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I have an INTP friend and I have to admit that I don't really respect her. One of the things that makes me proud is that I started a mother's group and I have about 35 women in my group. We do all sorts of activities around town with our kids and it's just all around positive. Since I tend to be very good at cooking and sewing I like to help the other moms by teaching them the ropes. I am one of three officers in the group who plan the activities.

This INTP friend I have is also a mom, but she works a little on the side. She has the time to come to my mother's group, but she avoids it for the most part. Is this a little passive aggressive? I have tried to teach her things that I know, but since she has three kids and I only have one she thinks she knows everything I guess. She paints on the side, but I would never compliment them because they are just average.

Maybe I don't understand INTPs and I don't really even know what about this woman gets me so mad, but it is just the way she talks at times. It's like she makes no sense and I have to correct her. My husband seems to like her, don't ask me why. I'd like to know how to get along with this friend because right now we are avoiding each other, I'm just doing things with my mother's group most of the time. At least those ladies have a positive energy about them. This INTP mother could use some improvement, even her kids don't seem interested in what they want to be for Halloween. Who doesn't like Halloween?! I sewed the cutest costume for my toddler already.
 

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I have an INTP friend and I have to admit that I don't really respect her. One of the things that makes me proud is that I started a mother's group and I have about 35 women in my group. We do all sorts of activities around town with our kids and it's just all around positive. Since I tend to be very good at cooking and sewing I like to help the other moms by teaching them the ropes. I am one of three officers in the group who plan the activities.

This INTP friend I have is also a mom, but she works a little on the side. She has the time to come to my mother's group, but she avoids it for the most part. Is this a little passive aggressive? I have tried to teach her things that I know, but since she has three kids and I only have one she thinks she knows everything I guess. She paints on the side, but I would never compliment them because they are just average.

Maybe I don't understand INTPs and I don't really even know what about this woman gets me so mad, but it is just the way she talks at times. It's like she makes no sense and I have to correct her. My husband seems to like her, don't ask me why. I'd like to know how to get along with this friend because right now we are avoiding each other, I'm just doing things with my mother's group most of the time. At least those ladies have a positive energy about them. This INTP mother could use some improvement, even her kids don't seem interested in what they want to be for Halloween. Who doesn't like Halloween?! I sewed the cutest costume for my toddler already.
Are you serious?? You know someone has a lot of spare time and you assume they should be spending it in your group?? I think you are being immensely egotistical. I'm biting my tongue a lot here to try and be considerate, but labeling someone passive aggressive for having more pressing concerns than learning how to sew and be a stepford wife is a little out of line in my opinion. I'm amazed she even participates because honestly, your post has stuck in my craw pretty good. Consider her "passive aggression" as her attempt at being polite. You should be flattered, as I no doubt believe you will be.

I'm not seeing anything in your post I'd flag as passive aggressive. If she says, "I'll be there and involved this much," and just doesn't show. And then does it again. Yeah, that would be grounds for passive aggression. But it sounds to me like someone doesn't value your efforts as much as you do so therefore you feel this person is "out to get you" or flawed in some way, which seems as I said, horribly egotistical.

Oh man, you hate her for not making sense and correcting her?? Not everyone processes the world the same way you do. Stop being so short-sighted and turn off Martha Stewart once and a while.
 

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I have an INTP friend and I have to admit that I don't really respect her. [...]

This INTP friend I have is also a mom, but she works a little on the side. She has the time to come to my mother's group, but she avoids it for the most part. Is this a little passive aggressive?
How is that passive aggressive? She's most likely just not very social and prefers her alone time, or has a life of her own outside of your social circle, which is normal behaviour for an introvert.

I have tried to teach her things that I know, but since she has three kids and I only have one she thinks she knows everything I guess. She paints on the side, but I would never compliment them because they are just average.
For the most part INTPs like to figure out things on our own; we trust our own minds more than anything else. Just because you make a suggestion to someone doesn't mean they're obligated to take your advice, and INTPs will often instinctively rebel against something being imposed on them if they haven't had time to think it through themselves. You should just accept that you don't see eye to eye with her instead of insisting your will on her; no one likes a know-it-all. You also sound a bit condescending which could be coming out during your interactions with her. Why did you feel it necessary to tell us about how her paintings are average? Aesthetics is a matter of opinion and it just seems like a trivial detail.

Maybe I don't understand INTPs and I don't really even know what about this woman gets me so mad, but it is just the way she talks at times. It's like she makes no sense and I have to correct her.
She probably feels the same way about you and thinks you make no sense, which would explain why she resists your advice. From what you've described, you seem pretty domineering and possibly condescending. Those are two things INTPs hate very much.
 

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Are INTPs passive aggressive? = hell yes. I recognize it in myself, and very rarely let the beast out of his cage.
I agree my Husband an INTP is very passive-aggressive as a very aggressive 8 it drives me insane. The example this person is siting does not sound like the INTP is being passive-aggressive. It sounds like she would just rather spend her time elsewhere. What do you think about this specific example?
 

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I have an INTP friend and I have to admit that I don't really respect her. One of the things that makes me proud is that I started a mother's group and I have about 35 women in my group. We do all sorts of activities around town with our kids and it's just all around positive. Since I tend to be very good at cooking and sewing I like to help the other moms by teaching them the ropes. I am one of three officers in the group who plan the activities.

This INTP friend I have is also a mom, but she works a little on the side. She has the time to come to my mother's group, but she avoids it for the most part. Is this a little passive aggressive? I have tried to teach her things that I know, but since she has three kids and I only have one she thinks she knows everything I guess. She paints on the side, but I would never compliment them because they are just average.

Maybe I don't understand INTPs and I don't really even know what about this woman gets me so mad, but it is just the way she talks at times. It's like she makes no sense and I have to correct her. My husband seems to like her, don't ask me why. I'd like to know how to get along with this friend because right now we are avoiding each other, I'm just doing things with my mother's group most of the time. At least those ladies have a positive energy about them. This INTP mother could use some improvement, even her kids don't seem interested in what they want to be for Halloween. Who doesn't like Halloween?! I sewed the cutest costume for my toddler already.
I don't see anything passive-agressive in her behavior. I don't see any sense in your complaints either. It seems to me you are just bothered she doesn't share your values/interests, tbh. Ppl are different and have different interests. I suggest you start to accept that. I find your ways very intrusive, even offensive, tbh.
 

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I agree my Husband an INTP is very passive-aggressive as a very aggressive 8 it drives me insane. The example this person is siting does not sound like the INTP is being passive-aggressive. It sounds like she would just rather spend her time elsewhere. What do you think about this specific example?
I don't see passive-aggressiveness in this example, but their may be missing information. I am type 9 and I like to stay open and passive by nature. I do not have the ability to type people from conversations like the original poster, so I can only speak for myself. Based on the information, it seems like a difference in values. What would be important for my child and me would be different than other people's expectations.

If the woman is INTP, she will likely react negatively to being scolded. Someone shouldn't try that with me and expect me to be quite and nod in agreement. She likely will not like to be pushed into something. I am a grown man and I can give as good as I get. I do find the statement about a lack of respect to be significant. I personally mirror how I am treated by others. If I get crappy service at McD's I let people know. If you don't respect me, I will not be the bigger man and show it to you. I used to, and got walked on one too many times. I don't even do that number for my own father when he acts like that nowadays. I let people act first often, and if they act petty I will avoid them or show mostly pettiness myself. I can have fun with it personally, if that is the game people are playing at my expense.
 

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I have an INTP friend and I have to admit that I don't really respect her. One of the things that makes me proud is that I started a mother's group and I have about 35 women in my group. We do all sorts of activities around town with our kids and it's just all around positive. Since I tend to be very good at cooking and sewing I like to help the other moms by teaching them the ropes. I am one of three officers in the group who plan the activities.

This INTP friend I have is also a mom, but she works a little on the side. She has the time to come to my mother's group, but she avoids it for the most part. Is this a little passive aggressive? I have tried to teach her things that I know, but since she has three kids and I only have one she thinks she knows everything I guess. She paints on the side, but I would never compliment them because they are just average.

Maybe I don't understand INTPs and I don't really even know what about this woman gets me so mad, but it is just the way she talks at times. It's like she makes no sense and I have to correct her. My husband seems to like her, don't ask me why. I'd like to know how to get along with this friend because right now we are avoiding each other, I'm just doing things with my mother's group most of the time. At least those ladies have a positive energy about them. This INTP mother could use some improvement, even her kids don't seem interested in what they want to be for Halloween. Who doesn't like Halloween?! I sewed the cutest costume for my toddler already.
I am curious about INTPs and passive-aggressiveness, but I can't make sense of anything you've written.

maybe you should talk directly to your friend about your "concerns" so she can know what you really think. and perhaps she will respond with what she really thinks of you, and maybe the two of you won't have to pretend to be friends with each other anymore! win/win!
 

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This INTP friend I have is also a mom, but she works a little on the side. She has the time to come to my mother's group, but she avoids it for the most part. Is this a little passive aggressive?
It means she doesn't like going to the mothers group, for some reason. That's it.

I have tried to teach her things that I know, but since she has three kids and I only have one she thinks she knows everything I guess.
I would guess you try to explain how to do things, step by step? An INTP is going to want to understand the why, not the how, then we'll want to come up with our own steps. That might be difficult for you to understand, since you probably only care about the how.

She paints on the side, but I would never compliment them because they are just average.
Why did you mention this?

My husband seems to like her, don't ask me why.
Which Personality Type is your husband?
 

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I don't see passive-aggressiveness in this example, but their may be missing information. I am type 9 and I like to stay open and passive by nature. I do not have the ability to type people from conversations like the original poster, so I can only speak for myself. Based on the information, it seems like a difference in values. What would be important for my child and me would be different than other people's expectations.

If the woman is INTP, she will likely react negatively to being scolded. Someone shouldn't try that with me and expect me to be quite and nod in agreement. She likely will not like to be pushed into something. I am a grown man and I can give as good as I get. I do find the statement about a lack of respect to be significant. I personally mirror how I am treated by others. If I get crappy service at McD's I let people know. If you don't respect me, I will not be the bigger man and show it to you. I used to, and got walked on one too many times. I don't even do that number for my own father when he acts like that nowadays. I let people act first often, and if they act petty I will avoid them or show mostly pettiness myself. I can have fun with it personally, if that is the game people are playing at my expense.
You seem a not so passive in your aggression in the above statements. My husband does not confront people when they scold him he ignores and leaves. In pretty much any confrontational situation he leaves, he is a type 5 though. That is probably why he married me I am a type 8. With my influence he can now return items to a store or call and dispute charges on a bill. I am so proud of him for that.
 

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I don't really respect her.
she thinks she knows everything I guess.
she makes no sense and I have to correct her.
My husband seems to like her, don't ask me why.
At least those ladies have a positive energy about them.
This INTP mother could use some improvement
Why do you want to get along with her if this is what you really think of her? It's not necessarily your mother's group that she's avoiding, it's all of this negativity. Whether or not she deserves it I don't know, but it will always come out in your behaviour and other people can sense it. If you really do want to get along with her, I would start with questioning any thought of your own about what she should or shouldn't do/say/think.
 

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You seem a not so passive in your aggression in the above statements. My husband does not confront people when they scold him he ignores and leaves. In pretty much any confrontational situation he leaves, he is a type 5 though. That is probably why he married me I am a type 8. With my influence he can now return items to a store or call and dispute charges on a bill. I am so proud of him for that.
LOL StarBuck, I doubt your husband was a doorman at a gentlemen's club for seven years ether. I am desensitized to quite alot. I tell myself what I can and cannot do, and have very little respect for the rules on the wall that don't make sense in my mind. I was the host and talked more people out of the building better than any coworker or employee I had, with the exception of one person there. I used the physical approach less than any of my coworkers and I did not prefer it, but I have grabbed and removed people physically when that did not work. You never knew when that event was coming at that job. Taking the time to talk about an issue, typing at the keyboard to share thoughts or opinions, telling someone they are rude or providing a poor product, those are passive events in my opinion.

My definition of aggression is rude or hurtful comments, belittling someone that you don't understand or feel is beneath you, physical violence, producing a weapon to intimidate people, etc. Basically stuff that hurts others.

I think INTP's are passive-aggressive by nature. If you tell and INTP 'No, you are wrong and that idea is dumb' or 'You need to do this now and don't ask why' I believe you will get a response that is negative often on a very subtle level. They may become obstructionist at your future communications due to thinking you insulted them, you are rude in your behavior, or honestly they may believe you are not intelligent enough to understand them or communicate properly (I doubt many would just flat out say this.) It's all about perceptions I think. If you judge or perceive me, I judge and perceive you in return. Cause and effect. I would say this often occurs in a passive nature.
 

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Though almost anyone can be passive aggressive, yes I believe INTPs have a natural tendency to develop manipulative attitudes due to their Ti perspective (constantly thinking about many opportunities and how they could directly affect those around us), while being Ne (able to see the nuances and what if's in social infrastructures via analyzing a multitude of end-results scenarios).

Simply put, our ability to not only see what will happen if we say or do XYZ to someone, but able to see how it would affect others as well.

It's really a matter of choices in life. Most INTPs will have realized somewhere down the road (I'd say later 20's or early 30's usually) that their subconscious is powerful and capable, and will choose to either develop their power more or to become more self-aware of their subconscious. In my teens I chose the firs--perhaps not consciously--but later in my early 20's I chose to maintain "openness and honesty" especially with my own self and own mind. I feel it has been the best decision of my life, bar none.
 

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I don't see how any of that was being "passive aggressive." It sounds like she just has better things to do in her mind. I don't know about all the rest of INTPs but I'm definitely not passive aggressive. I take a direct approach always and don't really care if it hurts anyone's feelings in the process. There was too little information on why you think she's being passive aggressive... just because she said she'd join your group or had planned on being active, doesn't mean she is being this way on purpose. She may honestly just not like the group anymore or would rather be doing something else with her free time and doesn't feel it's necessary to talk about it.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
I am not trying to be condescending or a know it all, but we have worried about whether her kids are getting adequate mothering. She seems to be disinterested in social community (not just mine) and activities for her kids. I just wanted to help by inviting her to my mother's group, but she just refused. Her kids seem happy enough, but I think they just don't know what they are missing. She said her son had trouble in school last year because it wasn't challenging enough, but I doubt the kid is that smart. He likes video games way too much for his own good. For some reason it sounded like she was bragging so I made some comments that her husband and kids are on the short side (take her down a notch). She rarely has full meals planned so I told her how I make lists and prepare ingredients in advance for the week, but she again, refused to take any of this seriously. I think I just don't like this woman's confidence..I mean to be perfectly honest my family is really smart, tall, social and I even have a creative streak and this mom seems to think she has all that plus more. I can really help people if they let me teach them, but if they can't see my talents then they are the ones who miss out.

Also, there are other issues like I try and uphold Jewish traditions because my husband is Jewish, but she is half Jewish and shows no interest in her culture at all (another thing I can't respect). I baked a half loaf of challah bread and gave it to her, but she could barely muster a 'thank you'. That was also an excuse to show her how well I can bake bread (she looked totally disinterested when I tried to teach her how to make bread). When I tried to help her with bread baking she seemed surprised that I didn't know what the scientific definition of gluten is, but how is that even relevant to making good bread.

Her husband (INTJ) works at the same company as my husband and has a better position, but my husband (ENFJ) could be senior manager if he wanted to be and I made sure to tell her that. He tries to flaunt his job in our face by buying fancy cars and TVs, but we are above that kind of popular materialism. I personally think he just has short man syndrome (dude is only like 5'10").
 

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I think I just don't like this woman's confidence.
Maybe that's the problem?

Her husband (INTJ) works at the same company as my husband and has a better position, but my husband (ENFJ) could be senior manager if he wanted to be and I made sure to tell her that. He tries to flaunt his job in our face by buying fancy cars and TVs, but we are above that kind of popular materialism. I personally think he just has short man syndrome (dude is only like 5'10").
It sounds as though it's you who has a problem with her or her family, and not the other way around. That's nothing wrong with buying fancy cars or TVs if they could afford that kind of luxury. I wouldn't take it as a personal offence; but merely a difference in lifestyle.
 
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