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It has been argued, documented, and discussed that many women are far too unrealistic when it comes to choosing a man, but I wanted to ask: are men any better? Are they even worse? Do personal experiences (or better yet, data) show that men are more, less, or equally as unrealistic when it comes to picking women?

Two phenomenons I can currently think of regarding this:

1. Men who think they are "too good" for the women they date: This person has a list, and every potential mate falls short of this list. Do the majority of men suffer from this?

2. Men who only go after the top 20%: I've heard that hypergamy does this for women, but are men just as guilty?

Hoping for a fruitful discussion.
Thanks
 

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I'm not aware of these stereotypes, but you are probably correct that society has encouraged them to exist. Still, I say to each his/her own. I personally am not picky, but I should be more picky. I have come to find that I simply don't get along (long term) with Fi users, despite my apparent draw to them. (I will be more picky next time.)
 

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1. Men who think they are "too good" for the women they date: This person has a list, and every potential mate falls short of this list. Do the majority of men suffer from this?
Most men I know? No. They basically take what they can get.

2. Men who only go after the top 20%: I've heard that hypergamy does this for women, but are men just as guilty?
I don't know. What does top 20% mean? In looks? In intelligence? In wealth and status? I would say again men I know just tend to take what they can get. I personally feel being picky limits available options so it is not practical.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
2. Men who only go after the top 20%: I've heard that hypergamy does this for women, but are men just as guilty?
I don't know. What does top 20% mean? In looks? In intelligence? In wealth and status? I would say again men I know just tend to take what they can get. I personally feel being picky limits available options so it is not practical.
It doesn't really matter how the "top 20%" is subjectively defined. The question I guess really is: do most men go after the same 20% of women? If they do, it creates a problem.
 

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This is not even close to being true. I've yet to meet the guy who rejects a woman because she didn't meet their standards. For most guys, sex is sex and an opportunity is an opportunity. Why waste it? Even in relationships, I've seen men give the worst women a shot simply because she presented herself. The question of whether or not she's suitable comes later.

It's a false equivalency to state that all people are equal in all things all the time. Statistically speaking, women are more selective and men are more opportunistic.
 

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Curious to know where you are getting your information. The majority of men take what they can get, they don't have lists. Usually this phenomenon only presents itself amongst men of higher income brackets and social status or at least thats what I have observed, and this is from a very small number of men as well in that group. These men also usually have the knowledge and ability to get sex whenever and where ever they want.

Never seen or heard of evidence to show hypergamy amongst males. Maybe there is a very small group of men who practice it but I hardly think a large majority of them do.
 

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i think most people are really unaware of themselves, and of what they actually want in the first place. this causes them to adhere to a "standard", and that standard is usually above themselves--but in order to save an ego-hurt, they become convinced that they must get a piece of that bar because it is the "thing" to reach for, even if other facets of it have to be sacrificed (such as dating a dick or a bitch).

in short: yes, i think men are just as picky, although the qualities of picky-ness will change between the sexes as they are each fitting different roles based on the agreed upon social standard.

and lol @ the whole, "men will just fuck anything with a vagina"... yeah, :dry:.
 

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Hoping for a fruitful discussion.
Thanks
It's very difficult because "picky" is something other people will call "you" not something that "you are" in the sense that the world reflects an interpretation from outside without really knowing your inner motivations and personal preferences... or more importantly: WHY.

I believe I have a very good example: I don't like women who want to stay hugging me or treating me like a little kid (a lot will call this "caring"). It's very easy to misunderstand the WHAT and more easily to ignore the WHY. Many men who seem (or are) picky can tell you a dark story that changed their point of view. I told myself to never fall in a relationship like that because most times things won't change, instead you will be blamed for not letting yourself be "loved or treated" the way they want to.

There is a difference on being picky or just picky: (1) out of something you just don't like and it's part of you (2) something you think you don't like but it comes from your mind only and (3) something you tried to deal with but are sure 100% you can't stand it.

Women? I bet they are on the same boat relating being picky except from one main big important and solid reason: women will try to change your behavior in more extent and ways than a man will. We man often deal with what's there, women see "potential" and will pursue a journey.

Take per example, statistically how many men try to change women into stop smoking? drinking? and how many women try to stop men from doing it. Most men will stay away from many things when considering a serious relationship. Women? think about it, you know the answer. And that difference means a lot on why they get on it and we won't, and most call this being picky.
 

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It's a false equivalency to state that all people are equal in all things all the time. Statistically speaking, women are more selective and men are more opportunistic.
Didn't expect that from you.
 

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Speaking as a man, yes I can be picky and yes I had a list. Obviously since I'm married it wasn't "too picky", but I will say that being picky certainly narrows down the field a lot.

You ultimately do have to realize that everyone is human though. No one is going to be perfect 100% of the time, and no one is going to "make" you happy, you have to do that for yourself. I'm not convinced there is just one "The One" for anyone, but I will say a good majority of potential partners are not even close to being someone I'd want to spend the rest of my life with.

I believe there are certainly some minimum standards that you need to set when looking for a mate or you're just setting yourself up for failure. I would never have considered marrying someone I didn't have a great deal of respect for and attraction to.
 

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2 areas where men are picky...

Looks and age.

OKcupid's statistics suggests that, as does anecdotal evidence from 'dating experts'.

But I agree with android that men are generally opportunistic.

Most men will give a woman chance via dating if they find them physically attractive (not necessarily highly attractive) and they have a good rapport, they don't normally have the requirement for a woman to display being; funny, interesting, confident, ambitious, etc within a 20 minute period before considering them worthy of being dating material.
 

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Not meant to offend but

Men: hunters
Women: collectors

In the sense of one trying to change the other person VS being picky. Women collect, they choose but collect and are diff things, then they will pick again. Picking had diff stages. While men watch, watch and pick, then hunt. See? it's there :)
 

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I know men who would do anything with two legs.

I also know men who constantly aim for women way better looking than they are and have height and weight limits, etc. It depends on the guy but most often than not, I see men walking around with women are are obese and/or not very good looking...or they have 4 kids from 2 or 3 different baby daddys, no job, lives like a slob, etc and I wonder where their standards are.
 

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Men go after the type of women at their ego level. meaning, if they feel they are the "hottest guy" in the room, they will chase after women they think are the hottest woman. If he is insecure, he will chase after a woman that others think aren't good enough for them. This may be a stereotype to some, but it usually ends up true. It truly depends on the man's ego...and the woman who's willing to either feed it or put up with it.
 

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Men go after the type of women at their ego level. meaning, if they feel they are the "hottest guy" in the room, they will chase after women they think are the hottest woman. If he is insecure, he will chase after a woman that others think aren't good enough for them. This may be a stereotype to some, but it usually ends up true. It truly depends on the man's ego...and the woman who's willing to either feed it or put up with it.
eh, you have a point, but it should be extended to fit either sex (as then it would actually be true).
 

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"Too picky" implies that there is something wrong with having high standards. This is bullshit. Standards just help us to make sure we get what we want out of a relationship.

I used to get picked on by my friends and called "Seinfeld" because I always found something wrong with almost every woman - including things that were often trivial. Once I finally matured enough to let this behavior go I began dating a girl who, after a couple of months I noticed, had some emotional problems. She was a sweet girl and I was attracted to her, but due to these issues she had I wanted to break up with her. I told my friends of this plan. They convinced me not to. Almost five years later I married her. Ten years after that we divorced. She had cheated on me more than once. One of the reasons she gave is that she "knew" that I would leave her eventually because she believed that I thought I deserved better than her. I had honestly never felt that way when we were together, but in hindsight I certainly do now.

I'm not going to make that mistake again, which is why I won't even consider anything with a woman that doesn't meet my criteria. In the last two months I've had two women (one that I found very attractive and one that I didn't) attempt to take me to bed. I turned them both down because they didn't meet my complete standards. So, yes, men can turn down sex.

I know that this may cause me to be single longer, but I don't really care. I'm interested in finding a woman that I really can grow old with and be happy with long-term. I'm not wasting my time with anything else.
 
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