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Discussion Starter #1
i often wonder if INFPs are seen as selfish since they keep to themselves so much, and deal so much inside their own worlds, and, are such idealists... with such a introspective personality is empathy lost/can INFPs be considered selfish? or self-centered?

i don't know the answer and am not accusing, just wondering if that's often attributed to INFP personality types
 

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I have sometimes wondered if I am being selfish in my dealings with other people, but I don't think that's the case. I think it's because as INFPs, we tend to spend a lot of time examining ourselves and our beliefs, feelings, values, motives, etc., that we can seem aloof. But those who know us know that we care about the people in our lives. And when we feel low, they tend to like use better than we like ourselves.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Selfish? Maybe.. I can be very detached at times and only concerned about my own well being, but never ever at the expense of someone else.
Yeah that's what I was noticing about myself that prompted this. you just worded it better.
 
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In this sense, yes.
 

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I've been (mis)interpreted as "selfish" and "emotionally shallow" (can you believe that?) at times in life, solely due to my own reserved nature in dealing with people.

I honestly couldn't care less. I have a lovely habit of completely disregarding people who draw conclusions based on what they don't know about me.
 

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I honestly couldn't care less. I have a lovely habit of completely disregarding people who draw conclusions based on what they don't know about me.
I like this a lot.
Calling an INFP emotionally shallow is like . . . I dunno, that's just funny, dude.
 

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I like this a lot.
Calling an INFP emotionally shallow is like . . . I dunno, that's just funny, dude.
Hey, it gets better. Accuser in question was a stereotypical NT rife in insecurity. =\

I would know; he's still my friend!
 

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Keep in mind all people are inherently selfish. I mean that in the sense that you have to be selfish to survive and it is a normal and natural state of being. No one can be completely selfless or completely selfish.

Anyway, I find when I am lost in very intense negative feelings I am more selfish. But after some alone time and space to process my feelings and thoughts, I come back to a state of being where I can focus on others more.
 

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Personally I think it's a mistake to write introverts off as selfish, but I've noticed it's something some extroverts do. I'll recount an experience to explain: I worked with a very extroverted person who was always very friendly and charming to my face. Really so sweet i though we were good friends. THEN I found out that she was poisoning anyone else in the office who'd listen against me. The reason? Because i was "anti-social!" That is - quiet.

I think there are some extroverts who think they're really "nice and friendly" just because they're outgoing and talkative - but the feeling behind the talk - behind the socialbility can be toxic.

I don't feel bad about being quiet - I know my feelings towards people are accepting and kind (unless someone makes such feelings virtually impossible, but that honestly rarely happens, though it can.)

To me living in your own world is not selfish - hurting other people, being deceptive and dishonest in your dealings with them, trying to control or bully people that's selfish.

(I like genuine and authentic extroverts by the way.)
 

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I can be selfish, selfless and a whole bunch of other things.
This. I can be selfish if the situation calls for it. I can be selfish when it comes to food! It's not a black and white thing.

Most of the time though, when it comes to someone I care about, I can be extremely selfless and it makes me ecstatic to feel this way. I enjoy giving my SO my everything. I don't hold back, I don't want to hold back, I don't think I can hold back.
 

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We fuel ourselves, being introverted, and then when we're good we help others. Hard to help others when we're out of fuel
 

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Let's just say this: If I found gold, I wouldn't tell anyone I found gold until I had it safely in the bank.
I wouldn't call that selfish.

I don't know about other INFPs, but I would consider myself more selfless than selfish, but this is sometimes misinterpreted as being indecisive or vaguely accommodating. Most of the time I feel that it doesn't pay to be kind, but the next time the same situation arises, I still end up the same way.
 

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I actually got called selfish today.

Of course, my dad kind of snapped and had a small tantrum because he was frustrated and when he gets frustrated, he gets irrational. I believe he is ENFP with a very strong E. He also has a little bit of OCD and anxiety. Anyways he apologized after and was mainly just trying to say that sometimes he thinks that I don't think of others.

Well... that is where it gets interesting. I'm still trying to process the whole thing, but I think he just doesn't understand my introverted thinking because he is very extroverted. I don't think I am selfish. I don't necessarily think selfish thoughts, but I may come off as selfish because I don't always express my motives to others. I always try to understand how others feel about things, and why, and I usually don't have to ask them to figure it out. When I do communicate with other's it is usually matter-of-fact or I am just utilizing speech in order to get something done. Example: "I'm hungry." "I want this." "I need that." I don't speak all the time, and when I do, it is because there is a need or a want. Not because I am needy or wanting. If I verbally communicated all of my thoughts and feelings, well then I don't think anyone could call me selfish or even want to. People are always on my mind. I just don't make that clear.
 

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I don't think we are selfish. I think we are full of doubt, which makes us question ourselves and explore the possibilities that we may have glaring flaws.. I think our doubt keeps us in check from becoming completely selfish/arrogant/cruel/etc.

We may be perceived as selfish because some people will demand our company even when we desperately need alone time. When push comes to shove, we usually sneak out the backdoor. I don't think that is selfish because it is a necessity. Just because some people won't understand doesn't make it wrong. Even if society doesn't understand it doesn't make it wrong. It's just how we are wired.
 
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