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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I know I'm not arm candy (I'm more short and cute and super pretty according to some) but I'm not that knock out arm candy that every guy drools over. However, all the men interested are always interested because I'm intelligent (according to them, not me). I'm starting to think I'm a fetish. Like if I was a big girl (not thick / curvy like I am but BIG), I would know I was a fetish because some men will seek out BBW but most don't. So am I kinda like that? Because most men I don't find lust me in the way these other guys do.

Now example. An ESTJ (supposedly according to them) kept me on the phone chatting for 3 hours and at one point he pointed out how he could hook up with anyone (to a certain extent he's right and he's referring to younger / more arm candy attractive), but that he prefers intelligent women because of the experience being different. So today I'm thinking aww man. If I'm this dude's fetish I just gave him a 3 hour peep show for his brain! :eek: so not cool.


What do you think?


How do I even deal with that?


He also was asking about my profile and asked why I made myself available for all men instead of making myself available only for the men who are looking for intelligent women. What did that even mean?!?! I didn't ask and it was a comment lost in the shuffle of other commentary between us... But now today I can't stop thinking of a few pieces of that conversation and if anyone could share what they think that meant, that would be awesome.


I can't possibly take this guy seriously or any guy for that matter until they give me a reason to take them seriously. However I'm SUPER curious, are intelligent women a fetish?!?! If they are, then I suppose I should be taking those guys more seriously, hypothetically. Idk..


What do you think?!?!






Btw. I'm not meaning to offend anyone (a just in case clause) :p
 
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No, intelligent women are not a fetish. And neither are big women for the matter.

Being fetishized has more to do with the mindset of the person fetishizing you then with any qualities you possess. For example, a guy may fetishize asian women, but that doesn't mean every guy interested in a particular asian woman is fetishizing her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
No, intelligent women are not a fetish. And neither are big women for the matter.

Being fetishized has more to do with the mindset of the person fetishizing you then with any qualities you posses. For example, a guy may fetishize asian women, but that doesn't mean every guy interested in a particular asian woman is fetishizing her.


Very good point. Though I feel a significant difference between the ones that are interested, and the ones that are *interested*, like, I actually feel used after conversations. Lol!! Isn't that crazy?? Has anyone else experienced this? I swear this happens. I must confess, like a BBW who would prefer a partner who is into BBW, I think I might want to learn how to seek these guys out more despite knowing them not liking me for me (but for a fix). Idk. I have mixed feelings going on I'm trying to analyze and figure out.


Anyone have similar experiences?
 
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An entire person can't be a fetish or partialism, that's just a contradiction. I'm not attracted to it myself, people who claim to be intelligent can be very annoying.
 

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An entire person can't be a fetish or partialism, that's just a contradiction. I'm not attracted to it myself, people who claim to be intelligent can be very annoying.
It isn't the entire person. In this case her intelligence would be the fetish or the part being fetishized. I have to be honest. I've never heard that one before.
 

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He also was asking about my profile and asked why I made myself available for all men instead of making myself available only for the men who are looking for intelligent women.
Sounds like he was basically saying you're physically unattractive, that only men who are sapiosexual will want you.

As to the thread's question, I suppose intellect could be a fetish, as a fetish is simply something that a group of people are sexually enticed by, though what makes a fetish a fetish is said sexual enticement being niche and within a minority. I actually imagine there are many people who are turned on by intellect, I myself am, though it's more 60/40, 60% being the intelligence and 40% being physical. So I can't really class myself as sapiosexual because I need that physical attraction to be there for me to want to engage with someone.
 

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Very good point. Though I feel a significant difference between the ones that are interested, and the ones that are *interested*, like, I actually feel used after conversations. Lol!! Isn't that crazy?? Has anyone else experienced this? I swear this happens. I must confess, like a BBW who would prefer a partner who is into BBW, I think I might want to learn how to seek these guys out more despite knowing them not liking me for me (but for a fix). Idk. I have mixed feelings going on I'm trying to analyze and figure out.


Anyone have similar experiences?
I've never experienced that but I wouldn't be surprised. I have no idea why you would want to seek out guys that are treating you like a fix. Does it perhaps make you feel good, having that much of an effect on them? I would avoid if I were you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Sounds like he was basically saying you're physically unattractive, that only men who are sapiosexual will want you.

As to the thread's question, I suppose intellect could be a fetish, as a fetish is simply something that a group of people are sexually enticed by, though what makes a fetish a fetish is said sexual enticement being niche and within a minority. I actually imagine there are many people who are turned on by intellect, I myself am, though it's more 60/40, 60% being the intelligence and 40% being physical. So I can't really class myself as sapiosexual because I need that physical attraction to be there for me to want to engage with someone.
You think so? Maybe. I don't think I'm ugly enough to be deemed unattractive but okay. Maybe. My pics are in the infj thread, you can tell me because for Lord! I don't want to think I'm attractive if I'm not.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
An entire person can't be a fetish or partialism, that's just a contradiction. I'm not attracted to it myself, people who claim to be intelligent can be very annoying.


That's the thing. The last few people super into me said it. I don't claim I am. I think it's that I'm a type 6 so in thinking mode as opposed to not, maybe. But I'm not saying I'm intelligent. Only that the guys most into me, always go on to say that's their thing. So it's a fetish? That's where my thought process was. I didn't create the thread to say I'm intelligent. I don't have most men into me, and the ones most into me say that.. Which is to say, they're telling me that they don't necessarily like me but that I'm a fix. Lol! Does my inquiry make sense? Because often I don't even make sense to myself :p seriously.
 
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You think so? Maybe. I don't think I'm ugly enough to be deemed unattractive but okay. Maybe. My pics are in the infj thread, you can tell me because for Lord! I don't want to think I'm attractive if I'm not.
That's only how I interpreted what you wrote, seems like I was wrong. You're not ugly at all, you have a nice face, cute how you doubted yourself though. Maybe he assumed that you wanted intelligent men to look at your profile and was wondering why you hadn't narrowed it down to that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I've never experienced that but I wouldn't be surprised. I have no idea why you would want to seek out guys that are treating you like a fix. Does it perhaps make you feel good, having that much of an effect on them? I would avoid if I were you.
Eh. I'm totally jaded so it's more about finding companionship. Using your resources :p like a girl with big boobs might where a flattering shirt to attract guys who are boob men. That sorta thing.
 
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I think many people associate intelligence with identity. People who think of themselves as intelligent may feel as though intelligences is part of what makes them, them. It may also be how they value or respect someone. For instance, if "you" notice the intelligence of someone and that someone is intelligent in areas that you value (if the are not intelligent in those areas, it may be hard to notice their intelligence), you may hold a higher opinion of them than someone who is not intelligent in fields that you value. Also with "intelligence" comes ideas and conversation and if you both value the same field, then that is a common interest and conversations in those topics can be mutually enjoyable.
Although, I think "intelligence" is overrated when it comes to dating (I think intellectual curiosity is more important and even if someone struggles in an area, if they are interested in it, then they will want to learn about it and conversations can be a way of bonding, but I think the curiosity is more important than the knowledge), I don't think it is a fetish. I think it is part of how we value people and can play a role in compatibility/perceived compatibility.

As far as fetishes go, I think fetishes are more about having a strong associate with sex with something that may not be sexual at all. For instance, if someone talked about being able to have power over me, I may get aroused.I would say that is more of a fetish. So if reading science books made someone aroused, then I say them may have a fetish, but if they are aroused from talking to you about ideas,I would say that it was more likely from a bonding experience and feeling a connection with you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
That's only how I interpreted what you wrote, seems like I was wrong. You're not ugly at all, you have a nice face. Maybe he assumed that you wanted intelligent men to look at your profile and was wondering why you hadn't narrowed it down to that.
I don't think I'm unattractive but I'm not necessarily a knock out. So yeah, I'm thinking he had a point. If intelligence is an asset I should be more aware to seek men who like that. Not even sure how to do that but, if it's a fetish that's all the more reason to. Like how men prefer boobs and others prefer legs. I see it as no different.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I think many people associate intelligence with identity. People who think of themselves as intelligent may feel as though intelligences is part of what makes them, them. It may also be how they value or respect someone. For instance, if "you" notice the intelligence of someone and that someone is intelligent in areas that you value (if the are not intelligent in those areas, it may be hard to notice their intelligence), you may hold a higher opinion of them than someone who is not intelligent in fields that you value. Also with "intelligence" comes ideas and conversation and if you both value the same field, then that is a common interest and conversations in those topics can be mutually enjoyable.
Although, I think "intelligence" is overrated when it comes to dating (I think intellectual curiosity is more important and even if someone struggles in an area, if they are interested in it, then they will want to learn about it and conversations can be a way of bonding, but I think the curiosity is more important than the knowledge), I don't think it is a fetish. I think it is part of how we value people and can play a role in compatibility/perceived compatibility.

As far as fetishes go, I think fetishes are more about having a strong associate with sex with something that may not be sexual at all. For instance, if someone talked about being able to have power over me, I may get aroused.I would say that is more of a fetish. So if reading science books made someone aroused, then I say them may have a fetish, but if they are aroused from talking to you about ideas,I would say that it was more likely from a bonding experience and feeling a connection with you.
Interesting meepers! (excited squeal you're still around!) you get me in the happy state lol!


I think that might be it. I'm really curious and people assume I'm intelligent. And I think maybe that turns them on or attracts them (though maybe not a fetish?) idk. Like I said, I have mixed feelings I'm seriously sorting out.
 

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It isn't the entire person. In this case her intelligence would be the fetish or the part being fetishized. I have to be honest. I've never heard that one before.
I know, i read the title that said intelligent women and that's a whole person then I shifted the meaning to only intelligence to disturb the crowd.
I've never cared for anyone who said that they were intelligent, it's perhaps among the most arrogant things a person could say. I don't judge people's intelligences either as only my knowledge/understanding matters to me.
 

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That's the thing. The last few people super into me said it. I don't claim I am. I think it's that I'm a type 6 so in thinking mode as opposed to not, maybe. But I'm not saying I'm intelligent. Only that the guys most into me, always go on to say that's their thing. So it's a fetish? That's where my thought process was. I didn't create the thread to say I'm intelligent. I don't have most men into me, and the ones most into me say that.. Which is to say, they're telling me that they don't necessarily like me but that I'm a fix. Lol! Does my inquiry make sense? Because often I don't even make sense to myself :p seriously.
There's this thing where people call themselves Sapiosexuals, apparently a whole new classification label where they are attracted to intelligence. I can't relate to that concept at all myself.
 

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Very good point. Though I feel a significant difference between the ones that are interested, and the ones that are *interested*, like, I actually feel used after conversations. Lol!! Isn't that crazy?? Has anyone else experienced this? I swear this happens.

Anyone have similar experiences?
Yes, I actually know exactly what you're talking about. Thank you for using the word "used" too, lol.

Hmm, some examples I can think of over the past few years - "You're too pretty to use so many big words" (<*in awe* - various ways of expressing this), "I just really like talking to and spending time with you, you're actually smart and funny" (<made me wonder how and if I was being used, really, because this dude started dating girls who my friends said were definitly less attractive right after I was just kinda like, yea, oh well, I'm not your therapist, lol, after he was confusing as fuck - so it wasn't like he wasn't sexually attracted to me most likely?! I think he was just emotionally closed off. Well, I know that, because when we met he'd confessed to growing out a neckbeard to keep women away. Then he shaved it and asked me out. I think I was supposed to reassure him - actually, I think this is the key. I think I'm supposed to reassure most of them. Or is that egotistical and wrong? Am I deluded. Getting rejected and I don't realize it. OMG save me from my head).

And, actually, tangent. Most feminists would probably rip this picture a new one, but I appreciate it. The only guys I've ever seriously dated have been these built masculine types who just eventually stalked me down. "I shall save you from your head!" *Swoops in*



Trying to avoid that pattern though, because I don't want to just lose my head either. I'd like to have a little more say over the process, haha. Plus, I'm kinda old now so the option doesn't present itself as often. I think Belle just eventually turns into the crazy cat lady who mutters to herself in superstores if she fails to have strapping young boys by a certain age.

So yea, continuing - a lot of variations of you remind me of the one who got away, or my friend's intellectual gf I always secretly wanted to bang (subtext), etc. It's like they're rubbing one out in their mind to the idea of me. Then they decide that I'm like 95% more pure than I actually am, so any admittance to fault of any kind (which, if they're assuming that, is....a lot, haha) is a fall from grace and I'm just screwed.

I really swear I'm not making this up and just, like, totally deluded. At least I don't think so. You saying something is helping to maybe confirm this for me XD Sometimes I think too I'm like... a measure of hope, but not the destination. Especially for misogynists who assume that all women are idiots. Or that I could be the destination...if only I'd live up to that person they'd met originally. (i.e. who never actually existed, who they created in their minds the second I used an impressive vocabulary word).

Men very rarely let me go altogether. They keep in touch with me for years. Again, kinda makes me feel used. Make a move or let me go. Or give me a formal opportunity to reject YOU, like a want to (lol!)
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
The only guys I've ever seriously dated have been these built masculine types who just eventually stalked me down. "I shall save you from your head!" *Swoops in*
YES!!! OMG THIS. That is EXACTLY what I'm talking about!!! What is that?! o_O


I swear, this is it though I haven't seriously dated them all (nor have they all looked like gaston lol!!) but the only men interested, like..interested interested, were all about this. And they fawn over my weird head like let's say, lusting my butt or something lol!! However, they don't really take my feelings in consideration always so there is that. :/


I guess after the convo last night I saw the pattern after comments he made. And my weird head said, "Omg, I think I'm a fetish?" hahaha.. Totally jk around with that comment. Geez I hate when I have to do the little disclaimers so the serious parts are taken seriously and the silly parts are taken silly, just. In. Case.


But really, the serious part is just this pattern. It's weird. I want to understand. :p
 
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YES!!! OMG THIS. That is EXACTLY what I'm talking about!!! What is that?! o_O


I swear, this is it though I haven't seriously dated them all (nor have they all looked like gaston lol!!) but the only men interested, like..interested interested, were all about this. And they fawn over my weird head like let's say, lusting my butt or something lol!! However, they don't really take my feelings in consideration always so there is that. :/


I guess after the convo last night I saw the pattern after comments he made. And my weird head said, "Omg, I think I'm a fetish?" hahaha.. Totally jk around with that comment. Geez I hate when I have to do the little disclaimers so the serious parts are taken seriously and the silly parts are taken silly, just. In. Case.


But really, the serious part is just this pattern. It's weird. I want to understand. :p
I think a lot of men are still put off by intelligent women. (I actually think the men who act the most like they aren't - are secretly too, it's funny. (Women start reading, getting ideas...what was that Gaston line again? Lol). I love having debates with those types where I'm not saying what I'm "supposed" to be saying because they always show their true colors. "Wait a minute - Oprah told me that I'd get laid for saying this!" Or - "You're going off script! How will I get likes for how sensitive this post is now? How will anyone know? You're messing everything up!" So yea - dudes just be dudes, lol).

So, idk, I think sometimes guys who see themselves as alpha types also see themselves as rising above this and expect appreciation for it. Maybe similar to how women who can be cool with a wandering eye in males expect some appreciation too. (And yes I realize these generalizations are sexist, lol). Either way it's showing that you're okay with a bit of instability though. (Who knows what's going on in your weird head? :p) That you're confident in yourself.
 

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I know I'm not arm candy (I'm more short and cute and super pretty according to some) but I'm not that knock out arm candy that every guy drools over. However, all the men interested are always interested because I'm intelligent (according to them, not me). I'm starting to think I'm a fetish. Like if I was a big girl (not thick / curvy like I am but BIG), I would know I was a fetish because some men will seek out BBW but most don't. So am I kinda like that? Because most men I don't find lust me in the way these other guys do.

Now example. An ESTJ (supposedly according to them) kept me on the phone chatting for 3 hours and at one point he pointed out how he could hook up with anyone (to a certain extent he's right and he's referring to younger / more arm candy attractive), but that he prefers intelligent women because of the experience being different. So today I'm thinking aww man. If I'm this dude's fetish I just gave him a 3 hour peep show for his brain! :eek: so not cool.


What do you think?


How do I even deal with that?


He also was asking about my profile and asked why I made myself available for all men instead of making myself available only for the men who are looking for intelligent women. What did that even mean?!?! I didn't ask and it was a comment lost in the shuffle of other commentary between us... But now today I can't stop thinking of a few pieces of that conversation and if anyone could share what they think that meant, that would be awesome.


I can't possibly take this guy seriously or any guy for that matter until they give me a reason to take them seriously. However I'm SUPER curious, are intelligent women a fetish?!?! If they are, then I suppose I should be taking those guys more seriously, hypothetically. Idk..


What do you think?!?!






Btw. I'm not meaning to offend anyone (a just in case clause) :p
Yes. When I was dating I wouldn't even *look* at you unless you had an IQ of 140.
Thanks for asking.
 
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