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My ISFP dad is kind and gentle, yet he shows aggressiveness through indirect attack about everyone. Usually on behaviors. He also describe himself as open minded, yet he has a lot of "hidden" disdain for everyone who is not an SF, and if you tell him directly those issues, he will never admit it, and accuse you of everything you are accusing him. Is this passive-aggressiveness an ISFP tendency ? How can you cope with it ?
 

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I was sometimes passive-aggressive when I was younger, and I can still be.

I don't think what you describe is passive-aggressiveness though... but I can certainly relate to "accusing you of everything you are accusing him." I do that.
 
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Is that not projection? To accuse your accuser?

I guess it could be passive aggression, too.
 

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I do sometimes have problems with passive agression... projection not so much (well I guess I might and just not be realising it!)
It does sound like your dad's behaviour could possibly be either.
 

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I think all IPs have issues with passive-aggressiveness. It's our introverted judgment being our primary function, which means that extraversion of judgment is lower in the stack. Here's the important part, however. Most IPs are unaware of this behavior, however. It is not something they do on purpose. It's just a fact of our existence, which may explain why he would blame the accuser. It would help to find some other way to open his eyes to what he's doing, but it's tough for the child to the parent...

Other types, btw, when they act in a passive-aggressive manner, tend to know what they are doing, and may be quite adept at it--but I think they would also deny it, simply because if they did, the whole "man behind the curtain" effect is lost.

Ever since I've been aware of this in my life, I've tried to notice when I'm doing it, and stop, and apologize for it. I try to be open to my wife and kids when they criticize me, which is probably how I realized it in the first place, but honestly, it is both embarrassing and frustrating to realize you've been this way. I think that if you want to help your dad, try to appeal to his better angels, rather than accuse him.

On the other hand, it is also possible that you are overreacting to his tendencies, maybe because of your differences. Kids tend to inflate their parents' problems (especially if they are embarrassed by their behavior). I know that I have done that to my own parents. Seeing how other people I know appreciate and even respect some of those things I viewed in an exaggerated manner helped me see that I might have been too harsh on my parents in some ways. Parent-child relationships can be very difficult, as our temperaments can vary wildly from each other, and we may share few points of contact with each other. Interestingly enough, learning about type dynamics, etc. has really shown me how much of our conflicts through the years had nothing to do with the actual content over which the conflict was, but over how each of us approached the content over which we were in conflict. Of course, it always helps to realize that we are all individuals who differ. I always tried to allow my relationship with my parents deeply inform how I parent (i.e. not wanting to do those things I didn't appreciate as a child, and repeating those things I did). I never wanted to be a parent who repeats the same mistakes as his parents, nor to be a demanding, close-minded person who expects their kids to be just like them in every way. To me, an open and honest relationship with my kids trumps whether they make their bed, or "obey" me in trivial ways. If your father is an ISFP, I suspect that at some level, he probably is the same. That' why I say appeal to his better angels rather than criticize. :)
 

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I'm not passive aggressive. I actually can't stand it when someone acts that way. If there is an issue with someone, I like to talk about it and get the problem over with rather then dragging it out and making it extremely stressful. I absolutely hate conflict and just want it to be over with
 

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Is that not projection? To accuse your accuser?

I guess it could be passive aggression, too.
I think that is called "aggressive-aggression," or just being aggressive/assertive.
 

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Yeah like some people said, what you're describing isn't what I define as passive aggressive behaviour. Although, I don't do what he does either.

A passive aggressive person to me is another word for a pussy imo. They won't really tell you there's a problem but you can sense there is by the sly comments they'll drop in conversations. And I think there are other variations of this.

Dunno about other ISFPs but I'm just classically aggressive. Argue, shout, maybe even throw a few things... the usual stuff.
 

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Nope. Just no.

If I have something to say to you, YOU'LL HEAR IT! You can count on that!
 
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