel the way you do, make decisions based on those feelings and I trust that you have positive intent.”

If you can sincerely communicate that to an INFP they will love you forever.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
530 Posts
I think its common for people to mistake INxP verbal exploration of ideas as concrete opinions.
I have also experienced this side of the coin. I recently had an experience at work - as an example - where a new colleague was just getting to know me during a period when I was working with others to figure out a new solution to a problem - so, lots of that verbal exploration going on. I later overheard her gossiping to another colleague about me saying, "She thinks she knows everything." (Ouch, sure, but I understood why she thought that and had some sense of how her own motivations and perceptions were fueling her view of me, and why she was saying those things to that particular colleague.) And that is hilarious because I probably give more disclaimers, I-don't-knows and I'm-not-sures than anyone. But I know that people still sometimes view me as projecting an authoritative air when I am just giving expression to my thought process and everything is unsettled to my mind.

I'm also sometimes not taken seriously when I wish I were. Usually, it's when I'm letting someone close to me in on my hopes and dreams (haha...that sounds corny) and they are being something less than supportive. I don't want people to be fake or dishonest with me, but I can tell when people think I'm out to lunch and it hurts and makes me doubt myself.

I have a way of communicating with people where I give them little pieces of myself and decide whether or not to reveal more depending on their receptivity and interest, and it's largely related to trying to protect myself from other people's less-than-supportive responses to me (whether they express them explicitly or not - usually not).

I would guess that when people don't take me seriously (when I want them to) it's because whatever I am saying sounds unrealistic to them and therefore is not to be taken seriously. Or else I am coming at them with a new and better idea that they know will never see the light of day because it will be replaced by a newer, even better idea. They are right in a way, but it would make such a big difference (even a practical, measurable difference) for them to understand where I am coming from and get on board with that on some level.

I could probably do a better job of communicating when I want to be taking seriously. However, the communication pattern I mentioned above leaves me thinking that the deeper level of self-revelation about why I want to be taken seriously is like turning the wrong way on a one-way street with clearly marked signs and flashing lights.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
820 Posts
I gotta say at least based on these forums lately it seems that the majority of the people who doubt us are us INFPs.

I have hard time being taken seriously when I'm angry. But then again I'm not very angry or serious person so it may be just the way I'm expressing my anger which doesn't make it seem so terrifying as I wish.

I've never experienced that my thoughts or ideas have not been taken seriously. Of course some of my ideas are ridiculous and I know it myself and don't really expect them to be taken seriously. But when I'm actually on to something and also explain my reasoning behind it people do take it seriously.
 
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top