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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've noticed that some INTJs I know tend to adopt me and befriend me without telling me. They'll come up to me and randomly hug me, and suddenly we're friends.

However, I've also noticed that some INTJs like to be with me more than they like to be alone. One INTJ guy in particular- he used to like me, but he has a girlfriend now, so it's not that- is constantly texting me, and always trying to make plans to meet up. He's a good friend and he's very nice, but he seems to need even less space than I do, despite being introverted.

My best friend is also an INTJ, and she fights constantly between being to dependent and too independent (for her, it's a power dynamic).

So, INTJs: how do you make friends? And do you give them their space or like to be with them as much as possible?
 

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My sister is supposedly INTJ, but she was never clingy. Maybe it's because she never had platonic friends that she'd consider "intimate". Also she has some disagreements with our parents. (Me too actually, but I try to argue about those things rather than avoid the subject like she does). Although she sometimes talks about very personal things with me, I noticed that she tries to fill the older sister role, consequently becoming somewhat distant, especially after I went totally neurotic a few years ago.

But I noticed that with her boyfriend (been together for about 3 years), she totally seems able to just "let go", and let herself be close to someone. I dunno if you'd call that clingy, but I'd like to think that she's finally found someone that she's not afraid to be emotional with.
 

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I've noticed that some INTJs I know tend to adopt me and befriend me without telling me. They'll come up to me and randomly hug me, and suddenly we're friends.

However, I've also noticed that some INTJs like to be with me more than they like to be alone. One INTJ guy in particular- he used to like me, but he has a girlfriend now, so it's not that- is constantly texting me, and always trying to make plans to meet up. He's a good friend and he's very nice, but he seems to need even less space than I do, despite being introverted.

My best friend is also an INTJ, and she fights constantly between being to dependent and too independent (for her, it's a power dynamic).

So, INTJs: how do you make friends? And do you give them their space or like to be with them as much as possible?
To be honest, just randomly hugging someone doesn't seem like something any INTJ would do. And always making plans to hang out with them doesn't seem like something that would be indicative of an INTJ either. But perhaps there is something more to it? If he likes you more than a friend than that may make a bit more sense since it's not uncommon for an INTJ to try to spend more time with a romantic interest. I'm a little iffy about the texting constantly thing though.

Speaking for myself, I make friends very rarely and very slowly and when I do, I don't just randomly hug them, that's way out of my comfort zone. As a sign that I consider someone my friend I will take some time out of my day to spend with them, but not often. I value my alone time way too much to always try to spend time with someone I just consider to be a friend and as a result they get more than enough space from me. Even with my best friend, I typically only hang out with them a week, at the most, out of a month and usually only text when I'm setting up a date for us to hang out (since I prefer to talk in person).

To make me want to constantly be around someone or even text them constantly (which is rare) I would need to have a romantic interest in them.
 

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I'm not clingy, I'm intense. If I consider you my friend be ready for an environment that reminds of a desert; melting hot in the day, but freezing cold in the night. Either I want to talk to you all the time everytime, or I hardly speak to you for weeks.
 

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So, INTJs: how do you make friends? And do you give them their space or like to be with them as much as possible?
I think you'll find it's less dependance and more the fact that we are so universally disliked that when someone appears to tolerate our presence it's like all our christmases have come at once. Probably a fair number of INTJs are so unacquainted with friendships that they may over step the line in their excitement to have found a kindred spirit. I know I do this which is why I never allow myself to maintain any acquaintances. I don't want to come off as clingy and I don't trust myself not to. So I maintain no connections at all.
 

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I have the opposite problem of clingy. I’m far too detached, and my friends gripe that I’m not part of their life enough. Although, there are certain people that I talk to often, but that’s because we have enjoyable conversations. I even need a break from those people after a while.
 

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I have the opposite problem of clingy. I’m far too detached, and my friends gripe that I’m not part of their life enough. Although, there are certain people that I talk to often, but that’s because we have enjoyable conversations. I even need a break from those people after a while.
This describes me as well. As for random hugs, absolutely not. My friends know to not even try.
 

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I hug approximately 2 friends, both have known me for a while before they initiated hugs. We only hug upon: sometimes meeting, and when I leave their house/they leave my house. I never randomly hug them, I only randomly hug my husband. INTJs do vary, however.

As @InSolitude said we can get excited when we've found a kindred spirit, and have a hard time containing that excitement because it rarely occurs. Is there a chance of romantic interest?
 

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So, INTJs: how do you make friends?
Like this:



And do you give them their space or like to be with them as much as possible?
Space, but that's not even a conscious thing. It's rare that I take the initiative.

Sometimes I notice, hey, I haven't seen my friends in 3 months, maybe I should visit them XP

Or, didn't I agree with friend such and such we would plan something, like 5 weeks ago? And then I forget again XP
 

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I'm not clingy. There are times when I like talking to my friends, and there are times when it's hard for them to reach me. I'm just glad they understand that it's normal for me and that I'm fine and there's nothing to worry about lol.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I'm not clingy, I'm intense. If I consider you my friend be ready for an environment that reminds of a desert; melting hot in the day, but freezing cold in the night. Either I want to talk to you all the time everytime, or I hardly speak to you for weeks.
That's really interesting. He's also an SO/SX- maybe that has something to do with it?
 
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That's really interesting. He's also an SO/SX- maybe that has something to do with it?
Could be. As for me at least, I've never been very shy despite being an obvious introvert. One of my teachers described it as being very careful, but not shy at all.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Could be. As for me at least, I've never been very shy despite being an obvious introvert. One of my teachers described it as being very careful, but not shy at all.
My best friend's the same as that, I think- she's very deliberate and she doesn't mince words, but when she needs to, she can both socialize and stand up for herself. (She's actually another SO/SX INTJ)

I think you'll find it's less dependance and more the fact that we are so universally disliked that when someone appears to tolerate our presence it's like all our christmases have come at once. Probably a fair number of INTJs are so unacquainted with friendships that they may over step the line in their excitement to have found a kindred spirit. I know I do this which is why I never allow myself to maintain any acquaintances. I don't want to come off as clingy and I don't trust myself not to. So I maintain no connections at all.
Wait really? That's really sad, I'm sorry. :( Everyone I know likes INTJs... where do you live? It might be a cultural thing.

That does make sense though. I'm always afraid of letting others control me if I come off as too clingy/needy
 
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I've noticed that some INTJs I know tend to adopt me and befriend me without telling me. They'll come up to me and randomly hug me, and suddenly we're friends.
That would be very odd behavior.

However, I've also noticed that some INTJs like to be with me more than they like to be alone. One INTJ guy in particular- he used to like me, but he has a girlfriend now, so it's not that- is constantly texting me, and always trying to make plans to meet up. He's a good friend and he's very nice, but he seems to need even less space than I do, despite being introverted.
Me personally this would depend on how much I like you and how bored I am.
 

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from my experience with INTJ, they are NOT clingy. But they are intense. And on a subject they like, they will be very passionate and will not hesitate to fill you in on every little intricate detail that their busy INTJ brain has ripped apart and documented somewhere. I find it fascinating. Completely different than being clingy, but to someone who doesn't understand it would seem like one day they like you, one day they don't care to talk much. To me that is perfectly fine.
 

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Hmmm could be that they think your special and are acting accordingly; I myself don't really even cling to my closest friends and family (doesn't mean the love/affection isn't there) but of course all INTJ's are different. They could be INFJs pretending to be INTJs?
 
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Naw, the closest I come to clingy is when I accidentally put somebody on a pedestal and get a bit too into them for no good reason. But I usually exaggerate in my mind how clingy I'm actually being (the # of times I've been genuinely clingy I could probably count on one hand and they never lasted long).

Generally speaking, I'm more likely to be distant than clingy.

When I get loyal, I get damn loyal, but I don't maintain that loyalty if I'm getting obvious signals that I need to reel it in a bit.
 
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I was thinking that INTJs are the opposite of clingy...this coming from my own experience and some friends. Stereotypical INTJs tend to be the most reclusive, distant people in regards to anything social...
 
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