Personality Cafe banner
1 - 20 of 57 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
167 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I feel I need to state one thing before I get started. I am in no way saying this is universal. I'm just making observations from my own personal experience that seem to fit within a personality type.

Now that that's out of the way, I've come to think that perhaps INFPs may have a greater tendency than other types to be unfaithful in relationships. I think that may be due to having such a strong extraverted intuition. When you're taking everything in, it may be difficult to commit in the first place, and since INFPs (or at the very least, me), have a tendency to fall in love very quickly, it may lead to a situation where you find yourself in love with more than one person, and, especially considering the fickleness that I think may be inherent in someone with such a strong extraverted intuition, may make one more likely to cheat.

Personally, I've never cheated in a literal sense, but I feel like my heart does tend to wander. While I haven't cheated in body, I feel like I've cheated in spirit countless times. And since I won't technically cheat, and I generally find myself having difficulties initiating a breakup, I either end up doing the next worse thing and manipulating them into breaking up with me, or I do nothing and try to keep the other person out of my head. Either way, I'm left with a crippling sense of loss, either for what could have been, or what I had. It almost makes me thing I'd probably save everyone some pain if I could just bring myself to cheat
 

·
MOTM Dec 2011
Joined
·
8,685 Posts
Most type profiles & observations & self-reporting of INFPs imply the exact opposite.

You're identifying pretty heavily with Ne & little mention of Fi. That's sort of telling... Although I definitely would not say ENFP are prone to cheating either (or pin that on any type).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
49 Posts
Cheating would clash with some very, very deeply rooted values in me. When I fall in love with a person, my biggest problem is they tend to take over my thoughts and my entire world starts to revolve around them. Other people just kind of fade into the background (I know that sounds kind of weird and crazy, but what I'm trying to say is that I just don't notice other people when my emotional intensity is directed at one person).

Cheating also ruined my parents' marriage. I don't think that I could ever cheat. I don't necessarily judge those who do, because I know that people make mistakes, but it's a mistake that I don't think I could ever make. Sorry if I sound kind of "holier-than-thou" :( I just have strong opinions about this!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
376 Posts
Gee, you kind of took the words and completely described my heart's actions, lol. I personally do agree though. I tend to find good things in a lot of people, and I guess, fall in love and/or love them whilst in a relationship with someone, but I never really *do* anything in a literal sense that would be considered cheating.

I think commitment to just one person can be difficult because I tend to be curious about others and I want to, I suppose, be intimate with more than just one person.

When I was in my pre-teen years, I had rather.. a lot of infatuations with people, because I was attracted by looks and such. I still do have these, but I suppose I restrain them well enough now.

For some reason this kinda reminds me of Archer in The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton. Kinda, but it doesn't make much sense. But basically he sticks with his destined wife despite having had a passion for someone else.

Slightly out of subject, but I remember my ESFP friend asking me about a situation. She said, if you were with your boyfriend, and things are fine, but then you meet your 'soulmate' (in which I protested back then that I didn't believe in a soulmate/what exactly is one, and where she said just someone you really struck with in all aspects I suppose), who would you decide to be with? And after a long time, I said soulmate. And she said, I knew it, and that she would just choose herself. She characterized me as "less traditional" than she was. Perhaps it could be true that INFPs are more unfaithful? I wonder.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
167 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I should elaborate. I've never ACTUALLY cheated, because I think it's wrong. I feel guilty even having feelings for more than one person at the same time. In the end, my morals end up winning out over my passions. And I'm not trying to pin this on anybody, nor do I want to.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
465 Posts
I should elaborate. I've never ACTUALLY cheated, because I think it's wrong. I feel guilty even having feelings for more than one person at the same time. In the end, my morals end up winning out over my passions. And I'm not trying to pin this on anybody, nor do I want to.
Was about to say, equalizing actions and thoughts is very common in INFPs. Also, Fi would pretty much prohibit betrayal.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
375 Posts
since INFPs (or at the very least, me), have a tendency to fall in love very quickly
That could not be farther from describing how I am.

I think this problem just has to do with your personal tendencies and is not an INFP thing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
230 Posts
I think commitment to just one person can be difficult because I tend to be curious about others and I want to, I suppose, be intimate with more than just one person.

For some reason this kinda reminds me of Archer in The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton. Kinda, but it doesn't make much sense. But basically he sticks with his destined wife despite having had a passion for someone else.

Slightly out of subject, but I remember my ESFP friend asking me about a situation. She said, if you were with your boyfriend, and things are fine, but then you meet your 'soulmate' (in which I protested back then that I didn't believe in a soulmate/what exactly is one, and where she said just someone you really struck with in all aspects I suppose), who would you decide to be with? And after a long time, I said soulmate. And she said, I knew it, and that she would just choose herself. She characterized me as "less traditional" than she was. Perhaps it could be true that INFPs are more unfaithful? I wonder.
The Age of Innocence slayed me because I could totally relate to Archer's predicament: stay with the one you committed to but who is not your soul mate, or go be with your soul mate but destroy your family and have to live with the guilt (the guilt would certainly taint the joy of being with said soul mate). In the end he let his soul mate go, which made me weep buckets for what he gave up.

I personally don't think INFPs are more likely to physically cheat than other types, but perhaps they could emotionally cheat more than other types do. Speaking for myself, I do find it easy to become very emotionally attached to people with whom I feel a deep connection with, and I have had a couple of emotional affairs (never anything physical, so technically there was no cheating, but in my heart there was cheating and I lived with major guilt because of it).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
103 Posts
I think INFPs have a concept of love that we fear may not exist out of our imagination, we may b prone to move on from infatuations when we realize they don't measure up to our expectations and we want to stay true to that idea of love. So we're not really cheating because we want to follow our heart, but at the same time we're breaking the promise of accepting the person for who they are and not trying to seek the thrill and intensity of the beginning of an infatuation. I think there's a lot of confusion, time and time again we feel we've found true love and it's the most beautiful thing but it doesn't last. It's heartbreaking. It makes me so sad to think about, the fact that this is a recurring thing for me makes my idea of love flawed... so even the dream can shatter into a million pieces. Why do our feelings have to decide the truth of something?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,141 Posts
@MajTom, I can very much relate to every word you say.

I've never cheated either but I've been a serial monogamist since my first real boyfriend in 1994. I tended to go from one heavy, long term relationship to another without taking time to breathe. I would wait it out and see if I found the man I wanted to marry and it never felt right, so I'd "fall in love" over and over again, thinking, hoping, I found him. I finally did get married and so far so good... we've been together 8 years. I have pledged to be with him forever so I take it very seriously. But I know that my track record isn't so good, so I always have that fear in the back of my mind of being swept away again and feeling helpless. I hope to never see that day. I would be devastated and probably want to die.

And I do know of an INFP who cheated. Actually cheated, had sex, etc. She was married with children too. They are now separated and I'm guessing eventually will get divorced.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,700 Posts
Just the fact the OP & @ethylester are saying they feel wary of their track record and wandering attractions despite never actually having cheated, and have internalized this as something bad about them or something to look out for, because it doesn't meet their strict moral standards, shows to me how unlikely they are to cheat. I don't want to speak to infps in general, but I'm going to go ahead and say I think infps are less likely to cheat or at least not more.
 

·
Registered
INFP 4w5 sx
Joined
·
4,092 Posts
You don't have to take (all of) this personally but,
I'm sorry but I don't think this anywhere near related to INFP. I do think it can't be connected to any type per se, but if we must, then INFP would score very low on the likelyness-scale.

I'm fully committed to my SO and I never experienced being in love with 2 or more persons simultaneously, mainly because the one i'm in love with completely obsesses me and gives me a sort of tunnelvision. That is great for commitment, plus I do not have to look for other love or interest, so my head and heart are not able to occupy themselves with someone else, while they are busy all day deeply loving my SO. I know this works for her somewhat like this as well, she's also INFP. It gives great confidence and we never ever have lost trust in each other, not for a moment, when it comes to cheating. Might I add we live 400 miles apart, in different countries, so we cannot keep an eye on that either, but its simply not needed! :) ... this is one of the reasons the long distance relationship is not hard at all for us. We ''only'' have to deal with missing each other terribly.

I hope this could be for you as well. However I would start thinking that, if your heart would wonder off, that you haven't found your true lover? But if you haven't then you should probably not be with someone too.
When I don't feel the true deep love (and you ''know'' when its there or not) then I can't be with someone and I can't say ''i love you'' to them.
Maybe you should start looking there, before thinking that it is about being INFP, because then you somewhat make an excuse for your tendencies/feelings and find an easier way out.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
882 Posts
I understand where you're coming from, but I think if it came down to cheating or breaking up, I would choose breaking up...simply because it's the easier of the two options. One requires lying, organizing and trusting someone who has no qualms about cheating in the first place; not to mention perpetuating a relationship that clearly has issues for no other reason than being too scared to end it. The other doesn't.

I value loyalty. I think most people here do too, so while my mind might be fucking you upside down and inside out, I'll behave until my actions aren't going to cause hurt.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
882 Posts
I tended to go from one heavy, long term relationship to another without taking time to breathe. I would wait it out and see if I found the man I wanted to marry and it never felt right, so I'd "fall in love" over and over again, thinking, hoping, I found him. I finally did get married and so far so good... we've been together 8 years. I have pledged to be with him forever so I take it very seriously. But I know that my track record isn't so good, so I always have that fear in the back of my mind of being swept away again and feeling helpless. I hope to never see that day. I would be devastated and probably want to die.
That sounds awful. (not the marriage haha, the fear). I relate to that - I can't relate to marriage myself because infatuation literally ruins every sexual relationship I ever have. Friends are fine, but if I start going doe-eyed for you, it's just a matter of time before all hell breaks lose and I KNOW this before it happens, and it still happens. The person starts out as the most mysteriously perfect thing ever created by the twinkly finger tips of God, and six months later I'm bored of how predictable they are; how mundane their personality actually is and how shallow their interests now appear. Not that any of that is actually true, but it's the dichotomy of idealism that happens without fail, every single time.

It's the sole reason I cannot relate to marriage - I would take the most perfect mate and turn them into my arch nemesis if I was with them the rest of my life.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
124 Posts
Cheating would clash with some very, very deeply rooted values in me. When I fall in love with a person, my biggest problem is they tend to take over my thoughts and my entire world starts to revolve around them. Other people just kind of fade into the background (I know that sounds kind of weird and crazy, but what I'm trying to say is that I just don't notice other people when my emotional intensity is directed at one person).
This sums up exactly how I function once I fall in love with someone. I couldn't have said it better. And yes, it does seem weird and crazy to some people... Oh well.

I'm also extremely picky with the people I choose to be in a relationship with, so once I've set my mind on someone, I am extremely committed. I refuse to let them go or do anything that could harm the relationship.
I've only ever thought of someone else (and it was actually just daydreaming about some ideal partner who would possess the qualities my ex-boyfriend lacked at the time) when I was in a relationship that didn't fulfill me. Over time and with experience however, I have acquired a better idea of what I look for in a partner, and that means I will not jump into a relationship if I notice the smallest crack, or get the feeling that things could go wrong because we're not compatible enough. I think the reasons why I stay committed is that I am a perfectionist and will not settle for something I know is not exactly what I want. Once I find that perfect person, I don't want anyone else in the world.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
87 Posts
Impossible. Fi would destroy me for years and I'd constantly be trying to figure out how to patch up the holes I'd made as a result. In a relationship, I'd strive to ensure that it works.

If the love is more of a harmful trap than love, however, I'd be more willing to cut off emotional limbs and let the relationship disappear than eat the cheese and leave the sharp guilt attached.

Besides, two's company and three's a crowd. The emotional drain would be intense.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
397 Posts
I think it totally depends on your Introverted Feeling. The way I see it, the what constitutes the Fi, the core values, of an INFP is the number one factor determining what kind of person the INFP ends up being. I think this is part of the reason you can find wildly different INFPs, while for example INFJs appear to almost always be same person.

If an INFP has unshakeable belief in science, he can appear quite like an INTP for example, because he would probably appreciate reason and try to sound like a thinker to honor his conviction, although this conviction might be emotionally justified, which at any rate would be hard to reveal.

As this is also the matter of infidelity. If it's part of the INFP's core values, he would never be unfaithful, even if you were to threaten him or her.
 
1 - 20 of 57 Posts
Top